Late night talks.
Hot summer walks.
The things we said.
The fire we fed.
It burned ever so smooth and bright.
Emitted a dim beautiful light.
Her and I.
Our dreams.
Our goals.
Our future.
I think I'm in love with her.

Plans and dreams,
Turned to nothing,
Shadows in the night,
Seemed to give me a bit of delight.
You walk away.
I was speechless with nothing to say.
Now my friends are the shadows.
I'm tired of people who just come and go.
You finally love somebody.
Then they leave you trapped in your mind.
Lately it's hard to find,
Any noises but the soft whispers.
The ones only I can hear.
No longer safe in my head.
Not yet to the point of wishing I was dead.
Thoughts always spinning around.
My body was Nowhere near the ground.
High above reality.
Never realized what was happening.
All I knew was I had her and she had me.
But that was never the true story.
Two broken souls.
No story to be told.
Both too broken to ever love.
Putting there future behind them.
Only to return to the emptiness.

A.S
a random write. Nothing true about it.

I screamed but my voice was a whisper,
The shadow took my hand and said everything is okay here.
Hard to believe.
The things the voices were telling me.
There soft voices so bitter sweet.
The shadows gentle hands.
Telling me there was a plan.
That everything's under control.
Yet the ocean waves rolled and rolled.
I was far under the surface.
Trapped by my mind.
Impossible to find.
I hide the pain I feel.
But deep down know the pain is very real.
Slipping in and out of people's life's.
Feeling I never do anything right.
This is my reality.
No it is not a dream.
You can say snap out of it.
But it's absolutely useless.  
The only thing I hear,
Is the shadow I hold so dear.

A.S

Young girl.
Tears in her eyes.
Every night she sat there and cried.
At school she didn't fit in.
She wanted to end it before it could begin.
Broken hearts.
Always torn apart.
Sweet girl.
In a broken world.
Never speaking up.
Her mind ready to erupt.
Ready to take her last breath.
Not knowing what all was left.
Not knowing the people left to meet.
Not knowing life could be sweet.
She wanted it all to be over.
Never giving life a chance.
Finally she let life take her hand.
Then she was finally able to understand.
Life was leading her to the light.
But in order to find it she had to walk through the night.
So as of today,
This girl no longer hides away.
This girl has discovered beauty.
The beauty life really can be.
That girl just might have been me.

A.S. A random Poem for a random night.

The whispers of the night hides my loneliness.
The shadows hide my emptiness.
Along with the loneliness they take my freedom.
They take my sanity.
Every bit that was left anyways.
I search for brighter days.
All I see is the rain.
As I watch the blood wash down the drain.
My wrist bleed.
I scream.
I fight.
I can't take one more night.
Nothing is right.
Forgiveness comes too easy to me.
I give and give.
But now I'm empty.
Nothing left to give.
So now I must leave this broken world.
God I'm gonna let it go.

With every word is a silent fight.
The fight to **** the demons whom come to play at the break of night.
Dawn covers my screams.
A cut for every crushed dream.
Every meaningless cry.
Nobody sees the pain hidden within my eyes.
Nobody can see my wrists bleeding.
Nobody hears my thoughts screaming.
They see the person I pretend to be.
The perfect girl whom fits in socioty.
Not the one with crippling depression and anxiety.
They are all lies you see.
Absolutely everything.
I tell you I'm okay.
Acually I'm just waiting to say...
Waiting I breath...
One last breath...
Whisper goodbye...
Finally close my eyes....
Finally **** the voices.
Finally free.

take my hand.
I will lead you through the storm.
The storm on the inside.
The storm that you can't hide.
I can see the pain in your eyes.
Really it's no surprise.
You've been through so much.
You are strong.
Amazing.
And not hopeless.
So take my hand.
Allow me to walk you through the storm.

funny how when you love someone they are everything.
They are the light and the dark.
They are the sunset and rise.
They are all you can see.
With all the colors of the sun.
They are the only one.
They get you.
They understand you.
She is my everything.
She is my day and night.
Somehow she can make things alright.
She is beautiful.
She is the match before the explosion.
She is every breathing moment.
Absolutely everything.

