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4.5k · Jan 2019
Feeling
Asominate Jan 2019
You ever had a feeling
That you wanted to die?
And acted on this feeling
And you survived
And questioned why
You're still alive?

You ever had a,
Ever had a feeling?
That made you wanna,
And acted on this feeling.

You ever had a feeling
That rids you of all reason?
And makes you hate your very being?
You are blind
And I'm searching for a feeling

Can't find a feel,
Because none of it is real
I'm traumatized
You say that it's not real

You are blind
And searching for a feeling,
I'm.
Nothing like waking up after another failed suicide. Again.
Asominate Oct 2018
I'm too despressed to notice I'm stressed out
Suppressed emotions inside, shouldn't let out
Seeing is believing but what I see isn't real
I am forced to accept these "realities" and ignore the way I feel

I don't mean to sadden, entertain, bore, or aggravate,
For a decade I find that this is how I communicate
The only way I can precisely speak out on the unhealthy pleasures
As the chemicals of my brain, they fornicate

These levels of relationships aren't supposed to be
It'll **** me sometime later, look at how it has ruined my personality
Seeing is believing, but you won't believe what I see
How can I act 'normal' when you won't acknowledge I can't do 'human being'

My animalistic compulsions are fuelled by my failing brain functions
Don't get too close cause I'll try to bite, I sympathise for your flesh when I malfuntion
Don't be scared, I'm not canibalistic, I just like to use my teeth
Humans scare me, I must defend myself, uh, I mean, to smile and eat

I'm not afraid to say it, but I'm scared when I'm saying it, I have to say
I have been observing your mundane human actions, I really don't want to be put away
I always feel foreign, alienated, out-of-place
But because I'm "considerate," I have to bite my tongue to save me some face

I'm too stressed out to notice that I'm depressed
Wanting mental soundessnes, yes, peace, my hallucinations don't give me rest
My taughts speed down their highway, my delusions are always a-fest
They inflict beneath my exterior, but for the public eye, I wear a crest

"I wear my skin well, don't you think?" I lie, becuase it ill-fits
I am totally normal, "I'm fine." Can't change the fact I'm a misfit.
The beams that bear my bag of meat rust and thus begin to weaken
The lethal sagging's caused by the mental luggage, I'm not heard, even though I'm speaking

Many persons think that I'm overly paranoid, I must admit, that I am
You would be the same way too, if about your health, no one ever gives a ****
Help doesn't come, because their 'laters' always becomes 'nevers'
I am not that superhuman, can't keep myself together, forever

They claim that they would help me, some way, somehow, but their actions never initiate
Someday, sometime, it would all be over, through a thorough death physical or mental
Oh yes, I'm still believing, you can't accuse me of not having faith.
I look forward to my healing, but all the while, my brain chemicals fornicate.
3.8k · Feb 2019
Chemistry
Asominate Feb 2019
There's chemistry between us
It's written on your face
We're feeling the reaction
It's because I've been displaced.

We work together,
Like an equation,
Stuck here forever,
I can't escape

Now that I've been replaced,
It's a shame, I'm a disgrace
I am not as reactive
I am, well, just misplaced

Maybe our bond was made to be broken.
Maybe I'm supposed
To completely decompose.
Maybe I'm strong, but I don't want to show it
Maybe of something greater I'm composed.
3.8k · Jan 2018
Multiple Personality Me
Asominate Jan 2018
There is a me in you,
There is a you in me.
It is hard, sometimes, to control which one I be

Oh my, so many
My faces,
For different places...
to be continued? This one is specially dedicated to me and my personalities
3.4k · Jul 2018
Emotional Make Up
Asominate Jul 2018
I'll make you look pretty
I will make beautiful
You just have to use me
Just by that, I'll make you full

I will hide your empty,
I'll put on an illusion
Overuse'll become healthy
Incomplete? Then I'll make you done

I'm the perfect finish
I'm the cherry on top
Start with me, I promise you,
You won't want to stop.
I'm the creme de la creme
I will make you ENOUGH.

