head hung low
where the road leads I will go,
it's a hard and a crooked life
when you're a dead man's unwedded bride.

the day moves slow,
where the road leads no one knows,
it's a hard and a crooked life
when you're a dead man's unwedded bride.

down by the road sits a man,
who's gray and old,
says the hardest thing I know
is to see your loved ones go.

where the wildflowers grow,
there's a lake that's dark deep and cold,
there I shall lay my bones.

down I go,
going to  lay my bruised bones,
and the hardest thing they'll know,
Is to have to let me go.

Suicidal tenencies follow me around,
I felt it so strong once that I took enough pills that my body started to drown.
I felt it again enough to make me hang from a rope, but still here I am, and I have no more hope.

A song that kept me going, "hold on until May"
I told myself that twenty times a day,
and when May came there was nothing else to hold on for,
So I held on to the rope, and tried to let it all go.

That song still haunts me to this day,
Every time I hear it I cry endlessly.
Time doesn't heal things.

The sun rises,
The Skies' awake,
Another soul, they will take.

The tide goes out,
And then retreats,
The tiny *****, it defeats.

The daylight brightens,
The night is over,
It is finally time, to take cover.

The reapers are descending,
To be Nice people they're pretending,
They deny themselves, of who they are;
So they will always get so far,
They attack your soul,
And drain your heart,
Of everything you've learnt so far,

So take cover,
Under the waves of the water,
And drown yourself,
In the sunlight's faulter.

Some people say my love cannot be true,
Please believe me, and I'll show you.
I will give you those things that you thought were unreal.
The sun, the moon, the stars all Are my beings.


Now I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you will see who I am
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand.

Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.

I found your tshirt on my bedroom floor, it's the only evidence that you've been here before.

I don't get waves of missing you anymore, they're more like tsunami tides in my eyes.

Never getting dry,
So I get high,
Smoke away the days, never sleep with the light on
Weeks pass in the blink of an eye
And I'm still drunk at the end of the night

I don't drink like everybody else
I do it to forget things about myself
Stumble and fall
With the head spin I got,
My mind's with you but my heart's just not

I Sleep with my thoughts
And I dance with my views.
Like our last kiss. It was perfect,
we were nervous on the surface.

And I'm always saying everyday that it was worth it,
Pain is only relevant if it still hurts
I forget like an elephant
Or we can use a sedative
And go back to the day we fell in love just on our first kiss

But maybe I just fell in love when you woke me up.

A vision of black,
Heads bowed,
Women weep as he's lowered into the ground.
His mother cried,
So did I,
People couldn't help but sigh.

The rain flowed beneath our feet,
Into the ground where he would retreat,
A place as hollow as hell,
Where he would never  fit in well.

I feel responsible for his death,
to his parents I apologise,
I wish to join him;
Every single day,
In the ground,
Where he lay.

I know the pieces fit because I watched them fall away.

Mildewed and smoldering. We are Fundamentally differing.

Pure intention against lustful feelings will set two lovers souls in motion.

Disintegrating as neither one of us can kiss each others lips.

The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us.

We cannot seem to reach an end to our crippling  communication.

No fault,
There's  none to blame,
it doesn't mean I don't desire to Point the finger,
Or blame the other,
or to watch the temple topple over.
But I won't,
I'll take the blame,
I'll call it quits,
What's a game of Russian roulette if nobody wins?

How do you come to terms with the fact that the person you love is dead?
How do you accept that you'll never see them again?
How do you find something to live on for?
Because I'm struggling to see the light and the future to go on for.

I know you'd never want me to feel this way because you're gone,
But since you left all of my happiness has left too.

I hope one day I'll see you again,
But until then I'll hold on to our memories my friend.

All of  the rowboats in the paintings
They keep trying to row away,
And the captains' worried faces
Stay contorted and staring at the waves.

They’ll keep hanging in their gold frames
For forever, forever and a day.
All of the rowboats in the oil paintings,
They keep trying to row away.

I Hear them whispering, French and German.
Dutch, Italian, and Latin.

When no one’s looking I touch a sculpture
Marble, cold and soft as satin.

But the most special are the most lonely
God, I pity the violins.

In glass coffins they keep coughing
They’ve forgotten how to sing.


First there’s lights out, then there’s lock up,
Masterpieces serving maximum sentences.

It’s their own fault for being timeless,
There’s a price to pay and a consequence.

All the galleries, the museums
Here’s your ticket, welcome to the tombs.

They are just public mausoleums,
The living dead fill every room

Mother you should watch your girl tonight,
She's beautiful,  and it's misleading
I Saw her on the sidewalk bleeding,
Sickened by the thought of eating,
This pressure on perfection has got to end,
Before she ends up dead.

