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Jul 2021 · 213
Cancer
Asominate Jul 2021
There are holes where my heart should be
There are holes in my brain as well
My body tried to make up for the missing mass
And made some of the remaining parts of my brain swell
Sometimes I feel as if I'm nothing more than a chemical child...

(And I've finally returned, I didn't forget my password or anything, just been a bit discouraged, I might be a bit more active now)
Sep 2020 · 637
Senseless
Asominate Sep 2020
Read me your words
I am yet to hear them
Knowledge to be absorbed...

Yet of the unknowns,
There's a fear within.
Sep 2020 · 365
I'm Not Safe Here
Asominate Sep 2020
Trust was never a option
But were there any options to begin with?
The paranoia is real, the cake is not
Sep 2020 · 401
Believe
Asominate Sep 2020
A mask of myself
The mask is me
If they think it's just a mask
They won't believe in the me that is real
Sep 2020 · 225
Crave
Asominate Sep 2020
I crave consumption
An urge to purge,
If you will

To cease all function
I want my body to be still
I want my heart to be still
I want my mind to be free

I crave consumption
I want to undo my reality

I crave consumption
An urge to purge,
If you will

To cease all function
I want my body to be still
I want my heart to be still
I want my mind to be at peace

I crave consumption
I want to be decreased
Sep 2020 · 435
Boo!
Asominate Sep 2020
Immortality is the lack of dying...

Here's a scary thought:
You'll only die when you stop trying
What are you scared of?
Sep 2020 · 110
Shortfall
Asominate Sep 2020
I am so happy right now
I am so searching for a way out

Reality won't stop
I'm kept reminded of everything I'm not
Sep 2020 · 212
The Art of Misery
Asominate Sep 2020
An art of misery
A dedication
Possessed by only me
A separation
Of heart and sanity

It's killing me
How much
You love
To make me bleed
Being a slave
I serve to please
The art of slavery
Jun 2020 · 288
Sentience Part 38 (Fault)
Asominate Jun 2020
Blank and blurry
I lose myself
I drown in fury
I made this hell
Can't function as needed
I'm taking it with salt
Your plans haven't succeeded
And it's all my fault
Just feeling a bit guilty, that's all
Jun 2020 · 190
Recess
Asominate Jun 2020
Blue eyes
Black hair
You cried
I stared
I laughed
You left
Blue eyes
Come back.
Just another day on the playgrounds.


She never came back.
May 2020 · 302
Sentience Part 37 (Relapse)
Asominate May 2020
Always watching,
Never seen,
Always is
And always been.
Standing by,
We watch worlds collapse.
It's our fault,
Again we relapse
May 2020 · 1.6k
Talk is Cheap
Asominate May 2020
Talk less
Do more
I'm obsessed
To the core
I detest
The skin I'm in
Then love
Didn't begin
?
It's not good enough.
May 2020 · 231
Under Psychosis
Asominate May 2020
I hear strings snapping
And I'm laughing
At the pain

It has finally happened
I am at this
Point again

The last strands breaking
I am shaking
Under bane

Madness is calling
And I'm falling
To the flames.
No matter how many times it happens, psychosis always hit different, yo.
May 2020 · 190
n o d i s e a s e h e r e
Asominate May 2020
I want to draw a ****** smiley face because it hurts
I want to slam my head against a wall 'til my brain works

You all are speaking through me
It undoes me with no care

It's too late to be saved
I must behave
n o   d i s e a s e   h e r e
I'm sorry, what did you say? I wasn't paying attention
I'm on the verge of psychosis, did I mention?
May 2020 · 525
Limits
Asominate May 2020
I'm trying to do nothing
Lest I do something
That I'll regret.

I'm under pain and pressure,
Know not the measure
And it makes you upset.

