He is with me,
Even to the end
A friend in me
I made a friend
No raincoat,
Life keeps getting wetter
Please, I just want
Them to be better

I lay me down
I can't lay low
I have to tell
I have to show
There more to life
Find him that's giving
Humble yourselves
And keep on living

Abstract extremities
Indirect, flawed with hidden meaning
The author is dead
That's what they said
She's put away,
Still screaming
To this day

On the night
At the very early morn
The moon had already risen
Just as a broken gaseous no more sleeps
Somehow, somewhere, a beast trapped, released
No longer is it trapped to the confines of its prison

Eyes that survey
Salivating, wanting,
A prompt to its hunger
Its nostril’s pleasure: my scents
Under a crack of dim, creaming crescent
The uncensored scene of my slumber

The conditions, possibilities, a setting made right for the empty
A glimmer of hope or just the fangs bared for the bark or biting
Once started, the urge, its selfishness to one else, it’ll never lend
The craving has begun; the questionable realism of this game of pretend
A shadowy figure, upon a pair of feet; yours, no, mine, it lurks in the dark

Countless moments to lose the count of, time is held still
Longer and longer, in continuous moments that shows no signs of breaking
Once I had the warming presence of the body of mine besides me, only to be replaced
“A story’s not to be finished without the satisfaction it gives,” is all I find
All we have seen, the sweet smell of lovely dreams still dancing feverously like visions of my mind
Darkness lies beside me, wanting you, cannot be unseen: the ****** features being without a face

What’s gotten is what’s to be deserved: deliberations of the disease that festers the fabric of my thoughts, I pay no mind
At this point, my reality sinks in, run-on sentences roles across the virtual plane called your screen.
Unable to break away from the unrecognizable creature that lies before me, I lose contact with the senses, my nerves have no feeling
The beauty of it all is the art, the science, I love the way how it consumes me, growing over me, light glinting off its fangs still bared
I remember now, I know it, we’ve talked about it before, it calls itself Sherman, our sleep paralysis demon, still I feel the need to be scared
My lovely dreams, he feeds off of, the hunger within, in him, is never satisfied, no matter how many times he tried, he didn’t stop, just enough to make me void, light blinds me, my soul is fleeing.

On the morn,
At the surpassed night
My heartbeat pends
Eternally I sleep, at peace
Those who know me weep
For my plotless reality never ends

I am so happy right now
I am so searching for a way out

Reality won't stop
I'm kept reminded of everything I'm not

Shut up!
They shot me down,
Speak out and I'll be "abused,"
I hate it when you "possess" me,
I'm feeling so used.

Shut up...
Can't speak out...You must.. leave...

I promise to give myself the things I deserve
I promise that it's not because of you I hurt me

Deteriorate, I die behind the scenes
You'll come to find that descending madness ain't serene
As I make it seem

It's said a promise is comfort to a fool
So shame on me for believing in you
Very comforting your lies were
Now I'm here questioning my own worth

"It's irrelevant"
I'm usually the skeptic here
But the tables have turned
The roles are reversed

It's your reckoning
I am undone with no care
It's time to let you know

I write in dedication
I am forever grateful
Thanks to your behaviours
Now I am truly able
To hide myself from the world
'Cause all you do is hurt me
I had trust in your word
No surprise you desert me
You're watching from the sidelines
My body bleeds in a trench
As if I'm a sci-fi
Does dealing with reality make your gut wrench?
(Do I make your gut wrench?)

It seems like a lifetime ago
That I loved the gold sunshine glow.
No, it doesn't reach down below

Shadows become my light
Here where my monsters hide

Normal is just a dream
For all of those like me

I hate my mortal bones
Bones and organs work in my skin
My heart forever cold
A cold and psychotic ending?
I'm going down so far
Fall further 'til there's nothing left
I'm kept here in the dark,
The dark
I sing to forget

This is my penitentiary
Broken apart from the world
Where I wanted to be

Locked the door
Threw away the key
And let my songs resume
Enclosed in a pitch black room

Come listen to me
as my song plays
Now, listen to me,
Stuck on replay.

Sleep

It is a portal
From reality
To our dreams

Sleep

Sleep

It's a state of mind
Eyes may be closed
Like you are blind
And your mind works on, unconsiously

Sleep...

The unending suppression
Leaves no words to be said.

