Stricken by the absence of color,
and the absence of rainbows that once sung to me.

Nullified and numbed by the irrationality of my ego,
and my hatred for sanity.

These are punctured wounds by the hands of the stained glass,
as this shattered hourglass speaks gibberish to me.

I'll take all the blame,
it was all my fault anyways.

As if my world wasn't trippy enough,
the only thing standing in my way is you.

So let violence sing one last time...
Scream for me poetry.

Catapault me into chaos,
I wish to get a little closer.
Your tainted eyes speak to me.
I wish to get to know you,
just a little bit better.

If I can handle it,
I'll stick around and play.
Too much pain is a killjoy.
If it burns too much,
I'll blow out the fire someday.

Criss-crossdresser,
I'm seduced into your submission.
My identity remains in shambles,
I'll see you on the otherside,
as I walk through this transition.

A possible phase,
or a permanent reside?
I am lost in mindless self indulgence.
If I dance in the rain,
I'll no longer have to hide.

An eternal blue flame,
made of youth and spirit.
Love could only feed the madness.
To remain the same,
is something my mind could never inhabit.

So dance, and dance,
and sing the tunes of duality.
I experiment with composure.
And once I find balance,
my dream will be that much closer

Whatever happened to bisexuality? You either choose one or the other. Well, *******. I exist. Feminicity and masculinity are partners in crime. I guess I'm two in one. I'm not better than you, but I'm sure better than most. In the end though, I love you. Even if the hate builds up,  I ******* love you.

Faded eye
Numb skull
Empty veins
Uncontrollable blow

It rolls inside itself
Then swallows itself whole

Wallowing inner ache

Can't see
Only looking

It falls within
It's numb

I have no place left to see
What could have been
My life held within

I can not see
No longer me

Everything fades
Farewell my dismay

I feel the burn. Exquisite to the touch. I want that heat but it could never be felt. Blue flames surround me. Children continue dancing. The witching hour is at it's peak. Soon enough, everything will go bleak.

Rip open my insides and devour my flesh. I'm a caged spirit begging to heal. ******* venom and eternity will be yours. Sin can be so devilishly juicy. Play my strings like a violin. I'll return the favor as I strum your guitar. Let us levitate for a while. Euphoria is right around the corner.

Do I sense them flying all around?
Just a possible outcome
of neurons criss crossing
into paranoia.

How do I transmit these frequencies?
If not I, then why you?
Each proportional stance,
attempting to make an advancement.

Sounds more like daydreaming,
but you hear me in your head,
Right?
Poke. Poke. Poke it goes.

Invisibility makes its stance.
The body can wither,
but thought
Now
Are outside and
Non physical

Forgive me..
I lost my train of thought.

Classy child performing his seance,
grasping whatever he can.
Not like he craves anything.
He prefers non eyes.
I call him, It.
Crazy and belligerent.
It deems to make so some changes..
Just tentacles spilling all around.
No worry.
Another sip took,
another note noted
It slips and slides and ends....
At some point.
Nevermind,
It was idiotic to begin with.
I shouldn't ever have even started..
But composure pushes me otherwise.
Poking it's eyes.
It's been a while.
Do you even see where you're going?
Not the drinkers,
only the clown..
Only the mime..
It

I'm ripping myself apart again,
as the wind continues to call my name.
Its presence subdues me
Maybe I can be myself again?
But then I realize,
There is no self
Only hollow grounds
And I play catch in the hole.
I'd rather something pull me up
But there is no such grasp.
My love bids farewell,
As I shed inner tears.
I know it to be temporary.
Nothing lasts forever
And nothing really matters.
As if the pain could overcome my numbness,
I most likely wanted this.
My love, my ache, my other regret.
If I was dead before,
I am still so now.
At least this painful void is gone,
And you helped me set it free.
I thank you again for the remembrance
And I hope this all makes sense.
But my place remains the same
Where do I go from here?

Blood red ****. Stupid **** demise. Tainted ****** lines. Everyone, I despise. Makes no sense. Lack of grammar. Structure? Senseless. In regards to your thoughts, I'll cherish. They build character. **** this story. **** it dry. *** on the screen. You ***** little eyes.

Light waves, frequencies, and distorted thoughts. Aligned with misperceptions. Auras tainted with beings of another stage. My duality cracks into a million faces. Astral physicists of higher realms. Who needs a doctor when you have perfectly good shamans? Green monsters, unseen to the naked eye. I remain broken as twisted images carry me along the sea of paranoia.

