I put my all my heart into my writing
As a result, am I left heartless?

I...
...Might be getting tired of this:
Endless game of scares.

I'm through,
I'm coming to an end,
Real soon.
But life still haunts my dreams,

See you...
Not knowing Death
You've never stared it
In the eyes.

Stopped asking why
Is it always the past
That comes to haunt my life?

Guess this is where I am.

I guess this is my curse;
Oh dear
And it can get much worse,
The fear...

...I'm stuck in here...

Nightmares,
Out of my control,
My regrets
Leave me feeling empty and cold,

What they want is what I fear,
I just want to get away from it all.

Here's the call to drag me away,
My rise could be my fall...

...I've got to get free...
...This really isn't me...

A picture speaks for a thousand words

A smile speaks for a thousand tears

A song speaks for a thousand hurts

A poem speaks for a thousand fears

Thrashing around with force, yeh
Never lived a situation so hopeless
The one who gives and keeps me alive
Has hatched the beast inside

It has been awaken
Control and strength it is gaining
My mind, it is breaking
But with no choice, the pain I keep taking

She says that mind's alright, goo
But I know that it's surely
I would **** me, if I could
But it'll make people sad

Must always think of someone else
Someone who isn't me
I am always giving help,
But for two years now, waiting for
Someone to give help to me

Pumpkin patches,
So wretched
Leaving me with all stitches

Did you get me?
Can you see

Through the darkness

Finders keepers,
Losers weepers.
You're the prey
And I'm the seeker.

Hunt you down,
Leave you in pieces,
Hold me back
I really need this!

You make me want to scream,
You make me want to shout,
You make me want to cry,
Oh please, just let me out!

You are making my life a mini-living hell
You make me want to die,
Most nights I can't sleep well

Why do you give me so much torcha?
Do you know that I do not want da?

You give it to me
As if it was good
All it doing is make me feel so bad
It kills me mentally more than it should
My sanity, I- I no more have

I listen to you to make you feel good
Would you just leave me? No, you just want more.
Sacrificing everything I ever had
What is reality? I'm not sure

Thanks, appreciations!

I plea to thank you?

(We're unpleased)

Gratifications!

Certainly welcomed!

I'm totally fine,
Yeah,
Totally feeling
The disease you don't believe in

You say everthing has its season,
But my mind, it isn't healing!

Your 'training' leaves me tired
Pain makes me uninspired
Unless by you it's fired
From life, just might retire

The darkest humour,
A comedy
I’m laughing although it is killing me
You watch me bleed, yeah.

Brains don’t feel pain…

Especially daddy’s
When he had a tumour growing in it
Messed up his memory
Also, his sanity

Since then he cannot see
He went completely blind
Nerve cells rarely heal
Especially the ones that run to the eyes

Surprise
For two weeks
He felt it ill
Slight fever with no heat

He felt slightly weak
Then he woke up blind
Everything was dark
His optic nerves his tumour did find


He said everything was black
He flew out of the country
After a month, he came back
He didn’t die, alive was my daddy


Ten years, three months later
I put my pen to paper
I know I wouldn’t remember
‘Cause daddy and I don’t get better.


The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
I am of my father
Dementia: him, schizophrenia: me
Isn’t it a laughter?

That’s my happily ever after...

I turn my pain into pleasure
By hardening my heart
My only way out forever
Keeps me from falling apart

I turn my pain into beauty
But it is slowly killing me
Without hesitation, absorb it
Like a sponge, bit by bit.

It's like my burden to bear
It numbs me down
I feel like I don't care
I feel invincible
Like I'm floating on air
The side effects are bad
Although I may look glad
It got me feeling kind of sad
(And it is making me mad)

I'm sick of these transfusions
I always have to give
You're always the one dying
And you need my blood to live

Universally you recieve
But very picky how you donate
As a universal giver
This I don't appreciate

Not everybody can love me
Not everyone has what it takes
Only my kind,
I find,
Can love me, and love me straight

No matter the circumstances,
My love never be returned
Because our transfusion doesn't work that way
You leave me dry,
To die
And burn

Fingers dipped in purple powders
Fushia gold my makeup
Black skintight latex suit with neon circles
How my outfit is made up