Cover up
Apply emotional makeup.
2.4k · Jan 2018
Animals
Asominate Jan 2018
Animals, animals
Here and there
I can see them
Everywhere

They are even
In the air
But most people
Do not care

We must stop killing them
For the wrong reasons
Send all poachers
Into a prison

I love animals
Animals love me
Just looking at them
Fills me with glee

Every single animal
Is a beaute
All of them to me
Are very cute

Animals, animals
Everywhere
Love each one of them
That's your dare.
2.3k · Jan 2018
Lone Wolf
Asominate Jan 2018
I, I try to depart from all people,
I'm a lone wolf!
On my own I try to stop their "evil"
I am left out,
It is the automatical me
Can I change from who I am
To who I want to be?

Lone wolf!
I choose to live this way,
I am happy with there's sadness all around me
Lone wolf!
I'm forced to live my  life
All of the easy going times
And all of the strife.

Lone wolf!
L-O-N-E
W-O-L-F
That's the real me.
Can I change from who I am to who I want to be?
I cannot deny the lonewolfness in me,
Loneliness in me.
(It helps if you spell it out)
2.1k · Nov 2018
Meiosis Part 1
Asominate Nov 2018
1, 2, 4, 8...
Chromosomes and cells of mine,
They duplicate.

My personality divides
Any and every time.

Meiosis -
My rapid mutations,
I find that they
Fuel my psychosis

Unrealistically
High expectations
I let me rip me apart
I divide and split
Over and over again

This is the alien
That I've become
I'm never enough
It's never the same
Gaps of DNA through
Generations.

Meiosis -
I know this,
I know that I'm not good enough
As a single, a one,
Tear myself in half to
Give them two
When I'm done.
Was doing biology in school and learnt what meiosis is... so I did the most 'Asominate' thing to do... write a poem about it.
:P
2.0k · Jan 2018
I.S.I.D
Asominate Jan 2018
I Shove It Down
I shove down,
Just push away the pains
Don't think about,
Just shove it down

I can't complain
For they won't listen
So all that I do, did,
I.S.I.D.
2.0k · Jan 2018
Sunshine (V4-3)
Asominate Jan 2018
Oh what I would give for a kiss from the sunshine
When your life is filled with nothing but the moonlight

The shade and smell of the pine trees overwhelm
Suicide to practice humanism

What I would give for a day at the beach
In the daylight
Sunbathe until I'm peach
Wish I won't mind...
...The fact that I'm burning away
In the afternoon heat, under the sun I play.
A vampire's wish
2.0k · Aug 2018
Priority
Asominate Aug 2018
Sometimes I am not myself
They tell me it's me, not them
Neglect me and free themselves
Is it so bad to need their help?

I believed their false words all of the time,
They feed me, poison me with all their lies
They're too ignorant to question why I'm dying.
Once again, they blame it on me, but unlike them, I'm trying.

Sometimes... They tell me... Neglect... It is so bad?
I believe... They feed me poison... They're too ignorant... Once again.

I'm running out of time,
They continue to waste my mind.
At the bottom of their list is me,
Is it wrong to want to be...
PRIORITY?
1.8k · Jan 2018
Mysterious Woman
Asominate Jan 2018
Someone's knocking at my door
In the middle of the night
From a warm be into the cold
I think I got my first frostbite

As I opened up my door
I saw a ghostly figure on my porch
A lady all dressed in white
With an unlit torch as her light

Her jet black hair was flying wide
She looked so feeble, oh so mild
Her dress was dancing everywhere
And on her face showed fright

She had such a perfect face
And she came from a mixed race
She said,"Please help me,
I'm being followed by a plight."

