Every time I miss her,
I suffer from a single thought
every time I kiss her -
she loves me,
she loves me not...

Travelled from a distance,
a single glance just to be cought,
for my precious mistress
she loves me,
she loves me not.

Questions like these warring -
for my sanity they fought
Her feelings never showing,
does she love me...
...she loves me, not.

Is it strange?
I hear different sounds,
paletts, colours,
I'm music bound.

Is it strange?
I can't sleep very well
hearing notes, tones,
imagining bells.

Is it strange?
The bells ring loudly
they never stop
they deafen me proudly.

Is it strange?
Seeing you everynight
whilst I work on the balcony,
I can feel your soft glance.

I'm lying in my little
home,
my dim-lit phone, I'm all
alone,
now staring at my dim-lit
phone,
I miss your call, I miss your call...

At last, this scent entraps my
nose,
the smell of rose, it must be
yours...
and yet, my body isn't
close...
it's not near yours, it can't
be yours...

-This dream again! It's night, I'm home,
a giant hole, I call it
home...
a little light - it's just my phone,
I'm all alone, I'm all
alone...

Seeds of doubt outgrow me
    whenever I can't hear my voice,
          the highest form of cruelty
              is playing chess without a choice

                                      A game of kings,no,game of war
                       the board is silent like the night
              but deep inside, inside our core
      we know, it's just our inner fight...

                          The pawns are down, in sacrifice
                        a game for kings and queens to win
                       and us, the pawns, are never blessed
                          we never lived, we've never been.

Headlights shining in the dark
somewhere in my distant dreams,
raindrops seem to fall apart
by the train's incoming beams.

Underneath the greyish skies
where my memories exist
past regrets briefly appear
in the shape of two red lips.

Seas of fog pour down the streets
drowning sights and silhouettes,
shapeless creatures fail to flee
trapped within their hopeless nets.

Often, lights illuminate
blurry faces of the mind,
where the train tracks
intertwine -
there, my memories I'll find.

Thrown into wildness
I was thrown into wildness...

Law of the jungle runs deep in ones veins
food chain topped by vicious prowlers
if blood keeps running cold
murderous minds grow more bold
predators take pride in their
hunter's prowess.

Thrown into wildness
I was thrown into wildness.

Where fights in the dead of night
and greedy hands with high demands
are everyday life
all part of ulterior motives
and rotten plans.

Where pretentious intentions
are the cost of survival
and no saints nor prophets
are offered revival.
It's hard to stay calm...

It's hard to stay calm
when wrath's laid on the tip
of your palms.
Gluttonous man eaters drool
in the depths of the concrete jungle
over lustful people
whilst maintaining an iron ******
rule.

Thrown into-

The sad reality of living day to day
and sloth's not tolerated
unless you've royal blood
survival instincts often tempt
a few to stray
their ways forgotten rest
beneath the murky mud.

In the end, envy runs errands
against the common folk
for in the jungle defenceless insects
have no place in the grander plan
or any rights to live humble.

It's a vicious cycle that takes
its toll
being thrown into modern wildness
and when the sun goes down
and follows darkness,
the world is then devoid from
kindness,
and humanity is swallowed whole.

I wonder why so many
people nowadays
seem so out of place
with their merry smiles.

"It's that time of the year again!"
somebody nearby yells,
and bells rang by the stale street.
It's that time of the year, again...

A silver spiral leaves my mouth
spit hits the concrete ground
two greys now form a bound
abusive and it sticks.

The same old slogans, with
the same old tunes
greet me on my way,
it's that time of the day
filled with cheerful faces
and lovely couples.

Almost home, my eyes gazed
the blinding globes on every house
colorful light shows around the street
shrouded by smoke from every fireplace.

All that went to waste
when my feet stepped
through the depths
of my cage,
and the world was painted grey.

Many decorations passed my sight
outside, when I roamed tamed
I'll decorate my wall as well
with myself, hanging down
beside the dimming light.

But the world smiled to me today
and I turned my back
the world smiled to me today
I'll smile back...

And with my silent, final frown
my barely opened, smiling mouth
drops two drops on the ground
one red
one grey
forever bound.

Feel so
feel so empty
must be
must be that
I seek so
much attention
though
never truly had...