You explode on impact. The dying wait for your return. The masses covered in body parts and blood. The resting place for an eternal sunshine. It crawls up your spine, and whispers down your ear. You refuse to listen, but they still won't give up. You won't give in. If blood is what they want, blood is what they'll get. It dwells from within. A star explodes and then all went dim.

They dance like the little ***** they are.
One man's pain is another man's pleasure.
Gratification is met when my **** meets your tight grip,
but has this gone too far or should I hold it in?
It lingers, it holds, it chokes my very chest.
There is no beat, but the pounding still persists.
Gravitate, levitate, initiate desire.
I have no such fire,
but the blue flame guides my heat.
They go hand in hand.
*** and pain, invigorating yet nullifying.
This numb soul holds onto too many shadows,
and this ecstasy can only be held for so long...

Breakdowns. Spinning. Kicking. Screaming. Bashing. Loving. Hating. Nothing. Everything. Frowns. Zombies. Keys. Lies and truths. Cobwebs. Social conditioning. Lack of purpose. Lack of insight. Fulfill the prophecies or continue the failing cycle of doom.

You're such a *****. Eyes wide open. With excessive pride and low self-esteem as company. How lame are you? As pathetic as can be. Apathetic ninja. The revolution's never coming. I still have faith in evolution. Let's kick-start the process. I am the gateway. You can be my opening.

Does it take one person or does it take many? The angels that flee, the demons that linger. Redemption seeks company in the eyes of innocence. If I lied to you, would you believe me? If I told you the truth, would you doubt me? This life is vice versa. And I grew weary with being honest. This figurative noose, slowly loosens grip. I feel like I can breathe again. Love sings her songs into my heart. But why do I still doubt her? I want nothing to do with you. It's too good to be true. I guess that makes me a liar. Why did you start this fire?

I can feel you from here. I can sense sadness, anger, lust, and fear. Sensing the atmosphere. Do we all share one consciousness? Like the internet exchanging information? Where has all the magic gone? These modern times are killing us all. Or is it just me?

It squeezes my head...

I'm pulled aside,
I'm left alone,
I'm left with company.
It squeezes my head.

No other place left to go,
nothing else left to see.
It squeezes my head.

Nothing else left to say,
no one else left to talk to.
It squeezes my head.

If it could hear me,
I'd say it's squeezing my head.

It wouldn't matter though...
It'll continue squeezing my head.

Wtfux a satan? Who the hell is God? Two sides of the same coin? Do they work for the same guy? Twelve foot ninjas fall from the sky. Are we even ready for the apocalypse?

These voices won't leave me alone.
They praise me,
then make fun of me.
They envy me,
and then call me a ******.
I'm not an *******,
and I try not to be.
I don't try to be kool.
but that's the impression,
they seem to get from me.
Even when alone,
they plague me.
Even when my thoughts make sense,
they somehow crumble apart.
Logic attempts to guide me,
delusions get in the way.
"They don't exist,"
I tell myself.
Then what are they,
and what the **** do they want?

Tainted little lines,
Chaotic rhythms,
My lullaby is almost complete

Tranquility died,
Alongside the delusion,
And eternity wept something neat

We were one,
Mind and soul,
Body gave up on you

'till this day,
'till dying days,
He hates you

Never to be friends again,
Never ever again
Forever split in two

Nobody lives here anymore.
Only ghosts do

Who would've known,
My final request...

My good old friend,

Death.

I am what I am. I am not you. I once was a coward. Now I hide behind shackles. If given the chance to speak, I say nothing. When given an opportunity to exist, I shatter my being. Do you still exist? Are you even here with me? Deceitful delusions plague my visions. I am one with insanity. I never knew God to be insane.

Apparition,
depise m3.
Always clinging onto
Dissonance.
It wasn't my fault.
The stresses stresses on
And nothing like it
Could ever begone.
It tears me.
You ever rip apart
The flesh of metaphoric
Truth?
Ofcourse not.
It belongs subjective.
Parallel and defiant.  
It belongs to no one.
This continues onward.
It discontinues.

