To my future someone,
sometimes I'm not strong enough to stand up for my own heart.
Protect my heart, don't break it.

Sometimes I need to be alone, just let me be.
I will feel like a bother, tell me I'm not.
I don't need saving, I need a partner in crime.

I will feel unloved, tell me it's not true.
Fight for me when I don't have the strength to fight for myself.
I wont let you go, so don't let me go.
Too many people have left, I need someone to stay.
Thank you, future someone.

Every time I say "goodbye",
my chest aches and I feel hopeless.
Will I ever see you again?
Was this even worth all the pain?

As I think of our journey together,
my head fills with regret;
while my heart feels empty and heavy.
I almost forget how to breathe.

In the end I know it was worth the fight,
but why does such a wonderful ride have to hurt so much?
I trust that life will bring us together again,
but my doubt leaves me with sorrowful sighs.

my life has become one of those dreams,
where you watch yourself ***** up from afar.
everything's perfect, everything's fine.
i speak those lies, for i can't even explain what it is.
all i can say is, i can feel myself slipping away.
i'm leaving myself behind,
goodbye.
to.
myself.

a simple thing called gratitude
all starts with your attitude.

having a thankful heart
can set you apart.

notice what you've been given,
and start forgivin'.

i remember the days when i'd spend hours painting, journalling, just enjoying being alone,
and now...i'm afraid of the thoughts that may enter my head during those spaces.
constant spirals of reminders of all that is or could be broken inside of me.
i'm told of god's grace and love,
and i know these truths,
but to truly believe is completely different.
how do i stop striving to make myself holy?
lovable?
good enough?
why can't it just be a simple switch one can turn on and off?
it's a whole new rewiring of neurons and thought patterns.
where do i even begin to change?
it seems so daunting and overwhelming

her life spent on
regrets and fears.

she never noticed
her true value.

she let others
decide her fate.

boys came and
left her in pieces.

until a man came.

he took her pieces,
put them back together.

even better than before.

she lived by faith,
not by sight.

she was free
from her past.

how lucky am i?
i wake up every day and still can't believe it.
you're mine.

my past and my doubts still tell me you'll run away,
but i trust you,
and i know it's not true.

you make me feel safe,
treasured,
cared for.

you make me smile like no other,
you're my best friend first,
and my lovely boyfriend second.

the distance isn't fun,
i want you right by my side,
but i know it'll only make us stronger.

you remind me of who God tells me I am.
i love the dork you are,
your silly jokes make me laugh
though we both know they're stupid.

and guess what?
i get to call you all mine.

afraid of rejection,
waiting constantly
for a "right" time.
just speak truth
into their lives;
it's always the
right time to
do that.

honestly,
what's the point of honesty
if no one listens?

i know i'm only 18,
yet my heart longs for a family.
i'd love to be in a relationship,
but most of all,
I want kids running around the house.
driving me crazy with the same songs,
giving me hugs while they cry over a scraped knee.
how could anyone take a precious life like that away?
i try to have compassion and show understanding for those women, but how could you do that?
that's all i want in the world,
a little hand holding mine,
how could you not want that too?

those three little words,
they warm my heart
like no others.

saying them for the first time
gives me butterflies,
hoping you feel the same.

the late night laughs and talks.
the tears shed and the smiles spread.
the hugs shared and the memories made.
i miss us.

but i can't do this anymore.

You don't know my story,
but soon you will.

I was born as a citizen of the world,
I grew up jumping from one continent to the next.
I've learned to love differences in cultures
and I've learned that we're all the same after all.

I myself am an artist,
I put on canvas what my brain can't put into words.
I put on paper all the secrets that I hold.
I take pictures so I can make a moment last forever.
I obsessively listen to music that stirs my emotions.
I love to dance in solitude to sad songs.
I only see good in people, which can be problematic.
I would do anything for my loved ones.
I give strong hugs because I'm afraid every one will be the last one.
I don't understand my feelings, yet I express them in so many ways.
I believe in God and I've chosen to follow Him for the rest of my life.

