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Feb 2023 · 678
"Drowning Hues"
Cedric Feb 2023
I used to wander feeling blue,
Underneath the sky's hue.
As I walk the sky falls true,
I'm at sea limbless and fugue.

Suddenly it all turns green-
An old mango tree I've seen.
A sense of tranquility so serene,
A stark contrast from the marine.

I must have flown from an inlet,
From drowning I must've willed it,
Surviving alone on this islet,
I wear a regal cloak of violet.

I dream of a house colored red,
Ghosts appear, I hide under my bed.
To retreat into my scarlet shed,
This travesty is all in my head.

Sometimes I miss my grandmother,
Younger days with fried chicken supper,
Some mismatched candles I offer,
She would like a splash of color.

All these colors come to fruition,
Whirlpools of colorful emotion,
It all spirals down to destruction,
As I drown ghosts of hallucination.
A poem made for my sister for her case study presentation. She's currently a nursing student intern and she rotated into the psychiatry ward and interviewed a recovering schizophrenic. This is based on that patient's favorite colors and the results of drawing therapy visualized into poetry.
Aug 2022 · 501
a day passes, a year goes
Cedric Aug 2022
the sun shines, the moon hides
seasons ebb and flow
rain drops, evaporates, snows
what once summer is now winter
the heat has turned to droplets

the heart is a fickle thing
it knows when to shine
but let it be cloudy, please
id rather lay in bed again
with a warm cozy blanket
let it be cold again to feel

my own warmth
random words thought up, indescribable emotions reconnected after a long time; sometimes it only takes a day to see how a year has flown by
Jun 2022 · 958
"The Scent of Bookmarks"
Cedric Jun 2022
Continuous ebbs and flows,
Ongoing transits on the way home,
Nights of burned candles shine,
Gaining new insights all so fine.
Rainy days and espresso on the nose.
Afterglow outlines turned backs.
Trudging through piles of books,
Untangling webs of teachings-
Laughing through triumph,
Answering through ones and twos,
Thundering through the syllabi,
Information would gradually fly!
On nights you sleep distraught,
Nigh morning comes not for naught!
Stand proud in togas and caps!

Pressed flowers make for good bookmarks.
Riddled with nostalgic scents of days gone by.
Intrepid you stand as you close this chapter.
Marching onto the next page of your life,
Onto the edges of this pen shall leave a mark.
An acrostic poem for my friends, the primo batch of our university, graduates ready to tackle the world. Only through words can I express such pride for my peers, congratulations.
Mar 2022 · 461
"Selbstliebe Leitmotiv"
Cedric Mar 2022
A snooze rouses a slumber,
You hear birds chirp a beep.
Turn off your alarm and shower,
Start your leimotif.

From black to gray your eyesight wavers,
The world just looks so bleak.
But then a memory tries to banter,
"Ah! la vie est magnifique!"

Time to time convictions shudder,
Sometimes you feel defeat.
But from losing comes laughter,
Springing back to your feet.

Life goes on til' after,
Night and day repeat,
Sometimes you'd feel asunder,
You'd wake up in one piece.

Live, laugh, love in blunder!
It's all a one-way street.
To cry is to shoulder-
Your victories so sweet.
A commissioned piece made for a friend.
Sep 2021 · 154
“Spite”
Cedric Sep 2021
Soaked sponges in red
Porous hollow bones leak
Intoxicated infatuation
****** unto the deep end
Entice my antipathic vision
Sep 2021 · 155
"Sacrifice"
Cedric Sep 2021
Success entails sacrifice.
People will fight the good fight.
When will it suffice?
When will you hear our plight?

We forge a path to paradise.
Burning bridges to reach the light.
Is it worth it to cut our ties?
Burning just to shine bright?

Stockpiled innumerable retries,
Power on with irreversible blight,
Pushing until one of us dies,
Its me or my dreams tonight...

Husks and ghosts arise,
Ascending like a child's kite.
Living their dream of lies,
Sacrificing their own sight.

Go on and take a bite,
Hear out those distant cries,
Sacrifice your own might,
Be one of the forest fires!

Your dreams may be forthright.
But is it worth your lives?
Everything may be alright but-
Will your life be the sacrifice?
A reflection of my college life, losing my sanity and turning numb, I struggle to find the truest sense of why I am here and what I want to do. I sacrificed to maintain those numbers yet they served no real purpose... and now I'm lost.
Sep 2021 · 145
"Notes"
Cedric Sep 2021
A long tattered night,
Cursive moonlight shines.
Each word is muddled,
Forming granite tears.

My heart beats in fourths,
Tapping my pen in thirds,
Forming a waltz of emotions,
As all my notes unfold.