Pelted by winds grace,
shifted by the melody,
I'm meloncholy

Hoisted up in the air,
this feeling to hang,
there is where I lay

Someplace far,
someplace unseen,
maybe that'll feel alright

Bit by bit,
piece by piece,
to be put together
just to fall apart

Placed in hand,
this rhythm keeps me sane,
am I to blame?

Split down the middle,
ripped apart in the end,
stitched together my madness

Complacent,
yet unstable,
I'll wear the mask that follows

The time has passed. How quickly the changing of times has made us. Spring is up. Summer is in. Let the party begin. Am I to wither in self-loathing forever? Never. Am I to bury myself in self-pity? Probably, but not entirely. One thing is for sure though. I will always remain hollow, because in the end, there is nothing left for me to follow.

Sanctuary



   I declare my void sanctuary. Its rhythm makes me fall, its vibrations make me crawl. As I sit on a stone, I gradually become a statue. The plastic melting in the fire, I'll soon become toxic fumes. Sometimes the fire sparks anew, a breath of mine that remains a clue. Is the aftermath a blessing or did poison strike my veins?  The venom, singing its purple sound inside my ears. I inhale enlightenment through pain, as if that's who I'm supposed to be. Please bring clarification, please bring a sign. I'm tired of being confused, this yin-yang abuse. As if the light were a monastery, then my void will be sanctuary. This clueless victim always knew his journey, his mistakes. The acknowledgment came far too late though, so refuge took hold of my chest. My chest is now void.  



                                      Jealousy's rhythm    

  

Jealousy is the song of insecurities; I sing his masculine tune. The fever can't be sweated out, the anger won't subside. I thought this was made by you, but my thoughts portray just me. Clearly my aura remains damaged or I'm just plain stupid. A gullible fool filled with fiction and paranoia. They make for a good writer, yet an alcoholic at that. Recognition became an empty shell; there's no pearl inside, just a buffoon. I am swayed by malevolence, you are benevolence. I searched for an angel, yet I became a demon. When the clouds disperse and the rain dries up, will you walk this sunny day with me? Will you stay? I see another storm coming, at least today we played.



                                              Lovesick

  

   Insects crawling up a wall, getting squished when approached. No thought about it. Just fear, just anger. A fever crawls up the body, crashing and failing the immune system. A weak body makes for a good recipe of sickness, his guts spewing out of him of course. You can't contain the virus; you can not contain the beast. His morals set him apart from man, but man lacks true judgement. Who are the real beasts? Men being swayed or a man abiding his own morals? Cast away the negative aspects of self, build on the empire of light and goodness. Just when I thought I could keep a strong will, I decayed in my own sickness. I am lovesick.

June 2013

Hell is real. Heaven's a lie. My flesh burns, with each wretched line. As my blue skin peels, I re-align with my being. That dude's also hollow. So, where's the truth between space and time?

Your heart is pure but your mind is tainted. Knowledge came at a price of losing yourself. I am no one and I am everyone. The pain begins to sting, when you are not around.

Places left forgotten
And memories still swaying
There's no place left to say
How it could've been this way.

Places left intact
To say how I should react
It dismembers itself
And displaces the rest

An empty swallow
A withering remembrance
A place left to show
Where nothing else will grow

If I call upon myself
What do I let summon?
Nothing but the pain it brings
Nothing but the place that sings

Such an overrated topic. Darkness spills from his throat and everybody cowers. Release is out there. Suicide is karma's personal agony. Read between the lines and you'll find heaven in her sweet 666.

I once saw through your eyes. Now you're as transparent as everything else. Grey, hollow, meaningless, apathy. Cigarette's fuel the smoke. If I smeared the smudge with alcohol, you'd come back as painful revelations. These sensations and vibrations take me for a ride. Walking down the street is a pain as I feel the pain in your eyes. The inactivity down the subconscious subway is beyond painful. You might as well not even exist. I'm halfway there already.

Mispronounced chaos sways
With its ellipsis misplaced
And taking away
Its own verdict
That was left displayed
Its own hole
Grown
From displacement
Carrying concrete
Like broken shoulder blades
Mispronounced
Mismatched
Deteriorating outcomes
Commonplace is then found
In its unity
Disuniting it all

Placed in your palm
Embrace me once more
I felt free
But not quite like before
Nodding off
To the idea of you
I grow numb
The idea feels rather dumb
I'm at peace
I'm at war
I close my eyes
To chase
Not adore
Our time has come
But I'm fading now
Maybe not quite
So hold me once more