dear diary,

I know I havent wrote to you for a long time
but you have to understand a lot happened in my life

sometimes I feel bad because I know some people have it worse
but does that mean I can't feel like a worthless *******?

to be honest I don't know what to think or feel anymore
maybe I stopped writing because I felt like I was annoying
if I am annoying I'm sorry

last week I made a new friend, his name is Delorian
the truth is he doen't exist I made him up, but I act like he does, breath
just to feel less lonely, I need someone to be an outcast just like me
I can see and feel him though

does that make me weird?

last night I had a dream about him, he was very nice to me

thanks for listening, as always

It was raining today just like yesterday and the day before that
It will rain tomorrow just like today and the day after tomorrow

Describing how you feel after 3 am
When everything in the world gets a little darker
Never was and never will be an easy thing to do
Unspoken words en hidden secrets will come out
After 3 am everything in the world is a little different

Some people open their hearts and speak their minds
Others will break down, give themselves more tigerstripes
she speaks with the demons and dances with the angels

In the end it doesn't matter what you do after that
All I care about is that after 3 am you will be still here
And I can hear your heart beat against mine, I can hear you breath

Because everything what happens after 3 am
Will be our secret and if you are still here in the morning
I just need you to know that I couldn’t be more prouder.

they always laughed at me because I loved him
without realizing he's the reason Im alive today..

I counted back from ten inside my head
whising you were still laying in my bed

She smiled at the stars like they knew all her darkest secrets
and all the hopeless kids on the street laughed at me
because deep down inside we all knew the universe didn't

Being reckless became a part of my life
somtimes my hair was navy blue and other days it was black
I loved the smell of danger and I liked being afraid

I wish we could start all over again
we would lay down together
surounded by pink flowers and a ***** mind

You could never keep your mouth shut
or say something positive

this boy hated the world and everyone in it
except for me

and thats why I felt like the most special person
in the world whenever I was near him.

It took a long time for me to sell my heart to an angel
because I adored playing these games with my demons

she always laughed like everything in her life was broken
and I know it looked that way because everything was, broken

I never told her that I loved her, that she made my sky turn blue
well I did but only with words, without feeling any sort of emotions
it was a never a mistake I made, loving this girl, pouring my heart out

she always made me wonder how life would be without her
if I, human being, could live without her, another human being

loving you was like loving seasons, somtimes more than another
and it never was my intention to leave you all alone back there..
and it never will be my intention to hurt your feelings ever again

but you were you and I always was and always will be me
lovers, friends, strangers, neighbours, legends... I dont know

a love that never was made to rule in this bitter sweet lonely world
because I loved drinking away my feelings more than being just friends.

I love it when you smile, I love it when you don't
I like the way you look at me even if you won't

the sky was turning another shade of blue that night
the kind of color that would remind me of your eyes

for me it was a big deal that you left me without telling
for you it was natural like drinking coffee in the morning
or rain that fell down once in a while on the new car you bought

I just wished you missed me like I miss you
he stole her heart with she couldn't get to his.

I can drown myself in new music and relive my memories
sometimes I write a lot and sometimes I need to get away

you thought you got away with ****** but everything was on tape
it was like painting numbers on a white pale wall, something clean

humans don't go look for danger, danger will find them where needed
you never waited for me to get my **** together, you said you hated me

it were the bad things I only could remember about you, all the bad

and all the lonely boys fell for the girl who was now a thing called pretty
and all the popular boys didn't fell for the same girl back in those days

Mondays always came with rain and Friday always left with a smile
the moments you lived for were minimal, it were only the weekends

I remember how lonely you felt, missing the people around you
the voices in your head became your new home, they were your friends
sometimes they come back, just to say a simple hello...

it was all about living for someone that never take a breath for you.

I like skies the most when you are in an open field
and the stars are out, you lay down in the grass

counting these beautiful lights and than suddenly you realize
you are breathing, you are alive, you are worth so much more
and that the world is beautiful even though you feel like crap

she always had this feeling, this girl was different
he always had this feeling, this boy was different

they both had broken pieces and feelings they couldn't place
but when they were together it all made sense, it was right

I have this dream to see the world
to escape from the city and follow the sun
I just want to be lost in more ways than one

and all I ever wanted was you to go with me on this adventure.

