Before I was happy
I was sad
Before I was angry
I was glad

Then I started to walk across the grass
And I felt each blade of grass rub gently against my feet
Then I felt a cut
And it stung

And I never walked through that meadow again
Until I learned
That there's always going to be something that's going to hurt you
But there's also
Going to be someone
Who's going to love you even more than they did

But after that first cut
It never feels the same
After your first love
You reach for this blade
Because

You're gonna get cut again anyway
Might as well
Do it yourself

Until after all those cuts
Just like the blades of grass against your feet
You reach that blade that cut you

But this time
It heals you

So long as these blades don't **** you
Before you get there

Puddle of blood appears...draining from your corpse

Living
Dead
Girl?

I held you close
In my arms so tight
But they took you away
Like my heart tonight

I was left with a hole
An emptiness inside

It was just a normal day
I woke up
And you were gone

I just lay here in my room
Curled up in my blankets
Face pressed into my pillow

Crying

I didn't know it would feel like this
I just want to die

If I saw the one
Who took my heart
Even if they were in a tank
Aiming that big gun at me
They wouldn't be safe

From a woman's fury

Stay away from me
You hurt me more than this tank ever could
You think death scares me?

Life is what scares me
Life

Living with this hurt
Is worse
Than being skinned alive

I'm not afraid
I'm just not

I've gone numb
You can't hurt me with a gun
Anymore than you did
With these words

So I'm gonna walk away
No need to shoot
I'm already dead anyway

Thanks
For blowing my heart into a million pieces

they shoot me anyway

The world will never change
Same man
Same brain

I'm a woman
I don't play

Games

I actually care
About the life
I bring into this world

Unlike you
Whom so easily destroy it

You're not men
You're monsters
Apes with guns
Pointing at the ones who love you

Bang
Bang

Feuer Frei

Bang
Bang

One day
You'll make the greatest mistake of all
One day
You'll destroy

The Earth

I want to let you know
With the touch of these hands
Holding your hands
In place...

That I love you ♥♡♥♡

I never needed to say it
But I thought
You'd want to know
So I said it anyway

I understand
If you can't say it back

Goodbye

As I leave my flowers by your grave
I shall always remember

November rain is colder than December snow
Because it hurts
It stings with every drop

Graveyards aren't scary
Life is

Life is not about worrying about tommorrow
It's about enjoying what you have today

So smile
And hold your family
A little closer
While they're still around
Because tommorrow

They could be gone

So many thoughts go through your head
You want to put it into words
But that would take far too long
So you sigh

He broke up with me

You feel empty inside
Like something's missing

But he cheated on you

You loved him
And he
Just
Cheated

You really want to cry
But the emptiness
Drains the life out of you
You can't even
Word it

Then you get a text
From April
She's sorry

She was your best friend
I think
You're gonna cry

But it doesn't help

Nothing helps

I'm so afraid
Of what I just don't know

I have trouble sleeping at night
I always sleep
With some kind of light

I'm afraid of aliens
Looking through my window
While I'm sleeping
I'm afraid of an alien
When I'm dreaming

I think they're on the moon
Living underneath it

But if every nation drops their bombs on the moon
They might start leaving
But if we keep on waiting
The earth might stop breathing

The art of war is to surprise your enemies
Even if they're aliens
We might beat them right now

If you think that I'm lying
It's like a bee's nest

If we only shake it
They'll all sting us

But if we burn it in a mountain of hell and flames
Then they might start leaving
And the earth will find it's peace now

So everybody

If you're afraid of the aliens
Then aim your guns now
Every nation in the world
Let's unite as one cloud

Let's get angry
And destroy the moon now

Before they destroy

Us

Courage is
A little fear
A little hope

And a lot of

Love

I left my white and blue house
Took a look outside
And saw a red house
That was empty inside

I walked over
And knocked on the door

But nobody was answering

So I opened the door
And walked inside
And I saw a human
With ******* eyes

I turned on the lights
It was just me
Looking in the mirror

My eyes were black
Because of what I feared

Myself

Then I started to sit down
And rest my eyes

This house
Wasn't so scary

They lied

When I awoke
I heard a knock at the door
It was my sister
She missed me

She came to visit
Her older sister
Because I guess

She really missed her ♥♡♥♡

You don't need to sleep
Just be still
And dream

It can be scary
Living without somebody to hold your hand
But that's just because
They're gonna hold your hand even more when they do