I led her into my home
She ran away from my statue gnomes
And when I held her hand
It was so cold and tight

Her lips were bleeding, so was her head
On her dress was drops of red
I let her sleep on my bed
And slept on the couch that night

We danced and we pranced
In my dreams
I was awoken
By the sunbeams

I ran to her
For I heard screams
And at her foot
I saw blood and shaving cream

She said that is wasn't what it seamed
It's cherry syrup and whip cream
I thought that she cut herself while taking a shave
I felt so ashamed and naive
to be continued? I know naive and shave doesn't rhyme. Looking at this poem now that I'm older, I'm wondering "What was I thinking when I wrote this"
1.8k · Jan 2018
Insanity
Asominate Jan 2018
What's the meaning to begin
And continue till the end
The answers are hidden in my fading soul.

They are staring right at me
Why won't anyone believe?
As I'm looking out my window,
They wave goodbye.

Everything is said and done,
Everyone as had their fun,
Time to make my exit from this fairytale.
My departure was foreseen
From the very beginning,
Living life live of full sanity, goodbye.

Hello me,
It's nice to meet you,
Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
It said:
"Goodbye, my dear sweetheart,
It was so nice to meet you,
Oh my, we haven't talked in quite a while!"

Insanity,
The weight of the air is torture.
Psychopathy,
Breathing's not natural anymore
Insanity,
The illusion of ignorance
Captivity,
Forever doing a puppet's dance.

Insanity,
It's like i'm floating on air
Psychopathy,
Live life with too many cares.
Insanity,
These illusion never end.
Captivity,
Behind bars that never bend.

The corruption goes on...

Sanity...
Light is peeking through the darkness,
Purity...
Don't feel anymore of the stress.
Sanity...
It's already fading away...
Cruelty...
DARKNESS GOT A HOLD OF ME!!!
Sometimes I think of my health....
...Sometimes...
1.6k · Jan 2018
Through the Darkness
Asominate Jan 2018
Pumpkin patches,
So wretched
Leaving me with all stitches

Did you get me?
Can you see

Through the darkness
to be continued?
1.6k · Feb 2019
Unstable
Asominate Feb 2019
Go away
I'm chemically unstable

There's no way
Now that we ever will be able

To be considered me
Truely alright, fine, good, normal


Medicine ungiven
Diagnosis wishing
Why others wouldn't listen?
Because they're talking flesh
1.6k · Jan 2018
Personification
Asominate Jan 2018
When the coconut trees
Dance with me
It gives me sheer delight

And when the beastly wind
Sweeps me of my feet
In the middle of night

When the flying fish flies
Into our sky
Oh what a lovely sight

When a skunk raises it tail at you
Oh what a fright!
Oh what a smell, too
1.5k · Jan 2018
Red Water (V3-2)
Asominate Jan 2018
So much red water
Coming down on me like rain
The red water
Is their pleasure and my pain

The red water
Shades of rouge on my skin stain
The red water water
Filled with particles unnamed

But the red water
Ashamed to say it gives me life
It's pure torture
Yet it is also nice

I spill water
Pluck your veins like a guitar
Liquid ruby
Garnet star

No more red water
Abstained because of my wrath
Oh well,
Time for a red bubble bath
Vampire taking a bath (sort of)
1.5k · Jan 2018
Valentine's
Asominate Jan 2018
Valentines Day is stupid;
Picking on me
Curse that Cupid!
No one loved me
Since you was killed,
Hate this day until...

This day has end,
Curse is over
Got no friends;
A cursed clover.
Coma won't let me awaken,
Hate myself till that day when...

I see your smile:
Shining, glowing.
You'll still love me,
That I'm hoping.
You won't come back,
That I'm knowing...

Your memory keeps the tears flowing,
Forgive me accidental sinning:
Didn't mean to **** you again.
My wife, my lover, my best friend.