I sleep with a bible in my bed
So I can talk with god about everything I regret

She made me realise there was never too much of me
Maybe there was just too little of you and we couldn’t compare

I sleep with a bible in my bed
Just to keep your demons out

Because you filled my mind with dark thoughts
that sometimes made me think, wanting to die was okay

I like to miss you on Sunday nights
Because on Sunday nights everything feels less like a problem

On Sunday night I can picture us together walking on the beach
Being way too drunk, talking about everything important in life
You would make me laugh and I would kiss you on your cheeks

All these voices and then there was you
A beautiful silence in my world of chaos

Your crazy mind would make mine feel just like home
Maybe you always were like that but I just never noticed

I don’t think I can ever regret you,
You make me smile like no other,

I like to miss you everyday

he loved my craziness
even when I had these mood swings
even when I had depressed thoughts
I took him with me on my bipolar ride

I would love you till the end of time
if you stopped breaking my heart everytime you saw me
if you stopped being this human that you are not

I love you for who you are and for who you are not
we were meant to be together, it was written in the stars
but thats were I made a mistake, thats were I went wrong

I shouldnt have let you go so fast
but maybe opening my heart wasn't something I could
I waited for you to speak the three words I wanted to hear
the words, I love you

but he never did.

a black bracelet, it started with a black bracelet and so it will end.

we fell appart that night under the screaming of the oh so loud crowd
you because of the pills you ate, I because of the whiskey I drank
maybe this was the sign, it was supposed to happen that night..
a sign everything went wrong in our little heads, we were gone

it was that night you called me and telling me to leave
not only you wanted me to leave in spirit but also to leave your heart

she always was so beautiful with the light of the moon shining on her
I loved her like the childeren loved playing with broken dying dolls
and I hated her for wanting me to leave her ugly ****** up heart

it were real feelings, everything was so real..
the feeling of your lips on my cheeks, your hands on my waist
so please don't cry tonight or tomorrow, please be happy my dear
you are a thousand miles away but I still want you to feel like home
the birds aren't singing when you are so far away from me, crying

the ocean was dying and the waves were red from blood, tears.
the smoke in the sky started to form a mirror, I could see myself now.

a black bracelet is were it started, a black bracelet.

maybe one day you'll remember my name
you can scream it out of your broken window
but those memories we made won't fade away

the scars on your wrists and arms
will tell your kids the story of when you were young
how you felt back than and how ****** up the world was

this boy needed an escape
something so he could let go of his emotions
so he choose the way of blood and pain

and it worked, it was his way of surviving
and for me he still was the same beautiful boy

the lines on his arms formed a pattern of loneliness
the stripes on his wrists told me a story of darkness

everytime I close my eyes, I wish I could save him
his soul was haunting me and I couldn't be his hero

this time it will be me screaming your name

if I could give my life a color I would choose the color blue

the bruises on my body are telling stories my mouth never could
waking up at 5 am in the morning, tired and afraid but still smiling
a smile you created everytime I think of you, making me feel complete

and if there comes a times you want to leave than maybe you should
I learned that you can't make home's out of human beings so I shouldn't  
but please before you really go think twice about this and stay with me

I always loved the fact you made up your owns songs and melodies
you played the music on your black guitar, songs about stars and rain
riddels about how you wanna change the world, about how you feel
this girl was her own kind of person, she was so special and so beautiful

and again it's 5 am and I can't stop thinking about how I need you
breathing without you being near me is a lot harder than I imagined
the world loses it's color when we are not together, the world is grey
not that grey is a bad thing, we need to learn how to live like this..

my bruises speak a thousand words, my scars do too
but all the words they have ever spoken need to be our secret
I need to protect myself from the world and everything in it..

but please don't stop loving me
even if the demons are getting closer..

I never asked you to bring me the horizon
I never dared to dream about having you

after a while I still didn't knew where I was looking for
I always thought that I was looking for something called love
but I began to realize love is not just a simple word made out of letters

I adored him for the way he looked, dark and dangerous
the tattoos on his arms and neck, the piercing in his lip
I fell in love with his personality, his kind and loving heart
the way he looked at me everytime I walked into the room

this boy could make my heart skip a beat without doing anything
loving him was the most real thing I have ever felt in my entire life
through all the tears and constant fear of not being good enough
he always made me feel special, he gave me everything I needed

I still remember the first day I saw you
you were wearing a black band tshirt with ripped sleeves
it was your smile what made me stare at you, it made me melt
I knew I wanted to have this human in my life, forever

from that day love wasn't just a word anymore.

the road back
to everything I have ever left behind

something that would keep me save from myself.
a person that would love me for all I ever was.
the girl with the bright smile was allready dead before you met her.

a bottle of ***** was what tasted like love.
feeling nothing was what made her feel alive.

thoughts are dark just like the crings underneath my eyes.
an another beautiful young soul is turning into dust tonight.