I've been stuck in the middle pages,
Hung up on a cross that I created,
Built out of the bones that I've been breaking.
life's not out to get you,
Despite the things you've been through,
Because what you give is what you get,
And it doesn't matter what you do.

Sometimes things will bend you,
But trust me you'll be fine,
I've been moving mountains that I once had to climb.

The devil's tongue is long and rotten,
Do you remember or have you forgotten?
The games we played with him in the rain, it's all the same,
It's all the same.

I was a child,
Not long ago.
the devil haunted me,
He Followed me home.

I'll go
Where, I don't know
But I'll go,
If I have to,
To get away from him.

The wave was a torture
Of flesh and blood and bone,
He came into me and out of me
Forsaking every law.

I do not know how to channel a love that I wish that I did not have for you,

I don't know how to uplift my mood when I miss you each new day,

I do not know how I am to get over this,
I do not know how I am going to recover from it,
I don't know how to love someone new,
I don't know how to not wish they were you.

I don't know how to live a life that you are not in.

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

Run away, child,
Don't let me in,
I'm a demon,
I'm a devil,
I'll teach you how to sin.

Run away, little son,
Don't look into my eyes,
They are black-blue, they are deadly,
And full of dangerous lies.

Run away, little daughter,
Before your mind I will slaughter,
My existence knows no love,
I was expelled from above.

You can never run away,
Your mind is my slave,
I will haunt you until you die,
Never to leave your side.

Run away, child.
While you're still alive.

They eye me up and down as my legs shake hastily due to nerves.
I hope not to be landed upon, and I cross my fingers and toes.
They spin the bottle and it seems to be revolving for hours.
Time gets slower by the second.
Then it stops.
It lands on me.
My breathing quickens and my whole body begins to tremble, sweat pouring from every eligible place that it can.
They pick up the killer and hold it to my head.
My pupils grow large and I pray to god that I die peacefully.
Bang.
But I am not dead. I am free.
Russian roulette killed me.

Teller, teller, tell me a tale
of love and fear and duty,
I want to die in the arms of love
I want to die for beauty.
For beauty is the only truth,
and death is the only lie,
I want to sing a final tale
and love before I die.

There's so much to be sad about,
How can anyone be happy?

Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.

like a cat thats not yet used to its claws,
i'll hurt anyone who i try to adore.
i'll leave engravements on your back,
if you try to love me.

i may be stretched out naked over your floor,
i don't want to open your mind, i want you to open your jaw.
make me feel loved, hasn't it been long enough?

i forget how your skin felt,
how close you used to pull me,
time was against us,
with your love you would hold me.

a feeling of being wanted, i don't remember it now.
i want to feel you inside me, but you're buried in the ground.

heartbreak has  changed me,
i was crazy for you,
it's a sad world we were raised in,
They let us fade into something new.

Self medicate, while we sleep we let the night chase evil things away,


Burst into flames,
Scream in the dark
I'm gonna light up this place
And die in beautiful stars
Tonight

We weren't what everyone would think to be in love,


We would        sit for hours without talking,                just      looking at eachother.
In Silence.

                               How many   Nights did we                          Spend  staring at the stars,
                                    Hand in hand,
     Head on your chest, I heard your heart pound.


We weren't romantic love songs and picnics in the park,
              
                 We were ****** wrists and visible bones, bones that we loved of eachother so much.

We never said any vowes  or declarations,
            Yet        We knew eachother inside out,


                      In depth.


                                             We were never about sweet nothings, but about raw truth and love,
                  

           Spent days
Learning you, studying you,

                       I knew your every thought,
As you knew mine,


                             We spoke of every night that we slept alone and longed for someone just to hold.



           See,


                          We were both just lonely, eternally, internally.
                  We just needed someone to know us, to know our sadness,

                  To be our happiness,




You
                    Were
                     ­                             Mine.

Take a look at my body,
Look at my hands,
There's so much here
That I don't understand.

You made so many promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them.

I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long,
As if I'm becoming untouchable.

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark.
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart.

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them.

I'm a slow dying flower,
A Frost killing hour,
The sweet distant taste of
untouchable.

I need
The darkness,
The sweetness,
The sadness,
The weakness.

I need
A lullaby,
A kiss goodnight,
Angel sweet,
Love of my life.

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

Well, is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth,
Hold your breath,
Kiss me now before your death,
I'm going to miss you,
I wish you had known,
If you had maybe you wouldn't have gone.

I inked my skin with your name,
As you swore you wouldn't play the game,
Russian roulette,
As good as you could get,
But there was someone who was better yet.

Spin the bottle,
Load up the gun,
And tell yourself  it's only a bit of fun.

The future can't be real,
If the deal is not sealed,
A debt you will pay,
For playing this game.

