You don't understand
I get that
You don't see it how I do
You don't really realize the beauty of it
The messages
The touch
The caring protection
the feeling of safety
You just don't see that
Cause I don't really tell you
You dont understand
I get it
But don't put them down
please
I love them

He is the only person I've ever felt genuinely safe in their arms like nothing could touch me I finally felt safe for the first time only with him and no one can take that away no matter what you say I will always fall for his smile because of everything he has done for me

I miss you so much
Talking to you last night helped a little
But not really
I want to see you
In person
I wanna run up to you and hug you and not let go for ages
I wanna laugh with you again
I want to play yellow car and punch you softly again so you'll tell me my punches are too soft "like a breeze"
and we'll laugh and you'll get me to try punch my hardest
But I won't scared of hurting you
But then I do and it's still not hard
I want to walk in the dark with you
Where we just talk about everything
When you point something out in the bush in the darkness
Just to scare me so I'll move closer to you and be like oh my gosh what?
And then you'll laugh and Ill push you again
And then we'll both laugh with your arm around my shoulders
Walking together side by side in happiness
Or go back to camp
And you let me sleep on your chest
Gently stroking my hair as I fall asleep to the sound of your heart
And your steady breaths on my neck
When you cuddled me because I was hurting
And I fell back asleep on you again with your chin on my head
Squeezing my arm slightly moving your thumb up and down on my arm
Back to the time at camp
In the cave
In pitch black
And I grabbed your arm
So I wouldn't get lost and you grabbed my hand instead
And I squeezed your hand as tight as I could
scared of falling and getting lost
And you'd squeeze it back
And everyone would ask if I was okay and where I was
And you called out that I was fine that I was with you and I was safe because you had me
Back to the time you hugged me tighter than ever because you missed me too much and we stood for ages hugging each other and saying we missed each other and it was cute
To the time you hugged me because I was hurting inside and I went to let go and you pulled me back into your chest and hugged me tighter
When you gave me a piggy back just cause
Or lets go back to the time we hardly talked
and just looked across the room at each other and smiled shyly
I miss you so much!!!!
Good Luck at your competition
I know you'll do well
Stay Safe x
<3

The whole time
Last night
You were on my mind
Thinking
I wish he was here
The whole time
Something bad happened
I wished you were there
So I could run into your arms
And feel safe again
I miss you so fucken much
That it physically hurts
Please be okay
Please still love me
I miss you so much
And these feelings won't go away

When you miss someone
So much it hurts
Like physically hurts
And it makes you cry
It *****
I miss you heaps

"I'm just girl
Standing in front of a boy
Asking him to love her"

You think your friend
Is in danger
One of the happiest
Cutest people ever
This person we know is on their Facebook
Dragging all this ******* out
Making it seem like something was wrong
When in the end it was just our mate
And said she was asleep
Why'd you drag that out so long
Making us worry
To find it's really nothing
**** sakes

It's funny isn't it
How a mere stranger can
All of a sudden
Without notice
mean the entire world to you
Was it your coffee brown eyes
So full of life
Full of care
Or was it your big white smile
Stretching from ear to ear
Or the way you spoke to me
Like no one else
In that soft tone of voice
What was it that
Pulled me in
What was it
That intregied me
To end up liking you so much
Just all of a sudden you
Meant the world
And I'm not quite sure why
Or how
For you see
I hardly knew you a year ago
But now I know things about you
Even your best friends don't
And you know me
Better than anyone
It's funny that
We hardly knew each other
Just our names
And now
We know everything

Re reading my old poems
written about you
and choking on my words
because I need to stop
and smile to myself
Feels my heart beating a bit faster
and feeling all the emotions towards you
From all our moments
and memories
in one hit
I can't even speak
outloud
Its hard to even speak
The feelings are real
Do you love me too
Because God did I love you

I honestly wouldn't mind
Getting into trouble with you
I wouldn't mind hugging you forever
I wouldn't mind sharing my house with you
I wouldn't mind sharing my bed with you
Just so I could get your sleepy cuddles every night
Just so I could feel you with me
I honestly wouldn't mind
Doing the stupidest things with you
I wouldn't mind walking 2 hours for food
in the middle of the night with you
I wouldn't mind getting your grumpy side
I honestly wouldn't mind at all
Because all this means having you here
with me
and that's all I want

Your jacket
Smells like you
I've carried it everywhere with me
All weekend
Kept it by my side
In my hands
Or on me
The scent of you
Lingers
Helps me sleep
It's his jacket
I have to give it back soon
By the time I give it back
It will smell like me
His jacket

The way you lean in
Close to me
To whisper something
In my ear
To make me laugh
To make me smile

The way you sit a little closer
When it gets too cold
And your fingers
Ice cold
Burning against my skin
You smile
That stupid
Crooked smile
And tickle me
With your wit