It should be
should be
senseless
to sulk it in
like that
I don't deserve
attention
for wanting it so bad...

It's my pride
                        It's my cross
I hold to
                        to carry
it's my fruit
                          it's my loss
I see through
                                     to bury
with countless tries
                                     and, all-in-all
we fall to rise
                            we rise to fall

Show me your petals
I want you to bloom,
your eyes shine like medals
when I'm close to you.

Sickened of crows
perching above,
your body's my drug
that got me in love.

So show me your petals
in the endeavor,
so I can wait here
and watch you forever.

Just plain and simple
a boring existence
persisting from day to day,
doing nothing nimble
without no resistence
like dust, I'll be swept away.

I'm sorry, can you play
for me?
My ears are ringing
now,
they're waiting for you
faithfully,
to soothe them with your
call.

The others never mattered
for you, I write
it all
and even when I'm
shattered
your warmth will be
my goal.

Because you taught me
everything,
you taught me how to
smile,
you freed my heart and
let it sing
to thank you for the
while...

So play again, play
for me
the remnant of your
soul
and I'll just listen
carefully,
the quiet piano.

Who needs enemies,
when you've got friends
that never ask
or check your health.

Who needs friends,
they're all my enemies
with just one purpose-
to bask in wealth...

Beast howling in the night,
depriving me of sleep.
Oh, come and lick my wounds,
the rest is yours to keep.

I've fought you all my life,
but here you are again.
Beast howling in the night,
my life is yours to drain.

Corruption swarms my brain,
yet scared I am no more,
a monster you may be,
the beast that I adore...

It's been too long,
too long since I've felt
a thing
feelings seem to last
forever
so everlong, but fade
like a dream.

It's harsh out here,
summer seems to
never end,
yet snow is all that's in
my mind,
the fading fire -
my only friend.

A rainy sound,
softly - from outside
it came
it's summer, so I ask
myself
why does it always have
to rain?

It's been too long,
the time I've spent in this
lair,
so harsh out here, don't
you know?
So harsh, but you never
cared...

I don't mind
the pebble in my shoe
I don't mind
three words that lost their core
I don't mind
the hidden scars on my back
I don't mind anything
anymore.

What would you do
if you had an eternity
to do whatever you wish?
Would you, read every book
for knowledge and truth
to capture the essence of life?
Or maybe you'd paint
swirling your brush silently
on the grandest of frames
beyond the walls of time.
Sadly, it all ends.
Every word written,
every stroke made
every stone carved
wash away like the sand in the ocean,
within the ashes of the infinite cosmos.
It costs us many tiresome hours and allnighters
for the smallest cause - fulfilling our dreams, small and grand.
Funny, how everything ends.
No one lays in a bed of roses
in their final moments, in fact
time keeps moving forward
and actions don't make the reality bend.
Reproduction seems pointless for everything we bestow
upon the future generations is gone with the wind tomorrow.
Is it all pointless?
No matter the struggle of our soul to get noticed by somebody just for a second
in this abyss we call life, we ask ourselves - is it worth it?
Is it worth all the suffering,
just because we feel and feel just because we exist
repeating a cycle that's already sealed?
To answer the question before
what I would do if I had all the time in the universe
is try hard, until my bones were sore.
Naive - perhaps, considering all the previous words,
but maybe that's all we have.
Maybe trying and even failing
is the right thing to do
just to make something beautiful, because everything else hurts.
Maybe life isn't so cruel
and it's all a facade
created by sadness
and loneliness being it's fuel.
Either way, it's all I have
and I won't stop trying
for all the hours I've spent working
all the days I've wasted
in a sad week of crying
will all be for nought if I just quit.
Someday, I might also create something worth remembering,
but before that day, I'll try until I fit.

Kept walking all alone
on busy streets,
in places where concrete
the soft rain meet.

Bright lights shine all around
with blinding beams,
the city seems so full
of empty dreams.

Cars often stacking up
in traffic lines,
a place where every man
peace never finds.

And still I'm walking down
these busy streets,
the city smiles at me
but never greets.

I see her
in dimming light
beneath the lamplight on the street
our eyes meet
for the last time under a misty veil
I see her
she sees me

As far as I remember
I remember - I was three
wake up, blow the candles
that's my first memory.