Valentine's Day's forever
Forgive my?
What?! No! Never!
to be continued?
A story about a man who accidentally killed his wife, and went into a coma from heart-brokenness. His teenage son tries to do whatever he could to bring his father back, even go against reality itself...
These persons exist, but I'm pretty sure the reality part isn't true, or is it?
1.5k · Feb 2019
Mouthful
Asominate Feb 2019
She hides her feelings behind her soft brown eyes
She hides her ugly truths behind the beautiful lies
She hides her growing disease behind a meaty exterior
She hides her everything, afterall, what are people for?
1.5k · Feb 2019
I Can't Stop Part 1
Asominate Feb 2019
I can’t stop
Another day I starve myself

I can’t stop
Another day I abuse my body

I can’t stop
Another day I tear pieces of my flesh away with nails and teeth

I can’t stop
Another day I lose myself to my voices

I can’t stop
Another day I won’t let myself rest

I can’t stop
Another day I inhale toxic gases

I can’t stop
Another day I write a poem because no one would listen

I can’t stop
Another day I cry and break down, all alone

I can’t stop
Another day I can’t bear my own reflection

I can’t stop
Another day I realise that I’m all Daddy has

I can’t stop
Another day I think about his death

I can’t stop
Another day I claim to be fine

I can’t stop
Another day I sacrifice my being for someone who’s not me

I can’t stop
Another day I scold me for my imperfections

I can’t stop
Another day I give myself the things I deserve

I can’t stop
Another day I feel drawn to a knife’s sharp edge

I can’t stop
Another day I think of falling off a cliff

I can’t stop
Another day I think of the inevitable

I can’t stop
Another day I collapse due to physical and mental exhaustion

I can’t stop
Another day I overwork myself because of expectations

I can’t stop
Another day I wake up to find I’m still alive

I can’t stop
Another day I believe my delusions

I can’t stop
Another day my train of taught halts

I can’t stop
Another day I think of how disappointing I am

I can’t stop
Another day I feel out-of-place

I can’t stop
Another day I wish I wasn’t born

I can’t stop
Another day I try to put you out your misery

I can’t stop
Another day I scare myself

I can’t stop
Another day I use my fists and a wall to inflict damage to my skull

I can’t stop
Another day I enjoy peace in my concussion

I can’t stop
Another day I have an existential crisis

I can’t stop
Another day I wait for my healing

I can’t stop
Another day I wish my heart wasn’t beating

I can’t stop
Because it never stops
Repeat daily
1.4k · Jan 2018
Justification
Asominate Jan 2018
Is this a cure I'm seeking
Or someone to diagnose me?
Stuck in my own ballad,
Can't seem to set myself free,
Can't seem to set myself free...

Schizophrenia is killing me,
It makes me act so inhumane
Because I am an 'unknown' ******,
Living "life" is a real pain
I'm totally convinced that its driving me more insane
I need a change
I lost enough, let me gain.

Is this revenge I'm seeking
Or someone to advenge me?
Stuck in my own paradox
I wanna set myself free,
I wanna set my free..

Justification killing me,
But killing isn't justified!
What is happening to me, I am feeling so terrified
What do I do with all the hurt and pain?
Them, I just hide
Most times I cry
But I lock them all up inside.
1.3k · Jan 2018
I'm 'K... (ling Me)
Asominate Jan 2018
I'm 'k...
ling me ever so slowly but surely,
I'm 'k...
ling me and now one's there to stop me.
I'm dying, no one's crying for
This dead body to be
I lost reasons for living
They are blind, they cannot see

...Just 'k...
ling me,
Just 'k...
ling me...

Never thought I'd be my own Undertaker
Never knew in me there is an UnMaker!
Still waiting for things to get better
But it seems like forever...

Dark Dreaming Dexter, a book by Jeff Lindsay
Made me realize my closeness to insanity

Not allowed to ****
But I just will...

...if you hatch me
never enough entropy
welcome insanity
hey there, psychopathy
be free numerous noices
how much? infinity...

...punish me for their vices
they ignored all my voices
make me pay for their crimes...