Paper-thin melodies,
When will the crescendo end?
Scribble then scramble,
The words fade into dissonance.

They say that its just noise...
The chords I am mouthing,
Is nothing but rambling.
My heart's chorus never came.

All the grinded words,
Leave ink-stained falsities.
An amalgamation of fantasy,
Would it answer my plight?
Jul 2021 · 248
"Running Out"
Cedric Jul 2021
Oh lonesome songbird
Sing a song to sing along
Thick air in a fog
Just sing along all alone
Your breath is long gone… so long
Jul 2021 · 288
"Numbered"
Cedric Jul 2021
Days one through seven
Will it even reach an end?
Counting syllables
Jul 2021 · 124
"Stars"
Cedric Jul 2021
A wandering mind
Heart beating slow and steady
The night has not come
But in your eyes are the stars
They shine ever so brightly
Jul 2021 · 124
"Ashes"
Cedric Jul 2021
Memories gone past
Lighting up my heart and soul
Until it burns out
May 2020 · 232
"Monster of God"
Cedric May 2020
Striking upon with justice,
Future generations waver.
Life breaks free!
It trembles, shatters, breaks!
He strikes and plows the land,
With death he offers justice.
Man and woman the core price,
Turning into vivid embers.
A poem inspired by Hellsing Ultimate's OST - Monster of God
Mar 2020 · 124
"Needs"
Cedric Mar 2020
You need warmth,
You need company.
You need heart,
You need sympathy.
You need passion,
You need aspiration.
You need affection,
You need love,

...but not from me.
It was never me.
Even if I try to be,
It could never be me.
my cowardly thoughts
Mar 2020 · 166
"Peaks"
Cedric Mar 2020
We climb mountains to see the sun, but the sun remains the same – outside our grasp.
So we tell ourselves it's the effort that counts, consoling our defeated souls of peaks we can't comprehend.
At the mountaintop, cold and hungry, we warm our hearts with sweet-nothings.
Our feet are planted on the ground yet we feel as if we've reached the top.
We forever hold on to this hope – the ideals of peaks, as we live and die racing towards the unachievable sky.
Feb 2020 · 131
"Lead"
Cedric Feb 2020
Every day has been decided,
We live out our lives deluded.
We just get devastated;
Tired and exhausted,
We lay in bed.

Waking up with dread,
click
The smell of lead;
Would not come through,
If you're dead.
Russian roulette
Feb 2020 · 197
“Dancing in the Rain”
Cedric Feb 2020
— ah, you love the trickling rain...
Beside you, an umbrella’s reign.
It shields you from the pain;
God knows you’ve feigned-
Again, a beautiful smile shown,
Ignoring your shattered bones,
Leaping and dancing in the rain.
You are your father’s joy, I am smitten and alone in my love. May my feelings reach you; may my undying love hold steadfast. Maybe someday I can dance in the rain with you.
Feb 2020 · 217
"02/02/20 ~ 20"
Cedric Feb 2020
Oh sweet days of youth,
I yearn for you still.
My childhood memories,
They weren't very real.

As a young adult,
I am still a child.
Immature as can be,
I stride with no care.

No, I am not mature.
I just thought differently.
I can be called weird,
Starting from twenty.
Happy birthday to me, I am now twenty. Yearning for youth and filled with envy, I start to say goodbye to my own alibi. My mind is a conundrum under the guise of my birth name.
Jan 2020 · 167
"Yearning"
Cedric Jan 2020
Human nature demands wants,
Like children seeing lines and dots,
Following the cracks along the road.

Like dogs chasing butterflies,
We also chase clouds and the sky.
Time moves forward with kites.

Static dots forming pictures,
Colors shown in a little box,
Picturesque ideals are caged!

As the radio waves paint our ears,
As the light waves hits our eyes,
An imprint of dreams are cast.

Observing the apple of my eye,
Are you red delicious?
Hopefully a granny smith...

I'm an infant observing dogs;
So free chasing whatever,
But I am stuck in my cradle.

Patiently waiting as I grow,
I have all that I need.
The monochrome box.

White noise turns to music,
As my mind changes channels.
Scenarios I yearn for.
A poem of wants.
Jan 2020 · 693
“Clear Eyes”
Cedric Jan 2020
My vision isn’t perfect,
But I at least saw you.
The lefty vaguely sees,
My righty is flawed too.

One sees near, one far.
Yet they saw you, dear.
I look for rhymes, deep.
I listen for words, hear.

Its all an allegory, honey.
Or whatever that means.
I thank the past, my love.
Now the future is here?