I wrote this poem because you never did

you were my friend and I loved you for everything you were
the tears you cried because you were insecure, not beautiful enough
the smiles you smiled because you could even enjoy the little things in life
the fights we had because we were always oh so stubborn..

we always found a way back to each other, that was our friendship
it was like a mountain and believe me at one point we did reach the top
but also at that point we were starting to fall down and we fell hard..

you were the one who always cared about me even when I didn't
but you also were the one who always was jealous at the things I had
most times because of me you never felt good enough that must hurt..
and I know I made some bad decisions and you didn't deserve my choices

but I wont ever forgive you for stabbing me, our friendship in the back
for leaving me when I needed you the most all because you were scared

she always was afraid, never had the guts to chase her own dreams
always lived up to the expectations from her mother, she was weak

you dropped out of school and started to gain weight, we could see
we drank more alcohol and let go of the stress and anger we felt..

both we had ways to deal with our problems, this was the end my dear

and I can still see you dancing in my room singing all the lyrics wrong
and I can still see you laying down in the grass counting the stars
and I can still hear you say how you would never leave me alone....

so this friendship was broken and so was a piece of my heart...
I hate you believe me I do but still you have my favorite memories..

trains are moving, birds are flying
and everytime she sees him
her soul is dying

my heart skips a beat
whenever you look me into my eyes
whenever you talk to me
or when she was just thinking
about him and his innocent soul

his love for her was brighter than the bluest sky.
the kind of blue that nobody could reject.

this boy had this special thing
he always had this smirk on his face
and a other look on things
his thoughts were deep
but his heart was afraid
he didnt want to lose this battle

their love story wasnt like the ones
in books, it wasnt like a fairytale
it wasnt like a happy story

but she was happy to call him hers

he was her home

it is 4:30 in the morning and I should be sleeping
the thought of you keeps me awake, I dont know what to do
the words you spoke to me are repeating themselves in my mind
and Im here laying on my bed thinking, how can this be real life

did he meant what he said this time, was everything he once told me true
or was all of this just a lie and he is just trying to play with me

the only thing I know right now is the fact that I cant sleep
because everytime I think of him it makes me wanna die
my stomach hurts and I want to rip my heart out, break every bone

and he knows he can do these things to me, making me feel this way
and I know I can make him feel the same way, just by looking at him

I dont even remember why I fell in love with him in the first place
maybe it were his eyes, oh yes it were his eyes, his brown reddish eyes
or maybe it was his attidude or his smile, his humor or his short temper

now its 4:42 in the morning and I wonder do I want this
do I want to wake up to him every morning laying next to him
do I have the patience to deal with his anger and the way he behaves

he is everything I wanted but nothing what I needed, nothing

I think Im just afraid to close this chapter of my crazy life
I like him being around to watch over and make sure I do the right thing
it always felt safe having him, asking me those uncomfortable questions
he always made me realise what I was doing and how I was feeling

this boy was my first love or maybe he still is a little

and it wouldn't be fair to play this game with me because he knows
I am the one who is going to lose

some things just don't work out in the real world
you want something so bad and it doesnt happen
it feels like all the odds are against you

there was this girl lets call her Belle
she was madly in love with this boy

there was this boy lets call him Beau
he couldnt stop thinking about this girl

you cant fix what is allready broken
but they knew one day the sun would stop shining
and their world would start falling appart
into a million pieces. and they knew that day

she wanted to be next to him
he wanted to be next to her

and so they died with a chelsea smile

the days in the summer were lovely
the days in the winter were bitter and cold

everyday Im getting a little older
it's getting harder to remember the last night I was sober

I wanted to beg you to come home
that I miss you so much, it hurts, that I need you
my heartbeat is raising whenever I hear your voice
you still drive me crazy, everyday again

falling in love with you over and over
and I cant even imagine what life was like without you
without your laughter, without your touch, your being

I can call you my everything but yet for the world it means nothing
I just need to hear from you that you are mine and only mine
because if you want to be mine I will be yours, forever

young stupid and in love maybe these are the right terms for us
it makes me sad that we can't be ourselves when others are looking

maybe they should close their eyes forever
so it can just be you and me

a tragic story starring you and me

everyone was in love with when you didn't even love yourself

cause you are now eighteen and drink a little less than you did before
everything what once happened in your life still ***** you up every day
but you found other ways too deal with it, you found the peace within

cause you are now eighteen and still sleep with stuffed animals in bed
and sometimes the scars on your arms take you back into the past..
you can see yourself laying on the ground again, bruised and broken..

