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tumbledry Aug 14
They say girls find men like their fathers.
And I always thought that wasn’t true.
Until the night his fire took root in you.
You’d tell me to shut up that I was talking too much.
Push me and brush me out of your way.
You’d sleep when I’d cry and refuse to hug me through the night.
Made jokes about my mother who’s death I can’t get over.
Tried to take control of my body by force.
And try as I could. I could not meet your gaze.
Without seeing his malicious face.
riri Nov 2021
if only you knew all the nights i spent hating myself
for thinking of him while i was with you
if only you knew i barely ate for days
because i couldn't understand why i felt empty every time we kissed
if only you knew the endless apology letters i had written
because i couldn't forgive myself for hurting you
until this day, i still can't

how could you think i never cared
how could you think i never tried
how could you think i purposely had ill intentions
how could you think of me this way,
when all i ever did was **** myself for you
but a million "i'm sorry's" will never repair the damage i've caused
i'm sorry jason. i tried so hard to feel for you the way that you did but for some reason it just wouldn't happen. it hurts that i became him, and that i did to you what he did to me. i never meant to hurt you and if i could take it back i would.
basil Oct 2021
i would like my flannel back
but i don't know how to ask for it
and i really don't want to talk to you
but in my head i know that means
you've won
in a way i really don't want you to win

can you give me back my copy of Paper Towns
i know you didn't read it, but i don't care anymore
if you read it, maybe you'd love me
or maybe it's the opposite, and maybe if you loved me
you would have read it
but i don't have the time to think like that anymore

what i really want back is the two years i spent on you
treating you like a droplet of tortured heaven
giving you all of me to fill the cracks in your heart
but the real cracks were in your head
for letting me give you everything, and never giving back
you didn't even say thank you

but i'd settle for the book and the flannel
alternatively titled: *******, constence. give me back my ****.

god, i literally hate that i made excuses for you. **** i hate thinking about this. the more i think about it the more ******* mad i get. i'm done.

basil Oct 2021
i don't want to write
i want to bleed out
and water the daffodils with my crimes
i need to be cleansed by fire
and buried in the wet earth of my grief

i cannot breathe without your steady hand
pressing me awake
but i suppose i cannot breathe
when your ribs sit in front of me,
waiting to cracked open

do i reach into your chest cavity
and drink of your secrets?
for they do not fall from those lips i so freely kiss

i have waded through thick fog
with your fingers interlaced with mine
but perhaps i have blindly followed my own demise
holding the hand of a stranger

my mask lies on the floor at your feet
and still you ask me to the masquerade

this is not a castle,
though you were once my queen
jewels are heavy
i hope my broken heart was worth the price
of having the pieces inlaid in your crown
****. i knew u were terrible to me for so long, and yet i let you break me even further. god, i'm over this. just go away, blue eyes.

i'm ****** i immortalized u, but i guess it's too late. let me go </3

Nathalie Hill Mar 2021
dear chaser,
you had only one goal and yet you failed,
after all the chasing, how could you
leave so easily?
of my lucid dreams
snickering rumors
and all the dam things I threw away
because I thought we were in love
Zenna Mar 2020
This is a love story
without love.
A love story
when we both said "i want you"
but im sure i did not lie.
A love story from your viewpoint,
not mine.
Of how and where
I am your mistake and you -
you were just weak.

A love story.

A love.

A story.

For you, a story.

For me, a love.
MSunspoken Mar 2020
Your words call me forward
Arms draw me near
Hold me here forever-
How about we stay together?

Your love is a harpoon
Don’t seem so stressed-
I’ll polish it to perfection-
Until I see my heart’s reflection

Your warmth is my sun
Please keep me healthy,
And I promise to try and heal  you-
Fix you up, just like new

Your crazy is my flame
stay forever in my heart,
Burn it to an ember-
Carving your name into its center

Your determination is my anchor
So let me be your captain,
Let’s sail these wild waters-
Lead this lamb to the slaughter

Your goodbye is my demise
Leave me here to rot
Broken and *****-
Love, don’t you know you hurt me?
Too much? I actually wrote this through a different perspective than usual, so keep that in mind....
Toxic relationships though, am I right? Is a moment of comfort worth years of self-destruction? Or constant regrets? No? Then maybe it's worth the self-consciousness?
Hateful thoughts?
Mhmmm, it seems really irrational...but just stop and imagine an abused, starved, and nearly frozen dog....left outside for days..Then,for just a few moments, the backdoor opens. That dog would run to the door like it would never run again, maybe even if it knows the blow that's about to well as the following days of suffering. Just one moment of warmth is all it wants.
Jayne E Feb 2020
you told me you loved me
you told me "you are mine"
you told me you'd love me forever
you told me "you belong to me"
you told me I was your alpha & your omega
you told me "you are why I was born a man, to love you"
you told me you were going to marry me
you told me "I can never love another now"
you told me you'd never let me leave you
you told me "I'll put you in a box in the ground, before I'll let you go"
you told me you'd never hurt me
you told me "I'm going to **** you"
you told me you loved me.

love is not ownership
love is not obsession
love is not violence
love is not suppression
love is not breaking bones
love is not silence
love is not feeling alone

you saw me like you see
one of your treasured
first editions
a thing to show off
to brag about
to your mates
a thing to pick up
and put down
to keep locked up
to covet
a thing you own.

I loved you
when you were
my loving lost boy of the morning
I loved you
when at loves first bloom
you were sweet
I loved you
when you made me feel safe
I loved you
before the strong arms
that held me close
broke my bones
and broke my heart
broke my faith
and tore it all apart.

Bad dreams carry bad memories into the now...
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