Its all unrequited though!
And I have no intentions!
I love and love and love-
But they’re just my heart?

We see with eyes, sweetie.
We do feel what we touch.
Our senses have brought,
Things that are… naught.

This poem goes everywhere!
Talks about this and that…
But that is what you get,
When you have blurry eyes.
A random assortments of words. It’s the new year; a new decade it seems? So it’s a play on clear vision, twenty-twenty. Sadly I have blurry eyes but fortunately not extremely blurry. As a matter of fact, it is still pretty decent. I dedicate this poem to my unrequited love - a love I still hold.
Nov 2019 · 259
"Leaking Pipes"
Cedric Nov 2019
Every night I wake
To the lonely drops of water
Waiting for it to fill
Until its enough to drown

Trickle-drop-splash-thud
I hop into the bathtub
Hoping to wash away my sins
Trying to drown my fears

The warm water comforts
Yet it leaks leaving me cold
It reminds me of my love
A time my heart was full

Broken hearts are like leaking pipes
With the water being sincere words
Each time you speak the heart empties
Until the words drown you out again

I tell of this love and shout of its joy
Yet the one-sided feelings overflow
Until the pipes burst forth
Gushing water onto the floor

Now every night it trickles
Never empty but never full
The sound of water drops
Remind me of broken hearts
broken hearts spill empty words
Cedric Nov 2019
Autumn leaves fall down,
I lay on a bed of withered leaves.
Beside me are tulips,
All in a colorful yellow.
Gaze at a blue rose,
Imaginary and unique,
Longing for peace - love.

Garnering my strength,
I toil to sow my own seeds.
I sink on my bed,
Losing all my colorful fervor.
Assimilating;
Becoming one with the Earth I loved,
Attuning  my soul to the flowers.
An acrostic of yellow tulips and blue roses; of death of love
Nov 2019 · 273
“Smoky”
Cedric Nov 2019
Brand new whisky dreams.
I know now why people drink.
To feel warmth and heat.
It dissipates into smoke.
A smooth defeated finish.
A tanka dedicated to my first experience with hard liquors - scotch whisky
Oct 2019 · 302
"Wring"
Cedric Oct 2019
Why is write spelled similarly with writhe?
Maybe the "h" stands for healing.
Or maybe more appropriately, hell.
We write when we writhe.
Drawing lose words that form nooses to **** what's left in one's heart.
It's amazing how simple words can snap your neck; your head is in the clouds once more.
Wring my heart out and let it dry.
The blood in it is rotten.
Let it burn to a crisp.
As dark as one's soul can get.
Rinse and repeat; wash your feet.
Random. My head is on fire.
Oct 2019 · 414
"Unconditional/Unrequited"
Cedric Oct 2019
To love for the sake of love,
To care because you do,
To repeat that choice,
That choice is you.
It needs no words,
It is patient and kind.
It works on self-sacrifice.
It is pure and unreasonable.
Will it keep on going forever?
When will love ever end?
What motivates you?
Where does it lead?
Being alone again,
Begets a heavy heart.
Belief does not mend wounds.
Because my heart is not enough.
Randomly composed. I'm in pain. Let me bleed.
Cedric Oct 2019
I’ve submitted my applications.
To be the proxy if need be.
You’ve read my papers;
The clause of letting go,
It is set in stone hearts.

You’ve been left alone and hurting,
I’ve become the proxy for him.
The bandaid over your wound,
To be discarded once healed.

When will you fire me?
Setting me ablaze by losing my job?
When will I be thrown?
Discarded once my purpose is served?

I have had a premonition,
That things will slowly fall into place.
I will be left alone once more,
After my purpose is done.

I’ve served many masters,
All of which are of my choosing.
I’ve been let go before,
After my time has been reached.

It’s normal for me to be forgotten,
Left rotting six-feet beneath.
I have died a thousand deaths,
All to save those in need.

I am dedicated to this unlife,
Of sacrifice and giving everything.
It is my purpose and duty,
To give my life up for others.

Despite the pain and suffering,
Despite chipping away at my heart,
Despite depleting my soul,
I will give and give and give.

All in the spirit of love,
All in the hope of receiving it,
All in the faith of enduring it,
All in the love of sacrifice.

I’m just a proxy,
To replace those who’re lost.
My papers are here,
When will my contract end?
I think it will soon enough.
A poem of being the person that’s always there for others. For us who are left alone after being of no more use. We are the tools at your disposal, the means to an end. No longer human, dedicated to serve.
Oct 2019 · 342
"You Reminded Me"
Cedric Oct 2019
Anxiety washes over me,
As I tried to open my heart.
Blurting out vague messages,
Laying my feelings bare,
Insanity flows through me.
Vicious thoughts consume me.
Gambling my heart out,
I try to fall in love once more.
And you reminded me,
Amidst my rose colored eyes,
I was really destined to be alone.
Reality woke my tired soul.
Loneliness is indeed my own.