Didn't like to go outside
stayed at home, watched TV.
Had a couple childhood friends
now I barely even see.

Kindergarten, met a guy
probably my first true friend
now that guy can go to hell
not that I believe in it.

Tasted domestic abuse
from my dad's first hand
slapped so hard, my nose bled
he never hit me again.

Lost my innocence at six
seeing a decapitated cat
felt disgusted, made me sick
could do nothing and just sat.

Then my brother grew up
and he called me fat and ugly
wanted me to be like him
so he hit me quite frequently.

Wanted me to be a man
but he always held back
atleast that's what he said,
hence the bruises that I had.

Started going to school
racism flew all around
tried to be a good boy,
I was spat on with a crowd.

Decided to **** myself
at the early age of ten
knew that others had it worse,
but that added to the pain.

Had a couple childhood idols
I was even a fanatic,
but they made for some good times
and they weren't so traumatic.

Had a couple of close friends
that I still talk to this date,
but we don't meet up so often
as we used to, back in the day.

Middle school, had to move
said goodbye to all my friends
and the shock made me confused
with the chills that it still sends.

And my brother reached his peak
we would get in constant fights
in which I would always lose
so I cried alone at nights.

But I had my first crush
it was good, for a while.
Then I had to move again
to the highschool living style.

My brother graduated
and my parents went back home.
I was left with my grandparents,
but was mostly all alone.

In a cozy, rainy day
I decided to lose weight,
and have kept my promise since
never broke it like a saint.

Maybe that made me the man
that my brother always wanted,
though I don't care either way
it was my wish that I granted.

Found some interesting new hobbies
one of them was surely writing.
Through the sorrow and the pain
I looked up and kept on fighting.

Had to break my heart three times
just to put it in the freezer.
But it feels that even that
was a short glimpse of the teaser.

To be clear, I'll never want
anybody's empathy.
I walk the path that I have chosen
to a strong and better me.

And that's just the way it  goes
life, with all it's ups and downs.
This here was my life story,
up until now...

Two merry steps are landing
and gently passing by
on cherry blossom leaves
two steps are walking by.

A pair of pair bewildered
one loudly lends a sigh
another smiles and whimpers
with tears of joy inside.

Two steps become a couple
where once two touches flied
no longer are they single
a pair is walking by.

Has it really been this long?
Being a child that never cared
falling asleep to that old song,
the lullaby my mother shared.

Have these four years really passed?
Since I felt that aching rise
around my chest, hoping it lasts
by telling all those little lies.

Has it really been four months?
I saw it happen, all over then
letting the bullet slightly pass,
right through my heart, to softly rend.

Has it really been four weeks?
Since the wound had opened up
again, with the slightest leaks
of light, in my darkened mind.

And yet... I find it quite disturbing,
the fact, that I've been holding up
from suffering in brighter dark,
I guess it's time.
That makes you strong...

A ready mind becomes
a blade,
to shatter my
outlasting shade.
The past is but a mirror,
yet through it
I see clearer,
a wound deep carved
it stays.
In ways, it's never
over,
forever-this crusade.

Renew your vows,
as the wolf howls,
and now your spirit
burns this hide.
Again, again with
reckless pride,
you needn't see,
you're not danger
free.

A ready mind endures
the pain,
it hides away the wounds
are lain.
An eerie call,
some words begin
to fall,
but focus for it's time,
the black crow is perched
a sign.

Embrace the thought
in ways we're free
we fought.
Us differ from
the fool,
no masters here, no slaves
to rule.

My ready mind
is bright,
with need to help
for right.
A shadow in the night
protects,
this lonely wish for just
reflects.
So what if death is mine
alone,
a peacful mind is born
if my example stays
atone.

How did I end up here
in this gruesome clash,
threatened with a gun
by this human trash?

I don't know for sure
but for one I'm certain,
as the trigger pulls
down drops my curtain.

Back slams on the ground
now I'm left for dead,
blood spills from me
painting the concrete red.

As the pain numbs down
and my heartbeat slows,
all my lifelong dreams
leave my body cold.

****...is this the end?
Is this the end of me?
I wish someone was here
just to remember me...
and I wake up.

As obscurity prevails,
and the dark moon sets
the tone,
while the shadow still
entrails
with the nightmare in
my home.