The breeze runs over me.
Almost setting me free.
Free from the ups and downs.
Moods high only to hit the ground.
The constant change.
My mind always being rearranged.
Walking down the halls rwmaining close to walls.
Wanting to escape the crowded.
I feel safe when no one is around.
Feel stable on the ground.
I don't wisper under my breath.
Don't let the anxiety control my movements.
I pretend to listen to music even when my phones dead.
It's only because I don't want to talk to people.
Actually deep down I want someone.
Someone who will stick around.
Not just push me down.
Not make me feel worthless.
Not make me emotionless.
Thad why I like the breeze.
I finally feel free.

My hands shake.
My voice breaks.
Sweat beginning to run down my head.
Starting to wish i was dead.
Talking to you is the scariest yet best thing.
But it exposes my doubts.
What if I'm not good enough?
What if she hates me?
We are friends right?
She's just been different lately.
I'm sorry I get this way.
It happens almost every day.
It's mostly because of anxiety.

Mahestic four legged creatures so mighty.
Beautiful eyes and wagging tails.
Wet noses and furry toeses.
A beautiful four legged creature.
Some don't appreciate there beauty.
Some beat and even **** them.
***?!?
Sorry it's an emotional day.
Don't be mean to dogs!
******* if you ever hurt an animal!

A moment trapped in her words.
A moment she is all holding me to this earth.
So many places is rather be.
But decide to stay for her.
I could be lost in space.
Far away.
Instead I'm here wishing she'd text.
Wishing she'd answer my questions.
Wishing she'd love me for me.
She is the blur of tears in my eyes.
Grabbing my hand by surprise.

My eyes see pain in hers.
She's sad and I can't stand to see her this way.
Her hearts in pieces shattered day by day.
I'm sorry sweet girl.
Stay strong love.
I hope you know this is for you.
You will eventually find the one for you.
She or he will be loving and strong.
Making you happy when things go wrong.
They will hug you and everything will be okay.
The only person you want to stay. Sweet Emily,
I've been reading your poetry.
I'm sorry if I bother you.
Promise to stay strong for me.
You are absolutely amazing!
Someone will come along.
And then it will be easier for you to be strong.

No one knew what is was like being unloveable.
No one knew what it was like being untouchable.
Not literally untouchable.
Just on the inside so stuck in the past that you can't breath.
Half of my panic attacks excist because of the past.
Past events that are out of my control.
And so worried about the future that I begin to lose hold.
So out of reach an untouchable.
I keep myself away from others so as not to feel the pain I've enflicted upon myself.

My anxiety is terrible.
It controls my every action.
I can't even have fun anymore.
Anxiety has me ******* under water.
Today it kept me away from my family.
It keeps me away from friends.
Away from people who try to love me.
Away from loud noises.
Everything is a trigger.
Everything kills me.
When I'm yelled at I cry.
People raise their voice I cry.
People are unrecognizable I cry.
Gun shot fires in distance I cry.
I have really bad anxiety.
And because of it today I sit alone at home.
By myself.
With no one but a blade.
Guess I'm the end it was my only friend.
Anxiety brought us closer.
So now I sit here considering od.
Considering starving myself.
Being buried a million feet under.
The waves beating me down.
No I don't think I'll cut.
Not Doing it for Emily.
Then again anxiety likes to think different.

The rain came down gently at first. Then the rain began to crash down.
Screaming.
Hiding the tears streaming down my cheeks.
Sure the rain was doing me a favor.
The night was cold.
Cold and windy.
The Stars had vanished with your memory.
You were in my past.
Someone I had to let go of.
I can't think of you anymore.
The rain felt nice on my freshly made cuts.
The clear water turning a red striking down my arm.
Idk why I'm writing this is just came upon me. No I will never lay a blade on my arm again.
Never cry for her again.
Never feel the pain she wants me to.