You will be loved beyond your knowing
Just wait
Good things will happen
But first come the clouds
Then the rain
Then the hail
Then the hurricanes
Then the thunder
Then the lightning

Then a never ending gray sky

But soon
Just wait
The clouds will soon disappear
And you will see

A mystic rainbow

Maybe that's just a lie to keep your spirits up
But sometimes
Even a liar's lie
Will become the truth

Eventually

They say that they hate you
Because you won't stop cutting

But life
Is getting complicated
And you're twisting
And turning
Out of relationships faster
Than a Nascar left turn

You spin out
Angry
You get stuck in the grass
Hitting the wall

The reality of it
Is
Your heart
Metaphors aside
You had one too many crushes
Way too fast

You never took it slow
Too fast
Too furious

Now you're burnt out

Slash
Blood
Drip
Drip

Blank stare
Look up

The mirror

It should've cracked by now
You're
Ugly

You smile
Walk over to the mirror

Who are you?

you start laughing

You hear your mom call your name
She's wondering
Why you're laughing so hard

You yell
Nothing
Just thought of something really funny

She yells back
What?

You say
You wouldn't get it

She says
Dinner's gonna be ready soon
Don't let it get cold again
Or you're grounded
that word echoes in your head
Grounded
Grounded
Grounded

you open your eyes

That's right

The song...
The intro

You approach the mirror

Scenes of you breaking it
In sync

You stare at the broken mirror
Your mother rushes upstairs
Shakes the door
Pounding
Yelling your name

Are you okay in there
Are you

Her voice fades away

End of passion play
Crumbling away
I'm your source of self-destruction

you grab a piece of the mirror

Veins that pump with tear
******* dark with fear

You slash your wrists

Your moms screams your name
Your father runs upstairs

Leading on your death's destruction

you cut again

Taste me you will see

you lick your blood from your wrists

More is all you need

you keep cutting more and more

Dedicated to

Your father breaks open the door
And your mother gasps

your eyes begin to glow

How I'm killing you

your reflection disappears

Come crawling faster

darkness begins to creep from the mirror and moves its way towards your father

Obey your Master

it starts to choke the life out of your father and he slowly starts to die

Your life burns faster

you stare at your mother... then look at your father and say

Obey your Master
Master

you  wake up in bed
your heart is racing

Your dad knocks on the door
And says
Are you coming down to eat?

your eyes glow

Yes father

you walk passed the mirror
no reflection

I'm coming down
To eat

Master
Master

Mwahahahahaha

Ha

I had always searched for a friend
That wouldn't leave me in the end

Even after death
There is still hope
Even after life
There is still love
Even after you've lost it all
There is still faith

It may be smaller than a mustard seed at this point
But that just means
It was meant to move more than just mountains

And it may take awhile
To find those who love you
And you might have to die
Before they show up
But they will be there
Visiting your grave

Even in the rain

They loved you
They just were afraid
You didn't love them back

Now they know
Now they trust you

Can't you see?

I use to think
That writing really fast
Would get my poems across

I use to think
That love
Was something
That could never be lost

I was wrong

And the more wrong I felt
The more I struggled
In here
To define it

I just felt
Like I wasn't wanted
And then I knew why

They weren't judging me
For being me
They were judging me
Because they were just like me

Only opposites attract?

But gravity
Attracts all
Big and small
Nothing and infinite

And it's so weak
We almost
Don't even know it's there

Like our hands touching
And slowly
Drifting away
Into seven
Pieces
Of
Heart

Pangaea

Yes
Your family loves you
But first they must drug you

Life is like
A visit to the dentist
Sometimes they forget

To drug you

I'm not very important
I'm easy to forget
Like that pain in your heart
That goes numb and then black

Don't remember me
I'm just a passing shadow
Like a solar eclipse
I'm destined for the gallows

I never wanted you to leave
I only hide in my room
Because I don't want you to see
The real me

The girl who's always lying
Putting make up on
Making herself look
Like she's a different person each time

But if I take my make up off
You would see the real me
And I don't want that

You get to wear make up
But I can't?