Maintaining my functions
Lest I malfunction
And blood spills

If you keep pushing me
Eventually
I will.
May 2020 · 386
Labels
Asominate May 2020
Guilty

I point
And three fingers
Pointing back at me

Memories
Not forgotten
Even though I plea

The knives,
They are calling
Yet I still don't bleed

No point in my destruction
Since I cannot feed them

Sharp blades
Evade
My self destruction

Afraid
To pay
For loss of function

Every
New day
Is a new problem

Cut me off
(Save me!)

I'm coming out
I'm caving in
Tell me do you like me now
Let me begin

By burning all the cradles
Uninstall the training wheels
Enstrangement's just a label
And I don't give feels

(I cut me off
I shut you out
I'm caving in
Do you like me now?

Not good enough
I've never been
Disconnection
I'm the alien)
👽 nation.
May 2020 · 585
Caught Up In My Feelings
Asominate May 2020
Existence feels futile
But what are my feelings?
Wearing a mask of a smile
Death is so appealing

Reality's shattered
Shattered in delusions
My life's a confusion
Of mismatched solutions
May 2020 · 254
Hello, Friend
Asominate May 2020
Solaris dearest,
Are you awake
I feel like
I'm a mistake
I fear that
I cannot take
It anymore

Andrew, bruh
Are you still alive
You are?
K, well, so am I
My stars,
I can hear the knifes
They're calling my name

Matthew, hi
How's life treating you
Oh my,
The things we go through
Just lies
We wish they were
Wish we didn't feel hurt
Asominate May 2020
One day I decided to upload my consciousness to a virtual reality.
During the process, there was a disturbance in the broadcast and my consciousness was synced;
I was then opened to possibilities both physical and virtual,
I broadcast myself across the species of earth.
I watched my bodies die countless times, I killed even more.
Might make a little collection
May 2020 · 232
Sentience Part 36 (Wins)
Asominate May 2020
Good luck and good riddance
I hope you find your rhythm
Either you're in or out
Look at who's laughing now
Best wishes, sweet dreams
Hope you'll soon be redeem
You chose out over in
At the crossroads no one wins
May 2020 · 342
Who Needs?
Asominate May 2020
Who needs emotions when there are people to please?
Who needs doctors when you’re the source of the disease?
Who needs human functions to live when you’re deceased?
Who needs love when it’s certain you deserve to bleed?
Who needs?
Afterall, who needs? Certainly not I!
Asominate May 2020
Looking at the wall
Something is missing
It doesn't have my brain stains

I am so appalled
How the knife doesn't glisten
With blood straight from my veins

Straight from the source
Of course
Let nature run it's,
Nature run it's,
Nature run this

Simulation
Reality's a lie
A preoccupation
To see me die

Get out
Or die trying
I've fell down
And I'm trying to give myself
The things I deserve
But who are you to listen to the delusions of a defective mind?
May 2020 · 202
Sidelines
Asominate May 2020
I promise to give myself the things I deserve
I promise that it's not because of you I hurt me

Deteriorate, I die behind the scenes
You'll come to find that descending madness ain't serene
As I make it seem

It's said a promise is comfort to a fool
So shame on me for believing in you
Very comforting your lies were
Now I'm here questioning my own worth

"It's irrelevant"
I'm usually the skeptic here
But the tables have turned
The roles are reversed

It's your reckoning
I am undone with no care
It's time to let you know

I write in dedication
I am forever grateful
Thanks to your behaviours
Now I am truly able
To hide myself from the world
'Cause all you do is hurt me
I had trust in your word
No surprise you desert me
You're watching from the sidelines
My body bleeds in a trench
As if I'm a sci-fi
Does dealing with reality make your gut wrench?
(Do I make your gut wrench?)
You know who you are
May 2020 · 204
Liability
Asominate May 2020
I crave consumption,
An urge to purge,
To cease all function,
To rid the the world
Of the destruction caused by me.
I crave consumption,
I crave to undo this liability
May 2020 · 143
Tek Sum!
Asominate May 2020
It's just another small
Little
Miserable day
For the
Liability

You know you had it coming
Here's some for all your nothing

Small,
Simple,
Incapable mind
Wasting
Everybody's time

Making molehills mountains
You'll never amount to something!
Guys, I am not okay.
May 2020 · 293
Vicious
Asominate May 2020
Every movement
Every twitching
Every bruise and
Every blister
The dark fine line
My blood glistens
In the moonlight
Ain’t it twisted?