Just beginning.
Wyd are still young.
Still being educated.
Only 40 years ago homosexuality was still considered a mental disorder.
Now equal rights are still non existent.
Sure since then things have gotten better.
But we still are not equal!
People still laugh when they see two men walking down the street holding hands.
People still thing lesbians are just there for there own nasty pleasure.
Kiss your girlfriend it's hot.
You don't say that to straight couples.
You don't stop and yell out the window when you see them.
You don't tell them to kiss for your own pleasure.
You don't go shoot their clubs.
The world is not equal.
We are no where near equal.
We are still lower than heterosexuals.
We are still thought of as sinners by churches.
We are frowned upon.
Youth are thrown out by there parents.
We still live in fear.
No rights til we are equal
**** right I SUPORT it!

Everything makes sense.
Everything has been leading me to this moment.
Everything has been pushing me towards her.
The ups and downs.
Emotional breakdowns.
The break ups.
The first time I saw her stars lines up.
They pointed me straight to this girl.
I disregarded it.
Now I see.
I see what you were doing.

Once attentive and focused.
Now thoughts scrambled and strewn.
Impossible to figure out.
I am impossible.
Living on the edge.
Yet scared of everything.
Panic attacks flush over me too much.
Emotions take over me.
Only a few people help when the emotions hold tight.
The ones who have talked me out of suicide late at night.
The ones who have tried to sell my sister drugs.
The ones who  help me breath when breath is gone.
The ones who find words when I'm stuck in the wrong.
Floating around here I stay.
Until a stronger day.

Summer feels like forever.
Not getting to see friends everyday.
Some friends even in different states.
I miss her.
I miss my friend.
We don't talk as much.
She's super busy.
I'm busy too.
Almost always sleeping.
Summer is a drag.

No words can sum up the pain.
The pain I've felt for years.
No words can unstain the blade.
The blade I've used for years.
No words can mend my heart.
The heart you've crushed for years.
No words can take away my breath.
The breath you've held for years.
Carefully watching my step.
The steps you've controlled for years.
Tears streaking down my face.
The face you've abused for years.
Bruises line my body.
The body you've hit for years.
No nothing can take away the pain.
The pain you have inflicted for years.

I am not sure.
Sure of who I am.
I feel distant again.
Uncontrollably far.
And growing farther.
Farther from reality.
All the pain.
And the world pushing down.
I'm screaming as the pain surfaces.
Everything reopening wounds.
I need my friend but can't bother her.
She's having a wonderful times.
I don't need to cause stress.

So much sitting on my tongue.
So much impossible to believe.
Man targets gay club...
50 dead, 56 injured.
Blood donations, no gay blood.
Spouses can't even help one another.
Wanna know what I say?
**** the quote "freedom"
If this country were truly free gays could go to clubs without the fear of getting shot down.
People could donate blood and not have to be a certain sexuality.
Freedom doesn't excist in this country if you are gay.
Pray for freedom.
Pray for the victims
Never stop fighting for your rights.

Yes you said you loved me...
Yet another one of your lies.
You were just a using me.
Gosh really not much of a surprise.
Never meant a thing to you.
I was nothing but a game.
Charm the girl, break her heart?
The words you spit have killed me.
Last night we had a fight.
I lost my job because of you.
Good I'm happy you probably ****** at babysitting anyways.
And I don't have time to argue my cat is dying.
Good it's only because she looked at your worthless self.
Tears rolling down my face.
Voices screaming in my head.
Worthless, ugly, unwanted, unloved, incapable of keeping a job, a horrible girlfriend, mentally sick.
But then I remember the past.
All the I love yous.
Sweet girl, you mean the world, I love you, forever, I would never hurt you.
Yes I continue to cry.
But that's alright.
One day I'll find someone new.
Someone who really loves me unlike you.

She's no longer a part of my life.
Can't help wondering if my choice was right.
I can't do it anymore.
It's affecting me in. Ways you don't know.
The pain is too much.
I'm no fighter.
You may be but I'm not.
With me the only way out is suicide.
I'm not going back to that alternative ever.
Yes goodbyes are forever.
But that doesn't mean never.
Never again shall we talk because...
One day we might both get our **** together.
One day maybe our paths will cross.
For now we don't associate with each other.
It's impossible.
Can't happen.
Remember I do love you.
But nothing more than a friend.
Sorry Chick
You've got Her anyways.
And for some reason I knew this would happen.
The world is cruel.
I told you I'd be toxic in your life.
And look what happened.
Unwanted drama.
Remember I'm always here for you.
That's about it...