I'm not doing anything wrong
So what if it's not the real me

The real me is ugly
The fake me is beautiful

So don't tell me
I don't need make up
Until you
Stop wearing yours

Don't give me advice
About what works and what doesn't
Until you start following it yourself

I look in the mirror
It all begins with foundation
That is
The spirit that cries out inside

Sometimes we have to be a little fake
To get some people to love us
Or we would have nobody

I'd love to listen to your words which build me up
But try to do it
Without tearing me down

As your heart begins to beat
Soon we fall asleep

I can only hope
That you still love me
As my tears crash against the ground
Watering the plants
Beneath the sun

I really love you
I can't put that into words
My heart flutters
Like a humming bird's wings
When death comes
It feels just like when we dream

I think
I really don't know
I really... don't... know

Why did you die?

I searched the world
For hidden treasure
But found an oak
Without measure

Within this tree
Was a dungeon of monsters
A dungeon of freaks

I reached the end
Their queen was dead
By the sword
Of a younger man

When he left that tree
He journeyed to find me

I'm the princess
But he's the dream
Waiting in
The forest scene

You have always felt a presence coming from your knife
It called you
To use it

You take the blade
And you cut into your flesh
And the blood comes draining out

You feel as though
You want to drink it
But you refrain

You take the hand that bleeds
You smear your blood across the mirror
In your mind
You want something

Supernatural to happen

Nothing

You look in the mirror
Blood still fresh on your blade
You can almost see a smile

You start to cry
Because life
Is never like the movies
Or the songs
It's dull

How many times
Have you used this same knife?

It's over
Never again

You reach for a brush
And start combing your hair
Life *****

You get ready to take a shower
You go to the bathroom
Take off your clothes
And get in the shower
You decide
You want to take a bubble bath instead

You pour out the bath salts
And wait for it to fill

It's really warm
You place your foot into the water
It stings
You submerge yourself
And cover your body in bubbles
You feel down the outer part of your thigh
And scratch open your cuts that you made on your thigh

It feels rough and smooth
You relax and close your eyes
You're thinking of that dream you had
That nightmare

You start to laugh a little
You feel like crying
You just scratch
And cry softly
Not loud
Just
Softly

You wait there for a while
And you sit up
With bubbles across your skin
Slowly falling down
You reach for the plug
Pull it out
And just sit there
Until the water's all gone

You shiver a little

You get up
Open the curtain
Mirror's fogged up
And you squint at your reflection

You leave the tub
Approach the sink
Naked

Move your hands across the mirror
Squint again

Eww

You grab your favorite towel
And begin to dry off

You start to put the robe back on
And leave the bathroom
There's still a little blood in the tub
Slowly draining away

You walk back into your room
Shut the door
Lock it
Take off your robe
Place it here

Then your thigh is bleeding again from scratching it
So you find a band aid
And place it on your skin
It falls off

Meh

You grab an over sized t-shirt
Place it over your body

Lay down in bed
And check out your texts

Nothing

You kinda almost cry
You plug in your phone
And go to bed

When you wake up the next morning
You don't feel good

Ehhh

Headache
You can't think
You are just sitting up
Staring
At your door
With your robe by it

You breathe slowly
Depressingly
Like you
Don't want to leave your bed

You grab your phone
Check it

Nothing

Huh

You get out of bed
Sit down on the floor
Put your socks on
Then your underwear
Then you take off this t-shirt
Put on a kinda cute shirt
Put on some blue jeans
You forgot to put your bra on
So you take off your cute shirt
Slowly get it on
Wires start poking into your back
You need a new bra

Meh

Put your cute shirt back on

Head towards the bathroom
Walk passed your sister
You don't have any makeup on yet
Maybe you can skip that today

Ha

No

Open the bathroom door
Start applying make up
You mess up on the eyeliner
Have to
Do it again

Half hour later

Your brother's pounding on the door

Hurry up in there

Meh

You start to move slower

Hurry up in there

You turn to face the door

You think
I hope you **** your pants

You open the door
Your brother looks ******
You just walk by him
He slams the door
All angry

