I was beautiful once.

No lines creased my face,
No grey streaked my hair;
My eyes were bright,
My voice was loud.

I used to dance;
To sing
And command every ear to listen.

Yes, I was beautiful,
But every fire has to burn away.

There's a cold in me that can't be warmed.
Rugged up, I stand against the storm
And wait for you.

I'm always waiting.

People like doors
And people are like doors.

People like to be open
To new people and
New experiences.

People like to be closed
So they can keep themselves
Free of unruly things like
Feelings and protect themselves
From getting hurt.

People like to open doors
To new opportunities and
Things that will make them feel secure
Or jettison them into success.

People like to close doors
Behind them so that you can't follow
When they decide that you're not good enough
And walk away from you.

You are slowly melting
You were melting before we met
You had already chased heavens
And danced through galaxies

You are slowly melting
I want to travel the skies with you
But you're fading away from me
And I don't know how to make it stop

I brush your brown hair
Away from your lightly-closed eyes,
Place a kiss on your tender forehead
And shoulder my bag,
Heavy with responsibility.

How I wish I still lay beside you,
Curled up in your arms
With your prickly chin on my shoulder.
But the sky is bright
And I know
I must leave and 'seize the day'.

The slow rise of your chest haunts me, dear,
While I brace myself for the end of the world.
No rumbling car or ringing phone
Could drown out your sleeping sighs.

I must go -- I must go!
Tear myself away from our cosy nest.
But slumber on, my dearest one,
For when you wake, I will adore you.

Oh.
Hello there.
I didn't hear you come in.

You snuck up on me
And stole my breath away,
Didn't you?
It's okay, I'm not angry,
Just amazed that I'm still breathing.

What is this?
Your name makes my heart skip a beat
And my breath catch in my throat.
It's the most delightful feeling.

I could just drown in you.

Pounding is my chest
Is the heart that you awoke
Fires of muted lust

If you feed the flame
The blaze will rise and conquer
The sane part of me

But where have you gone?
I'm waiting for your arms now
Hopelessly in love

One night in Heaven
Can't surmount your tried deceit
You don't want me now

Away from the calm
Memory of deserted beach
I am still alone

You
With the underdog smile
And the quirky attitude
I took a shining to you

You've been beaten
You've been bruised
And I took a shining to you
We were two underdogs
A team

But you
You can't reciprocate
You can't see past your affliction
You dig until the ground falls from beneath you
And I can't fill in the holes
Not fast enough

No matter what I do
It doesn't mean a thing to you
And you don't see the way it eats at me
You can't see that I'm defeated
Because you're far too busy
Digging your holes
Gotta have all eyes on you

Because everything is you
You want them all to know your name
You want to be their sun
And you beg
And you lie
And you cheat
Dig your holes
Bury your knives

You bury your knives in me
And I've had enough

I'm done

The forest is large, the forest is dark
And yet, I walk on.

The path is hard, the path is long
And still, I walk on.

I can't see ahead for all the fog
But I will always walk on,

Because you wait at the end of the road
And I am walking home to you.

I want to melt away
Like an ice block in your palm
To trickle between your fingers
Leaving a chilly snail trail on your wrist

You'll blot me with a cloth
And wring me into the damp sink
To splash against the tears
Of the leaky cold tap

But what use are tears
When you're dripping down the drain?
They're only salt water
And I'm already headed for the sea

Not even the vast ocean
Knows the joys of being free

The light yet constant rain
Erases all traces
Of yesterday's midsummer heat.
My floral skirt billows
Filled with icy wind
As I cross the bridge with my umbrella.

Today is January 1st
And winter is five months away,
But you wouldn't know it from my frozen fingers
That grip the umbrella handle
And try to steer it with the wind.

My other fingers are fumbling a grocery list
Deep in the pocket of my thick coat.
And I look out over the grey city
To the misty ships and steely ocean.
The rain has washed away the horzion
And I cannot tell the sky from the sea.

Today is January 1st
And instead of endless possibilities
I can only see a myriad
Of miserable days like today.