No I am not dead yet.
Nor do I still want to take my life.
Yes today I am beginning to notice.
I am alive.
Yes I have been depressed before.
Yes it got the best of me at times.
I am alive today.
I stand here tall and alive.
I breath.
I don't need to be with her to live.
Her absents no longer holds me under.
Iron longer has me in its grasp.
She's going to notice that I am gone.
And I am just going to say so long.
She did mean a lot but I can't continue on.
It's making me sick.
All her childish *******.
I am alive now.
Now I won't let her **** me anymore.
I am shutting the door.
Yes I say it now,
But it's always harder in reality.
Harder to say the truth.
The truth is yeah I love her.
Yeah I trust her.
I trust her even when I have no reason to.
She's lied to me nonstop for days.
But for some reason I keep putting myself out there.
Out there for her to manipulate.
No more though.
I'm done with all her games.
I am alive now.
Alive and happy.
Every scar has a memory.
Every night I cried in the past.
No I don't need people who will cause that.
I know who my real friends are.
thank you guys for being there over the last year or so.
The time when I was low.
Yeah Mel was there at times but Violet turned her into something else.
Someone who no longer cared.
Emily she's been there.
Thank you em.
I'll never forget it.
Even when I doubted her she was there.
Not a clue how much it impacted my life.
Literally without you I might not be here.
Thank you again.
Allysa is like a sister even though sometimes she gets on my nerves she is like family.
I'm always gonna have her back when she needs me.
My sister is a **** head rn.
Made some bad choices recently.
Trying to grow up too soon going down the same path I was.
If she won't listen to me that's okay.
She will learn one day.
I guess this is me just venting.
Getting it all out.
Letting go of everything.
Saying...
I am alive.
This time I plan to stay that way.

I have a history.
One that's not so easy to read.
Just like a book with every turn of a page.
You must cringe at what you see.
My past.
My present.
My future.
All have been ashes.
I'm not easy to read.
The words are all twisted.
All scary.
Some pages are torn up like my wrists.
There are reasons I never wear bikini bottoms in the summer.
Always shorts so people don't ask about the cuts and burns.
I wear tattoos to cover up scars.
Yeah my book is very tattered.
Very broken.
Falling apart even.
But my book reflects my life.
That's okay.

I hear the sweetness of your voice in my ear.
Only a hallucination.
Never real anymore.
They all tell me to get the hell away from you.
That you are hurting me.
Yes you are hurting me.
I've never been in more pain.
That's okay.
I've always love pain anyways

So this is a poem for all the people out there.
The people who used to live like they didn't care.
The ones scared to speak up.
The ones who always felt like they messed up.
To all of you who have a history.
It's that story.
The one that makes up you.
Yeah there are very few.
Few similar.
Many who have walked down the road you went down.
The road you ran to when you felt like nobody else was around.
There was always someone who saw your pain when you cried.
Someone who would have stayed up countless nights.
Someone who let go of themselves to make sure your alright.
So this poem is for all the recovering people.
The ones who feel like they were lost.
Hopeless even.
Relying on drugs, achohol, ***, and other outlets.
Personal my Ive found that you can't always have those to rely on.
Eventually they are gonna be the reason you refuse to carry on.
You are all so important.
You are all so different.
However you wound up where you are today,
Know there is important in your history.
Everything you've ever done has led up to someone.
I know friends who have gotten past everything that used to drown them. I'm so freaking proud of them.

Day by day I walk down this sidewalk.
Always alone.
Excluding the one time someone walked with me.

We walked down the side walk together.
Something had happened earlier and we had to get away from it all.
Everything is going to be okay I told her.
Just breath.

Never again did she walk the lonely sidewalk with me again.
Instead she began walking with a different friend.
Back to the old times.
Back to walking alone.