Three rings around my waist
Intersecting, two vertical, one on the horizon
The circles glow with noble gases
Radioactive, after all, I'm an alien

Perfect spheres and concentric rings
Are trending, so I have read
I balance on stacked circles, my six inch latex heels
And floating circles surround the pair of buns on my head

My bones poke through my latex,
Anorexia won't stop my passions
I may not be the body type you want, but I'm the body type you have
And I still enjoy the fashions

Looking at your body
I catch feels
It must be so nice
To feel real
“I’m beautiful just as I am”
You figure
Telling me things like these
Get me triggered

Setting goals for myself
In front of the mirror
Seeing my reflection
Checking out my figure
Under 110lbs
Yes to less, no to bigger
Remembering things like these
Always get me triggered

Poison in the blood
Toxins in the veins
Pain

I hear strings snapping
And I'm laughing
At the pain

It has finally happened
I am at this
Point again

The last strands breaking
I am shaking
Under bane

Madness is calling
And I'm falling
To the flames.

Dates keep changing
Rearranging priorities
For some reason everyone of them's above me!

I'm below them
The worthless me
Unimportant, oh!

Why still can they not see?
Their own actions, priorities
Didn't make the list
Unmissed, amiss, unnecessary

Time comes, time goes
Everyone knows this
All within their minds

Things to do
I still go unnoticed
A year a time

My needs are a mistake
I make them into happy
It's not appreciated
I am in their way, very much

Go away
I'm chemically unstable

There's no way
Now that we ever will be able

To be considered me
Truely alright, fine, good, normal


Medicine ungiven
Diagnosis wishing
Why others wouldn't listen?
Because they're talking flesh

You keep telling me things that I know
But what if you were in my place?
Being unable to stand
The look of your own face?

Can't trust thoughts anymore,
Myself, a living disgrace?

School is all that matters,
Not anymore education,
I speak to you, what you tell me to do
You say its "frustration."

Ignoring, abusing, overusing, shutting down my body systems-
People are so hard to please,

Don't know accurate name for my behaviours,
Just call it "Disease"

Being a misfit,
I try to be you,
You don't know I've been suicidal
Since my second *Grade 2

I don't ussually ask for much
But when I do
Apparently it is to great
For you to do?

Apologies for I, disappointment.
Please, I don't ask for sympathy
You may not believe, but,
I do not cry deliberately.

honestly, I TRUELY naturally forget
I don't know how to communicate with spoken words, yet.
When I do, they are usually lies
So my only way , throu poetry, I write.

When you ask what's going on,
Honestly, I can't recall
Without my poems and songs, about me,
No one would know much at all.

Been this way ever sine in Haiti
What I call "Disease"
Is an extended, ongoing culture and reverse-culture shock, maybe?

I'll blow my brains
'Cause I deserve it
Ignore my pains
'Cause I'm not worth it


They hurt us
These are the ways they vent
Us monsters
Should get our punishments


Us monsters
We are the monsters
We deserve it
These are the ways they vent

Us monsters
They hurt us
Price of a sentience?

Price of a sentience...
We're true monsters.

Oh, is it a lip bite hurt so bad
Plucking a bloodstream from my flesh
Blood going down into my head

Oh, titanitum needles inject
Give acid, take red water, insect
Forget

Dizzy around on the sky
Fly my wingless butterfly
So dead live

Oh, insert here, puncture shoulderblade
With enjoyness come and that waterfall
Metamorphosis cells my body change
I am rebuilt

Pale sheet, translucent skin, I flap
Sunshine hole in wing fire
You I live and die desire

Would you like to be my friend?
Help me escape?
Be the light of my life
And not a dark cape?

Do you mind I'm dead?
My pleasure's your pain?
What you call serious matters
To me, are just games?

Valentines Day is stupid;
Picking on me
Curse that Cupid!
No one loved me
Since you was killed,
Hate this day until...

This day has end,
Curse is over
Got no friends;
A cursed clover.
Coma won't let me awaken,
Hate myself till that day when...

I see your smile:
Shining, glowing.
You'll still love me,
That I'm hoping.
You won't come back,
That I'm knowing...