I'D BE DEAD RIGHT NOW, BUT I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FIND THE TIME
1.2k · Apr 2019
Ring around the Rosie
Asominate Apr 2019
Ring around the rosie
Pocket full of posies
Now it's too late, I'l never wake
And now you'll never know me

Ring around the coffin
Nobody is certain
Ashes, ashes
I fell down
1.2k · Nov 2019
A Wife with a Knife
Asominate Nov 2019
I think of her
She comes to mind
Did you buy him a lizard?

Nancy, dearest
Wasn’t feeling her best
When she sliced through his gizzard.
Not written anatomically correct.
References GHOST’s song “HOUSEWIFE RADIO.”
1.1k · Jan 2018
Shut Up
Asominate Jan 2018
Shut up!
They shot me down,
Speak out and I'll be "abused,"
I hate it when you "possess" me,
I'm feeling so used.

Shut up...
Can't speak out...You must.. leave...
1.1k · Jan 2018
See the River
Asominate Jan 2018
See the river, springing forth: giving us life, giving us hope,
By the river, there's plantation helping to build this great nation!

See plantation, springing forth giving us life, giving us hope,
By plantation there's a market so powerful no one can stop it.

See the market, springing forth: giving us life, giving us hope,
By the market, there's a village so alive, its been there for ages!

See the village, spring forth: giving us homes, and shelter for the poor,
By the village, there's a there's a city, not a place for everybody.

See the city, spring forth: giving us life, giving us hope,
By the city, there's a factory, where some people work to make money.

See the factory, spring forth: giving us life, giving us hope,
By the factory, there's the country, a peaceful place to be.

See the country, spring forth: giving us life, giving us hope,
In the country, there's the home, a place you'll always belong.

See the home, spring forth: giving us warmth, warmth from the cold,
In the home, there's a family, we all have one, you and me.

See the family, spring forth: they're set apart, they're made of gold,
In the family , there are people, some a good, but some are evil.

See the people, spring forth: giving us life, giving us hope.
Of the people, there are we, struggling to find out who we will be.

You can see us, spring forth: giving us life, giving us hope.
We love each other, bros and sisters. No one like us, there's no other.

See me, so tiny, big as can be, with potentiality,
I'm me, all I can be.
who would've taught that a river would lead to me?
1.1k · Jan 2018
They Come to Me
Asominate Jan 2018
They come to me,
They come to me

When they speak
I listen

I can't breathe
Am I living?

They're all my eyes would see
When they come to me

I hate the voices that speak to me.
They are nothing but liars.
******,liars.
When I was young, I believed them.
They convinced me that I was an angel from heaven.
They ruined my early childhood.
And persons close to me (that are real) are ruining my teenage years. The earthly ones.

They come to me speaking things preposterous,
No wonder when they're around,
I get real anxious
Getting jittery, hormone levels rising
Wish there was real hope on the horizon

Am I crazy or purely insane
For those like me I can feel your pain

Not till I got wiser, I realized that I should be careful

Dear diary, is it in my genes to have schizophrenia,
Stabbing pains and paralytic dreams

I always hear things
But ignore them when I'm busy
So when I'm bored that is when they come to me

I like my father.
The earthly one.
I miss when he could see.
So many times we would have fun together.
But that was another day.
A day of the before.
Looking back won't change anything.
I don't even know why it is done.

Can't comprehend my inability,
To understand is something wrong with me?
I don't get man, not humanity.
Is that because they come to me?

They come to me in pursuit of my mind
Wish someone fully human was on my side
No wonder I tried to commit suicide
But I miserably failed many times

Why can't I die?!?
I know I have a purpose, but does that mean that I an not allowed to die.
Just because I won't die, I can consume anything and everything without getting sick, so far (does my malfunctioning mind blind me?).
Even bleach!
My body has immunized to them all.
That will just make me live longer.
Is life a never-ending torture?
1.1k · Jan 2018
Transformation
Asominate Jan 2018
I turn my pain into pleasure
By hardening my heart
My only way out forever
Keeps me from falling apart

I turn my pain into beauty
But it is slowly killing me
Without hesitation, absorb it
Like a sponge, bit by bit.