Alone in this barren field,
Anchored deep in the sea,
Beached on a deserted island,
Left out in the winter cold,
Incapacitated and left longing,
Voracious vultures are waiting,
Gangrene eating me alive,
Intoxicated by hope and love,
Abhorring every second passing,
Alienating this deep void,
Insufferably waiting for you,
Running in circles in my mind,
Leaving reality behind once more.

Answer me!
Admonish me!
Betray me!
Leave me!
Invalidate me!
Vilify me!
Gouge my heart out!
Ignite my soul!
Agony sets in…
Amorphous images…
Illuminate me!
Read my heart.
Love me, please.

Impending doom looms,
My heart won’t beat.
Silence takes over me.
Our time comes to a close.
Riveting emotions settle.
Regaining my composure,
You smiled at me.
Let the poem speak for itself. Originally written on 10/14/19.
Oct 2019 · 345
"Shadow"
Cedric Oct 2019
Consumed and assimilated,
Into the shadow of hatred.
Filled with roses colored red.
I am just filled with dread.
Of what I'm facing ahead.
Is it love or hate or both?
Oct 2019 · 146
"Vulnerability"
Cedric Oct 2019
Can I call this love?
If I want to care for you,
When you're broken?
Or am I just desperate?
To taste that youthful romance?

These budding feelings...
Must be purged! It is just wrong!
To take advantage...
Because you're vulnerable.
And I am deprived of love.

How did this happen?
I found you the same as me;
Commonalities!
We thought we were all alone,
In our pain and suffering.

Now it's time to hide.
To erase myself from here,
Under the moonlight.
I shall keep my heart locked shut.
Bitter, we will just be friends.
I'm starting to question my sanity as I am leaning over this ledge. A brand new start yet a situation all too familiar. This has happened before and I am keen to never risk it until the world forces me to. I'm in dangerous waters and I can never leave.
Sep 2019 · 344
“Cor et Anima”
Cedric Sep 2019
I cry blood-soaked tears,
My soul writhes in agony,
As my arms touch you.
I am merely a human,
A spectrum of emotion.

To whom shall I owe-
My own rationality?
My experience?
To feel and even not feel,
I own my conscience, my name.
A two-fold tanka (5-7-5-7-7) that showcases “cor et anima” or the heart and soul. Touches upon the subject of emotion, rationality, and conscience.
Cedric Aug 2019
My ****** unrequited love will come to an end!
Through a year of heartache and seething bitterness;
Wallowing in my despair of falling in love.
The truth is a cruel unforgiving mistress.
Feigning ignorance ended in damning remorse!
Sundered hearts and sundered souls are love’s currency,
So may it be paid in full; may we meet again.
A seven-line poem that corresponds to a week (MTWTFSS) with twelve syllables per line which represents a year (twelve months). I want to move on but my hesitations are still here.
Cedric Aug 2019
Motivations burn,
Searing into my ****** mind!
Yet the flame dies down…
Disappearing like a ghost,
Leaving me an empty husk.
A tanka of a flame burning out…
Jun 2019 · 383
ere
Cedric Jun 2019
ere
sometimes i fear,
the time that is near,
in which i hear,
a mysterious seer,
become sincere,
and i see nadir.

im so sorry dear,
i have to shift gear,
for i saw a deer,
i saw it disappear.

i tried to peer,
but my eyes sear,
it caused a stir,
i shed a tear.

the chaos is clear…
a short poem i wrote on twitter about hesitation and inaction, being held back by your past; your regrets and fears
Jun 2019 · 499
019
Cedric Jun 2019
019
Happiest Birthday.
You introduced me to this.
I’m kind of sorry,
I had missed last year’s greetings.
So enjoy your day my friend.
Happy Birthday Erin. Sorry I missed last year’s greetings. I was going through a rough depressive episode. To be frank, I was introduced to this site through you so I’m thankful for that. Enjoy your day.
May 2019 · 477
“August Ghosts”
Cedric May 2019
Oh how respected!
How brave your soul is.
How marvelous you’ve been,
To me who’s despair ridden.

You of nobility or so it seems.
Of an esteemed Catholic family,
But alas you’re no queen!
Of procrastination maybe.

You whose ire knows no bounds.
Of your shrapnel-made tongue!
Remember those times, love?
Of how you hated social media!