The hurt that goes unmentioned
Keeps replaying in my head!

Your gusty winds of teaching,
Your too-**** persuasive legions
Warm even my deepest regions,

And kills me all the while...

Your fingers at the sides of my mouth,
Telling me to smile.

You're the doctor giving bad medicines to ******* back.

You groom me well, teach me to entice the pains, no matter how vile.

You make the walls of my heart go compact.

I can
Sleep in peace
'Cause someone
Looks out for me
Takes care of me
I'm never on my own
Cause someone's
There to make me feel at home

Cleansing before creation
A cycled called out in song
How am I, well, all is well
Except for all the wrong

Sometimes I wonder
If I'm stupid,

Cause I can't act like the others,
Just can't do it.

I tried to be normal for a time,
Efforts didn't show one bit.

So weird,
So unaccustomed,
I see it clearer now
That good can't really blossom.
The fear,
It really runs on
My state of mind,
I find
That soon I will be done, down.

Been knocking on the doors for help like bang, bang, bang.
The alarms always sound that way, they always rang, rang, rang.

Just like this
Things always have been
Yet
It is so
Foreign to me.

So weird,
So unaccustomed,
I see it clearer now
That good can't really blossom.
The fear,
It really runs on
My state of mind,
I find
That soon I will be done, down.

Been knocking on the doors for years like bang, bang, bang.
The alarms always sound that way, they always rang, rang, rang.

Just like this
Things always have been
Yet
It is so
Foreign to me.

Now it's too late
For me to slow down
Must accept my fate:
The lost will ever be found

All down the drain,
Moments lost in a flash
Pushing limits,
We were bound to crash

No matter how speed
I can never seem
To reach
Where I have to go

No matter how fast
I know it won't last
Because
I've always been too slow

Rolling down the road
You were in my path
You left me roadkill
And it makes you laugh

Carrying my loads
We came in contact
You died on impact
I was still intact

The sun sees through us, Star Eyes
Awake, I become dazed
Talking, they're speaking through me
Of monsters that they chase

Star Eyes, stuck in a blanket
The darkness never ends
Behold human perfection
Here sanity descends

Come find me in the ghost nets
Thoughts stinking high with "mur-"
Ignoring all the signs, let's
Harm all that is with "-der"

Staring at the static scream
Of the ******* box
And silently scream;
Trapped in this paradox

Because silents screams
Aren't heard, but seen
Repeating patterns erratic
I lose myself to static.

Inside my static dreams
Are acid screams

A sphere of broken glass
Spins
On alone a string,

If you pull my cords right,
You'll make me sing

Let me pour my insides out for you
...
Now tell me what else you want me to do?

After all the years of bad experiences,

There's bound to be much damage.


You said you'll leave me never
You said your love's forever
You said things would get better

...As time goes by...

I'm cracking under pressure
I can't keep me together
My dead meat's so much fresher

Butcher, butcher,
Where's your knife?

Mind don't,
Won't you take a life?

It is time to cut the meat
The finites, they love their steak

Rare
They like me super fresh
Yes
They like my meat bare
Because I taste the best
When I do not get any rest.

Simulated:
The feeling's real, reality's not.

I super hate it:
I am the one left here to rot.

Participant:
Volunteered to die because life *****.

A simulated reality that never stops.

Stop wasting my time,
Let us go and unwind
Fete over, then rewind?
Stop messing with my mind.

Don't stop one more time
No secret, it ain't a crime,
Just for me? You're so kind
Yes, I know, I'm sublime.

Your love's abiding,
You got what I'm craving
You're there when my world's caving
Cause of you, I'm still surviving.

When I'm abominable
Your love's like a cradle
Whoa, don't break the table
****, you know you're able.

You are heaven-sent,
Hate it when you're absent,
So accustomed to your sent,
Of your love, I'm absorbent.

Oh what I would give for a kiss from the sunshine
When your life is filled with nothing but the moonlight

The shade and smell of the pine trees overwhelm
Suicide to practice humanism

What I would give for a day at the beach
In the daylight
Sunbathe until I'm peach
Wish I won't mind...
...The fact that I'm burning away
In the afternoon heat, under the sun I play.

I can
Take care of myself,
I would help to take care
Of everyone, too.

You tell me to take care of myself,
But, wouldn't it help
If you
Looked out for me,
Too?

