I am in a dilemma
whether I can ever love!
The scars which I received
while loving someone
made me more like a stone
unable to speak the love tone.

I disappoint everyone
friends and family shower love
but while expecting
I am unable to return back
any love.

I feel I am bad at relationships
can't love anyone with all my heart
I move away all the time
draining out while resisting
to all which could be mine

But I can't love
can't love any longer.
I have lost myself
somewhere, where I can't
find at all.

I see love birds
everywhere around
singing love songs
to each other.

And my lonely soul
screams to its every throb
screaming for love
I found many
but only temporary ones.
Flying from one branch to the other
unhappy with every soul

Finally found love
a love, inside my own soul
caressing myself everyday
finally to make way
for myself.

Unveil yourself
not through your body
but through your soul.

Reveal your draped soul
once in a while
with no prediction at all.

And people will come back to you
feeling an ecstasy
of your unique soul!

The process of
                                                     forgetting you
makes it more obvious fact
that I will keep
                                                         remembering you
while trying hard to forget
                                                          you & me!
After months of all these,
I arrive at a
                                          conclusion -
that I cannot forget you ever.
You inspire
                                           my universe.
And no matter how much it hurts
I cannot let go of
                                                your memories
which inspires &
rekindles me everyday
to be a
                                 part of you.
With tears in my eyes
but smile in my lips
I am
                                        more wise now.

I am so delighted
that I have posted
100 poems in Hp till date.
Never have been so happy
to make a century in HP.
I love you all HP poet/Poetess friends
for the immense love & support here.

I feel so overjoyed to
share every emotion I feel everyday
and I love reading each of
my HP poet/Poetess friends
poetry here..

Thank you all for making my
poetry journey so special.

Anger fumes within me
and me waiting with fire.....
To burn others near by me
But instead
I’m burning myself
unknowingly!

Storms define people
whether they stay or leave.
A stormy & rainy night
what I see?
either people unite
to help
or disappear
to never to find again!

I used to wait
longing for someone
to love me all over again!
Longing is hurtful
if no one ever
shows up at all!

But....

Now I wait for myself
to wrap up my each day's task
and be me, just me
whom I would caress
with some love
and finding my love
in everything I do,
I write, read & paint each day
& that's where I feel
This is what I was meant to be!

Down the road
I walk pass by the nature
endless roads, sunset
lake, birds flying
showing me how to pause
& to enjoy the
fleeting moments
of life
endless happiness
all by my side
I look here & there
to share the joy
of nature's love
but found none.

Understood

That nature & me are one
enjoying being whole again
healing me with all its power
like baby on its womb
caressing me with all the winds
and showering its love
over-brimming!

Deep in slumber
these days
cannot open my eyes
dreaming sometimes
of what I do not recall
But slumber heals me
from within
I do not forget when awake
but helps me to smile again
with a new sign of freshness.

Our office building
Is in the maintenance procedure
Lot of cracks and paints are out
So those are being fixed

How?

Cracks are made
to be more cracked
To fill up the whole
crack from beneath.

A thought sparked -
our hearts too, cracks
or breaks sometimes.
Let’s break it more
to heal it from beneath
and to be whole
filling up with love.

– 17th May, 2017

On the boat
of passion
& dispassion
keep them both side by side.
Hold on to passion
most of the time
to fly high in windy weather
but when needed rest,
hold on to dispassion tight
to release & fly!

– 17th May, 2017

I write no more
to feel what I feel
as I feel nothing
to write & feel!

leaving
into the woods
kind of
soul searching
expedition

suddenly
mind speaks up -
Are you sure you will
find your soul over me?

You say I'm missing
Yes, you are right
I'm missing from the
corner of my heart
as a soulless being
shallow
from the deep cut
within.
Into this dark lost world
wandering here and there
in search of
a puzzling piece
which
got lost long back
and other pieces unmet
destined to never ever meet!

But

I seek that piece
in the very first ray of the Sun
I meet in the empty roads
as dark as my soul
I speak every day
with every falling drop of rainfall
until the Thunderbird mocks at me
to find I have nothing of that
piece*

but still I seek...

Why is that appearance
matters so much?

short
tall
lean
fit
chubby
fair
dark
so on
&
so forth.

This virtual world
expects us to be perfect.
And if we are not,
we just tend to
hide ourselves!

But why can't we judge
through the soul?

bold
beautiful
passionate
tender
inspiring
Authentic
gener­ous
affirmative
intelligent
genuine
&
so on..

why is that our senses are
so accustomed outwardly
rather than peeping inside
one's soul?