Sweet girl...
Friends said I shouldn't talk to her.
Yeah she's slowly killing me.
Ripped my heart out for all to see.
Yet she holds it ever so gently.
Sweet Girl...
Talks about the other chick all the time.
Blocked me because she didn't want the chick to find.
That her and I were talking.
Sweet Girl...
I asked why she lets the one chick do that to her.
Why she can't move on.
She kept saying she needed something. Somehow I knew exactly what she means.
Sweet Girl. ..
You don't hold my heart as gentle anymore.
You kinda smashed it in a door.
Yeah this is how it feels to love someone who doesn't feel the same.
Sweet Girl...
I'm still sorry.
Sorry for doing everything.

Nope no pain.
Deep down under my sleeves I press down on cuts.
The cuts hurt bad.
Bad like everything memory.
I say it's just allergies.
That's the reason I look like I'm crying.
It's never allergies.
It's a little problem I like to call heartbreak.
When you fall for someone and they don't love you.
So many times this has happened.
Just great.

Yeah she was there first.
I was nothing but a tool.
A tool to help you get over her.
Guess you never got over her.
You really loved her huh?
Love her enough to call me your best friend.
Get me to trust you enough to tell you everything about me.
Then turn around and stab me.
You ******* ripped my heart out.
Thanks man! Means a lot.
Always love it when the person you cared about kills you inside.
Not the fist time this has happened.
First was my dad.
**** the list is too long.
all these people have like killed me.
You hurt the most though.
I hadn't cut in months.
Now my leg has an x on it.
And ex for ex for friendship that didn't work out.
I remember the plans we made.
How you told me you wanted to be with me.
Then everything changed so fast.
You said you never wanted us to get close.
And then I meant nothing.
I was just a ghost who came into your life.
Then was shoved out again.
Tossed out like garbage.
That's what I am.
A ghost.
I'm dead now.
At last.
But only on the inside.
I don't know who I can trust.
Way to **** up my trust with everyone.
By hurting someone with trust issues you pretty much hurt everyone around me.
Now imma be hesitant to tell anyone anything.
I'm going back to living in the shadows.
Back to drawing on myself with a blade.
Na I won't go that low.
Even though I did last night.
I love you.
But I still can't.
I'm weak.
Not strong anymore.
You were everything to me.
I obviously made a horrible mistake.
I spent countless nights wondering if you were okay.
You probably didn't care.
You told me that I'm alive because love keeps humans alive.  
I asked how.
You said because I love you.
You obviously didn't.
I'm sorry for ******* this up.
So sorry.
I'm sorry for loving you.
Sorry for caring.
Sorry for hurting.
Sorry for letting the pain control me.
Just sorry.
But no I don't regret meeting you.
I don't regret a single word said.
I don't regret kissing you.
I don't regret sneaking out of class to be with you for a minute.
I don't regret anything.
I regret loosing you.
I regret not being whatever you were looking for.
My friends say I should hate you.
I can't hate you.
You can't hate someone you loved.
And I loved you.
I remember you told me not to love you.
That i was making a mistake.
And that your a better friend than a girlfriend.
I'm sorry.
Sorry that you thought that.
Sorry that your back in what you called a toxic relationship.
Sorry that I'm sitting here reliving the past.
Listening to your favorite music.
**** that.
I love you.
Love is evil spell it backward and I'll show you.

Anger, sadness, depression, pain...
All those emotions swept over me.
When you actually care they never see.
See how much you cared for them.
You mean absolutely nothing in the long run.
So now I sit in the darkness of my house.
Tripping on the shadows I see.
Actually listening to the voices.
Cut yourself.
The scream.
Take a pill.
Take another.
And another.
Till you finally fall into a deep sleep.
When you can't sleep at night
Just take pills.
They help.
Help a hell of a lot better than the voices.
Just
Take
A
P
I
L
L
Then feel numb

*******!
Told me to trust you.
Told me you loved me.
You lied to me.
God I really loved you.
This is why I don't love!!!
This is why I hate people.
*******.
Go **** your tall stupid *****.
Stupid ******* trust.
Always comes back and stabs you.
You were everything.
**** this.
I'm dead inside.
You just killed me more.