It's like my burden to bear
It numbs me down
I feel like I don't care
I feel invincible
Like I'm floating on air
The side effects are bad
Although I may look glad
It got me feeling kind of sad
(And it is making me mad)
Just being honest
1.1k · Jan 2018
Puddles
Asominate Jan 2018
Drip drap drop my blood on these white tiles
I feel the pain but it would be for a short while
Another person who cut of their life line
Nobody can say that I would live for a lifetime

Hahaha! I wonder if I'll finally die. Every single time I ever tried I failed and did it miserably. Is it wrong to have suicidal tendencies? NOPE!!! My family says that there is nothing wrong with me. To believe or not to believe who cares? Well certainly not me. It is said that thinking that you have a mental disorder when you don't is a mental disorder. How can it be? Humans are very peculiar; they are not understandable.

Red river coming out of my body
I guess I'm just another person to bury
If there was anyone who really cared about me
They would suffer bad when me they'd see

Already seeing the white light.
I never thought that it would be so bright.
I never thought that's so much it would shine.
Numbness now coming from my wound site.

Hope it was my destined time to die.
Can't really breathe, on my knees, clutching to my side.
The red streams are so dark; they make me start to cry.
Is there another way other than suicide?

***** blood on the toilet seat
Wish somebody would come here and rescue me
That somebody would most likely not be real
My fingers and toes I cannot feel.

Gurgle, gurgle
My life I just burgled
Wish people wouldn't say that I looked like a gerbil
I wouldn't have to face the fact that I am in trouble

Blarh, blarh!
A black crow at me cawed
I barely see I'm encircled by blurry vultures
My eyes closed, my last breath I draw.
Take this literally or not, your choice, my story.
1.1k · Mar 2019
Gemini
Asominate Mar 2019
Cold and calculating
There are equations that need to be solved
I've been contemplating
These situations that'll eventually have to be resolved

Some people leave their mark
Some people bring about change
But it won't change who we are
Instead our species's endangered

The consequences arise from when our heart unfuse
Only a matter of time before we blow the fuse
They call it love, only because they see through abuse
One sided relationships always leave the other used

Claws ready to tear every ligament to shreds
Scream at me, my heart is what broke
Dysphoria won't make me find you dead
It's inevitable that I'm going to croak

There's a reason why they call me magician
I'll confuse your mind, I'll put on a illusion
You'll never notice, without me, there's ok in broken
Your thoughts would never be your own, still harmed by all unspoken.
1.0k · Mar 2019
Focus
Asominate Mar 2019
I am having a crisis,
But there's no need to response,
Since I've always been like this
So what else can go wrong?

Being under psychosis,
But you won't notice that
Can't tell you anything
Because you can't handle facts

I know it's a lot
It can be a lot to swallow
But feel my hurt today
To give us better tomorrows

I know it's uncertain
The future becomes unclear
So stop ignoring all the things
That fill your heart with fear

I know, you're a human,
I know, it makes you scared,
Seeing all the work you put into me
With an eye blink disappear

I know, you're human,
I know you are not prepared
But this is the way my life goes
It'll be better if for me you're here
I am my own...
1.0k · Jan 2018
Reaching
Asominate Jan 2018
Grasping for the air in my gasp,
Uneverlasting, all good things come to an end
Water too deep, I cannot reach
I must be glad, for I won't last.

Clinging to the air in my lungs,
With last breath singing, life or death do not belong
Much oxygen, won't come within,
I'm somewhat mad, won't let me last.

Chasing the things unreachable
I'm never changing, yet rearrangeable,
Barrier so thick, can't feel your hits,
I'm good you're sad, won't see me last.

