I took the Christmas lights down,  
they're really out of season.
My room is always dark now,
it makes me feel kind of barren.

We finally said goodbye
hopefully for the last time.
It was a peaceful ending
No one ended up crying.
I laid everything out on the table
you responded calmly
I was surprised,  
for the first time we weren't unstable.

I wish it were him instead of my blanket holding me.

I'm holding onto you and shutting my eyes, as the song keeps playing, my heart continues to melt. The sounds from the squirrels jumping on leaves are all drowned out... I feel your hands moving, I smile and breathe you in, our faces come close again, your nose touches mine and I know I don't want this time together to end. *It was cold outside but you left me feeling heated.

I got close to sleeping,
but stress has decided
on having a sleepover,
(again.)

I'm dead inside
I just want to hide
no need to confide;
in me.

I love the way the the moon rises and kisses the setting sun, between the sky touching mountains.

Just a few more hours...
and I'll be with you.

Sometimes I worry about being too needy
and wonder if you think I'm being too clingy

I wonder what you're doing right now
Are you sleeping or are they testing you?
I hope you're eating enough.

I have so much shame, I can't tell where it begins
All I know, is the feeling it is.
It's a burning sensation,
that makes me want to fold in on myself,

My thoughts are so hurtful, it's as if they're in shouts.
It's intrusive and steals my energy,
It makes me want to eat tons of food
to push the feeling out of me.

It's a disgusting feeling,
I want to make it go away
and become the me I've imagined
From daydreaming every single day.

Another day passes
only this time,
with rain.
Just a few more days
and my eyes will meet yours...
*again.

I don't want to be, just pixels on a screen.

I don't know what happened to me.
I used to write beautiful things,
but these days I seem to ramble on
until the notes match, only my song.

It makes me wonder why I'm still here
on this website to explain ever tear
to anyone who'll read.

Even this subject to me is.. impure.
It's so agitating, why can I not forget?
Does the universe mean to keep it..
Locked inside of my head?

I want to forget the whole month,
Of that year.
I want to leave behind everything,
That I was too afraid to act out.
Everything that happened because,
I did not act out.
I was a weakling trapped inside of,
A lost girl.

Now I have been found,
In the best way possible.
Is it not supposed to be,
..easy now?

I suppose that's just not plausible.
After all I did somehow cause it all.
I kept it all shut inside for a while.
But it has to all spill out eventually.

It is so difficult to remain happy.
Or is it?
I shouldn't let this get to me,
But I am unclean.

What if no one truly wants me.
This is my greatest fear.

I don't want to write anymore.

We used to be so close,
But now you're one of those,
People who don't need me anymore.
It's okay because I'm used to being ignored.

I just never expected it from you.
Because you were once my sun; my moon.
You challenged me to think differently,
About love, life, and everything.
It's too bad, now I finally see.
You just lied to me.
I hate you.

Maybe someday you'll feel this pain too.

When I go back
and listen from beginning to end
every song I listened to back then,
I feel so sad.

Remembering all that I did,  
back when I was feeling hopeless.

I look out the window
at all the snow on the ground
the American flag looks cold
It's below zero right now

Snow is piled up in heaps
from shoveling out our driveway
the night sky is dark like always
and the street is not currently visible.

the music playing
in the back of your mind,
turns into screams
as your day becomes night.

twisted and burning
in your dreams, I can see you fading.
spinning around, crying out
as you fall to your knees.

*no matter what,
when night comes,
the darkness finds me again and again...
and again.

You ask me why I'm crying and if
something is wrong- when I don't
respond you remind me to do the
dishes and clean off the counters-
don't forget to sweep the floor, "yes
every inch matters," I mumble that
I yawned and zoned out before I
could listen and you roll your eyes
as you walk away- unaffected
but you're the cause of all of this
tension don't act like you can't tell.
I think I must belong in Hell
knowing all of the thoughts I allow
to slip in and out of my mind..

I'm so ready to say goodbye..

I can't say that I'm proud
of the things that I've done
saying goodbye to you
wasn't something I found fun

you didn't make it easy
I didn't want to hurt your feelings

but I did in the end, didn't I?

You make me feel happy,
you fill me with hope.
You've changed my life
in ways you'll never know.

But I want to know...
how do I make you feel?
Do I make you feel special?
Do I make you feel real?

I want to know,
if I make you smile wide.
If you long to reach for my hand
when you can see the tides.

It's hard for me to speak,
my heart is racing
and my stomach has
decided to disagree with me.
Then the tears fall endlessly.
I don't want to do anything.

Back into the car
I watch you walk away
A few minutes pass
My niece is crying.

I think inside I am too,
I already miss you.

I do sing for you
Even now
The sky is blue
I remember you
I want to call you
To ask if you'd like to meet
Before I go back to the sand-filled
Place on the other side of the nation
Where I'm living now.
But I cannot.
So I'll lay my phone down next to my pillow
And continue sleeping; bitter filled dreaming

do you ever feel lonely?
they say that it's healthy
but I'm unsure of that.
Despite my liking alone time
too much of it can hurt me.
It makes me feel so lost, and empty
until my tears fall endlessly.
After crying I usually find solace,
but this time I just want to cry more.
Which makes me feel *pathetic.

Seeing your smiling face
makes me smile so happily.
Hearing you laughing,
leaves my heart racing frantically.

When will I feel your arms around me again?
I'll wait forever even if you make my head spin,
You haven't yet, you fill me with bliss.
The room may be spinning,
but not from sadness.

I lay here in tears
thinking about how I've changed.
When we found each other
I was a little deranged
in a sad kind of way.
I was going through things
but you found a way to open me up.
Today, looking back
I never would've thought
I'd be as happy as I am.

10 more days until my hand will meet yours

I want to hold you in my arms,
And shield you from your fears.
I hope you know I believe in you,
And just how much that I care.
I'm sorry for the things that occured.
Will you let me hold you once again?
I won't let go this time. I promise.

All of my secrets are known by 3:00AM.

We started out as friends in the south
Used to spend nights at each other's house
Over time our nights would be spent online
Thousands of miles apart; together inside
Many years spent making memories,
Somehow you got the worst and the best of me.
We were kids then but we're adults now
Our friendship is lost, will it ever be found?

As I walk up the stairs, there's anxiety in the air.

My heart aches with too many emotions,
I want to throw them away.
I wish I could do what others say,
and forget these things that fill me with rage.

The waves are crashing in
I think I've failed to mention
With you there's no tension
but I'm sorry I'm always,
craving your attention.
When I'm talking with you,
I'm in another dimension.

You're my star in the middle of a very dark and dreary sky.