growing older was like looking in the mirror but than looking deeper
your hair went from blonde to black, your freckles were fading..
but you still looked beautiful, she always looked wonderful, dramatic

she always was the laugh of the party, she was crazy, she was fearless
and all that you could see of her was only the half of what she really was

when it was cold outside no angel was going to spread his wings
in darkness it was just you and me and no one who would save us
I missed the little talks we always had on our way home, back to you

everyone was in love with her and she was the only one who didn't see it.

the angels ****** me up with their blue heavenly demon eyes
and still everything just seems more clear here on the other side

you were white and I was black, you were the sun and I the moon
most of the time we belonged to each other, we just never belonged

it was a game for the one's who wanted to play, you never wanted to play

love was like walking when there was no rain, walking in the sun
and leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did, until I did it

you never loved reading books the way I did, we were different
but again we always knew that we were not the same human being

this boy would consider himself smart when I could only see sadness
his broken dreams made me question my own broken little world

I wanted to escape for the summer, maybe for the rest of my life
living my life on the run, forever avoiding your killer green eyes

I could never swim in cold water and you were never here to teach me

my liver may be ****** but my heart is honest
and that is something you could never say
I loved you for the person that you were
not for the person that you are trying to be

you always told me that demons were haunting you
and that you couldn't do anything to stop them
except to give in, give them your life, your soul

he just never understood the things I said
how badly I needed him and only him
I didn't care about his demons and his dark moments
I didn't care about him not easily showing his emotions
he just never understood how much I loved him

one day at twilight the girl woke up at a crossroad
she could choose between two paths, one time, one path
one path was filled with light and the other was filled with darkness

the devil whisperd softly in her ear to choose the dark path
and she knew she would, her demons were stronger than her angels
her love for this boy was stronger than the will of going to heaven

her choice was darkness
her choice was to be his forever

and maybe hell wasn't that bad
because from the start he was her only light in this broken world.

you stopped loving yourself when they started loving you

it was the moment all the people around you opened their eyes
that you decided to keep them close, you kept pretending, you kept hope

Jersey just got colder when you packed your bags and left me for dead
I was crying in the hallway begging you to spend another day with me
but you said you never wanted to see my blue eyes again, and you went

it was like the world stopped turning that second you looked at me
the people on earth stopped breathing at that moment you said goodbye

my heart couldn't stop screaming, my lungs were getting out of air
talking is cheap and your talks were expensive, I had to pay it all..

you always wore a necklace with my name on it, you always were happy
I took away that smile when I came into your life, like the dark night sky

a day after the day you left, my life felt miserable yet wonderful

I could hear the broken kids whispering my name while riding my bike
they would call me things like hopeless and sad, cruel and ugly

but he never seemed to care about the whispers,
because I didn't loved him anyway.

I should be happy but I am not
I should be smiling but instead im crying

I feel all alone in the world and no one will ever understand
and I know you will tell me you do understand me
and that you are there for me and that you think im everything
well sorry my love but I cant be your everything
when I feel like nothing

maybe it is the right time for the demons to come and get me
we always had this great connection to be honest
I would tell them my sad stories, I would cry
and he promised me to always make me feel better
he promised me to never leave my side and I think he never did
he is just on a trip to see the world but he will come back
and maybe he will bring me something or maybe not
I dont really care to be honest, I just miss him.

dear prince of the hell
I dont know where you are in the world
but please come back to me because I need you
or do you hate me.. did I do something wrong
is that why you are leaving the scars and marks on my body
I never told your secret and you always kept mine
even if you are never coming back..
I will always love you and be thankfull for the things you did
but please keep protecting me..

I miss having you in my room.

remember last year and how ****** up everything was
well the mess we made back than didn't clean up itself

please step on my heart, break every single piece appart
burn the ashes of my soul till nothing is left

brainwash me and make me yours
use me like a doll, I will play along
treat me like Im not worth seeing the birds in the sky
and still I will be the person who is there for you at 3 am

everybody knew that we had to much fun
spending all my time with you talking about things I'd rather forget
things that didn't even matter when she was around him

the stars turning into different constellations tonight
and we both knew from that moment we kissed again
nothing could be the same anymore

maybe the world was in love with the idea of us being in love
and maybe at one point in my life I was in love with that too

I dont know what I want

the stars were out and I was crying
the universe was dark and everything around us was dying

I always told you I loved your blue eyes
but maybe I was lying.

