somewhere in the distance, I see myself in the light
what's in the dark, is whether I'm still alive when illuminated.

rolling hills
buildings of stone
rainy days
peaceful nights
a dark hallway
leading to a candlelit room
books from ceiling to floor
overlooking the countryside
squared windows
and hands over rough pages
warm blankets
sleep.

The wind keeps flailing a leaf in the grass outside my window,
it moves from side to side,
lightly and violently, back and forth,
but it stays in the same spot on the ground.

This leaf is so grounded I begin to feel jealous,
it withstands any gust.

Then, I remember this leaf fell from a tree,
it already lost its battle.

And now it's fighting yet another one.

A never-ending war,
the life after leaving home.

you can't escape your own loneliness
it surrounds you when you walk outside,
around people or alone,
that doesn't particularly matter to you.

you rise, you fall
it doesn't change how you feel inside,
depression doesn't go away no matter how hard you try to get a grip,
it always returns,
no matter how hard you're trying,
the voice in your head is always lying.

don't cry, my dear
it is no use,
and yet tears still flow
and when you stare yourself dead in the eye
pleading yourself to stop
the person in the mirror replies
with a simple shake of the head from left to right
and again, and again
till that same head
falls gently to your hands.

you wipe the tears away,
and look to the sky in the reflection,
but it's empty.

surrounded by the light of a thousand snowflakes,
dancing and spinning in the winter sun,
I forget the cold.

their beauty brings me warmth,
and I smile as a snowflake lands on my hand.

I stare at it.

we're just two pieces of the universe.

but as it melts, I remember the cold.

the silence hangs in the air suspended,
it doesn't drift,
it just floats,
waiting for someone to make a move,
waiting for something to improve,
but instead,
all that's left,
are careless words,
and broken souls.

exhaustion
drifting through our days
taping eyes open
shaking ourselves awake
all this starvation and deprivation
of today's nation
yearning for another minute of shut-eye
while staying up staring at screens
late at night

and then there was you,
my only savior,
from the plight of my life,
but like everyone else,
you left me too.

where you laid looks like a crime scene now
the pulled blanket
the crooked pillow
the emptiness,

and I can't see a single star in the sky
it's pitch dark...
is it the light in my room blocking it out,
or is it the absence of you,
the absence of me?

then the nothingness that came,
I hoped it would never end,
but I also longed for it to be over,
for me to feel something,
anything, a single tear would do...
but nothing came.

my eyes still burn
from the last time we locked them
you and I are like
fires
everyone and everything around us
trying to extinguish us
but our eyes
they meet and make a forest fire
they meet and planets explode
it's like there's nothing else
keeping me from moving on
except for the way our eyes
used to ignite at a mere glance.

brown and blue
born out of the ocean,
love,
and you.

green with ginseng
and honey
a little arizona
for my soul,
it makes me whole.

the darkness holds so many secrets
that daylight doesn't dare to ask about.
hidden underground,
ignored and concealed;
the light does not always illuminate the truth.

don't lie to me
and tell me you're happy
because I cry every day
and you're making it so hard
to talk to you.

all I see are
crashing waves
champagne
purple and orange,
and yet my mind
thinks only of you.

the flood
brings the drought,
the everlasting numbness,
only to be ended
by a knife that opens the eyes,
letting tears out once more.

a wave of air
a stream of fire
a world ablaze
a person enranged
a life encaged
and eyes
and a smile
and everything
and you.

my friend tells me
she picked up his call because she was scared
a rather tragic start
to a love story
don't you think?