I study your face every chance I get
Count the lines on your forehead
Memorise the curve of your lip

I take mental polaroids
To pin up around my mirror
So I can keep every angle
And every expression
Just in case

Just in case you go
Or somehow I forget you

Just in case I can't remember
How alive you look in this very moment
Or the rich chocolate of your eyes
In case I forget the stubble on your cheek
Or the inhibitions of that wide smile

I could take a thousand pictures
I could write a million poems
But I can never quite capture
The life I see in you

There is a sea in me

It roils and boils
And churns and swallows
And breaks on the jagged teeth
Of the coastline

It crashes and comes
With a force untold
And lays waste to the dry land

Sometimes it calms to a hush
Only to rush my lungs with brine

There is an anxious sea in me

I can barely stand
The nearness of you.

Your sleeping body shifts
And you capture me with slumbering arms.
The warm breath at the back of my neck
Melts the frozen parts of me,
But there is no use for a lukewarm heart.

Can't you see how your fingertips linger
Or how you scorch me with the warmth of your skin?
This closeness could be the end of me.

You, all of you,
Eyes like chocolate
And lips like strawberries,
I want it all.

And your touch
Is driving me mad.

There is no hollow part of me
That needs to be filled
With ***** and excess

Though I wish that there was
Because maybe then I wouldn't feel
Like a broken kite stuck in a tree

Or a girl who peered over the edge
And slipped and fell
Into the dark depths of the well

Because I slipped and fell
Into the darkest depths of the well

I slipped
And I fell
And I can never escape this hell

He is cherry trees in the spring evening,
precious to behold as night slowly falls.
He speaks with a softness never-failing
to capture all the weary he enthrals.

With a grace like Heaven, he passes by
and snatches me up from the soiled floor.
He is the daystar in the morning sky,
glowing brightly from behind the closed door.

If only I could catch him when he sings,
place a mirror before his smiling face,
I could show him all of the beautiful things
that he hides in this poor, forgotten place.

We could talk like friends in free, easy speech
but, alas, he is just beyond my reach.

Slowly, slowly they change
From alive to barely living.

A short puff of wind
And they break away from their siblings.
They descend.
They dance as though freedom is worth it.

If only I could warn them
That things will change.

But I can't bring myself to speak,
To utter such obscenities.
There's no one else.
There's only you.

Shiver as the winds change.
My breath is white before my face.
You'd lend me your coat if you could.

You kiss me gently,
Urgently,
And beg.
I shan't say a word.

I still have your gift heart.
It beats softly beside mine,
Keeping me warm as winter approaches.

Honestly, I can't tell you
That it's not enough.
Love could never be so cruel.

Autumn leaves litter the ground
And soften our footfalls.
It's only a matter of time.

We are the wood
And we stand as one
While outside, the world unfolds

Mother Earth is ever-shifting
Her children have grown feet
And we look on
As they warily step closer

Hush, children
Quiet now
Man treads between our trunks

Wide-eyed, he stares
Up through our branches
Shafts of daylight glow
Through dappled shadows

From the springs
He takes water
In a silver chalice
Of shining light

But he changes
When night falls
And the howling
Chills him to the bone

He has magicks
And strikes the stones together

A quick spark
And a flame

Furious winds beat
At the strange scarlet water
That climbs higher
Charring our skin

We stand helpless
Sweating sap
As the frantic, blistering heat
Bears down upon us
Tearing us away

And when the rains come
The blaze gives in
And dies away
Leaving nothing but ashes

But Man left his magicks

We are the whispering wood
Standing solemn and silent
Watching
As a single sprout
Peeks through the soil

I spend so much time
Pinching the skin
Between my thumb and forefinger
Hoping that the pain will grab the tears
And drag them back into the ducts

I have to shoulder the burden
Though my insides are trembling
And my soul is shaking apart
For these ghosts pale in comparison
The the skeletons in your past

Still, the tears spill
And I need to cling to you
Because you are my shattered rock
And you're steady enough for me
Let me be steady enough for you

I press my lips to the memory
Of your soft mouth pressed against mine
Your strong arms 'round my waist
Pulling me closer
So I can drown in your heady perfume

Tonight my bed is cold
Tonight you are far away from me
But I can almost feel your smooth skin
Tantalising beneath my fingertips
I remember your rough chin
Grazing against mine

And all those pretty somethings
That you whispered in my ear
Tonight, they appear in pixels
Only tangible in cyberspace

But your ghost is still here, love
It spreads like butterflies through my chest
And though we say goodnight
Without kisses, without my arms 'round your neck
Those brown eyes still stoke the fire
And tomorrow will bring the flames
As my blazing heart welcomes you home again

I would have pried open the eyes
Of the blind and unenlightened
So that they might gaze at your light

I would have opened the ears
To the lullabies of the slow evening
Asking you only to listen

I would have let my heart burst
Full of youth and enthusiasm
So I could paint your face on the world

I would have taken your hand
Had his not covered mine

These feelings for you
Are stronger than my heartbeat.
They bubble up under my ribs
And crush my lungs,
Much like the way you crush
Your lips against mine.