people with a dream are kinda like people who don't have a dream
they can live the same life and do the same things everyday
wishing there world was not like this, everything needed to be different
they wanted navy blue instead of orange red

you can have everything you ever wanted
but still dont have what you really need
a friend, a lover

someone to hold you when everything in the world seems unfixable

it was raining again today, the sky was grey just like my mind
a long time ago I met this girl let's say her name was Victoria
she was a little odd but in a special way, her soul was precious
she also had a dream, she wanted to change the world

Victoria wanted the so called weird kids to fit in, to be loved
I guess she dreamed of a world without fear and lonelines
because this girl knew the darkness like no other soul
she had dinner with the devil and played games with his demons

I got broken parts where my heart should be..
and I just needed someone to save me from myself

but dreams don't ever come true, so love me and my brokenness.

suddenly everything reminds me of you

the stars in the night sky, how they twinkle just like your eyes
stupid love songs on the radio and empty bottles of cheap alcohol

teenagers who were craving for a little danger, crazy adventures
to end up in bed totally drunk, telling each other jokes and silly stories

being able to finally say that someone is in love with you too

because darling I could watch you for a minute
and find a thousand things that I love about you

no words can describe how much you mean to me
and how happy you make me feel, every single day

we lost our thoughts and forgot where we belonged in the world
The only thing that mattered was us being together, forever.

you are lonely when you can hear the voices in your mind speak
when you can see the walls in your bedroom coming closer

the writngs in your diary stopped the day your mother died
it was on a beautiful sad thursday night and you couldnt stop crying

and you knew she went to far when she began to break infront of you
how the girl started to find peace in alcohol again, so much alcohol
cause baby here at the west coast we drink ***** the same as milk

after a while the sadness faded and so did the tears, the screaming
she was fierce like always, cold as ice but oh so beautiful, like stars
and nobody could ever compete to this girl and her dark evil twin

I loved you more than I hated the world, craved you more than ever
everytime you had to go was like a piece of starlight leaving the sky
this girl was dancing with devil and writing poetry with his minions

my world never revoled around loving things or loving phrases
my world always revoled around pills and alcohol around death
but everytime the end was coming.. I saw your face .. everytime

so if you were my demon and all of my dreams were haunted
I want to live in this endless nightmare forever and ever darling.

Today I cut my ankle
just because I could.

It was a scream for you to love me;
something that you never would

too many secrets hidden in my head
too many secrets that stay in my bed

I love you, I hate you
oh I wish I was dead

your words are like knives
but the pain keeps me alive

my worst addiction, my lovely scars
everything breathing tears me apart.

the begin of a new year is coming sooner than we expected

everything will be different this time, a new and fresh begin
more demons to fight with and rare love to discover..

many rules to break and bend and new changes to take
old friendships will become new ones and some of them will just fade
more people will die this year and the end of the world is coming sooner
tears will fall and so will heaven, the angels and maybe even god..

it will be a year of grace, a princess will be born out of the ashes
she will rule the world with an honest heart and a bottle of cheap *****

this girl will be begging her loved one to stay with her this year
the moon would be crying without the love in the dark stars and nights

everything is new and everything is old everything is everything

I could swallow a pill to take away the poison, I could do it all
my heart was beating for the people who didn't have one

dancing in a crowded room with all kind of different people, wonderful
drinking to much alcohol and you knew this was going to be the night

he never loved her in the way she loved him or he just never showed it
either you want me or you don't, just know that I am going tomorrow

she was leaving to a place were nobody would know her name, no one
somewhere were she could find peace and happiness with another human

after I told you to leave, you didn't even try to stay in my life, you left
my door was open, my heart was open and there you went, like the wind

the flowers kept growing just as the distance between us, the distance
once we were close, we couldn't be apart, that was a long time ago

he loved reading novels and so did she, they were the same yet weren't
they weren't the same but maybe they wanted to be the same ..

he loved reading novels and she pretended that her life was one...
but he always was a little bit broken, a little lost, he could never save her

heroes don't belong in a world were everything is perfect.

I keep wondering what gave me these feelings

Is it the fact that you’re so forbidden?
That all these emotions need to stay hidden

I want access to all the secrets in your heart
I crave to know your past and everything what tears you apart

I think with my heart and not with my head,
I’m falling apart I’m missing your breath

First, I thought it was the numbness from drinking too much
But after came a terribly urge to be close to you, to touch

And maybe I’m sick and tired of how you make everything feel right
And maybe I just couldn’t help myself when you looked at me,
that way, that night

Cause even in a crowded room all I can do is stare at you
And it makes me feel stupid, you don’t have a clue