Falling, hoping that it's to soar
Cranium hawling, I don't like, but get more
Air rush through crease, my wings released
Falling to death, can't **** me, yet.
996 · Jan 2018
Acid
Asominate Jan 2018
Your acid gnaws at my wounds
My wounds bloom for the world to see
Your acid's slowly killing me.

Your venom flows in my veins
It cause me so much hurt and pain
Forever, shall it poison me?
Your vemon's slowly killing me
947 · Feb 2019
Expectations
Asominate Feb 2019
Whatever you say
I'm up to the task

I try but I know
I'll never be good enough

Realistic expectations,
Is that too much to ask?

Must be the best,
Nothing less
Than perfection

In everything I do,
I do it all for you
No room to fail with these 'expectations'

With every cut that's red,
With every bruise that's blue
I'll fall apart for you
For 'expectations'

With every tear I shed,
With every mask I bred,
There's nothing to be said,
I'm suffocating

The high bar has been set
There are goals to be reached
I can't stop until death
Either yours or one for me
945 · Feb 17
A Truly Dramatic Death
Asominate Feb 17
Honey to my eyes,
Liquor for the soul.
The chicken soup has lost its taste,
The peas porridge lies cold.
Skin stretched across the ribcage,
Brains rid of juices; lotion:
Twas a death so dramatic
She died in slow motion.
Dam you, anorexia!
940 · Jan 2018
I Don't Know
Asominate Jan 2018
I don't know, ever since, I remember, when I'd hurt myself
Didn't really pay attention to the pain, I wouldn't ask for help
I didn't believe in talking to people, for what could they do?
Time and time again, my belief is proving itself true.

I don't know, I'm so tired, why won't anyone believe?
Is there any hope? Where is help? Can I truely reveal
My perspective, my suicidal tendencies, the way I feel?
Who can I turn to that's human who can rescue me?
925 · Jan 2018
Pitter Patter
Asominate Jan 2018
Pitter patter-
My tears on these white tiles
I feel the pain but tell myself it will be for a short while
Another person, another person who think of cutting off their life line
I wish I'd live a simple yet satisfying lifetime.

Littler streams running down, running down my face
I want to disappear, don't want to be in this place
Finally could see why suicide is a big 'craze'
I may be alive but not living, I just go with the days.

As I get older, I get better at telling lies
When I was young(er), I was brave, but now I'm painfully shy
Persons around me keep changing for the worst, I don't know why
To make it in their world very hard I try.
918 · Jan 2019
Dark Mornings
Asominate Jan 2019
I'm running out of moonlight,
Soon it will end, the nightfall
Dawn would break, and I'll live to see the daylight
And fall apart at sunrise

Keep myself together while the moon shines
Cause at the sunbeams I fall apart.
When you work through the night and still not finished when the morning comes
909 · Jan 2018
In the Belly of the Beast
Asominate Jan 2018
In the belly of the beast,
We shall feast
On ourselves released
In the eye of the eel,
We see and feel
Schizophrenia revealed

I'm not myself anymore,
I AM MANY!
Hopeful but ignored,
I AM SCHIZZY!
I'm Joenymous,
I'm Johannah,
But truely not, only if I must.

In the claws of the cruel,
O'er me they rule.
They reject wisdom.
The kingdom come,
I'll try to see.
Being not ourselves,
That's what we must pretend to be.
who gets the last two lines?
899 · Mar 12
Death gives Birth
Asominate Mar 12
I'll shut me down
I can't see anything left to save
We collapse and she relapses into all that she gave
An autopsy, an eternal grave:
These aren't the colours that I should see
874 · Feb 2019
Barbed Wire
Asominate Feb 2019
Embrace me tightly
Until I can't breathe
Until all the love I have for you recedes

Pinch my cheek
To draw red water
To coat your surface
Wear me like decor

Wrap around me
And pierce my lungs
Leave me speechless
From lack of tongue

Become the very air
I respire
And love me as
You're made of barded wire
827 · Jan 2018
So Weird
Asominate Jan 2018
So weird,
So unaccustomed,
I see it clearer now
That good can't really blossom.
The fear,
It really runs on
My state of mind,
I find
That soon I will be done, down.