Every vision
Black and blue, I’m
Used, abused, Crime
To suicide
Every sharp sur-
Face of the knives
Every blunt hammerhead
That I’ve tried

‘Fore they knew I’m
Painting pictures
Inhumane crimes
Still unwitnessed
Going through, I’m
Thorough, twisted
Me beyond recognition
Ain’t it vicious?

I deserve hurt
I deserve pain
I deserve work
I deserve strain

Self-starvation
Unsatisfactory
Tainted believes
I become feign
May 2020 · 114
Need Me
Asominate May 2020
I put my pen to paper
Fighting against the system
But that's alright
I make my moves when the strings aren't tight
I'm limited
I am still tied
But I know they'll need me later

Need me.
You'll need me later.
Yeah, you need me,
You'll need me later.

I'm not alright
And you'll need me later
And that's not right!
Asominate May 2020
Vague recollections
But the damage is there
The damage is done
With no flesh to spare

The rod has been spoilt
The knife has been soiled
The hammer toiled

But these never mattered
Neither did I
May 2020 · 364
Unnecessary
Asominate May 2020
Dates keep changing
Rearranging priorities
For some reason everyone of them's above me!

I'm below them
The worthless me
Unimportant, oh!

Why still can they not see?
Their own actions, priorities
Didn't make the list
Unmissed, amiss, unnecessary

Time comes, time goes
Everyone knows this
All within their minds

Things to do
I still go unnoticed
A year a time

My needs are a mistake
I make them into happy
It's not appreciated
I am in their way, very much
May 2020 · 168
Human Perspective
Asominate May 2020
"Always put the people first."
They're still wondering why I get worst,
I thirst.
Believe what's heard and not what's seen:
Being the ultimate human being,
I mean,

I am tired,
I can't make it!
Shocked, rewired,
I must fake it.

Reused, defective,
I mean, I feel
Human perspective,
I mean I be
Human perspective
I mean I see
Human perspective.

Human perspective?
You're well respected!
Apr 2020 · 289
Relapse
Asominate Apr 2020
Relapse
Collapse into my arms
And just relax
Collide into in my heart
Even though you're scared
You will find no harm here
Even as you
Relapse
Sometimes I just want to feel safe even as I relapse.
Mar 2020 · 199
Sentience Part 35 (Same)
Asominate Mar 2020
Fire dancer
Dancing on glowing coals
Your body's ablaze
There's a fire in your soul
Hold out your hands
Upon them flickers a flame
One day I hope to play with fires
And not get burned like same
Mar 2020 · 170
Sentience Part 34 (Me)
Asominate Mar 2020
Marionette
Your wooden body is an art
In every carve and every crevice
You were beauty from the start
A chip off the old block
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
The pleasure would've been mine to control you
But the true marionette is me
Mar 2020 · 147
Sentience Part 33 (Future)
Asominate Mar 2020
Ordinary encounters
My conscience counterattacks
I grow my wings to the angels
From all the knives within my back
From whatever that happened
To whoever will rule her
I'm changing my past
The present is my future
Asominate Mar 2020
Woman at the well
Sitting on its borders
Looking down within
She fell, she fell

Buckets come, buckets go
Water is taken
She sinks down some more
In the well, for she fell

Meet her there
Halfway, all the way
Mar 2020 · 107
Cross
Asominate Mar 2020
The zebra layed flat across the road
I walked over on its furs
The traffic director signalled us to go across
If we find the need to cross
To my right, on the pedestrian crossing,
The skittles on the wheels were in line, silently
I was halfway there

To my left was a bus, still coming, full speed
Although it shouldn't be moving
I continued walking and it was yards away
I was almost there

Close to death and close to the end of the road.
The director noticed the bus and I continued to walk
It kept coming at me

Once again the story didn't have a happy ending
I walked away unharmed
My heart didn't even race

Behind me, I saw the bus being pulled over
My sister eventually catched up with me and we went to school.