That's my story.

Time and time again I've failed you,
but you have never forsaken me.
You've always been there watching over me.
Your hand extended out to me to offer help,
but I never took the help.
I always wanted to live on my own terms.

But I've changed, through You.
I seek for help and guidance.
I seek for a relationship with you.
Much more than singing words for show,
and attending services to be a good person.

I seek to be more like You.
I seek to grow in You.
I seek to sing with passion for You.
I seek to live a life full of compassion and love.
I seek You.

i only see what could've been.
your kind eyes,
warm smile,
strong arms,
wrapping me in ever so tightly.

i try to re-spark the fire,
but that boy is gone.
never to be seen again.

that's how i know it's not love.

I want more from this life than the same old patterns.
I'm sick of this drive for success and acknowledgment.
In the end, it doesn't even matter.

I want to feel the earth beneath my feet.
I want to discover all there is.
I want more.

All your words, slowly ******* me in.
Convincing my soul to die.
I give into your lies, that success is the basis of life.
My soul will never die, however.
I will always want more.

I wish I could look in the mirror everyday
and think I looked beautiful.
I wish I could walk into a room full of strangers
with my head held high and my story to tell.
I wish I was really talented at something like everyone else.
I wish I knew what I was doing with my life.
I wish I was skinny to the bone so I could go to the beach
with pride and look like all my friends.
I wish I didn't have to say "goodbye" so often
that my chest aches in a familiar way.
I wish I thought better of myself.

words cannot describe this woman i know,
but I will try anyways.

this girl has been by my side for 6 years now,
she's seen me at my lowest and at my highest.

i believe God put her in my life to bring me closer to Him,
and to learn how to love more like Jesus, to love Gilmore Girls, to lean into my passions, and so much more.

what more can I say about this woman?
she's truly a gift from God to all who meet her.
she lights up the room as she walks in, she loves God so much, she loves others fiercely, she has so much depth and creativity bottled up inside her, compassion flows through her words, she is one of the smartest people I know and one of the best examples of selflessness I've ever seen.

there is so much more to this girl right here,
but words, a man-made concept, things made up of a few letters here and there, are simply not enough to capture an amazing creation like that of Katrina.

Father, keep me wise.
Keep my eyes on You.
Life is moving way too fast.
So much good around me.
I see You everywhere.
In a stranger's smile,
in the wind blowing through the trees,
I see You holding my hand.
But even with all the good,
evil seeps in.
Keep my mind and heart pure.
Protect me from Satan and his darts.
Through You, I know I am safe.
With You by my side, I can do so much more than on my own.
There's never a moment when You're not near my heart.
Keep me wise, Father.
Keep me safe.
Keep my eyes on You, let not the world take over my heart, only you, Lord.

i've been left so many times,
i'm just waiting for that moment to come with you.

i trust you more than most people,
yet i still expect that of you.

i have this urge to leave
before you leave me,
why can't i just stay?
am i afraid to see what will happen?

Life is just a series of events,
isn't it?
We have plans for our future that we're trying to carry out.
What about living in the moment?
Sometimes, I feel like I'm living the dream.
Whose dream?
Other times I feel like I'm not even alive.
I'm looking at my life from afar.
How is that human?
We want our lives to be as easy as possible.
But what if we need the hard times to make us who we are?
We try to have as many "friends" as possible.
Why?
Wouldn't it be better to have a couple friends that you could talk to about anything; than 1,000 "friends" that don't even know you?
Ask yourself,
                                          Who are YOU?

It's not you, it's me.
Not true.
It's all you and all me.
I need to give you up for my sanity.
You make me go insane with your little games.
Why do I keep playing?
I believe in second chances,
but this is your millionth chance.
I've tried all too many times to let you in,
but you reject me and act like nothing happened.
I'm letting you go,
out of self respect.
I have that now, and I'm not letting it go.
Adios.
See you never.
Your welcome, self.