Been knocking on the doors for help like bang, bang, bang.
The alarms always sound that way, they always rang, rang, rang.

Just like this
Things always have been
Yet
It is so
Foreign to me.

So weird,
So unaccustomed,
I see it clearer now
That good can't really blossom.
The fear,
It really runs on
My state of mind,
I find
That soon I will be done, down.

Been knocking on the doors for years like bang, bang, bang.
The alarms always sound that way, they always rang, rang, rang.

Just like this
Things always have been
Yet
It is so
Foreign to me.
813 · Jan 2018
Before
Asominate Jan 2018
Trying to preserve what's left of me,
In terms of my sanity.

Life: school + work breaks,
I need a break
Life: school + work breaks,
I need a break

Before it breaks me.

I'm not afraid to hurt
Won't let anyone get into my way
That includes all of you,
And also me.
feels
799 · Jan 2018
A Message Heard too Late?
Asominate Jan 2018
Crying, hurting inside
Emotions I tend to hide
Being normal I tried
Which led to my suicide...

Tendencies, it is SO ME.
Alive, I don't want to be
They keep on torturing me
Especially my own family...

Mother, she won't believe
She makes me want to leave
True self I cannot reveal
What greatness can I achieve?

Think a little harder, start trying,
Someone you know is dying
Open your ears, open your eyes and try to
Don't let us be lost to suicide

Silent screams,
Not just my dreams,
What I experience's real
It makes me what to ****,
Let this, my body be still
Just a reminder for persons who know someone suicidal, don't keep it a secret. This may be a message sent to you too late, but you can change that. If you ARE suicidal, I don't have much to say on that except tell someone else.
775 · Jan 2018
V5-4
Asominate Jan 2018
Would you like to be my friend?
Help me escape?
Be the light of my life
And not a dark cape?

Do you mind I'm dead?
My pleasure's your pain?
What you call serious matters
To me, are just games?
Another vampire's wish
771 · May 2019
It's not Real
Asominate May 2019
Crashing,
Spiralling around.

I keep you safe,
But lose my sound

Judgements collide,
Reality becomes a lie

When would be the last time I die?
768 · Nov 2019
The Chemicals
Asominate Nov 2019
Consume me,
I'm left feeling so empty.
The chemicals,
They make me feel worse.

Undo me,
It's only my reality.
The chemicals,
Daddy was the first.

I feel it,
But it is only me
The chemicals,
Can't act "normal" for you.

Ignore it,
Very well if you don't see
The chemicals,
Reality goes askew.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, **** you schizophrenia!
767 · May 2019
Me
Asominate May 2019
Me
Every time I look,
All I ever see,
I wish it didn't show:
All I'll never be.

All I never am;
What you want of me,
Sorry that we're ******,
Sorry that I'm me.
753 · Feb 2019
Pastel Pallets
Asominate Feb 2019
Unrealistic-
Expectations
Sends me ballistic,
I can't function!

Animalistic-
The beast in me won't stay in its grave!

A mental misfit-
Tell me am I too much to save?

These pastel colours are painted on my life pallet:
Love and Laughter,
Rage and Regret
The memories I'm after
The memories I want to forget
The red and blues are abused

These aren't the colours I should see!
How could I tell you?
You never come through-
It is killing me
I'm at the point where it hurts so much I hurt myself
Don't you understand the meaning of 'help'?
753 · Jan 2018
Paradox
Asominate Jan 2018
Surprised that I distrust myself,
You don't even trust me!
Just living the way I'm raised,
But is that the way to be?

Do not like my different ways,
Say it's okay to be unique!

Your sayings alarm me
Your paradox knocks me,
Your words confuse me,
Your words are, you act so
Confusingly contradictory.
Those person that say one thing and expect another.
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