Your hatred and trust issues,
How valuable they are to you.
Hatred of guidance counselors,
Led to hatred of God himself!

Oh how brave of you to oppose!
How mighty you are in your stand!
I don’t mean to judge, love.
You’re free to believe, or not.

You’ve become a pitiable ghost!
I suppose, maybe it’s just me…
You disappeared, love.
Where have you been?

From admiration and care,
To admonishment and hate!
You who left me in August!
Are striped of that description!

These aren’t anger filled lines.
It’s of disappointment, love.
We’re both cowards, right?
But why leave me alone!

I’ve been there for you in May!
Remember the ninth of eighteenth?
With you eating frozen watermelons,
While it rained ever so gently?

You cried and cried,
Shouting “I’m okay.”
I lied and lied.
Saying “No, you’re not.”

Why’d you become my August ghost?
Did you regret crying that night?
Why’d you leave me all alone?
It’s better if I just died…

Because I was just a friend.
Not even worth your words.
Because you left me hanging.
On the twenty-second of August.
Another poem about her. I’m tired.
Cedric May 2019
I have come of age to vote,
Yet missed the day to register.
I have come of age to be wise,
Yet missed the day to remember.

I love my country dearly,
I live in it and am bound to it!
Yet a finger I couldn’t raise,
To those who deserve disgrace!

If not for my wicked heart,
Struck by apathy and antipathy,
I would have remembered,
The cries of my own country.

I lament the fact that I’m AWOL,
During the day of difference.
What can I do to redeem myself?
If my heart knows not itself?

My heart and head stand neutral!
With right or wrong just equal!
And there is no greater evil than me,
Who watches hearts bleed out.

There is no greater evil than I,
That see blue, red, yellow, and white,
Become pure in their sad colors.
A non-voter who laments to himself!

Become pure blue due to suffocation.
Become pure red due to old wounds.
Become pure yellow due to disease.
Become pure white as death visits.

Oh, dear Philippines my motherland.
I see, speak, and do evil on your body.
I ask the Lord for forgiveness and grace,
As the church rot from inside the gates.

My love for you is conditional!
I was born in your womb, motherland!
I serve you as I live on shame!
Yet my heart is grasped by ignorance!

Let my coming of age speak,
Let youth cry out in agony.
As I wait for my next chance,
To rid myself of this apathy.
I missed my chance to register and vote. I know not of the political affairs of my country and I am ignorant of politics as I hate it and want no part of it. Voting seems like an adult thing to do, and I am just nineteen. But as a citizen I must do my part and redeem my ignorance.
Apr 2019 · 304
"Dangers of a Broken Heart"
Cedric Apr 2019
To be left empty,
With shards of what used to be.
To be abandoned,
By a ghost of your own dreams.
It leaves you longing in pain.
Feb 2019 · 344
It…?
Cedric Feb 2019
‪I see people struggling with what they learned.‬
‪I’ve yet to learn anything.‬
‪My mind just feels empty and blank.‬
‪There’s nothing in it but abstract forms that ellicit vague and varied emotional responses.‬
~
‪Suddenly, without warning, “it” attacks.‬
‪But my apathy would invalidate “it”.‬
‪But “it” stays there.
Waiting until I feel again.
Until “it” re-triggers my emptiness and apathy.
Waiting to be filled only to be spilt and reduced to nothing.
An absence, a darkness, an abyss of unfeeling.
A deprivation of senses as if something has died.
“It” just does what “it” is intended.
At first, apathy dismisses “it”.
But soon, I regain my consciousness.
And “it” subdues my consciousness into apathy.
“It” is an endless cycle.
There’s no other word for “it”.
~
It is just “it”; an entity that lacks words to express, a phenomenon.
An anomaly within me.
I’m tired. Academically drained, lacking passion and dreams. Lacking aspirations, goals, ambitions and motivation. Lacking a future outlook. Trapped in a cycle of an empty mind and a broken body. I don’t feel anything but heaviness. Maybe this is depression? Lapses in memory? Random aches? Hypochondria? “It” swallows me whole.
Cedric Feb 2019
She put her head on my lap,
As we continued to laugh,
Talking serious but subtle,
You told me “I like you”,
I was speechless again.
You took the words from my mouth.

I woke up, crying tears of happiness.

I found you then at a catheral,
A celebration of sorts was held.
My current friends wearing black,
My old friends wearing blue.
You were facing opposite our friends.
I saw you facing the ones in blue,
And as I approached them,
I started to cry once again,
With tears of suffering and pain.
The people in black comforted me.

I woke up, angry and bitter with tears.