A simple, even childish
fear,
slowly, but surely on
the trace
dimming the light as it
nears,
chuckles as it sees my
face.

With a grasp, long as
the night
and a mouth lusting for
blood,
grabs, expecting little
fight
growls, as a monster should.

A nightmare! I'm shocked!
It's been too long...
I haven't had these in
a while...
And as my head rests -
the same old song,
a music box with sounds
too vile.

It's not an abyss, a hole,
pure dark, the fall, a place where end meets all, the pit
it's just a small circle, a single point - a dot.

Just like a spell,
just like a breeze
your words will always
make me freeze...

Even when I
fall asleep
and with my thoughts
I dig too deep -
just like a spell,
just like a breeze
your words will always
make me freeze.

So when I'm all alone
and see no texts
pop on my phone
I know that you're still there - inside your head
where nothing leaves
the lair.

And I will always remember
the August, that felt like
December, because...
.. just like a spell,
just like a breeze
my heart was locked
away,
and someone stole
the keys.

He stands there in the trench
bullets flying overhead
shrapnel, shattered, lead poisoning
his chest.

Wounds unmended shine in
moonlight
day shifts into night
bleeding, pleading for the right
to stay alive.

Smell of dread and gunpowder
all around
present corpses replace past comrades
death, guts and dirt, splattered
sinking into the ground.

Yet he stands from the coffin
running like a rampant hound
with fury, glory, and a bang
a shot flew through the back of
his head.

The world's a battlefield
and he ended up on the wrong side
but stood, fought, and died
for what seemed right.

Soldiers are meant to carry
a burden on their shoulders
even if it's a boulder, the world,
or an ideal worth the cost.

And humans are defined by their
battles
even when they're lost.

Her ominous locks swirled in  a storm
swallowing whole the sea of her form,
a brilliant sun that once brightly shone
is now a glitter covered by twilight's shade
and it's gone, gone, gone,
an afterimage of beauty lost
in the foam.

Stabbing myself hurts less,
hurts less than your lies,
hurts less than this mess...
Stabbing myself hurts less...
all I wanted was someone to care...

I hear notes dripping on
the floor
and see a silhouette on my window pane
a black stain
recently appeared.

My nails don't help, it's
anchored deep
the more I scratch
it scratches back
and looks at me.

A silver knife then stabs
my chest
it marks a line, carves up a hole
the shadow leaps
and takes its place.

I wake in sweat
feeling... the aching remains
the black stain
recently appeared.

Thousand years I've lived in
snares,
by the darkest cells of
time
frightening everyone who
dares...
punished for unproven
crimes.

Release my soul! - is all
I plead,
but never answered stayed
the prays,
anger in my mouth was fed
bound by shackles-
were cursed my days.

And every try, every blade
couldn't slay this cursed
beast,
a single light above
begins to fade,
on plates, stacked with
feathers
my jailers feast...

Apprehensive cyan breaths split
apart
the fallen bodies, extinguished flames,
stolen landscapes drawn in dreams
a sudden jump-start,
heartbeats flicker when he nears
and stop.

It's hard being a rock
with a hard surface
rough around the edges
hard to lift
or
warm you up,
wish I was
a river instead.

What's a heart?
Well, clearly an
*****
then again
also a daisy
a little frail,
a little pale
out of curiosity,
you pluck a petal-
and then you're gone.

Round and gorgeous
eyes,
dancing on the snow
blazing in disguise
freezing for the show.

Careless in their
work,
cautious in their game
silently, they lurk
loudly, they would blame.

Yellow, even red
dancing with no shame,
round and gorgeous
eyes,
cautious in their game.

I love watching those flames
the ones that turn to art
the ones that patch my heart
and make it fall apart again.

So when the world turns dark
and hollow words blow in the wind
Prometheus has no flame to lend
our light then brightly sparks.

At peace I find myself tonight
before my feet touch land
and blood flows back into my hands
before the show disappears from sight.

The fireworks now leave the Earth
my eyes are open wide
a freezing streak bellow them lies
forever lost in the cold night's dirt.

Now smoke resides where light once shone
what a way to spend New Year's Eve
alone, with nothing even left to grieve
over, away from home.