It was summer when you walked into the garden that day
And every part of my body wished you weren’t gay

when I woke up this morning something felt different
the sun was shining again and my scars were fading from my skin

in the music he wrote for me he made a lot of promisses, he would keep
being there for me when the stars weren't around, the light was out again
save me from myself, making me stop running and start laughing, smiling

I shouldn't write poems about you and the way you make me feel, always
those feelings aren't real and you are not even in my life, not anymore

I always loved you like the little kids loved their mothers, faithfull

but the point of leaving was never coming back not playing games
and I knew you always loved me I could see it in your pretty eyes

my feelings were real from the beginning and you decided to end it

do you remember the color of the dress I was wearing when we met
do you remember the feeling of my heart when it first met yours

these love wasn't made for someone like me, I am not strong enough
what a feeling to be right here without you now..

I write poems my dear not emotions.

I was never good at writing love poems untill I met you

we all have this one person you would do anything for, like anything
you could die for that other human without hesitation, without doubt

they know each other for almost a year now and a lot had changed
she fell in love with her that year and it killed you inside, everything
she wanted to give up on her so many times, it was so so hopless
and I knew, I knew you loved me, I knew you were in love with me

maybe she was just afraid to let someone in, to let someone love her
it was the darkness that was always haunting her, the demons inside
I remember the first time the razors kissed my veins, it was a thursday
I remember the blood and the crying, the shame and the crying, crying

it were the wodka and punk rock music the piercings and tattoos
the time of high wasted jeans and timberlands, red lipstick and eyeliner
the stories the kids told on the street were probably made up, fake
even the broken childeren needed a laugh once in a while, fake
nobody thought that we also deserved to be happy, just for once..

we could blame it on the internet or television, the time we live in
blame our parents for not loving us the way they should love us
the pills we ate every night just to find a way to escape this **** hole

this girl always made feel a little bit more alive but now she's gone
she's gone and I know she is coming back soon but she feels gone
like that part of me that was made for her is gone, I feel alone again
music is filling the hole what is left crying in my heart, my soul

and if I begged you would you stop this, the feeling of loneliness
can you stop me from hurting myself, stop me from being worthless
happy endings are made for happy people, I am not getting one, ever

I always was a sucker for attention and cheap love, dont blame me

love poems aren't a thing for me.

yesterday everything changed

it was so unexpected yet we all saw it coming
this boy wasn't happy, he didn't wanted this anymore
but still we can't be anything else than heartbroken
we are all al little lost without you..

for five years you have bin a part of my life
you taught me how to love myself
you taught me how to smile again

this boy with his dark brown eyes and a golden heart
this boy who could brighten up my day just by smiling

it hurts me more than anything in the world to see him leave
he saved millions of lifes, he saved my life once but we couldnt save his

he is the first one to say goodbye..

when we are little everything seems big

the older people will tell you scary stories about the world
how it changed over the years and how you should live
they will tell you all the things you never wanted to hear

but they wont tell you about the flowers and gardens
about the oceans and birds flying in the sky, the sunrise
the stories about happiness are like a forbidden secret
something you need to discover yourself in this world

I always wanted to die young because growing up scared me
I remember saying these terrible things to myself in the mirror
things like you wont ever reach seventeen, you are not worth living

and now Im sitting in my room at the age of seventeen
still discovering the little secret called happiness
maybe I will never figure it out or maybe I do someday

oh well for now Im just fine with being a teenager in love.

alone in her room is were she could speak with her demons
alone in her room were no single soul could find her

she always lived in her own little world
away from all the sorrow and the tiny little mistakes
dreaming about a love bigger than the universe
something that would shine brighter than the stars
someone she could call her own

trouble was her second name
it never stopped following me
my daddy called me special but I was just miserable
and everytime he closed his eyes pretending he didn't saw

yes this girl lived in her own little world
with all her scars, bruises and her ***** sweet mind
a way to escape is what she always wanted
because deep down inside I knew this demons

weren't good for me.

the look in his eyes told a different story
it was a sad story about his love for a girl
and how he wanted to give up everything for her

his hands weren't made to hold me
my heart didn't beat to love him
we always thought that we belonged
but the blood in our veins was from other planets

he was mars and she was venus
we weren't made to live happily ever after

but everytime they kissed the colors in the world
came back to life, it wasn't only black and white
and everytime they touched it was another kind of madness

it was a cold dark night
the full moon was shining bright, the stars were out
and everything in the world looked a little more magical
eyecontact and not speaking became our secret
the way your golden eyes looked into mine
you always looked right into my soul

if it's meant to be it will be her grandma used to say
and so they both died alone.