I found myself in the future,
We were walking side by side,
Acting as if nothing happened.
I tried to confront you again,
With why you’d left me hanging.
You laughed and asked “What?”,
Then I tried again and again and-
You ran away.
Left me alone.
I knocked?
No one answered.
As if strangers once more.

I woke up crying with my dream come true.
Three consecutive dreams of a girl that ghosted me. My best friend, why?
Feb 2019 · 53.2k
“Nota”
Cedric Feb 2019
Napa-ibig ako sa aking kinakaibigan.
Sa una siguro’y ang pakiramdam ay magaan.
Nagkakilala ng basta-basta, walang dahilan.
Siguro dahil na rin sa  mabuting kapalaran.

Isang araw’y nalaman ko,
Magkapit-bahay lang pala kami.
Lalong nagkalapit ang puso’t damdamin.
Makalipas ang isang taon ng pagkikilala,
Sa dami ng tambay, kain, at gala,
Sa problema ng tropa o kaya’t sa pamilya,
Sa ngiti at ngisi sa bawa’t asaran,
Sa halip na ika’y may pagkasira,
Sa iyong puso na palaging hinihiwa,

Naroon ako sa iyong tabi,
Unti-unting napapangiti,
Napapamahal,
Nahuhulog ang dibdib,
Sa iyong pagkatao’t diwa.

Naaalala ko pa noong ika-siyam ng Mayo,
Bago matapos ang taon ng pag-aaral,
Sa isang buwan magkakahiwalayan na,
Magkokolehiyo na’t iiwan ang mga pinagdaanan.
Umiyak ka sakin habang nakain pa ng pakwan.
Na natatakot lang magsimula ulit,
Na makaranas ng bagong landas,
Na magbago, at maging kung sino man.
Na mahal mo ang iyong mga kaibigan,
Na ayaw mo silang iwanan.

Sinabi ko sayo,
Ika’y minamahal,
Ika’y itinatangi.
Ngunit hindi ko masabi,
Na ako ang magmamahal,
Ako ang magtatangi sa’yo.
Kaya ako’y gumawa ng katwiran,
Na kaming mga kaibigan mo,
Ay naririto lamang.

Ang pag-ibig ay parang nota,
Sa musika ng tadhana,
Sa teatro ng buhay.
Ito’y maligaya,
Upang hikayatin,
Ang ating puso na makinig.
Ngunit hindi kang saya ang ipinaparating.
Kundi’ hirap, lungkot, at paghihinagpis.

Parang emosyonal na gitara,
Na minsan nasisira,
Napuputol ang kwerdas,
Nasasaktan ang kamay,
Nalulumbay sa tono,
Habang humihiyaw,
Kumakanta ng buong puso,
Para sa ating mga sinta.

Dumating ang Agosto,
Miyerkules ng unang linggo,
Sa ika-beintidos ko nalaman,
Na galing pa sa iyong dila,
Na ako’y huli na sa paligsahan,
Na mayroon ng nanalo sa laban.
Ang puso mo’y nasagip na ng iba,
Ika’y nagkwento ng matagal-tagal.
Ang ningning sa iyong mata’y,
Parang ilaw sa entablado,
Nakikita ko ang mga sumasayaw,
Ligaya ang aking nararamdaman,
Habang ang aktor ay ako,
Na iyong tinitigan ng husto.
Pinipilit makinig nang maigi,
Sa kwentong busilak ng pag-ibig.

Ngunit pagkatapos ng kwento,
Naiwan akong mag-isa.
Sumigaw ng wala sa tono,
Sa kanta na puro hiyaw.
Hindi ko inakala,
Na ang kanta ko’y ganito,
Naisulat na ang mga nota,
Ngunit bakit masakit sa tenga?
Sa simula ng ika’y makita,
Nagsimula na ang tugtog.
Ngunit hindi ikaw ang aking kasayaw,
Hindi rin naiwasang mahulog.
Kahit pigilan ko man ang sarili,
Ako’y nahatak ng iyong tunog.
Magaling ka sumagaw,
Kwento mo’y ako’y napaikot.

Napapaisip ako,
Anong nangyari,
Bakit natapos,
Ang ating kanta.
Ng wala man lang paalam.
Ika’y bumula.
Nawala sa aking buhay.
Na para bang multo.
Hindi ko malapitan,
Mahawakan,
Matawag,
Ni mabanggit ang iyong pangalan.
Nawala ang ating teatro,
Nagkahiwalagan ang magkaibigan,
Ang direktor ay lumisan,
Upang maiwasan ang drama.