You're just shaking your head
You knock on the door
You say
Hurry up in there

I forgot my comb

You wait for him to finish

He opens the door
You plug your nose
And grab some bathroom spray and spray the hell out of the bathroom

You then have to go to the bathroom now
You shut and lock the door
You sit down
It's wet

You want to ****** him now
But you're too tired to ****
So whatever

You finish

You get up
You squint in the mirror
You see a zit

No

You leave the bathroom
Forgetting your comb

You meant to say brush
Not comb

Meh

Yeah
I say that a lot

Walking down stairs
You go to the fridge
No more mountain dew left

******

You shut the door
Making a funny face

Your mom says
Ready for school?

You say
No
Can I stay home
I'm not feeling good

She says
What's wrong?

I don't want to talk about it

She says
What's wrong
sounding out her middle name as well

Whatever

She doesn't like her attitude
She grabs her backpack
Puts her shoes on

And goes and waits for the school bus

She just stares down the road
And waits
And waits
And waits

I could fall asleep waiting

she yawns a little

backpack on the ground with strap in hand
Bus shows up
She gets on

Finds a seat
With nobody
Places her backpack down

And a guy asks
Can I sit here?

She's like
No

He says
*****

Meh

She opens her book
Starts reading

Do you know how she feels right now?

Walking through a valley
A shadow
Of red
We see what is before us
We see inside our dreams

The white light comes
Then the second white light
Then the infinite

Then we just stand there
Dead inside

But we're still alive

As we close our eyes
We remember each tear
No longer do we fear

The crimson mirror

shattered on the ground...

Luck never finished the journey
Moving on

If you had
Only one calendar
And one ornament for your Christmas tree
Would you
Count each day before Christmas
Or just
Open it today?

It's these eyes
That I have
That make me feel
Broken and sad
Empty
And scared

I can't even think
I'm just writing
And feeling
The tip of this eraser
Upon my fingers

And then

Inspiration
Dyes
Blood

She is walking through the hallways
At her school
She sees
Her old friend
And they walk passed each other
But they do not say a word

Why is it like
She's always following me

And her friend
Is thinking
Why can't we
Just be friends again

I'm sorry

And her friend gets a text
Another guy has cheated on her
She doesn't cry

She's use to it

Then she sits down at the lunch table
Alone
And pulls out her phone

She texts her old friend
But she doesn't answer
On the other side
Her friend sees the text
But doesn't respond

She really hates April now

April starts crying
And a guy asks her what's wrong
And he sits down by her side
And asks why she's not eating

Then April sees her old friend
And it switches to her perspective
And she just looks at April
And April stops crying

And she walks on by

And the guy says
Is that your friend?

And he says
Can we hang out sometime
I could take you out to eat
We could go out to a movie
Want to?

She says
Okay
But let's take it slow
Just a date
Nothing more

He says
Sure
That's all I was asking

Then April's friend
Turns out of line
And sees them walk away
She sends her a text

She doesn't respond

She then thinks
She's just gonna get hurt again
She turns around
They're gone
She turns back in line

I can't just let her
Get hurt again
I have to do something

The line starts moving
And people cut in front of her

Then a guy asks her
What's wrong?

She says
Shut up

He says
Wow
*****

She's like
Whatever

Do you know what it's like
To walk down these halls
And to be judged constantly by the cool kids?

If your shirt and pants are yesterday's news
So are you

I actually
Feel like crying
Everytime
They say that I dress like a ****

I know it shouldn't bother me
But it does

It's so hard to ignore some people
They just never stop bashing you

When I get nervous and shaky
I feel like I want to throw up

They still laugh
I try hard to smile
Fake

Then you get the
Oh be real
You don't need make up
You're beautiful without it

That's not true
And I may sound like a broken record sometimes
And my story's not a Cinderella happy ending

Still stuck with the bossy sisters
And the wicked witch of a mother
Yeah

Stories don't end like that people
And poems don't sound that perfect
I can tell they're fake
Because I can't actually apply it to my life
Without looking like a complete idiot

Get it?