Talk less
Do more
I'm obsessed
To the core
I detest
The skin I'm in
Then love
Didn't begin
?

They keep laughing at me
Their noise flow forth from the DEPTHs of their throats
On their thrones they point their fingers
I see their diaphragms trembling in glee

hAHaha
So what if you don't like the real me?
hAHaha
I don't CARE
hAHaha
These aren' the colours I should see

...

They're not there.

I see the colours, the pictures
The words never come

It's just another small
Little
Miserable day
For the
Liability

You know you had it coming
Here's some for all your nothing

Small,
Simple,
Incapable mind
Wasting
Everybody's time

Making molehills mountains
You'll never amount to something!

Between the seams,
Are scary dreams.

I'd like to be...

...Eventually...

Able to roam
Around so free

I have secrets
Inside of me.

Can you discover why I'm even here,
Can't you feel,
I think our end is near
But are sure you really want to know?
So little of me and such a long way to-

-Go-

-Away
To you, I say.
You think you know
It all, hurray!

But, no, you don't,
Not even close,
There's one last piece
Of the puzzle to go.

...I know...
...You can't...
...Resist...
...The temptation...
...Inside my chest...

The day I saw my mother cry,
I wanted, no more, to her, lie.

The day I saw my mother's tears
It washed away some of my fears.

The day I saw my mother weep,
It touched my soul, it touch me deep.

The day I saw my mother sad,
I wanted to make her glad.

That was fun...
...While it lasted:
Left me speechless;
Flabbergasted.
Life was the best...
...Everlasting.

Now my home is
A glass casket.
Now my home is
my glass casket.

An art of misery
A dedication
Possessed by only me
A separation
Of heart and sanity

It's killing me
How much
You love
To make me bleed
Being a slave
I serve to please

Abstract extracts have no story to tell
I have no feelings and art don't sell
A familiar emptiness; hunger, that I know too well
How can I be in the valley, if I never fell?

We're pretty much the same,
Divided across an axis
An object and its image with no name

Consume me,
I'm left feeling so empty.
The chemicals,
They make me feel worse.

Undo me,
It's only my reality.
The chemicals,
Daddy was the first.

I feel it,
But it is only me
The chemicals,
Can't act "normal" for you.

Ignore it,
Very well if you don't see
The chemicals,
Reality goes askew.

The joys of creation
Is theirs to own
A burden than a joy
Carried on alone

The joys of creation
Is theirs alone
A burden of a joy
Is mine to own

Such a joy to be created
Given although I never asked
Accessed without my permission
I was built, birthed to last

The Land of Calm Calamities
Here now it lies an island
Call out its name, if you do same
It'll rise from the horizon

Upon a hill
The palace still
Watches upon its city

Three harpies sings
Blue prince on string
Left behind him royalty

The moons are all neon
A biohazard still fabulous
The apocalypse is upon us
Let the population die

Together we'll grow extinct
Our species already endangered
The moons are still neon, my love
We'll dance to death in the burning lights

The dagger, the knife,
The arrow, three-pronged hook,
The tweezer, the electrical current.

Sledgehammer, blood clot,
The scalpel,

Am I able
To handle
Any more pain?

The pain, the pain.
Hurt by hallucinations,
What can I gain?
Eternal damnation?
It strikes over and over again.

How much more must I bear
Of pain that’s not really there?

My judgement clouded by undeserved happiness
Slavery's my choice, it's my fault
Isn't it always?

I can't remember anymore,
Can't afford to pay attention
Why were you even born?

A slave's only purpose is to please
When will I ever learn?
I'm so happy right now

Just make it stop
Just make me stop
My heart, still ever beating

The skin I'm in
Emotional numbness, stoic?
My heart is bleeding

They claim to care
They claim to love
They claim to do better

Alone I waste away
New year, new day
Same them, same old problems

I've read between the lines
I'm not a part of the bigger pictures
I paint them a personality of perfection, because I never mattered

Their words and actions
Contrary, opposed within the same person
I'm about to fall apart again

What must I be
A slave, a friend
A daughter, I see no difference

I feel the hurts
It all gets worse
No wonder I'm so worthless

Priority
Certainly not me
It's my fault, I'm to blame

Why were you ever born?
I'm torn
Between letting you live to hurt or die to burn

So many ways to rid the world of you
A lifelong inconvenience
For some reason everyone's shattered?