The way you grab my arm
When I'm on the verge of tears
Pull me away
From the torture of today
To ask me what's wrong
And pull me in close to you
Arms tightly around me
Not caring how wet
Your shoulder is getting

The way you message me
Good morning
Just to check on me
Because its been a day
Since we've talked
And you can't bear to wait

The way your chest feels against mine
Hearts beating together
Your arms tightly round my waist
As I'm lifted and swung around

The way I go to pull away
And you pull me back
Closer to your chest
Arms tighter
Because one hug wasn't enough

The way I feel protected
Whenever your around
Because you've always told me
You'd always keep me safe

Thinking back
Back to those dark days
Where I didn't think
I'd ever live to be 30
To get married
To even get a boyfriend
Thinking back to the day
I would harm myself
To ease the pain
Just for a little while
To the days I'd cry and cry
In the shower
So it wasn't obvious
To the days
I didn't think there was a way out
Of this dark hole
Called depression
But now
I've still gotten bullied
I'm 16
And still going strong
I have the most amazing best friend
I could ever ask for
This guy that was merely a stranger
I knew of him for five years
And we never spoke
But now he protects me
Keeps me safe
Makes sure I'm okay
Won't let me sleep
If I'm upset
Won't let me sleep til
He's made sure everything's okay
And he's bid me goodnight
My best friend stands up for me
Like no one ever has
She doesn't just stand beside me
And watch me get torn down
She speaks up
For what she believes in
The most opinionated annoying person
Who has a lot to say
But somehow she never gets old

Your scent still lingers
On my jacket
It's been a week
Yet your still lingering
On my sleeve
Did you really hug me that much
Or did I just hug you too tightly
Because I knew it was goodbye
For a little while

"Stay safe"
"Please stay by me today, you'll be okay, I won't let anything happen to you, I won't let anyone hurt you"
"It's really pretty"
"Awwww"
"Right in my heart"
"Good morning :) "
"Goodnight get some sleep yeah"
"Did you eat up at the hospital you should eat something"
"I pray for you"
" lord keep her safe protect her all the time"
"Lord please let her be healthy and not get diabetes please"
"Goodnight, have a good sleep and swak dreams"
"Please stay safe around all that I got your back if anything happens but please be safe"
"Promise me you won't I don't want anything happening to you okay"
"What do you need right now"
"Swag guy"  "swag girl"
"It's a date"
"You look great"
"Everything going to be okay I'm here for you they're just jealous don't worry about it"
"Keep smiling they're not worth it"
"Enjoy your meal poo"
"Have a good day and safe travels"
"Stay safe please in (city name) "
"Stand behind me they're dodgy"

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it. You spend so much time building up this brick wall, this whole suit of armor so no one can hurt you then one day some stupid person comes along and slowly unbuilds this wall and you give them a piece of you they didn't even ask you to love them it just sort of happened because they were stupid and let you believe they cared, protected you from everything let you think you had a chance then one day they'll ignore you or forget you and it hurts like a splinter of glass being stabbed into your heart, it hurts not just in the mind or imagination but a soul-hurt a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love

I really like you




I like you so much
It hurts sometimes



When your not here



I'm so scared of losing you



You have no idea

You showed me what it was to love myself
To feel good in my own skin
How to care about another person more than anything I ever have before
You showed me how it feels to hold your hand
You showed me I could get butterflies just from cuddling you at night as you played with my hair til I fell asleep
You showed me how much one person could care about me and my safety
You showed me how much you cared about how safe I was more than you needed sleep
But everything's changed now
It feels like
I'm left feeling hurt
In tears and I don't know what to do
Do I let you go
Or try a little harder
cause now we hardly talk
and you have no idea how much that hurts

Photography last
Need you to be here
But your not
You’re working
Having a good time
While I’m here in school
Stuck in boredom
I need you to be here
To be my photography model
But you’re not
Well…
****

I feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life
I don't know what it entails
But I have a good feeling about it
I hope it brings joy, love, and something to do
I've been offered an opportunity soon
So I hope that goes well
I'm ready to start this new chapter
And I'm happy

Oh God help me
I'm stressing again
The what ifs are getting to me
The confusion
The fear of losing them
Is getting intense
Stress
Tension
Pain
I don't know what to think
I don't know what to do
Ahhhhh
Lord help me

I'm not quite sure
What it was that intregied me
What pulled me into
Falling for you
You see we never really talked at all
I never took a second glance
You were just the quiet one
That I didn't much care for
Didn't really know
For five years I've known OF you
But only really
This  year we got really close

