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They keep laughing at me
Their noise flow forth from the DEPTHs of their throats
On their thrones they point their fingers
I see their diaphragms trembling in glee

hAHaha
So what if you don't like the real me?
hAHaha
I don't CARE
hAHaha
These aren' the colours I should see

...

They're not there.

I see the colours, the pictures
The words never come
Plot twist! (Actual scene): Just did bad on a test I give my all in and the teacher calls out my score in front of all the class. They stare in surprise at me since I'm one of 'those guys' that's perfection as I try not to fall apart in public.
Why does when I get tense, my vision loses colour?
"Why don't you just use a filter?"
Because I don't like being fake
"Come one, it'll make you look better!"
All the unnecasary effort for unknown people's sake?
My cousin was asking me to take a selfie with her using snapchat, and this was our conversation.
I hope I'm not the only one that have a deep probably unjustified hate for filters and photoshop etc.
Sometimes they're many
Sometimes they're few
Unpractically pretty
But they will do

Flowers in my garden
The only things certain
The only faces I know
Who'd remain true as they grow

They may blossom like my growing fear
The may wither like my sanity
They are stifled by the thorns
Like the skin I'm in, well-worn
They are suppressed by the weeds
Like the guilt in me

Flowers in my garden
I am quite certain
We're the same
But I'm embodied in flesh

Flowers in my garden
I beg your pardon?
What do you mean that you don't exist?

If you leave, what'll happen to me?
Tried to write a positive poem, but I'm not one to lie in my poems.
Johannah Jeanty Dec 2018
The unending suppression
Leaves no words to be said.

The hurt that goes unmentioned
Keeps replaying in my head!

Your gusty winds of teaching,
Your too-**** persuasive legions
Warm even my deepest regions,

And kills me all the while...

Your fingers at the sides of my mouth,
Telling me to smile.

You're the doctor giving bad medicines to ******* back.

You groom me well, teach me to entice the pains, no matter how vile.

You make the walls of my heart go compact.
Johannah Jeanty Dec 2018
I wear my masks to make it better
I anxiously wait as I see the three grey dots dance on my screen
I don't see the point in painting merry smiles to hide the truth
I wear the skin that makes me scream

I’m sorry that things have changed
We aren’t the human I used to know
My mind and my heart have had their exchange
And the fears that have been caught up with at last begin to show

Lying has never felt so fulfilling
I’m about to fall apart again
Monsters shouldn’t exist, now could be their time of killing
But the shadows in the corner of my mind won’t let me rest

I cut the meat and stuff the flesh
To feed the bottomless stomachs of finites
The damage done lives in my veins
It only gets worse, we can’t hope for the best

On the edge-ridden surfaces
I throw myself and is comforted by talking meat
The nation reaches its loving arms out to inflict me
But non-existent persons shouldn’t be acknowledged.

I’ll never be real enough for the talking flesh.
Johannah Jeanty Nov 2018
I find peace in the silence,
But a silent world can be maddening.
Noise drives me to my ends,
It corrupts all my happennings,
But if peace is therefore maddening,
And it's the same for noise,
One way or another I'll lose my mind
Without being given a choice.
just a random thought
Johannah Jeanty Nov 2018
What is a beautiful life
Without a beautiful death?

What are beautiful memories
When all we do is forget?

What's a beautiful rest
Without a beautiful wake?

What's so beautiful about giving
For all you do is take.
Johannah Jeanty Oct 2018
Staring at the static scream
Of the ******* box
And silently scream;
Trapped in this paradox

Because silents screams
Aren't heard, but seen
Repeating patterns erratic
I lose myself to static.
Johannah Jeanty Feb 2018
Taken way too soon,
I'm not at all who I used to be,

Shifting in glass box,
My past is nothing more than just a dream?

Now I feel the taughts of Disease growing once again.

I'm powerless to change my fate,
But in the end, I'll be shelthered,
Once again.

With judgements torn,
If you listen really close,
You can hear me sing my songs...

No, they can't give me back the mind I had,
But I don't have to suffer on my own,
Even if I'll never find my home,
I'm not alone,
I'm not alone?

In my little world,
Forever lost to passing time.

They don't knows what it's like to wear the masks
That they trapped me inside.

One day the cold clouds hovering over me'll
Begin to fade.

Then I'll be free to cut your strings,
Cry no more tears,

But for now, I walk,  enchained.
Johannah Jeanty Feb 2018
We wanna Jo to have more friends
Not hidden in shadows to drive Jo wild.

Jo try so hard to make Jo dead
Jo pain, is yours kind of pleasure? Chld?


It's we
We know Jo can hear us

We're broken. There can be way

Believe
We are all in Jo head
Lies Jo tell selves each day

Memory always been rotten?
Bitter old times cannot forgotten
Silent screams, misunderstandings,
Can you bring Jo better ending?

Tears of fear shows Jo despair
Real humans are never there
Happiness can't last forever
Jo try to fix selves together

Watch out...
...Disease draws closer
As it killing Jo mind...

...Find calm...
...It cannot be over?...
...Lies of truth lie behind...
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