I am quite.
Nobody listens!
Hear me out!
I am small.
Passive.
Invincible.
I just want to be heard.
Listen to my screams.

The dark allows my broken heart to rest.
When the pieces are shattered they have time to fix a bit.
Not anymore.
The dark haunts me.
It used to peacefully whisper to me.
Sing me to sleep.
Now it screams in pain.
Screams in her voice.
**** I loved her.
Why do I let people do this to me?
I'm such an idiot.
Everyone I've ever loved has torn me to pieces and left me to bleed.
Bleed drowning in memories.
I'm dead now.
Wandering around aimlessly.
No purpose.
No purpose at all.
No reason to live.
Why should I fight for life.
Why not just let go.
Let the earth **** me.
Enjoy the death.
Maybe peacefully drown.
Eat something I'm allergic to?
Athsma can do the trick.
Run three miles.
Just disappear.  
Leave like how love left me.
Broken.
Broken and ghostly.
Wandering pointlessly.

I wanted to help you.
I wanted to make you happy.
You brought music into my broken world.
I wanted to bring music into your.
Yours was getting darker and darker.
I watched as you sunk down.
Deep into the depression that used to loom over me.
I watched you scream inside.
I heard your silent cries.
I couldn't save you from the darkness
Because I hadn't been able to save myself.
Sweet love I can't promise the darkness will never touch you.
I will fight to keep it away.
I will fight with every ounce in my body to where you don't have to feel the same pain I have for all these years.
Leaving an ex is hard.
Chae killed what was left of me.
You brought new life.
Then she killed what was left of you.
I wanted to be the light but didn't know how.
I had no clue how Emily and you managed to light others up.
You said you were depressed.
Said you needed time.
Sweet girl I understand.
Moving on is hard.
I asked if you wanted me to disappear like nothing ever happened.
No you said.
But it was only because you couldn't do that to me.
Never once did you mention that you wanted to stay.
Now I lay here knowing I ****** up.
Lay here knowing it's not okay anymore.
I'm always going to be in the darkness.
Maybe I can help lead you out.
I'd rather walk in the dark with you
Than walk through the light alone.

To most breathing is a natural thing.
The body must take in air to stay alive.
I though sometimes forget.
My body forgets how my lungs work.
Then I shut down.
No air enters my system.
You are not breathing.
Trying to catch my breath.
Yes I am fine.
Until panic sets in.
Panic attack makes it harder to breath.
God I'm so ugly when I cry.
Kristen made that go through my head.
Telling me that countless times.
I need to stop crying.
I need melody.
She helps me when **** happens.
It's okay just go to class.
The teacher will let you go to the bathroom for a minute.
I walked quickly on the verge of tears.
Eyes red and puffy.
This is how someone would react if they got dumped by their lover.
Not because they couldn't breath.
I locked eyes with rianna.
Oh ****, now she knows I'm a wimp.
Crying when I can't breath.
Almost to class when the bell rang.
Can I use the bathroom I said.
Yes grab the pass.
T
R
I
G
G
E
R
That caused a full panic attack.
The simple words allowing me to go to the bathroom caused me to break down.
The teacher looked at me.
What's going on sweetie???
She asked concerned.
C-can't breath!
The school nurse came and walked me down to her office.
Your okay she said.
Now tell me what has been going on?
I can't breath!
Yes more specifically.
I ran and couldn't breath then I had a panic attack.
Yes this is my life.
Barely breathing sometimes.
Having panic attacks over little things.
This is how I live.

I am a lost boy
From never land
Usually hanging with Peter Pan.
Run run lost boy
They say to me
Away from all the reality
-Ruth B.

Your every move has led me to her.
The beginning we were nothing.
Now she is everything.
How can someone care so much.
Always on my mind.
Wondering if she is okay.
I wear her sweatshirt.
It smells like her.
She wears mine.
My last name on her back.
Big red letters.
It's cute on her.
She is everything to me.
I love her with every ounce in my body.
I love her so much.
Nobody has a clue what I'm getting into to.