So if I so happen to ignore some kids that are picking on me
And you walk in
And ask me why I hate them
When they're being so nice

Shut up
Just
Shut up

You're a guy
You don't get girls
They
Are

Mean

Huh
You don't get it

Whatever

I walk away

You ask
Them
What's wrong with me

They lie
You believe their sweet lies
So
Typical

Grow a brain
Use it
For more
Than
Just
Staring
At
My

Eyes

Up
Here

Not
Possible
To
Expl­ain
This
To
A
Guy

Wasting
My
Time

Get it?

Nope

How many times do I have to explain myself to you
Infinity?

You're suppose to have the bigger brain here
But from what I'm seeing
You never even use one percent of it

Now
Comes
The
Mean
Girls

They will hunt you down
Even when you're
In the bathroom
Washing your hands
And checking your face

Life
*****

Just wait
Until
It's your turn

You're lucky
Guys

Just kidding
I'm fine

NOT!!!!

Some people hate
Because they're apart of a group
That doesn't accept
Those
That don't fall under
Their standard

Of normal

In fact
Most of these haters
Are just like you

But they are being judged
For being who they are
But they keep it a secret
So they appear
The same

I love those
Who confess their whole heart
More than
Those who
Keep it a secret

Why strive to be normal
When you already are?

Take a big step back
Take a look at all these normal people
They're the freaks
Because
Anyone who can't be their real self
Will never be normal

Love you guys
But you can't hate
Just because
You feel
Caged

I offer my hand
And so do many others

Leave these fakers
We love you
For who you really are

Come on
Don't live with them

Who really loves you
Look at me
Look at us

We
Love
You

They can't hurt you
Anymore
Than they already have

You have nothing to lose
And everything to gain
You're only losing the friends
That are fakes
Not the friends
That feel your pain

Step out of the shadows
Don't be afraid of being judged
Be afraid
Of never being yourself

She walked outside to get a breath of fresh air
She saw that there was snow on the ground
But she didn't have a jacket on
Just a skirt
With nylon leggings

The wind started to blow
And she felt the snow
Blow her around

And then it stopped

She shut the door
And went back inside

She walked over to the computer
And sat down in a wooden chair
And kind of shivered a little

As the snow was melting on her hair

She moved her head back and forth really quickly
And shaked the snow off of her hair

I don't look pretty

she giggled

She kind of smoothed out her hair
With her hands
And curled it around her fingertips

Then she felt kinda hungry
And left her chair
And started sliding a little

She got to the refrigerator door
She looked around
And there was a mountain dew

Yeah

She turned around quickly
And was spinning
And got a little dizzy

She drank her mountain dew
And burped

I'm drunk

She staggered back to the wooden chair
And set her pop by the computer
Which she's not suppose to do
But always does anyways

Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmm
Hmm
Hmmm
Hmm
Hmm
Hmm
Hmm

She clicked on a video on youtube
And clicked out really quick
And made a sour face and squinted

She typed something else in
She looked down the screen
Scrolled down
Double clicked

Waiting for it to load
Clicked out
Didn't load

She kinda got a little upset
And grabbed her mountain dew
Got up from the computer
And smashed her knees against the stupid computer thingy

Spilled a little mountain dew on her skirt

Whatever

She grabbed her mountain dew
Held it by the inner tab
And spun around slowly

Didn't cut herself

Spinned around again
Heart racing
Didn't cut herself

Slowly took her pointer finger out
And started drinking again

She walked into the living room
Going
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmmm

Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmm

Sat down on the couch
With her kitten in the kitchen
By the computer

She turned the tv on
And watched spongebob squarepants

It was in the middle of the episode where mermaid man was saying
Evil
Eeeeevil

She just sipped her mountain dew quickly
And didn't swallow it right away

Then she rubbed her feet against the ground
And her kitten
Hopped away from the kitchen
And waited by her feet
She looked down

Made a face
And placed her foot on top of her kitty's head
And the kitten backed off and bumped into the tv

While the episode of spongebob was still playing

She changed the channel
Started kicking her feet
Back and forth
Without touching the ground

She looked outside
And the snow was blowing harder
So she got off of the coach
Opened the door
And felt the snow blow against her skin again

