To have too many emotions.
To be too transparent.
To feel too much.
To be too open.
To be,
too much.
And will it ever be possible?
To get them to understand.
That they’re too less.
That they’re terribly afraid of us showing them something they cannot ever reach.
That they have a lack.
That we don’t have anything
in abundance.
And that we are not,
too much.

Oh darling.
My mind.
My mind is killing me.

It is in fact the one and only place in this god forsaken world where I can be safe.
Where I don’t have to belong.
Where everything is possible.
Where I have a place to hide.

But,
It is killing me.

Oh honey,
We are fireflies.
Dancing in the heat of a wild campfire flame.
Nothing can defeat us.

The truth is.
Love will not set you free.
And I know we want to believe in this so badly because it is scary.
If love does not set us free, what does?

You.

You set yourself free.
With every step you take, every goal you reach and every obstacle you overcome.
Little by little it is freeing you into yourself and into the one person you really are and want to become.
And then when love crosses your path.
Grab it with both hands and append it to your self created freedom.
Cause this love.
That is something extra, a gift, an addition.
Will not set you free.

But you.
You will.

And even if.

Even if love is a big fat disgusting lie.
A forced brain trick.

I’m willing to forever live it, breathe it and feel it.

Even if love was proven to be wrong and not making any sense.
Even if I cut in my own fingers with it and
**** myself with a sugarcoated deception.

I’m willing to forever defend its name as if it is the truth.

Cause even if love isnt love and love may not be what we told ourselves what love is.

Love is mine.
Love is yours.
Love is ours.

And Love,
connects,
us.

I can feel the patterns,
the pieces you try to put together.
Trying to accept what you feel.
Oh baby, the world has poisoned you.
You drank it all and it made you delusional.
It has shown you that love is a rip-off, a hoax, something worthless.
That love is nothing more than a four letter word.
You kept on drinking and drinking their toxic substance because they promised you it wouldn’t mind anyway.
You even started to like the taste of it.
But the way you gaze into my eyes.
I know you know better.
Their poison did not **** you yet.
We still have time so let me.
Let me be your cure, your antidote, your remedy.
It’s not too late.
Just let me,
love you.

You have to let me go.
Set me free.
Let me go and I will come back.
I will tell you all the incredible things that they have told me.
I will let you watch the beautiful sights through my eyes as if you were there.
And I will let you taste the culture and richness of my travels by kissing you.

What if I don’t want it.
The love,
the happiness,
the good times.
What if I want to give up on it all.
I am constantly searching for it,
longing for it,
needing it.
What if I just don’t want it.
Let me get used to not having it.
So when time passes.
Eventually.
There wouldn’t be anything to miss.

“Are you afraid?”
It took one look at me and I think he knew.
Here I am fearless.
In this dark sea of trees,
I am the captain.
Running with the wind through my hair.
Laying in the fallen leaves.
Dancing in the misty moonlight beams.
For this is my territory.
My home.
Everything and anything in the shadowy forest is my friend.
Here I am fearless.
Cause what in this place,
What could possibly scare me off more than my own presence.

And I look at you and I just smile.
I grin from ear to ear.
But my heart.
My heart is crying rivers.
I trained my eyes.
So that they won't shed a tear.
This way you can't notice my pain, my sorrow and my doubts.
This way I can keep it to myself.
Keep it all close in my chest.
So that you.
You will see me,
And you will look at me and I will just smile.
I will grin from ear to ear.
Everyday.

I don't have the strength to ask you.
Everytime I think I have the power to bring it up I fall back.
I am so afraid of all the what if's. Terrified of the answers you could give.
And I just don't have the strength to ask you.  
They have broken me with this before.
Turned me down or made me feel worthless.
So really, I am afraid I will never have the strength to ask you.
"What do you think of me?"

I want to live,
I want to love.
Intensely,
Beautifully.

I want to live,
I want to love.
Fearless,
Worryless.

I want to live,
I want to love.
To the fullest,
To the milky way and back.

I want to live,
I want to love,
With you.

Turn my heart into a ******* stone.
Make my eyes turn into the deep dark depths of the ocean.
Break my bones and turn me into a fallen rose with no strength to get up.
Take my smile and tie my lips together with your strongest thread.
Leave me behind, broken, shattered and defeated.
But,
Never.
Please never, touch my soul.
My oh so beautiful and unbeaten soul.
It is all I have.
All that is still pure.
No scratches nor judgement.
No pain nor sadness.
It is the one thing.
that keeps me,
Alive.

You started a bonfire.
Oh baby, all I see is red.
And as I dance sensually with the flames.
I can feel it.
My soul.
It’s in danger.

I’d like to think that you are evil, pure evil.
Cause people who are pure evil, they don’t know better.
They hurt people on a daily.
If you are pure evil, hurting me would be something you can’t help.
It would be something written in your veins.
Something doomed to happen.
And most importantly,
it wouldn’t  be by choice.

Cause in the end. words are just words. The devil could read the bible out loud and the saints would cover their ears.  God could preach about heIl and the sinners will make fun of him. Words are just words. Some letters in order.
The speaker and the listener.
They determine the meaning.

Sitting underneath a palmtree.
Its shadows creating a piece of art on the gloomy obscure grey street tiles in front of me.
As the wind flows the portrait of leaves is flowing with it in harmony.
It is dancing to its favorite tune.
A tune especially made for this moment. A tune of mother nature at its purest. A tune I can listen to forever.

Oh what a goddess she was.
Feeling one with nature deeply.
Howling like a wolf to the moon at night.
Creating  flower crowns in the early morning dew.
Sending a message to everyone she passed.
Making sure that everybody knew.

Look at me I said.
You don’t have to feel lost.
We are still standing on both of our feet. Still walking towards what we think is best. Still searching for a path that fits our needs. Still having the strength to move on.
And where there is movement, there is no such thing as being truly lost.
We are moving.
We are not lost.

It is suicide what we are doing.
Abusing magic like this.
Entering another world, another place, leaving everything that is real behind. Thinking it will last forever.
Being who we want to be and not being who we are told to be feels just too good.
But everything that feels too good can be dangerous.
And magic, magic always comes with a price.

I became the type of person I once feared. I began to notice that I saw the same type dripping off of faces everywhere around me.
I wasn’t scared anymore.
I felt the recognition as I became familiar with it and there was some kind of comfort in this familiarity.
Cause we are all becoming this type.
Aren’t we?
But we will stand together.
Our hidden unity of a shattered youth.