I’m st st st st stuttering
In the corner I’m muttering
I tap my feet I dance my dance
All for the courtesy of a passing glance.

S s s s s sorry
The words jumble and tumble
Out of my mouth and onto the floor
Meeting the ground, gathering and mixing,
Melted hues congealing into gray.

W w w w why are you here
Why do you sit where sit,
Love where you love?
I I I can’t take it anymore
I can no longer fake it

T t t the light it terrifies me
The single bulb glares at me,
St st st staring, burning my pupil
Until my vision is full of
The blinding light
And my lungs full of a
releasing sigh.

You are calling
and I just keep staring
frozen
my heart resonates
to the vibration of the ringing phone.

My eyes are hazzy
My mind is fuzzy
I don't know what to say
For I fear I will make a fool of myself
leaving to end the conversation
on an awkward note.

The call ends
I breathe
to calm my nervous nerves.

I call back
only to find myself stutteringg
and being overly conscience
with every word I say
dreading to have called
as the call ends.

In my life, people see me and hear me but never understand me.
For my mind is like the tide,
Ever changing.
One moment i may be a...
a force of rage,
roaring with contentious determination to
override what has ben brought before me.
invincible with nothing to hide.
I am rushing,
hurling toward my goals.

Suddenly out of the blue water, I unintentionally encounter my own self doubt. In that instant i am over come by unnerving shaking and stand in shock. In that in that moment my persistence changes into unnatural scattering....
Until it fades into into
nothing at all.
a void of
unexplainable emptiness.
panic! I force myself to speak,  i must to force my thoughts back
out!
i scream in my head.

but it is gone before it has the chance to utter a whisper.
What is left for the world to hear is a yelp.  

" Excuse me? What did you just say" they ask.

I oftentimes realize my inability
To speak outright about my personality
I oftentimes don't know where to start
Which leads to a brain ****
Of catastrophic proportions
And unable to contort my words into sentences
I simply give up, the subject unfinished

Because of this tragic disability in my speech
I feel that my way of expression is weak
And the many things I want to say
About anything in general comes back to stay
In my mind, in my brain, in my train of thought
And entails to derail from the tracks
The entrails staining the grass

But when I get behind a keyboard
My ideas become fluently versed
Almost rehearsed
And I search for a chat
That'll cover a vat
Of subjects at the bat
The words flow from my brain
Through my veins
To my heart
To my arms
And out of my fingers and onto the screen
Where, for once, I can clearly read
What I wanted to say
And smile with glee
As I finally make
My testimony