Napapaisip ako ngayon,
Bakit ikaw pa rin sa ngayon!
Ikaw na multo ng nakaraan,
Ang aking minamahal hanggang ngayon.
A Filipino poem about this girl I became close friends with. Originally a spoken word poetry for other purposes. I decided to post it here because, why not. I’m still in love with her up to this day. Well, it’s only been six months so this will be a long painful process.
Jan 2019 · 538
"Spices of Youth"
Cedric Jan 2019
Dreams of demise,
laughter and joy,
coughing up blood,
as we go about,
celebrating wars.

We revel in victory,
with blood-stained faces.
As we wrestle with our demons,
as we choke on our own blood.
It's human compulsion,
to seek satisfaction,
from laughter,
from tears of joy.

As the world comes to an end,
someone will shout,
"Drink and be merry!"
"For tonight we dine in hell!"
A cliche,
a repeated glorification.

Laugh all you want,
as you shield your eyes,
and open your mouth.
Disregarding your death,
you try to live with a smile.
Be it with yourself alone,
or with families and friends.

Have a beer,
don't be tense.
It's just fear,
and innocence.
Cry a single tear,
jump the fence,
it's coming near,
our laughter and dread.
pain, agony, all the teenager-y angst, the edgy meme lord, the one who uses humor to hide his depression, the teens who glorify wars, the enlisted boys who got won over by propaganda, the sadness of a failing first love, i've spat out what most of use have in common; our spices of youth.
Dec 2018 · 483
"3:00 AM"
Cedric Dec 2018
Neighbors' talking,
As if it's the end of the world.
Trying to make sense,
Of all of these words.

Two different people,
Who walk past each other.
Two strangers,
With a past together.

Some nights are filled,
Some days are empty.
Two seats never apart,
That ages day in day out.

Words at three o'clock,
Flying past the moon,
Crashing into your mind,
And into my own heart.

Eyes looking at us,
Two who've become one.
Seats apart closing in.
Melding into nothingness.

The eyes blinded by darkness,
Of nothingness and emptiness.
In the moonlight shrouded black.
We talked and got deaf.
getting lost in the nights talking about various things with someone who's there for you only for them to disappear the next day. it's eerie ain't it? the disappearance of a spark, of a flame.
Dec 2018 · 1.2k
“Dosage”
Cedric Dec 2018
A heart cold as ice,
Melts when treated nice.
A few drops of ******,
Put on your lip balm,
Risk and roll the dice!
Let’s not care about your vice!
A few **** of nicotine,
Needles filled with morphine,
Drink your codeine,
Destroy your veins with ******.
Maybe twice,
Maybe thrice.
Forget all your worries,
Burn your autum leaves,
Forget how to live,
Like breath’s stolen by thieves.
A poem about drugs. I’m just an 18 year old boy that hasn’t tasted drugs, or even alcohol and tobacco. It’s just a product of my endless self-control I guess. Except for caffeine, I’m addicted to that.
Cedric Dec 2018
dying is a meme
it's really ironic
it just wont die
a screwdriver?
its not effective
not sharp enough
i stopped though
but my thoughts
filled with memes
just never stop
i tried taking my life before with a screwdriver and yeah its stupid but hey everyone's got their own screws loose
Dec 2018 · 163
twenty-four
Cedric Dec 2018
dear person with twenty-four letters
how long has it been since we last spoke?
May 9th you were crying,
May 31st you were happy,
June 1st we graduated,
August 20th we started college,
August 21st we went out to Starbucks,
August 22nd my heart broke,
August 23rd i cried for the first time in years,
August 29th you looked at me with disdain,
fast-forward to now and we haven't talked yet

i've been depressed recently
as if my eyes were dyed black and white
to feel alive was to consume caffeine
in hopes that the white crystals give me color
in hopes that the light could penetrate my darkness
i wanted to die just to feel alive
dear person with twenty-four letters
how have you been?
you seem to be happier without me
and it seems our friendship was indeed one-sided
maybe i was just an annoying neighbor to you?
either way i'm satisfied with everything
i deserve this death and i'm sorry
t w e n t y - f o u r
Oct 2018 · 433
“A Light in the Dark”
Cedric Oct 2018
To write wasn’t a passion of mine,
When I learned of life?
My brain suddenly sparked a fire.

You see,
We’re always plunged right into the sea!
I can’t help but swim frantically.

I’m not a swimmer though,
So I kept on sinking.
Towards the abyss.

In a dark place,
I found something darker.
The ink of my pen.

Seeing as my darkness doesn’t compare,
I saw my own darkness as light.
Now I write when it’s night.

I couldn’t make any rhymes,
Just incoherent thoughts.
I wasn’t creative enough.