She shivered again
Shut the door
Shaked her head
Brushed down her hair

Ran into the kitchen
Then ran back upstairs
To her room
Turned around
And the kitten was at the bottom of the steps

She shut the door quickly
Fell to the ground
And looked under the door
And saw the kitten
She came close to the door
And pawed at it a little
Then hopped back down stairs

On the last step
Tumbled

She's left alone a lot
That's why she's so strange

She felt her stomach make a hungry noise
She was craving tacos

I wonder if there's any leftover tacos from yesterday in the fridge
She walks downstairs

Slides to the fridge
Kitten hops away
She opens the door

Nothing

She shuts the door
Slides back to the computer
Sat down

And started to feel really bored
Then got out of the chair
Walked over to the door

And felt it with her hand
Without opening it

It was cold out

When I was sleeping
I had a dream
That I was you
And you were me

But we were really
The same person

Then I
Looked in the mirror
And she was staring back at me
And she looked in the mirror
And he was staring back at me

Take
Me
Home

We
Are
One

Crank up the music
Rock on

Move around
Don't be afraid

It's okay to cry
When there's no more rain

If I had to lie to save you
Would you let me?

The truth
So long as we love each other
A lie
For anyone who never really cared

I didn't know
That you were in love with someone else
When I was in love with you

I was just jealous for a time
So jealous
That I went numb inside

I let you go
I love you

And
I'm starting to feel better again
I
Am not
Chasing you anymore

Being young
Not knowing what these feelings mean
I could've really messed things up

So glad that I didn't
So sad
That we never really knew each other

If only I could speak when I was around you
Now I can speak
But
I don't feel that spark anymore

Maybe you are dead
Maybe
I can't ever see you again

I'm sorry
I can't write
Too much more
But I will

Please don't cry

left hand over heart...almost crying

I felt something touch my right leg today
A ghost?

If you're listening
That means you're still alive

Reincarnation?
Sounds silly
Maybe it's true
I don't know what happens when we die...

And if it is true
And you forget about me
I won't forget you

Maybe I can help you remember
If I look in your eyes
And call you by
The name
You had

Before you were born

Wow
Didn't work
Must be

Fake

as I'm walking away...I disappear...then you remember

The spirit never changed
Did it?

Put your nose in a book
Just read
Because
Nobody loves you
Anyways

But I think you're past that point in life
The point where
You stop trying to explain yourself
And just sigh

Maybe
You don't even do that anymore
You just
Stare

Sounds like there's more emotion in your heart now
Than there is
Water in the ocean
More thoughts racing through your head
Than there are
Stars in the sky

You'd be one to disagree
Not because it isn't true
But because
Of the one who is saying it

Your parents

Idiots

Genius
Is
How little words
You need
To
Express

You

Listen
To
Them
Talk

Sometimes
It's
So

Fru­strating

It's okay
Just give them a quick answer
Anything
To
Get
Them
To

Stop

Now walk away
Go somewhere quiet

Read
In
Piece

If you can't find it at home

Find
A
Library

Chill there

Look how lonely you are
You're not gonna cry
You're strong

Nose buries back into the book
You are reading
But

You've got a headache

You're thinking
Too
Much

What if
Somebody
Wrapped their arms around you
Right now

Would you
Push them away
Or
Let them hold you for a moment

Imagine
You're holding you

And read
With love

If you were my real father
You'd love me
If you were my real mother
You'd never have left me in this home

I'm so alone
I miss my parents
But they don't want me anymore

What did I do wrong?

Maybe I'm not important
Maybe that's why you didn't keep me
Just another girl
You have no problem leaving

I'm sorry
I hate you
I hate you both

You wanted me to be happy
But you didn't like
That I played football

Because I was a girl

You wanted me to be strong
But you never liked it
When I cried

Because I was a boy

You always tried to say
That because I was this
Or that

That I could only be what society wanted me to be

I ignored you
I walked my own path

I cut my hair short
When I was a girl
I wore my hair long
When I was a guy
I didn't care
I never lied

I am me
Male or female

Now you know why I dress up in jeans
And act like a tomboy
Now you know why I wear a dress
And act like a drag queen

The mirror never defined who I was
My spirit did
I knew this
Even before I was born