Here I was overthinking everything
It's a bit selfish of me really
I need to expand my mind
Think of others
What they're doing
What may be masking their thoughts right now
You won't fall in love with another girl over there
I've been reading my journal today of old times with you
The memories we shared
The conversations we had
How you'd protect me and make sure I was safe
Never let me sleep until I was alright again
Solve my problems for me
Help me
Give me a hand with even little silly things
Help me see the light
Show me that it's not as bad as it may seem
Show me that sometimes my perspective isn't the only perspective and help me to see through other people's eyes
You've helped me with everything
And I'm eternally grateful
The way you look at me
The way you hug me
The way you've held my hand
The way you put your arms around me to keep me safe
I'm silly for ever forgetting that
Re reading these memories
Brought tears to my eyes
Happy tears
Because I finally realised
My mind is being silly
It's because I miss you
I overthink these things
Your extremely busy
And I forgot that
Good luck for your competition in an hour
You'll do great
Can't wait to see you again soon
And have a safe trip on Tuesday
Much love
:) x

I'm sad
I don't know why
I do
It's a lot of things actually
The fear of losing him
The fear we won't be close anymore after this year
If he leaves after this year
I'm not ready for that
I also don't know what to say to her
To ease her mind
To make her feel wanted and that I care
She's my best friend
But I can't  tell her
I'm still afraid of getting bullied
I'm still afraid people are judging me
All the time
It's painful
I'm confused
Hurt
Scared

**BROKEN

I have this guy
He's not exactly just a friend
Not exactly a boyfriend either
He means heaps to me
Just all of a sudden
I always said to myself
I'd never fall into that trap
The trap of caring so much for one person
That if anything ever happened to them
It would **** you eternally
But this ones different
He cares for me more than anyone ever has
He's kinder to me than anyone's ever been
And supports me more than anyone ever has
With him things are different
With him nothing else seems to matter
Because I finally feel
Accepted, Protected, Cared for, looked after
Safe

Give you everything I am,
Let you in
Practically give myself to you
dragged it out for just over a year
and you choose to tell me now
Good ******* job you ****
*******

What if
What if one day
You forget me
You forget all the memories
We shared

What if
What if one day
I change my mind
I don't want to be
This person I've become
Anymore?

What if one day
Were no longer friends
No longer talk
No longer spend the days together

What if one day
You forget what we have
You forget my touch
My voice

What if one day
I lose my memory
And forget all of this
All of you
All of my best friend
All of your smile
Oh how I hope I don't

What if....

Do you ever just sit there
In your living room
Drinking hot chocolate
And listening to the rain fall on the tin roof?

Do you ever just look at him
And think
Man I'm so lucky
I don't know how I deserve you
But oh how I'm thankful

Do you ever just look at your family
And one minute
You hate them
But you really can't
You can't hold anything against them
You really just love them

Do you ever just flick through photographs
Reliving those memories
The laughter
The tears
The regrets
The magical moments

Do you ever just sit there
And think
Man life is pretty **** good
Your grateful
Thankful
Its all working out
Just the simple things

I'm resting my head
On your chest
My hand on your shoulder
Your arm around me
Playing with my hair
Gently stroking it
Helping me fall asleep
Your other hand
Holding onto my arm
gently moving your thumb
Up and down
Your chin on my head
I can hear your heart beat
Your arms tightly round me
Holding me
Making me feel safe and happy
Genuinely happy
Even though it was the worst sleep
I've ever had
Because of the little space we had in the tent
It was one of the best sleeps
Just because you were there
You move and your cheek is pressed against mine
I can feel your breathe on my neck
You moved your hand into my sleeping bag
And pull my top
And gently rub my back
Because I'm almost in tears
With how sore my stomach is
I giggle quietly cause it tickles on my side
It starts to get cold
So I move closer to your chest and you hold me tighter
You're dreaming
A nightmare possibly
Sounds like your crying
My arm isn't on you anymore
You make a weird noise
And I pull you closer to me
And you seem to feel better
It's cute really
You felt better with my arm around you
Just like I did
Continue stroking my hair
As I fall gently asleep on your chest
Feeling the steady rhythm
Of your heart
And hearing your heavy breathing pattern
And you light airplane sounding snore
From you being sick
Slowly falling asleep
In each other's arms
Happy
And safe

Fake a smile darlin
They'll never suspect a thing

Why does this have to happen?
The word itself scares me
I can't even say it aloud
without feeling weird
without feeling awkward about it
Here I go
Depression
I am Depressed
yet again
Somehow it never seems to leave you
Its never left me anyway
I cant simply sit in a room
Feeling sad
Depressed
Fighting back that old feeling
Fighting back that old urge
To hurt myself
It's hard
I could just do it
No one would know
No one would ever notice
It takes away the pain
Just for a little while
What's the simplest way to end it
What hurts the least
I can't even enjoy being with my best friend anymore
I cant fully laugh without feeling pain
I can't smile without feeling hurt
I've sat in class almost in tears so many times
Because I just cant hold it back
I can't keep myself together for long
Without breaking down
It's hard
I want it to end
I want him
But he seems so far
True genuine happiness seems so out of reach