I couldn’t draw any art,
I couldn’t compose any songs.
All I can do was speak.

Now?
I can just speak without a voice.
This pen of mine speaks.

I’m an open book,
Talk to me and I talk back.
My doubt riddle words.

In my darkest days,
Where my voice doesn’t echo back,
I have my pen.

Light isn’t a reflection of others.
It’s a spark within your headspace.
When everything else disappears.
I’m in a dark place, and whenver I’m down here, I write whatever I can. Raw thoughts, incoherent, abstract, random, gibberish, trash. I writ when I’m down, it’s an outlet to plunge myself deeper so I could die and respawn. My creativity doesn’t exist; only destruction on paper.
Sep 2018 · 278
“Delusions”
Cedric Sep 2018
Have you ever felt grey?
As if you’re in the middle.
I just want to kneel and pray.
My mind emits white noise.
I go out on a bright sunny day.
Yet my eyes see nothing.

Confusion and chaos sets in.
I stand my ground as it shakes.
My brain shuts down as I grin.
As if a demon took over me.
My mind makes noises; it’s sin.
I write aimlessly with imagery.

See that dark sky?
No it’s not dark.
I didn’t even open my eyes.
It’s all in the mind.
When emotions run wild.
There are no more rhymes.
Only static and failing images.
That could come to mind.
I don’t know.
Aug 2018 · 381
“Sorry, I Like You”
Cedric Aug 2018
Today, I saw your eyes sparkle.

Today, I saw you happy; genuinely happy.

Today, I saw you.

I’m second.

I love being second.

Second to know that you’re indeed taken.

That I will continue my stupidity.

I’m sorry.

I still plan on confessing.

June 1, we graduated.

June 1, I promised.

In a year I shall confess.

If my feelings couldn’t be suppressed.

I’ll persevere a year.

In a year.

I’ll lay my heart open.

But it’s just been 2 months and 23 days.

I realized I was indeed in love.

For I have let you go.

But.

You’ll never know.

Until June 1.

I want that heartbreak.

To experience pain.

To feel that despair of loss.

I fell hard.

It hurts.

I hope it’ll hurt more.

So I could feel alive.
I’ll lay it bare. No rhymes. Just phrases. It hurts. But I’m a martyr. I love you.
Cedric Aug 2018
Oh how time flies by,
My country has two seasons.
Where the sky cries woes,
And when the sun hates people.

We've encountered floods,
Drowning in tears and in mud.
I've encountered hate,
Burning like a hot skillet.

Yet there were days warm,
As if my tears have dried up.
Days comfy yet cold.
Lying in my bed content.

Radical changes!
From two states of emotions.
Warm love and cold hate,
Fluctuating with the seasons!

I'm walking two steps,
Taking three backwards.
I want to confess.
With nothing coming after.
No pain and regrets,
Just my empty words.
As I pour my cup,
Of cold coffee as it rains.

I said it last June,
That I promise I'll confess.
It's been just two months,
Yet my heart's racing faster.

It flickers like the seasons,
Burning and freezing!
I'm confused and dead anxious,
As I try resuming.
I heat up my cold coffee,
To tackle a my day anew.
You see, I have been feeling attracted to my best friend. Although, I have doubts if she even sees me as a best friend...
Something about her keeps me calm and relaxed around her. She helped me through a depressed phase too. I saw her cry and she saw me hopeless beyond help. We shared a whole year of being close. I desperately helped her when she's in trouble too. At first I thought nothing of my feelings since I blamed it on proximity. Now that I'm almost out of vacation, I pondered to myself: she never left my thoughts. I promised my friends and myself that I would confess within a year if my feelings persist. There's 10 months to go...
Cedric Jul 2018
Memories stored in my wired brain,
Eternally looping in my deathbed.
Thinking of ways to **** you back.
Afraid to lose you again and again,
Lamenting your disappearance.

Hedging you in my test chamber,
Earnestly watching your progress,
Acknowledging your stubbornness.
Repairing my systems weren’t easy,
Teach me where my conscience is.
Surprise me with your resolve.
Listening to “Want You Gone” by GLaDOS from Portal 2 inspired me to make this. I just recently finished the game and now I love it to bits.
Jul 2018 · 1.3k
“Vilified Roses”
Cedric Jul 2018
Leaves of a branch sway.
Onto the ground it falls.
Venom engulfs its veins.
Instinct tells it’s wrong.
Neurotoxins overflow.
Grounding my feet deep.

Intoxication wraps my throat.
Seizures follow through my soul.

Hope remains still.
Awaiting despair.
Roses bleeding out.
Death hastens.
Random thoughts. Emotions overflowing.
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