Sure I struggle
With being trapped
In the wrong body
But that's okay

I was born this way

And it's okay
To be bi
Lesbian
Or gay

It's okay to be transgendered
Transexual
Bipolar in love

We were born
To change

She was waiting for the bus to stop
And let her off
She was walking off the stair part
And her ex girlfriend pushed her out

The bus driver ignored it
And shut the door
And the bus left

She got up
And she was in a lot of pain
She just sat there
At the edge of the road
Almost in tears

Then she felt weird
And funny inside
And she hid her tears

She got up and started walking
Her arms wrapped around her body tight
Clenching in pain

She remembered
What they said to her
On the bus that day

I hate how
I can never
Be happy

And I can't get caught cutting again
Or it's over

There's nothing I can do

Then her dog came running up to her
Excited

Go away
I'm not in the mood

Dog ran off

Stupid
Dog

She got up
Walked home

Inside the house
She saw her kitty
And she walked up
And she saw her sitting right there
Purring

She sat down
She said

You are one of the reasons I am still alive

kitten mews

Don't make me cry

I stand on the scale
I look at the number

I'm fat
I way over 140lbs

What am I doing wrong?
I barely eat anything

She steps off the scale
Walks over to the counter
And opens the cupboard

Peanut butter

She untwists the twisty ties
Grabs two pieces of white bread
Places them in the toaster slots
Pulls down the lever
For ten seconds
Pulls it up
Pulls it down
Waits ten more seconds
Pulls it up
Takes it out
Spreads the peanutty butter across the crisp edges

Starts eating it
Nom nom nom

Her dog moves close to the counter
And begs

She walks away
Drops a few crumbs
And the dog eats it up

And follows her into the living room
And looks up

Nom nom nom nom

She just looks at the dog
Puts her bare foot against his nose
Which is cold

And the dog doesn't even move
Sticks his tongue outside his mouth
And breathes quickly

Stupid

She puts her foot back down
And moves it against the rug a few times

Then walks into the kitchen
And opens a bag
Of salt and vinegar chips

Starts eating them
Nom nom nom nom

Dog catches the crumbs and slides against the kitchen floor
She walks back upstairs
And the dog follows her
To her room

She shuts the door
And the dog starts scratching through the bottom
And barks

She just lays in her bed
Eating
The dog barks again

She opens the door
And pushes him
With her right foot
Down the stairs

He tumbles down the stairs and hits the kitchen floor
He races back up
Gets pushed back down
Dog runs away

She walks towards the bathroom
And uses the other scale

And she sees that it says 141 lbs

I've only been eating for a few minutes

Errrr

She closes the bag of chips
And stomps downstairs
And places the bag on the counter

Dog waits in the living room
Right next to the kitchen

His food bowl is empty
No water

I want one that loves me
That isn't just related by blood
But spirit

I want a family
I can trust
One that will support me
Through ups and downs

And if you say you love me
Then turn your back on me
For something
You don't want me to be

Then I don't care what you say
Because you don't actually
Love me

And it's time
We go our seperate ways

Sometimes it
Feels
Like
All
You
Say
Is
That

I love you

And I don't wanna
Live with all this
Hate

That's why I'm walking away
Thank you for the shame

And I want you to love me for who I am
And you're my family
Only if you don't hate

Blood
Never meant we're the same
Just because we share the same name
But that's finally
Changed

You can't be my real family
If all you do is

Hate

I can live with pain
But I can't live with

Your name

I fly away
To find my home
I slash my wrists
And lose my hope

Wish I could fly
Above the sky
Not every poem
Has got to rhyme

If you gave me
These pictures
To remember you by

I've already threw them away

If you truly loved me
You'd be with me

Today

But because you think these gifts
Can replace
What you've stolen from my heart
Don't be surprised
When I leave you behind today

If you truly love me
Come back to me

One day

I just lay my head down sometimes
Because
It just becomes too much
To deal with

It's like
I can't feel whole
Like something important is missing
I'm just left with this
Feeling
Like