Getting a phone call from a friend
She's choking on her words
All she's feeling is
pain, hurt, confusion
she doesn't know what to do
The happy bubbly girl you know
Calls you reaching out to you
for help
It's hard to hold back the tears yourself
But you have to stay strong for her sake
Talk to her don't stop
Don't leave the call
Until she feels okay again
I'm always here for you
Anytime
At all
Just ask

Walk into class
Stop and stare
The tables been taken
Forced to sit with the rest
Myself and one other
Forced to do the unthinkable
Socialize

That's what it feels like
Depression
I've never really talked about
My depressed days that much
Its just a part of me
I can never really reveal to other people
This is hard
It never really leaves you you know
Its like your just numb
You can lay there for hours staring
At the ceiling
Doing nothing
Thinking nothing
Or you can be
Lying on your bedroom floor
Tears streaming down your face
Crying silently alone
Burning all the memories
You want to never remember
But somehow can never let go of
You can have the blade in your hand
Running across your skin creating
Lines of red
Lines of pain
Lines of anger
Of heartbreak
No one even knows
You hide it so fucken well
The pain is unbearable
But you can't let it show through
Smile
Laugh even
No one notices
No one notices the scars
You keep your jumper on to hide them
Even on hot summer days
Your skirt hides the lines on your thigh
No one notices
No one knows that the happiest person they know
Truly isn't
They're broken
Cut up
Terrible

I love how
When something happens
You always want to tell me
Even if it's not that exciting
But you still want to share it with me
But you won't tell me in text
You have to wait to talk about it in person
And I'm the same if something happens
No matter how extrodinary
You and my best friend
Are the first people
I want to tell

It's weird to think a year ago
We never even spoke
Now I tell you everything
Now you tell me everything
Now I trust you with the world
You now mean the world
And we never spoke a year ago
You were just kind of there

Why can't my happiness
Be as strong as a brick wall
Instead of being as strong as thin ice
One step and its broken

I miss you so fucken much its not even funny anymore!!! :(
As soon as your back
and I get to see you
prepare yourself
because imma run up to you
and almost bowl you over with my hug
okay?
okay
:D :) <3
x

Cool your so fucken cool mate!!!!!!!!





Ffs

Truth is
I'm getting bad again
And your the only one
That helps me genuinely
Makes me happy
But
I can't tell you this
No
Your slowly slipping away
And it hurts
But I can't let down my wall

Why does it hurt to love someone

My leg hurts :P
I still need physio
Ugh

You don't understand
I feel like ****
Because of you
I'm in tears
Because of you
I get it
I'm a ****** person
I only want my boys
They make me happy
You make me feel ****
But you don't even realise
The damage you cause me
Not it's not all about him
Maybe it should be
He makes me feel safe and okay again
Here I am sitting on my bed
In tears
I can't do anything
You cause me pain
It hurts so bad
I wanna scream

I feel so alone
He was the only person I could talk to
About absolutely everything
And feel completely comfortable telling him
Now I have no one
I'm so alone

Whatever we had then
Is now gone

Let's go on an adventure
Just you and I
Some place new
Where we've never been
Before
I wouldn't mind
Getting lost
With you

I find it kinda strange
How everything
Seems to be working out
Lately

I'm not used to this kind of happiness
Something usually bad happens
That causes me to not stay happy
But right now
I genuinely am
Happy

I don't really know
What to think
What to feel
Because nothing seems
To be wrong

It's not what I'm used to
I'm used to pretending
Used to faking a smile
And hanging out with people
That don't make me
Feel that wanted
Used to being just okay

Now everything different
Is changed
For the better
It's a good change
But I'm not used to it
It feels weird
But I'm happy
Genuinely

So this is what it feels like
To be happy
Genuinely happy

What am I supposed to say?
What am I supposed to do?
When all I can think is
All the times you shut me down
Didn't think I cared
Tried so hard to show you I did
But it didn't work
When you got angry at me
And I didn't know why
You told me to open my eyes
You swore at me
Just like they did
Just the same way I've been hurt in the past
If you push me away enough
I'll eventually leave you
There's only so much
One person can take love
I hang out with this group
You're not very fond of
But when I'm with them
everything bad goes away for a while
They help me forget
I love them with everything I have
You don't understand that
I don't understand you a lot

What's the point
In trying
What's the point
In making an effort
With you
When you have "goals"
**** your stupid goals
They're not goals
They're just an excuse
**** it
*******
Without you
There's nothing
I have no one
I have no one to share
My everything with
No one to help me
Like you do
No one to protect me
Like you do
No one to talk to
No one to joke around with
Like you
**** it
I can't