Countless nights I've cried.
But now I stand tall, I am very much alive.
Used to be small, I am very much alive.
The world had attacked.
Nobody here to help.
Then Emily came into my life.
She began to show me meaning in life.
I went to church with her.
Talked all the time.
Built up confidence a little more.
Then life opened about her door.
Melody.
The way we met was strange.
Just me being my wierd self.
At mendive you were different.
I said hi in the halls I guess you remembered.
Somehow I just felt like I could trust you.
Then we stopped talking.
We had never rally started.
Just small talk here and there.
No one really taking care,
To the few conversations we had.
Later in school we had both become a bit older.
Some of us a bit bolder.
Friend request on Facebook.
Turned into conversations at four am.
Those conversations turned into new friends.
Then then something else began.
Something I involving me needing to trust.
Trust you.
Yes love I trust you.
I know you know what you are doing.

Your a good good father...
It's who you are. It's who you are!
I am loved by you.
It's who I am. It's who I am.
Your a good good father!

Leaving for some random reason.
Excuse me miss, but I left my thing there.
Be quick.
Yes mam'm.
When I get into the hall I wait for her.
The sweet face of a girl with blue hair.  
We walk to wherever we are going.
Today it was the bathroom and RO.
We talk and laugh.
Hug.
She wraps her arms around me.
Somehow I can sorta tell when she wants to.
Creating some reason to.
It's wierd because she still asks.
Softly, can I hug you?
Yes of course love! No need to ask...
By her asking I wonder...
Who made you think you needed to ask to hug someone?
Love I don't mind when you hug me.
I may even like it more than you do.
Your touch is crazy.
The feeling it sends through me.
When you stare into my eyes...
**** you have such beautiful brown eyes.
You always claim your hair looks bad.
No love, it is absolutely amazing.
Everything about you is amazing.
Everything is perfect.
Please don't ever feel like you have to change.
Don't change for anyone.
You are beautiful the way you are.
Just the way you are...

So this poem will be a little different.
No it's not about melody.
Like most have been.
This is about my sweet friend.
Sweet friend em.
She has been through so much.
And gotten past it.
I'm amazed by her strength.
The strength to rise up beyond the pain.
She has made it so far.
Emily you are truly an inspiration.
Even if I don't talk much anymore.
Know I'm always here and you mean so much still.
Random peom for you Emily.

Grab my hands.
Dance with me.
Pulled in close.
Stay here with me.
Yes you don't even know.
How much you really mean.
You are one of the reasons I breath.
Your every word draws me in.
Every move makes me weak.
Weaker to you.
Falling hard.
For once I actually want to fall.
Fall into you.
Feel your heart beat.
Your lips on mine.
Every kiss frightening and beautiful.
Wanting to grow old.
Only with you love.
Late at night.
Texting you til daylight.
Staying up as long as I can.
Dreaming of you.
Seeing you.
Morning lunch whenever we can.
Life's to short.
You say to live in the moment.
Never try to rush.
I'm always somewhere out of my mind.
Living strewn about over time.

You are not over.
Your time has not yet been served.
You learn from assuming.
Yes I assume.
Assume the worst.
For my love I appoligize.
Sorry for assuming.
Assuming the worst.
I just don't want to loose you.
You mean so much.
I've never been this way.
Never felt this way.
Never felt happiness without meds.
Now I know what it's like to be happy.
You have showed me happiness.
I love you.

It doesn't matter anymore
I don't matter anymore

Sick of all the battles
The ones that shouldn't be
Problems that shouldn't excist.
Melody
Life
Cutting
Burning
Emily
Anger
Suicide
**** what if I just said it was over?
What if I just said I wanted to take my life?
Would you guys still care?
If one dark night I started taking pills?
One night I cut too deep.
One night I cried until I couldn't breath?
Sick of it all.
I bleed to heal others.
I ******* die everyday to see you smile.
You never smile.
You make it seem like you don't care.
I just want it all to be over.
This time I'm not just venting in writing.
This time I'm being legit.
This might be the last poem.
I don't know.
I've pretended to be okay.
Well I'm not okay!
Just sick of it all