Regrets and tears
They grieve, they cheer
But why? I never mattered

The calorie intake is high
Clouds of cotton candy
Diabetus, why do you exist?

I'm slaying,
Decaying,
This is the life I'm living.

Still taking
Mind-breaking;
This is the skin I'm in.

I wear my masks to make it better
I anxiously wait as I see the three grey dots dance on my screen
I don't see the point in painting merry smiles to hide the truth
I wear the skin that makes me scream

I’m sorry that things have changed
We aren’t the human I used to know
My mind and my heart have had their exchange
And the fears that have been caught up with at last begin to show

Lying has never felt so fulfilling
I’m about to fall apart again
Monsters shouldn’t exist, now could be their time of killing
But the shadows in the corner of my mind won’t let me rest

I cut the meat and stuff the flesh
To feed the bottomless stomachs of finites
The damage done lives in my veins
It only gets worse, we can’t hope for the best

On the edge-ridden surfaces
I throw myself and is comforted by talking meat
The nation reaches its loving arms out to inflict me
But non-existent persons shouldn’t be acknowledged.

I’ll never be real enough for the talking flesh.

A hue of three
We princes stand
A half, a child, and one a man

The prince of blue
Collected, calm and cold
Died to the red hue
So've we've been told

The citrian prince
Mind; heart of child
Pure innocence
Energies wild

Red prince, of passion and love
To self his own
A brethren fell at his shove
Thus becoming grown

They always leave,
A re-occurring curse,
Cry on my own sleeve
Oh yes,
Trust me,
It hurts,
But,
What could I do
When the one who always leaves is you,
What could say?
If you're not even hear?
You've gone away.

They aren't tears...
...Just my heart bleeding...

...They aren't scars...
...Just...
...My disease resurfacing...

...That's not self-hate...

...

...So what if I'm suicidal?

You won't get far with denial.

They come to me,
They come to me

When they speak
I listen

I can't breathe
Am I living?

They're all my eyes would see
When they come to me

I hate the voices that speak to me.
They are nothing but liars.
******,liars.
When I was young, I believed them.
They convinced me that I was an angel from heaven.
They ruined my early childhood.
And persons close to me (that are real) are ruining my teenage years. The earthly ones.

They come to me speaking things preposterous,
No wonder when they're around,
I get real anxious
Getting jittery, hormone levels rising
Wish there was real hope on the horizon

Am I crazy or purely insane
For those like me I can feel your pain

Not till I got wiser, I realized that I should be careful

Dear diary, is it in my genes to have schizophrenia,
Stabbing pains and paralytic dreams

I always hear things
But ignore them when I'm busy
So when I'm bored that is when they come to me

I like my father.
The earthly one.
I miss when he could see.
So many times we would have fun together.
But that was another day.
A day of the before.
Looking back won't change anything.
I don't even know why it is done.

Can't comprehend my inability,
To understand is something wrong with me?
I don't get man, not humanity.
Is that because they come to me?

They come to me in pursuit of my mind
Wish someone fully human was on my side
No wonder I tried to commit suicide
But I miserably failed many times

Why can't I die?!?
I know I have a purpose, but does that mean that I an not allowed to die.
Just because I won't die, I can consume anything and everything without getting sick, so far (does my malfunctioning mind blind me?).
Even bleach!
My body has immunized to them all.
That will just make me live longer.
Is life a never-ending torture?

If you steal my heart,
You'll bury it in your garden.

Don't plant it too deep
Else it would never emerge
To see the beauty of the sky
And your loving face

Shower it in your love
And make it overwhelmed
To die and drown in a sea
Of material items with no true meaning

Maybe its season will come
And it would finally bear
Seeds of emotion,
Seeds of love to spread
To decorate your garden
And whither into the soil it came from

Maybe its season has passed
And you will never taste its fruits
The weeds would find it
And make a meal
Consuming all the life in your garden
And you'll never plant again

Every day we die
But some days we die more than others.

Isn't happiness just ignorant bliss?

Education's so expensive!
...
But what would happen when I run out of sanity to pay?

The thing about dead people
Is when they die, they never ask if I want to join!

I suppose as long as you embrace the death of your sanity,
It never truly dies.