A special being
she misses me every
now and then
A tiny tot she is,
but what a maturity
sometimes more than me!
For one glimpse of mine,
she waits days, sometimes weeks
but when she catches a sight of me
her smiles appears more fuller
like a rainbow
after a heavy rain..
& her killer eyes,
killing all the pain
out of me!

Shutting idea?
Mystery it may seem
for how long will it dim?
May be,
until we find
something more to it
to rekindle out of spring!

With all the insight
I find no way out
to become whole so soon
but to wait
for the
blue moon
to shine upon 'us'
to find 'us' to bloom..

There's no plan
should I wait or leave?
The quest continues..
Are we not
worth being
together?
                                finding
         ­                                          &
                                                                ­     fixing

me
                &
                             you

                                                          pi­ece
                                                             ­                by
                                                              ­                                    piece...
Solving
                         the
                                                puzzle

to make 'us'
whole

       on
                     the
                                    way
                     ­                                 back
                           ­                                          to
                                                              ­                     our
                                                             ­                                                home.....

Let us shut ourselves
give 'us'
some time & space
for weeks, months
& think.......

and return back
when you are
whole!

That fulfilling joy of
almost reaching
that very peak
which I dreamt of
long back
so close I am
but what see in reality
is
a sudden unexpected
avalanche
once again!!

Life is bizarre
from zero we start,
reach 100 sometimes
but again fall
from 100 to zero again
and again..

stay there or start again??

obviously we have no other choice
than to start again...
and that's how life goes on..
with the cycle of again
and again..

A sweet tender moment of jealousy
should I take it with a pinch of salt or honey?
May it be honey mixed with jealousy
but ironically, it's funny
how jealousy is
tasting more like sweet
than bitter
completely opposite
to its nature
a little bit of jealousy
with a lot more understanding of
love <3

That dream was so true
couldn't believe it was untrue..
I waited for hours long
as you came along
with spells of magic around
and in no time
our clock started ticking
Time to be return back
its repeating
in a perfect visual blooming
and
we both returning
back
but as I entered into my door
tears started rolling on the floor
with a question of uncertainty
........................................
............­....................
...................
........
....
..
.
will you ever meet me again
out of this dream?

You - floating
Me - drowning!!

You - floating..
keep floating
Me - out of it..

Walk through the
meadow of mistakes
not to overburden
but to climb through its alp
blunders after blunders
it might seem
but anyways keep climbing
not on the same mistake
but different ones each time
luck will find you a way
sooner to sway
awaiting to reach the
peak amidst the hay
with the ocean breeze
caressing away...

I choose now
to stay away
to close my doors
& windows...
and walk my way
on my own
until I lighten
my closed
dark soul...

I go places
where there are
civilised people all around
forgetting to utilize
their heart & mind
in the race of
reckless life!

I got a sand timer
30 seconds it counts
with a fascination on my face
appeared all across.
My colleagues said keep it with you
which made me way too much happier
than I could actually show..

My childhood fascination
of possessing an hour glass
preoccupied in my mind somewhere
but remains on hold..

How sand counts the time
flowing from top to bottom
Time flies we all know
but gazing at the sand timer
as sand flowing down like water
is a complete bliss
which stays unmeasured
at times!

Went for an evening walk
with many people walking around
a scheduled walk
everyday at the same time
it seems..
get to see & feel
more often than before.
An old man walking everyday
at his own pace
taking baby step at his old age..
Another man, unable to walk at all..
but still striving to make one more step..
so as to keep moving on the go...
Unexpectedly, out of all the thoughts
heard a dog's bark
that too behind the walls
and as I turned aside
only to find a caged dog..
May be jealous of all of us
as it may seem we are free
in this vast array of light..
...and all of a sudden met my friend..
a wholehearted smile...
she missed me it seems
as I was away for a while...
A sudden burst of laughter
with incomplete talks..
Good to meet people unknown
but somehow known
as we all are walking in the same lane
to find ourselves more often than others!

"A home" -
the name itself captures
a beautiful imagery in our mind & heart.
I see people each day
rushing back to their homes
soon after the working hours ends
ticking to the clock..
And I sit, just sit for a while...
thinking my home is far..
As I stay in a rented place -
a so called home which I call
for a while..
But I miss my home
A home - "where my beloved family lives..
a lively space with special people's heart
making it precious as an overall art.

I met our company’s consultant
Asked him –
How are you doing?
He replied – “just surviving
And I guess it is same with everybody.”
Everybody on the same individual boats
Surviving through storms on their way
To the shore!

Where are all when I need them?
Don't worry dear, you won't find them
rather you are on your own
get that straight as early as possible.
And
trust yourself that you will figure all out
until its end!

Things didn't start well today
almost brought tears to my eyes
not that at workplace emotions works
but somehow have to get back
in working good to bad
and bad to good all over again...
I have raised my standard pretty high
but now with mistakes overloaded..
I doubt how to get back
after a huge fall?