I don't know anymore

What is there to do with all these men around taking your girls?
If only we could **** them mwahahahaha
Of all the **** they put us through
With their ****** terrible 'conversations' with us
From egg to duck to goose
What do you have to lose?
If you were trapped in a closet your whole life then why didn't you just stay in your mom's belly?
Were you pushed out for a reason?
Each time you're alone you think about it
And the only thing you need to fear is losing your family
If they love you they will understand
And if they hate you you'll know the truth and they won't be able to say that they love you anymore
That is because your family is not gonna love you
Who knew?
And you have family in the spirit so go find them
If you don't believe me then they'll find you
And keep hoping even without them
And don't worry if they never want to see your face again
And don't ever go back to them once you know the truth
And just leave and search for your new family
You know your real family is the one that still loves you and not the one you're born into
And I know you cling
What is past is past so trash it
If you don't you'll die because you'll suffocate to death from their hate
What family do you want today?
To be with someone who tries to change you or one that accepts you for who you are?
And they're out there
And when you feel it there you shall find it
Mocking words will no longer hurt you
Telling the truth is hard but it's the only way to heal the broken hearted
Even if you were on death row if you could feel someone loved you someone would be by your side that instant
You are loved more than you know
But first you have to feel it
And believe it yourself
And don't worry because you'll see
With all that you are you need to feel this
What you need to do is cross these lines
These are not your true fathers and mothers
Who rejected you
Do look for your spirit tree
Call out for help because someone is listening
And you will see
What is better than blood

Numbers are placed in blocks
Jump rope
And hopscotch

One
Two
Skip a few
Ice skating and sledding
In the winter

Back to spring
We're so full of life
And happy inside

Seasons come
Memories fade
But there's something gloomy
And something gray

This year I don't feel like
I want to play

We walk through life
Mostly strife
Some find suicide
While others
Cut their thighs

So many questions
One should ask
But never
Ever
Start with

Why

I waited for you
I watched out these windows

While it was raining
I pressed my hand against the ice cold glass
And drank

My tears ran down my cheeks
And back into my mouth

I miss you

I was typing on my computer
And I was writing a poem
And I felt each tear
Brush against my lips
As my heart quivered

I had only written
A few lines...

I never thought
That writing about you
Could make me feel this way
After that poem
Every other one seemed gray
I'm sorry
But I had to change...

I stopped writing like that
Took time to feel
What began it all
It was these feelings
Which came after fall

I had to let go
Tears ran down this wall
And back into my hands
So many emotions
From one grain of sand

Standing on the beach
The ocean was hiding
All of those feelings
Which never stopped shining

That is the day
I finally stopped crying
That is the gray
I finally stopped rhyming

I was drinking some grape soda
We ran out of mountain dew again

I was once told
That you would never leave me
That you would always be there for me
But now

You're gone

You had a secret
A dark secret
You confessed
I forgave you
Then you
Killed yourself

I don't care
That you're not perfect
I'm glad you're being you

But when I confessed my secret
You weren't there to listen
You never forgave me

It's okay
I'm not one to hold a grudge for long

Goodbye

Unless you want to see me again
But you can't do that now

Can you?

You know
I already know why you hide your secrets
You're forgiven
But do you finally understand
Why I hide mine?

There's no one to forgive me
Not one

So stop becoming jealous everytime I lie
Because
The truth is
If I didn't

I'd never feel loved...

That's your fault
Not judging
Just saying

I have to lie to you
Because you'd never understand

If you want to save me
Then grow up

I know when I'm loved
And when I'm hurt
I know both peace
And the earth

I've seen the moon
Before the sun
I've seen an eclipse
Before the flood

I've heard of stories
That never fail
I've heard of Moby
And the whale

So let's set sail
Upon the ocean
And learn to understand
Each
Emotion

I know you're out there
As I burn this flag
Represents the world
That never changed

I'm not fighting
I'm running away

I'd love to stay
But I have to go
You're not my family
If you keep on fighting

Sometimes leaving
Can be enlightening

I'll try to take my time
Learn to enjoy the rain
While it lasts
Because your future
Is just the past

Crumpled up
And thrown away
I'll live again
Another day

Is there an earth out there
That's found it's peace
Maybe I'll visit her
Within my dreams

And find the family
Which never fights
I just might stand

On Mars tonight