Spinning,
Spinning,
Round and round,
It lands on you as you bow your head to the ground.

Pick up the gun,
It's no longer fun,
Death is calling,
You're slowly falling.

Bang,
The shot was perfect,
Right through your skull,
As if It was worth it.

You fell to the floor,
I ran out of the door,
Never to return to our place we called "home".

It wasn't a game of roulette,
It was our series of events,
You killed yourself,
Due to the sadness that you felt.

So this is my spin on things,
I'll pour a glass and admit my sins,
Before I join in,
With your game of Russian roulette.

I saw you leaving, I saw the light go out.
Now, My house is haunted by wrong desire,
And on my skin is left the scent of betrayal.

For every one of your depicting lies the truth lay underneath it.
paint me a portrait of how happy we were supposed to be,
An oil paining perhaps of how our forsaken  lives were seen as mellow gold.

A painful affair,
Ghost lover extrordinare,
Our fate was never bound to live forever,
But, with you I would've together.

The stars were up above in your eyes,
Beneath the clouds of an October night,
I saw you on the side walk bleeding,
Sickened by the thought of leaving.

From that dream I awoke to find that you were no longer sleeping by my side,
But my dream had become a reality,
And you had really left me.

My house is haunted by the ghosts of you,
More than one, more than a few.
I sleep in a bed that's too full to move in,
But everyone else sees it as empty.
They don't know how you scarred me,
How your ghosts will always follow me.

Goodbye,
Goodnight,
I won't be sleeping tight.

I saw a war widow in a laundrette, washing the memories from her husbands clothes,
she had a lump in her throat, and cemetery eyes.
Because last night they told her that he was cold, untouchable.
He had fought for his country, now they said "he's free".
As if that could ever heal the pain, she can't take anymore.
She see's convoys curbcrawling West German Autobahns, Trying to pick up a war, They're going to even the score.
But he was never shot dead, he just lost his mind and his head.
Dimenture  and sore lungs from the poisons and gasses fed to him like the propaganda that the war would soon be over.
Real love, they say can last forever, so some say, they will always be together.
People don't fall in love anymore, they fall in love with the idea of being in love.
What a world to live in.
What a place to die.

Wouldn't death be beautiful,
It calls me now,
I must go.

Behind the doors the secrets hide,
They whisper and scream,
If you listen, you'll hear them cry.
But the words that they hide
Will never be known,
The love of fear,
Life alone.

People are scared of the dark,
I don't know why.
There is nothing there in the dark that isn't there in the light.
in the light you will see something if it's scary;
Where as in the dark you won't.

Why fear something that hides your fears?

My body is a portrait of pain and despair,
The marks that it displays are because you are no longer there.
My skin is pale and my eyes are blue, icy and cold since I left you.

It was a Wednesday morning, rainy and snowy,
7:00am and I left in a hurry,
I didn't want to go, but I had to leave you alone,
You were never happy with me, it was clear to see.

I left a note, it said "I'll be back in 5",
I always wonder if you're still waiting for that moment to arrive.

The second line read "I'll love you until I'm dead" and I also wonder if you really knew what that meant.

I travelled around, streets and towns, until I found a new place to go.
Although, without you here, it'll never be home.

I miss you and love you, and I always will do.
But present day, things have changed; my notes are scattered over your grave.

You died in such a terrible way,
When I left you had been dead for 10 days,
You were a mirage of my imagination,
i kept your memory alive,
As long as I could to make you survive.

When I close my eyes,
All I seem to find,
Is the memory of you,
So pure and true.

The last thing you said to me was
"I love you unconditionally"
And I kissed you goodbye,
And never again saw you alive.

I sleep next to your ghost,
It's the one thing that I love the most,
You'll always live on,
In my memories and songs.

I love you,
I love you,
My heart belongs to you,
Keep it near and close,
The one I love the most.

There was a time when I was alone,

Nowhere to go and no place to call home,

My only friend was the man in the moon,

And even sometimes he would go away, too.

love
i am love
i am all
i am small
i can feel
this is real
this is all i know
this all
i am old
and i am well off
and i don't know myself
this is all
i can sing
but i can't read you
yeah i don't want to know you
not at all
leave me be
yeah let me see you
for what you really are
not a ghost
of some beauty
that i can't deal with
not for a little while
or at all

Alex is the best, even when she wants to die.
The whole world sits and waits, 'until she doesn't want to die.
We're both only sixteen, skipping class to smoke ****.
In her brother's house, we saw it on TV, we left immediately.

And the light comes through the window and shines,
Off the stem of her brother's crackpipe.

Alex is my friend, we meet up after school
Her brother knows a guy, who can sell me lots of pills
Lying on her back, she says she wants to die
Then she buys a gram of coke, and she doesn’t want to die.