Had a conversation with my Boss
He said he is the common sufferer
Meaning of common sufferer –
everybody takes leave or two from their job
But he is a full-time worker for maintaining
his company and studying more to be more attain.
Should I be sad about it that he works so much more than all of us
Or
be happy that he has achieved so much in life

It doesn't requires interactions
to be face to face
or over phone
but just a matter of heart throbbing
from one end to the other
makes that meet-cute happen!

Sweetly you write it out
through your heart
which is tender beneath
the bed of stone, uncut..
rough and tough you may show
but you possess a heart of Gold!

25 April, 2017

Having an ice-cream cone
makes me feel nothing less than a kid on my own.
I start with the cream on top of the cone
with gentle kisses, here and there
smiling at it as if making it happy while having it
And the ice-cream smiling back at me
with the delicacy of sharing..
The conversation starts -
how are you doing?
Yes, after having you bit by bit
I am feeling much better than before I admit.
in-between the ice-cream melts..
messing up my hands and mouth while eating
But who cares...
I am having an ice-cream cone
that too, a vanilla dipped into chocolate melt.

23 April, 2017

What to do when something
very important gets deleted?
To be more precise -
A folder of movies
got permanently deleted!!
that too by mistake..

Now what.....

Nothing...I ironically laugh at my mistake
and I know I can choose differently now
I can choose a new set of collections
which will be different from
what I always choose...

I ask nothing much...
but just wonder on my own
will I ever know you
as though you are real?
or we will be just gone
by sometime...
as an unreal real?

Wondering what's a dream actually?
whether it is something to be fulfilled
or leave as it is?
To dream a dream of an unreal dream
and not to make it real at all..
A surreal reality quietly enriches from within..
just like a bud blooms into the nature
without getting plucked by...
rather concealing the beauty of it as a dream
only to be a dream!

Thought of Spring cleaning tonight
took out everything which was
closed in my closet..
started segregating into
necessary, unnecessary
and for later use again..
And all these seemed
too much of work..
as with every piece of thing,
I had my emotions attached!
But suddenly a thought arose..
why not all seasons cleaning
for a mind?

Its has been day or two
I have been away from all of you.
But trust me, being away helped.
It brought back my appreciation
over little details in life
which I missed for a long while.
I used to stare at phones
waiting and  waiting for what I don't recall
But now I am staring into spaces
and the pleasures are surreal!
It made me whole after all..
I wanted nothing
but out of nowhere
I felt I have everything.

Rushing through everything
as if I would cease to live
at any moment
burns me out quite often.
Now its time to pause
not to look back or front
Just to be
but nowhere around..
for a while I guess
let's see how it will be!

Half way down the road..
wandering all by my own
a certain hour of excitement
reaching to my lips
caressing me beneath my chin
& as I close my eyes
I feel the breezy wind romancing
with me to its rim!

Watching the dark clouds passing by
over the head as I wait to see the sky.
Each of them is strangely similar -
one doesn't have heart to love..
one doesn't have hands to hug..
one is too parched to even sigh..
one keeps flying high not seeing
what's beneath the sky..
one disappears without a hint to tie..
one smiles but from far off to say bye..
one is too afraid to even open the eyes..
and all others are strangers
just like all the above..
but all of them disappearing
from time to time.

But one day the heart screamed high -
Enough!
And walks out
without throbbing a bit for a while!

Being a wildflower its not so easy as it may seem
its always unfit among all the weeds
and the beautiful flowers which leads..
Wildflower somewhere hidden
and never to be found ever again..
I wish the wildflower could bloom just for once
To feel all the feelings just for once
and never had to hide in solace!

It cannot be seen
rather felt through a beam.
A lovely state of being
where you can die for
creating a new thing
without a sigh
or a second thought inbetween.
You can look around
and see beyond it.
And finally You feel
the delight of beginning
after reaching
the pinnacle of
an Inspiration hill!

One more Friday..
one more weekend arrived
And
I would just sit back
no looking around
no more rushing
no more chasing
just me all around..
Its Time to relax &
No more hindrance
but only me & my time!

Every time somebody invades into my life
They eventually become a piece of me
They grow inside me
having quite a nice time.
But when they leave
they take away a piece of me
which I never get back!

By now I have lot of missing pieces
wondering where it would be...
seeking my missing pieces
in and around...
But I found none..
Finally I'm left with nothing
except empty pieces of mine..

Why do I feel so much?
Good question...
I don't know why..
But I feel..that is how I am..
I tried not to feel anything
more than twice
but it is choking in both extremes..
To feel or not to feel at all...
is a dilemma to the extremes!