Its 4 am the stars are out
words I didnt know existed were leaving my mouth

this boy appeared in my dreams
he showed me freedom and a little bit of danger
the words he spoke made me feel alive
when he touched me for the first time
I melted like snow when the sun is shining bright

black hair, darker than my soul
sparkling green eyes that could read my mind
curly hair and a golden smile

he was heartless but everyone has a heart
and I love him for being ashamed to show it

I fell in love with this boy but I dont even know his name
I wish we could hang our picture in a silver frame

oh strange boy that I have met in my dreams
please come into my life and make me believe
the world can be a good place

Home doesn’t have an address.
home has a beating heart and sweaty palms

please be mine.

I could hypnotize you with my demonic eyes
and it still wouldn't be enough for you to love me

it was always you who made me laugh and question life
the birds weren't flying for the broken people yesterday
and sometimes being crazy was all what made me feel normal

you make me feel afraid but also make me feel myself
you make me wanna cut my veins and cry my eyes out

the devil itself was made of more beauty than I was
he gave me his eyes but I couldn't compete with his soul

so maybe you were right to leave me standing there
or maybe I was wrong chasing you after you did left me

you were the light in my life but also my darkness

I would descirbe this girl as a piece of art

the color of her eyes was not from this planet
details that could never escape my dark twisted mind
the little mole on her face and the piercing in her ear
small things a stranger, a friend would forget about

there were some reasons why I wanted her to leave
but there were so much more reasons why I needed her to stay
the fun we had together, the memories we made, the tears we cried

nights like this when I get really lonely, I dream about you
it's 3 am and I can hear your voice whisper my name, I freeze
the stars are telling me you are coming home soon, am I dreaming
I can't wait to see your pretty face again and to have you in my arms

life is so beautiful and I would never complain
but Im missing a piece of myself and that piece is you

our love was so right even the angels wanted it to go wrong

ineffable.

I always could care less about my own feelings as long as you are okay

you are my favorite human being because you make me feel complete
because she was the only one who didn't see me as a crazy psychopath

and I thought she was so beautiful with her green eyes and white scars
it was the kind of beauty not a single soul could ever describe.

this girl was the light in my world and yeah she kinda saved my life
all the demons were gone whenever she was near me, she was my angel

the way you talk about your passion for guitars and your favorite bands
I love you for the way you speak about life and our future together..

and would never ever dare to let you go my darling, you are mine

you are so insanely sweet and so insanely beautiful, you cant even see it
I love you for everything that you are and everything you want to be

this cant be healthy now how much I want to be with you, always

they say Im a heartbreaker
so dont get to close, I will tear your universe apart
the stars will stop shining when I am done with you
at least that is what the people say

but most of the time these people are forgetting something

I am not doing this on purpose
I am not trying to smash every piece apart

my love for you just doesn't excist in the world I live
because I do see the way you look at me..
but I just don't believe the way you look is right for me

I need someone who fights back, someone strong
a person who knows how to handle me at my worst

in my own world everything is a little bit more beautiful
in my mind these gardens are a little bit more magical
true lovers together touching the clouds in the sky
you can't blame me for being a dreamer

they say Im a heartbreaker
but darling don't throw your heart into the ocean
if it didn't knew how to swim in the first place

I crave a love so deep the ocean would be jealous.
I loved the stars so fondly even the moon looked back at me.
The truth is I dont need someone in my life to tell me that I am special, god told me I am.
He wants me to give love and all I get back for that is tears on my face and scars on my body.

Its not complicated to be the girl nobody truely cared about.
You may be miles away but my demons aren't.
They would never mistreat me and mistake my tears for a smile.
The prove of being ugly isnt a sign of the stars, it comes from the heart.

I have cried a lot of tears knowing nobody would cry for me.
So maybe this time it is good to be alone in the dark.
Try to pull yourself out this time and make a promise not to tell a single soul
about our little secret. Not that someone would really care.
They see your outside not knowing what is going on, on the inside.
I can't drown my demons they know how to swim. They will catch me sleeping.

I was the girl who never was afraid of anything in the world. They called me fearless.
I always was a good actress, being the lovely and popular girl never was a hard role.
Being a dissapointment is another thing. My life is fail wasted with a bottle of *****.
My life isn't going up because my thoughts are falling down and wanting to be dead,
never was this of big deal this year. I am scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all. I never was good with my emotions anyway.

The blades make me feel comfortable and the cuts make me feel like an outcast.
I always knew I was different from my friends, they never called me this but deep down
inside I knew I was the ******, the outsider and nobody really did like me.