A single glance.
Just one look and I can feel you
Emptying my soiled soul
And filling it with better things.

It's almost like you don't know your power,
You can't understand your hold over me.
I can barely understand it myself.
But at night,
When you lie down beside me,
I can feel your life
And it brings me to my knees.

This is so much bigger than me.
I can't contain this feeling in my body;
I need you to know
That without food, without light,
I would find a way to survive
If only to have one more chance
To crush my lips against yours.

On still autumn nights
When only I walk the earth
You remind me of hope

There are moments when I cling to you
Like a cotton shirt clings in a downpour
I hold fast to those infinite moments
And try to make the feeling stick

But we cut the cord, you and I
There are whole years between us now
I don't know why my mind still calls to you
When I know you won't come back

I think I must be mourning the cusp
Those days we teetered on the edge
Claustrophobic, coming clean
And begging the future to come meet us

Only two faces spell out fear to me
And I have to cast yours out
I can't keep waiting for the fallout
Of a bomb that never woke

Our infinity was only smoke

I am but a child
In this broken, faithless age;
Let me find my wings.

I am just a girl
In this world of written law;
Teach me how to sing.

Let me see my face
Reflected in your bright eyes;
Who am I to be?

Could you tell me, dear,
Where our bones will rest
When the sea swallows the earth
And the sun swallows the sky?

Will we lie atop mountains?
Poised as prayers to the stars,
They could surely keep us
Among their frozen peaks.

Will we lie upon sands?
Warmed by centuries of sunlight,
We could bask in the fires
Before burning alive.

Shall we sleep beneath oceans?
The secret worlds of silence
Could hide us from the end
And carry us with the currents.

So long as I lie with you,
The stars can fall to the pavement
And the cities can collapse.
There is peace to be found in your presence.

You are the ocean
And I am a tiny boat
Bobbing about on your surface

You are fathomless
The home of shadows and lost worlds
And the keeper of secrets

You are sometimes serene
And your touch is delicate
You lap at the edge of the world

But you are terrible
Your rage builds walls of water
You crush entire fleets with your might

You are eternal
The wonder of all whisperers
Filled with a lifetime of reflected heavens

And I am made of wood
Drifting aimlessly through you
'Til I smash against your rocky teeth

It's that tiny kiss
You plant on my shoulder blade
Just as I'm falling asleep

It's the way you nudge me
With your prickly chin
And pull me closer
Holding me to your firm chest

And when you wake me
Those feverish kisses
Hold the dark together
You press against me
And we are the walls

But when morning comes
It's your sleepy embrace
And you are my favourite place in the world

Zephyr, won't you come
Cast me upon the shoreline?
My head grows heavy.

voices


They speak to me
When I am alone;
They tell me about you.
Now that I know you, they know you too,
And they will never let you stay.

They hate you.

They flaunt your flaws,
Force my eyes open
And make me see.
They leave me exposed
To the heat of your words
And the coldest of your ways.
They make me hate you.


voices


I squeeze my eyes shut
And they slither through my mind,
Coiling around my senses.

They hate me

Rustling in the darkest corners,
I hear them.
They whisper in my ear,
Feeding my fears,
And they make me hate me.


i try to shake them off
try to keep myself awake
i can't let them hiss at me
make me despise everything


But they persist.
They want me to fail,
And so I want to fail.
They want me to fall,
And now I'm falling.


i turn up the sounds
to try and drown them out
but i can't stop them!
...they hate me
and now i hate myself too


voices


in the darkness i tie knots
and i tie them tight
i loops loops and i loops them right*


And the voices have won.

Not everyone is born to be happy.
I know this because there are people
Whose lives are torn apart
Day after day, by demons
That live to taste their tears.

Not everyone is born to be beautiful.
I know this because of the futile hours
I spend trying to overcome my poor eyesight
And make myself look pretty
In the bathroom mirror.

Not everyone is born to be loved.
I know this because of the lonely hearts
That call out in the night,
Beating and breaking as they wander
Until their bodies give out.