Summer storm makes for a blackened sky
I wonder where Alex is tonight

No more sad songs,
No pain, no separation,
Strung out on memories, rest beneath the leaves.

"Someday" never came so I keep waiting,
I will go to sleep still believing.

No more sad poems,
Nothing anticipated
Days come and go without saying goodbye.

No more sad cigarettes,
I owe the world nothing,
I've been strung along too long to really care.

No more sad love,
I will serve no purpose,
I love everyone that I have ever known.
I lost everyone that I have ever loved.

I wish there was a way to explain the pain,
To someone who might feel the same,
But there's not.

So I continue to fight this tiring game,
A game of blades and sleepless days.

A game of bags under eyes and suit less ties,
Because my mind wanders why I'm alive.

I wish to find a day where I feel I want to stay in this world

I Miss you terribly already,
Miss the space between your eyelids,
Where I'd stare through awkward sentences
To avoid through awkward silence.

Miss your teeth when they chatter,
When we smoked out in the garden,
When we couldn't sleep for all the heat,
Soft kisses began to quicken.

Miss your big Arms around my body,
You were scarred, bruised and battered,
But I Miss your sitting up incessantly,
And the fact you were always waking in the night.

I hoped for your life,
You forgot about mine.

Miss your teeth dug in my shoulder,
As we rolled in early morning,
Miss your arm dying beneath me,
As I lay there simply yawning.

Please forget me,
you were right dear,
I am cold and self-involved,
And though I'll miss you, old lover
I am weak and therefore fold.

I Get distracted by my music,
Think of nothing else but art.
I'll write my loneliness in poems,
If I can just think how to start.

Dot my I's with charcole pencils,
Close my eyelids,
hide my eyes,
I'll be idle in my ideals,
Think of nothing else but I.

I hoped for your life,
You forgot about mine,
I'll love you incessively,
Until the end of time.

sweet children, pay attention closely
I'm the voice out of the pillow
i've brought something for you
i've ripped and teared it out of my brest,
with this heart i've got the power
to extort the eyelids.
i sing till the day wakes up
a bright glimpse by the firmament
my heart is burning.

they come to you by night
demons, ghosts, black fairies
they crawl out of the shaft of the cellar and basement
and will see you under your bedding.


my heart's burning

they come to you by night,
and steal your small hot tears,
they wait until the moon wakes up
and press them in my cold veins.

death welcomed me,
But didn't let me die yet.

the crack of ice beneath a footstep as light as a feather,
how thin the ice?


albino child,
******* daughter.
white hair, red eyes, outcast,
no one wants her.

she's graceful, and kind,
her beauty is fulfilling enough to curse you blind,
though who would see it?
no one wants a ******* daughter.

so she will grow alone,
and die alone,
no family to love,
no place to call home.

no funeral,
no burial,
no tombstone.

just death.

She was oxygen,
But toxic,
Purified but nostalgic,
Transparent but also  hard to read.

She was ice water,
Infused with a dime and a quarter,
Costing you to live,
But somehow always keeping you alive.

She was a sunset in black,
A night sky in red,
She spread her thoughts all over your bed,
When she breathed you felt diseased,
And always had the need; to tell her she is beautiful.

You stare when she's not looking,
And stare when she is,
No matter what, you know exactly who she is.
You know everything about her,
Hair and eye colour,
And every single suicidal thought that she had ever had.

You were intertwined with her;
Back street lovers,
Making A ship out of a wreck of two denying hearts and minds.

Waking up is hard,
But going to sleep is harder.
We don't like to fall asleep,
But if we do,
We love to.

Not eating is hard,
But eating is harder,
We don't like to put on weight,
But if we don't mind it,
We love to.

Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.

drop,
by crimson drop,
contaminated blood flows,
down onto
his buried bones.

                                                         ­                   a painting born from blood,
a child with dreams of death and mud,
                                     bodies made of severed tongues,
dust and dirt fill their lungs.

mouths sewn up,
eyes sewn shut,
intense listening,
hear:
whispers of their deathly scriptures.

nothing known to them of mortality,
endless pain,
endless,
endless death.

Flashback to 1999,
It's the summer,
Not a cloud in the sky.
Present day,
Things have changed,
Summer's over
And it rains here every day.

Don't cry,
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Unfortunately, for me,
Being me was mine.

But how so?
I'm only 19 years old.
I used to be so happy,
until the day the sun stopped rising.

I woke up this morning wanting to cry,
and when I called him I realised why.
Although he was honest, he spoke with a cold tongue.
I broke down in the courtyard when it came to light,
He broke every promise in the space of one night.
He made me hate this city, immediately.
I thought he was something else,
but as it turns out he was just someone else.