I could have been anyone
And I could have been myself.

So I became anyone
And called it myself.


F.Z.N

Does your heart
Rule your ego,
Or does your ego
Rule your heart?

I fell for you
Because I thought that you were different.
That's what generally happens.
But maybe I wasn't mistaken,
Maybe you were different
But our love wasn't.

I was hollow
And you filled me with sunshine
That I thought was going to stay mine.
But someone else now
Is demanding it.
And you're emptying me of it.
Life is giving and taking.


F.Z.N

People ask me where I've been
I say, in a dream, a remote reality
Perhaps a part in this world
And a part in the other.


F.Z.N

I smile at you
And you think I fake it
You smile at me
And I think you fake it
Because you think I fake it
But I don't fake it
I say, why do you fake it
You say, why do you fake it
I say, I don't fake it
You say, sorry I think you fake it.
So I smile again and fake it
And you smile back and fake it
Again
And all we ever do
Is fake smiles
And barely talk.


F.Z.N

Your absence sits on my skin
As layers and layers
Of melancholia
Feeding off
My flesh and bones
Until I am no more
But melancholia.


F.Z.N

I
go
to
bed
with
the
thought
of
you
under
my
pillow
and
it
directly
transfers
to
my
dreams.*


F.Z.N

I come from darkness
And such as a moth
Beating itself
To death
Against a flame,
In your arms, I burn
Just the same.


F.Z.N

Your eyes fixed on the screen
and mine on you.
You're watching a story
And I am, too.


F.Z.N

But darling,
There is no such thing
As I love you goodbye.


F.Z.N

It's funny how inhaling poison
can seem adequate enough
to fill up your time
and...
natural.

I do remember when your tongue
tasted like toothpaste and nicotine
and I ****** on it
as if trying to steal your pain away
and swallow it.
But all my stomach had to digest
was silent words
that I am still hungry for
and a desire
for you to stop hurting yourself
and me.

But all you do
is smoke one cigarette after the other
with such nonchalance.


F.Z.N

From now on the only highlights of my nights
will be Schweppes and ***** and
torturing myself over your Facebook profile
with a smile on my face and eyes
too heavy to cry.

And you will be texting her
God knows what sweet words,
and you will be looking forward
to the next time she says I love you,
and you will be refusing to go to bed
before wishing her a proper good night.

I know that
the memory of me will slowly die
where her hips begin
until I mean nothing
and you will forget me altogether one day
and you will want her more than you can say.


F.Z.N

You say, don't be selfish
Let me live the life
That was given to me.
You say, don't be selfish
Let me go.

But how
Am I supposed to do that
When you are my life.
And when I tell you that
You say,
Please don't do anything stupid.
And I smile,
Fine I will live a life
Of misery for you.


F.Z.N

I'm sorry but I won't,
I won't share you
With your dreams,
Or parties or hours of distress
Because I want you all
To only myself.
So please,
Please don't ask me to
Because I won't share you
With anything
And especially not with her.


F.Z.N

I can't replace you with a book
Because it tells the same story
Again and again.
Nor with a song
For most songs
Are only three minutes long.

I can't replace with another person
Because you are one of a kind.
Nor with anything
I can think of
Except your ghost.


F.Z.N

She said, he left me after a year and a half.
And I thought to myself,
Well some people aren't like you and me,
Some people aren't meant for forever.

And it completely slipped my head
That she could very well be
Me in the future.


F.Z.N

If I was a telly
You would pretty much be
The remote control
That turns me on.


F.Z.N

We had just made love
When I kissed your slightly parted lips
And tasted goodbye in them.


F.Z.N

I looked at you
The way an artist
Would look at a naked woman.
Your bottom lip was designed
For kissing,
Your hands for crafting,
And there was a picture in every moment
I have shared with you.

I saw that we fit together
So very perfectly,
But the subjective camera
Was only me.


--Eleanor

The other night's break up
Pretty much opened my eyes.
Now I can see it all.
I can see how
You were reborn
And I can see how
I am dead.

I never learned to care
Until I hurt you
I never learned to dream
Until I slept next to you
I never learned to desire
Until your lips met mine
And the sad part about it all
Is that you never learned
To hate
Until you met me.

F.Z.N

Darling darling darling!
I scream at your ear
Wake up and love me
Or at least
See me
For who I am
For who I'm not
Just see me
Anyway.

Darling darling darling!
I scream for hours
But you're still sleeping
And probably dreaming
Of her whisper.

F.Z.N

They told me a joke
And I laughed my head off.
They told me about a kid
Who lost his parents in the war
And I shed a tear.
They told me many things actually
And I made appropriate reactions to them.
But when you looked at me
And told me
That you wanted nothing
From me any more,
I didn't cry or laugh or say a word.
And there was more honesty
In my silence
Than in any of my reactions.

F.Z.N

I spent all night crying
All morning grieving
And missing
Someone
Who didn't miss me
Half as much
As I him.

F.Z.N