When people want something from you they will do anything to get that thing.
Even if it is just to get their needs, yes I am talking about man.
Being a doll in one of this stupid games always was my biggest struggle.
I am a believer in love, knowing I will never get it. because nobody really cares.

The blood makes me feel alive. It reminds me that I am not dying. not yet.

I always wonderd what heaven looks like, even though I am going to hell.
Being a good person is the hardest thing I am dealing with in my life.
May god forgive me for the things I have done and for the things I am going to do.

My head is going to explode soon.
Tell Satan I said hello.

little do her parents know they lost their daughter years ago

in her sadness she started having nightmares, cruel thoughts
and confusing them with dreams, everything looked so real

maybe it were the pills she never dared to take or the liquor she drank
the constant need of hiding the fear of being left alone again like always
winter was coming and so was the depression, it scared her to death

everybody's got their demons either wide awake or dreaming
and somethings just need to be mine and mine only..
I always loved to have secrets little things, big things, mysterious things

but with you I felt like I could share anything, the small things, huge
hysterical laughter, feeling miserable and crying like somebody died

if I had the choice to **** myself tonight without hurting you..
I would probably have pulled the trigger a long time ago my darling

and let's be honest it isn't you that keeps me alive, it never was you..
you can't live for another human you have to live because you want too

and maybe I didn't die that night because god wanted me to have this
these memories, the tears and joy, the experience of growing up..

I always was his work of art

it was on a saturday night when I first saw you
a party filled with all kind of strange faces, friends and maybe enemies..

you told me I was special, a work of art with eyes that could tell a story
he wanted to know everything about me, it was scary yet warming..
what I adored in life and why, what made me cry, what made me smile

he wanted to know about the things I feared most, my demons, angels
the stories about how I always get way too drunk and the reasons why
the scars on my wrists and the tattoo on my back, like everything..

her darkness was bright like the moon and the stars in the sad sky
but she always shined like the sun, she was so full of life and beauty

it was just like the nights before, the music was smashing , it was loud
we had way too much alcohol in our veins more than was good for us
you were craving for my attention and there were moments I gave in..
he smiled this cheeky smile sweet but dangerous, my heart jumped
he was charming but oh so mysterious..

you were there in the club, in my mind and in my heart
and darling you looked so beautiful with the lights shining on you
and I was missing you so much even though you were next to me ..

I can hear your voice when Im laying in my bed, when its dark
oh baby I can hear your voice every where but I wanted his instead

I always heard you cry at night and I knew it always was because of me

maybe I do have a jet black heart.

I might get a bit drunker when I am around you.
drinking away the shame and nerves is what I am made of these days.
more ***** than water in my blood.

I woke up this morning looking at the sun, being greatfull for living.
sometimes Im thinking about never going home again, but I aint leaving you.
my ego always was bigger than my heart. but that didnt stop me from loving you.

putting your favorite song on repeat is like drowing in your favorite drink.
after a while the taste is gone and it makes you want to jump of a bridge.
doing things you would have never done in real life, but it made you feel alive.

its really not that bad keeping your life a secret.

she wrote poems about me, with passion
it was the same way I wrote poems about her

she saw the world just like the way I saw it
a dark place where you need someone to light it up
happiness was easy to find when she was around me

and everyday I wonder when is this girl going to leave me
and everyday I beg to god to make you stay a little bit longer..

I know you think I dont need you as much as you need me
but the truth is I do, I need you more than the moon needs the sun
I want you and only you, I adore every single part of you, oh you

humans need someone to share their life with, to keep them alive
and I want you to be that human more than I want anything else

the mornings when I wake up next to you, are so lovely, dreamy
the nights when I fall asleep next to you, hearing your heartbeat
every minute we spend together feels like living in a fairytale

and I never want this to end.

there once was a girl with beautiful sad blue eyes

she wrote stories about the moon and the twinkling stars above
because they were a million miles away and no one could ever touch
these things in the sky were so vulnerable yet untouchable, innocent

she sang little melodies about people who were so crazy in love
she could sing those songs with so much emotion and happiness
yet this girl was the one walking around wondering
if she could ever know how it felt, the feeling of being in love

this girl had her own way of living in this angry big world
she saw the beauty in normal things like a smile or a hug
but not just in things she saw beauty also in human beings

or maybe all of this was just an act..
to hide her own little problems for everyone else, the world
maybe the smile that she wore on her face everyday was fake
maybe I saw the beauty in everything else because beauty
was the one thing I could never find within myself

and maybe that is why I got a soft spot
for all the broken childeren out there who feel alone or left out
because everytime I look into the mirror..
I see a broken child, myself.