Your memory keeps the tears flowing,
Forgive me accidental sinning:
Didn't mean to **** you again.
My wife, my lover, my best friend.

Valentine's Day's forever
Forgive my?
What?! No! Never!

Every movement
Every twitching
Every bruise and
Every blister
The dark fine line
My blood glistens
In the moonlight
Ain’t it twisted?

Every vision
Black and blue, I’m
Used, abused, Crime
To suicide
Every sharp sur-
Face of the knives
Every blunt hammerhead
That I’ve tried

‘Fore they knew I’m
Painting pictures
Inhumane crimes
Still unwitnessed
Going through, I’m
Thorough, twisted
Me beyond recognition
Ain’t it vicious?

I deserve hurt
I deserve pain
I deserve work
I deserve strain

Self-starvation
Unsatisfactory
Tainted believes
I become feign

For your fresh flesh,
I have a craving
I find it best
When you're still breathing


I'm wanting you...
Squirming in my teeth

They’re always watching, following me
I can feel their presence everywhere I go
I tried to listen to them, I felt them calling me
So I welcomed them in and let me go

I hope you are fine,
To know you’re doing well
It distracts of all my constant hell
I won’t get far, but to know you’re okay
It helps me to forget the end’s near for my day

She stares
With a bagpack and a ribbon in her hair
I care
But the words have never left my tongue

I'm concerned she's scared
Of how I treat myself

It makes me fear
What she will do
It was only the tip of the iceburg

What if she only knew?

Everyone is an industry plant

Everyone plants themself

There's nothing wrong with planting yourself in an industry

I wish I was one
I can be
I could be

Who cares?

Who needs emotions when there are people to please?
Who needs doctors when you’re the source of the disease?
Who needs human functions to live when you’re deceased?
Who needs love when it’s certain you deserve to bleed?
Who needs?

Here you go again,
Bringing me down
It's like you live to see me crumble

Say you are my friend
Poison my crown,
Shock me and leave my brain scrambled.

SO WHAT, I'M NOT NOT RIGHT?
I'm never gonna heal if you keep acting like this
NO BUTS, MAYBES, MIGHTS
You have all the resources, but you sure don't act like it,

So you...

Waiting for a reaction, save me
Won't you?

Ignorance would not give satisfaction,
It won't do.

Just like me,
Don't you care for me?
Where could you be be?

Consumed by the fear,
I really wish,
Wish you were here.

Two of a kind
That's who we are
I'm the birth,
You're the death
Of a universal star

Taken way too soon,
I'm not at all who I used to be,

Shifting in glass box,
My past is nothing more than just a dream?

Now I feel the taughts of Disease growing once again.

I'm powerless to change my fate,
But in the end, I'll be shelthered,
Once again.

With judgements torn,
If you listen really close,
You can hear me sing my songs...

No, they can't give me back the mind I had,
But I don't have to suffer on my own,
Even if I'll never find my home,
I'm not alone,
I'm not alone?

In my little world,
Forever lost to passing time.

They don't knows what it's like to wear the masks
That they trapped me inside.

One day the cold clouds hovering over me'll
Begin to fade.

Then I'll be free to cut your strings,
Cry no more tears,

But for now, I walk,  enchained.

I look and there's nothing left,
There's nothing left to be saved.
Because I am yours
I wear my mask
And behave.

I look at me and I see
There's nothing left to be saved
Because you own me,
I laugh it off
I'm your slave,

Yours, in a lost state
I wear my mask and behave
Because you own me
I wear my mask

You wanna break my mind,
You wanna tear me up,
Don't know know what you will find,
In my remains but guts.

You wanna break my heart,
You wanna tear me down
But I will rise up high
With a powerful sound

You wanna break my soul
You wanna tear me apart
Up to  know you don't know
That I have a pure heart

You wanna break my spirit,
You wanna take it all
Well, but you just don't get it
I'll get up when I fall (eventually).

Why don't I speak anymore?
Make me weak to the core
I just hope that you feel stronger

Blind to the bleak, oh my poor
Carcas reeks, from the sores
I have made to make me hurt longer

Blasphemy
Avert your eyes, I plead, but
Not for me
I dare not burden you with my existence
Even though you me to,
Even though you want me

I am the all and only that I don't see
But you want me