grief
success
healing
nothing in this world is linear except  t i m e
and even  
t
      i
is relevant
             m
                    e

And she gently took her chin in her hand and raised it until their eyes met
And soft whispers left her lips—

I love you.
When you can’t see through the darkness, I love you
When the stars fill your heart with wonder, I love you
Even when the clouds won’t stop pouring, I love you
I love you.
When winter’s lingering ice burns you, I love you
When you’re a ravaging tornado of passion, I love you
Even when you can’t get out of bed, I love you
I love you.
When you miss the good old days, I love you
When the world races by at warp speed and you can’t breathe, I love you
Even when you can’t— I love you
I’m here
I love you
As you are— yesterday, today, tomorrow…
I love you.

Cowardice grips me tight
and guides me in all the wrong directions-
like a puppet I go where it wants
I flee from Commitment, from Growth
and float aimlessly in pools of despair
created as a byproduct of Cowardice’s actions

there are times where Bravery finds me
floating by solemnly, head barley above water-
it releases me from my shackles
and in those times I remember how to swim
I remember how to command my own limbs
and I emerge and I stand, to face down Fear

but inevitably
inevitably
Cowardice finds me once more
and when I blink the chains return
and it pulls me in all the wrong directions
leaving me craving Bravery’s warmth
just out of reach now, I grasp for it over and over
but I-
I just
can’t
reach

I remember it was an ordinary day
the sun blanketed our town in warmth and the cool breeze dancing though our hair reminded us of many a time long ago spent together exploring the depths of causal conversation.
I remember my heart was content in its throne room next to you, who had carved away my castle walls over six long years.
You, who had shown me the joy of opening the doors to new seasons and stepping outside to bask in the glorious sun I became accustomed to.
It was a wonderfully ordinary day when you whispered poison into my ear and I remember how the clouds blotted the light away and the world grew colder and your words, like shards of ice, shattered a companionship six years strong and I remember how my bones ached as though I’d aged twenty years in a day as I alone stacked up the stones of my castle walls once more.

Hell.
Fire and brimstone.
Smoke, ravaging sweet oxygen, clouding eyes, suffocating lungs.
And there you stand in the middle of it all.
Eyes ablaze, a grin that could drop a king to his knees.
There’s something else in you:
A liveliness I’ve never seen before.

All at once there is dark.
Then, light.
And you, a shimmering ethereal figure:
A pinpoint, billowing out to encompass all.
Blinding.
Magnificent.
Rebirth is the only word I have for it.
I stare, because what else is there to do?

Who are you? A Queen?

….

No, my dear, I am a God.

Forget you
I have to
Six years and nothing to show
but singeing cold
and Melancholy’s sweet glow

Forget you
I have to
Six years of arduous arguments
and confidence sold?
Yeah, good riddance

Forget you
I have to
Six years of-
of cosmic conversation
undulating revelations

Six years of-
of seismic adventure
prismatic music creation
both of us our best contender
learning to wake from the world’s sedation

Wait!
Don’t go
Six years carved my soul...
But alas, that didn’t matter
****! Clouds shattered

You forgot me without error
But forget you?
I could never

Peace and prosperity paint the walls of this establishment
Walls, which are garnished by explicitly, intricately ornate designs
That flow from the doors to the bannisters
And frame the inner workings of its soul.

But more to the picture there is than the pretty images within the framing
Hidden beneath the green meant to be so calming
If you listen carefully-
SILENCE!
I mean very carefully
You will hear the quiet screaming.

The darkness that envelopes the world entirely
Has crept into the crevices of those ornate designs
All hell rages vehemently
while the workers paint it over religiously
that calming shade of green that whispers the illusion
"everything's fine".

Do not dare allow yourself to forget
trillions of stars do dance in the sky,
life is more than a simple silhouette

Some might fall like ash from a cigarette
and Evil will have his own alibi,
do not dare allow yourself to forget

Listen! For the trees whisper not to fret-
from ruins rise new hope to sanctify,
life is more than a simple silhouette

Mountains dwell in every view and yet
birds pay no heed for they grow wings and fly,
do not dare allow yourself to forget

Rivers ebb and flow like a minuet
and salmon swim upstream against the tide,
life is more than a simple silhouette

Though darkness above might seem like a threat
shadows begone one would never know light-
do not dare allow yourself to forget
life is more than a simple silhouette.

This house is filled with coal dust
inhabiting our lungs
poisoning our blood

It is how it has always been
cold and dark
unforgiving

But there are these moments
of warmth trickling through the cracks in the walls
They are sparse
like the earrings offered to me today
by the shadowy figure of what seems to be my mother
But they are precious
as the diamonds within them
Appreciated
Cherished

These are our diamonds in time
where the cold fades slightly
enough to be noticed
And I
I believe in the warmth of the world again
if only for a moment.

What are we
but simple beings, wannabes
Every one a small piece
of the game, Reality™
We all live in conformity
social norms followed religiously
Until one dreamer dares to dream
steps away, breaks routine
gazes upward and flies free
Imagination is all we have
when this world is our lab
where we can be extraordinary
philosophers, never ordinary
Without these dreams
what are we
but simple beings, wannabes

Mostly, I gaze upon the fields and see dead grass and falling trees
With branches reaching toward the sky in a sort of outward plea
Begging not to be condemned this day
Yet winter comes anyway
And the world becomes gray

For the most part, my world is gray
My vision full of its hues where dormant nature lay
Dark and dim and cold to the touch
Like stone statues crumbling down, collecting dust

And for a time, I think to myself
That spring will never arrive
That the warming sun will never shine
And color will never thrive

For a time I believe
All I have is all I see
Dusky days stuck by thorns
Eternal gray, eternal scorn

But, alas, the buttercups appear
Never distant, always near
Creating pink painted prairies
And vibrant stippled hills buzzing with little fairies
In a manner much like Van Gogh
Streaks of holding hands and blushing cheeks' glow

And I think to myself
If we have nothing else
How powerful a symbol Mother Nature truly is
Whispering a message I cannot miss
That after such tragedy
Life can take root again
Vibrant, like a melody

The Universe
an ink drop in water
a single point all at once billowing out in magnificent swirls

Cosmically, we are nothing
Individually, we are everything
supernovae exploding
destroying all that is near
leaving black holes in our wake to devour existence
without hesitation
without discrimination

But also
galaxies whirling and spinning with ultimately undying grace
filled with billions, trillions of thoughts all coalescing
birthing and dying

Careful now, do not let beauty make you a fool
We are the cosmos
grand scheme brimming with rage
harboring cataclysmic disaster
spectacular color contraster
born of ink in water
Everything, yet nothing, beneath The Alter

SOLD
my heart to the first bidder
hope they ease the pain and make it less bitter

SOLD
my soul to the devil himself
in this world of misery he grants eternal wealth

SOLD
my love to the moon and the stars
when night falls they take me places near yet far

SOLD
my courage to the leader of fear
anxiety is a demon i've made friends with, my dear

SOLD
my beauty to the black mirror
she shows me my selfish self so much clearer

SOLD
my body to the man with dark eyes
let him ****** me with his dreamy web of lies

SOLD
my happiness to the depression
let my mind be enveloped by blackness each session

they said i could be whatever i wanted
but how is that true when i am still haunted
the ghosts of who i used to be
prey on my aura without mercy