Lord, watch over my heart.
Right my mind, if it wonders.

Lord, I pray this man is of You if he is for me.
God, keep my heart pure and righteous as I get to know his heart.
Father, help me be watchful of his actions and fair and just, not letting my heart be swept away by fleeting things.
Lord, I pray this is something true and different and pure and good.
God, I pray you keep us in your hands and keep us safe.
Father, keep us pure and holy, blameless before your eyes.

Lord, I know he loves you.
It's evident in everything he does.
He loves all these kids so well.
He is hard working and always willing to serve.
He is loyal to those he loves.
He trusts in you, Father.
He is bold and confident in you.
He's not afraid to lead and to speak his mind.
He is a thinker, and he carries a deep heart.
But somehow he keeps the room light-hearted, always, with his humor.

God, make it evident to us both if this is a gift from you.
Father, lead us to make good decisions and to be wise.
Lord, keep us safe and pure and honest.
God, we trust in You to lead us in Your marvelous ways.

Father,
help me to lose control more
as foolish as that may sound,
help me be at peace with
giving control to you.
help me trust You and Your
oh so good plan more and more.
I am in Your hands,
so why would I not trust you?
let me let go, Father.
restore in me a peaceful heart,
one that i once had,
i know with you it's not impossible.

Love is slow,
Love is kind,
Love is the only thing you need in your life.

dear,
the world was against us this time,
but maybe the love we've lost
will return to us in due time.

a love so pure and so good,
full of compassion and laughter,
is now found only in memories.

whatever happens,
know you'll always be in my heart.

you took my soul
and made it dance
you took my words
put 'em in a trance.
this love is on fire
just give it a chance.

The day started so blue,
but somehow I made it through.
Time spent with an amazing friend,
made those feelings end.
I know I'll feel it again,
but for now my heart can mend.

When you left,
I didn't think it would hurt this much.
I never said goodbye,
which hurts me the most.
I had so much to say,
but I never got the chance.

I had this feeling in my gut,
I missed you so much.
I missed our conversations.
I missed our hugs.
I missed your laugh.
I missed your teasing me.
I missed you.
But it was more than that.
I had this feeling that you were meant to be mine.
Is that even possible?
Is "meant to be" even achievable?

My heart aches for you,
but as an amazing friend?
or more?

what we had wasn't bad by any means
but I think relationships are meant to be more than that

we have immense love and care for each other
and we'd both do anything for one another

but where's the fire?
the passion?
the fight?

what we have is a best friend-ship,
not a relationship

its a jungle up here,
full of "what-ifs" and expectations,
you'll always get lost in there,
i should know.
all roads lead to nowhere
and all happy thoughts
are turned to sad ones.
always thinking with
my heart,
which leads to pain.
it's a mad world,
my brain.

Strong and powerful with his words,
he speaks of the glory that lies above.
He's surrounded by four pretty cool girls,
and he shows them immense love.

He's been through ups and downs,
but he still puts on a smile in front of others.
He's been through so many towns,
some were "home", and others were just filled with pretty colors.

It's impossible to sum up this man,
all you need to know is that he has a lot of brains.
Whatever happens, he always has a plan.
He only cares about his family and his Sunday games.

im constantly caught up in the past,
in the what-ifs,
in the what-could-have-beens.

the future scares me,
so i retreat to nostalgia.
my favorite friend.

she makes my heart so sad,
yet so full of joy.

the sweetest woman I've ever met,
she brings a smile to all.
she's pretty hard to forget
and she'll never let you fall.

she will wrap you in her comforting
arms and she will hold you.
the years may add up,
but her smile doesn't show them at all.

give it a name,
makes it all too real.
is it true?
is that really what it was?
i was too young and didn't know different
is that what happened to me?
whats the difference if I accept this name into my life or dismiss it?