On the ride to, what I went through kept replaying in my head.
Why didn't I hesitate?
My body might have not survived the impact
Why didn't I die?
Was it my fault?
Why didn't he stop?

Hours pass and I still think back
Feeling traumatized by my survival at that cross
It's sad to say
I lived another day
To fall apart, to die and to decay
I'm very sorry
Sorry for my loss.
Survivor's guilt, anyone? Not much, for no one died.
Mar 2020 · 878
Triggered
Asominate Mar 2020
Looking at your body
I catch feels
It must be so nice
To feel real
“I’m beautiful just as I am”
You figure
Telling me things like these
Get me triggered

Setting goals for myself
In front of the mirror
Seeing my reflection
Checking out my figure
Under 110lbs
Yes to less, no to bigger
Remembering things like these
Always get me triggered
Anorexia.
Mar 2020 · 885
Obsessive
Asominate Mar 2020
Sometimes it feels
Ever so slightly annoying
Sometimes I just can’t
Be on my best behaviour

Life is a test,
I’m failing my papers
I want me dead
But that is for later

I am obsessed
There isn’t enough evidence
My worthlessness’s
Determined by my intelligence

Days. Weeks months: time
I’ll tell you that I’m feeling fine
My performances are only Fs

I WANNA TEAR EVERY LIGAMENT TO SHREDS
My heart is what broke
I sw**r I wouldn’t do it again
Knives, lemme *******?
Can’t disappoint you if I am dead
"Get lost and never be found."
That’s what she said
Sometimes I wish I was worth more than my intelligence.
Mar 2020 · 257
Rodent (Gave Up)
Asominate Mar 2020
Pop ‘em pillies
OD on my pellets, I know
It ain’t pretty:
Experienced, suicidal
Gotham city
All up in head I rave, yup
Desperate times
I will show you how bad I gave up

Shovel in my hands
I’m digging my own grave
You don’t understand
It’s too late to be saved
Falling for the trap
To be poisoned, no comment
There’s no turning back
Let’s pretend I’m a rodent

Pop ‘em pillies
Pop, pop
Pop ‘em pillies
Pillies
It ain’t pretty
The ways that I **** me
I’m my own pest control
And I dig my own grave
These are just one of the ways
To show you how bad I gave up
Got a couple of dark ones to post
Mar 2020 · 1.8k
Death gives Birth
Asominate Mar 2020
I'll shut me down
I can't see anything left to save
We collapse and she relapses into all that she gave
An autopsy, an eternal grave:
These aren't the colours that I should see
Mar 2020 · 144
Salute
Asominate Mar 2020
Hellos are goodbyes waiting to be said
It's very nice to meet you,
Voices of my head.
Mar 2020 · 118
Prestigitation
Asominate Mar 2020
Let us make sweet music
During out act
We'll carry on
Until the end...
For the peoples
Not an innuendo in any way whatsoever.
Mar 2020 · 121
Thinking with Words Part 6
Asominate Mar 2020
I put my all my heart into my writing
As a result, am I left heartless?
Mar 2020 · 496
Thinking with Words Part 5
Asominate Mar 2020
I suppose as long as you embrace the death of your sanity,
It never truly dies.
Mar 2020 · 154
To Nightmares with Love
Asominate Mar 2020
Finders keepers,
Losers weepers.
You're the prey
And I'm the seeker.

Hunt you down,
Leave you in pieces,
Hold me back
I really need this!
Me, mentally preparing for my nightmares like
Mar 2020 · 166
Broken Down
Asominate Mar 2020
Silence
I sit and stare in silence
The ticking of the clock
Won't stop
As everything falls apart through the cracks in my hands

Violent,
I'm thinking thoughts so violent
I'll give myself the things I deserve,
The nerve
They have to let it come to this, they still don't understand
Mar 2020 · 253
Frontiers of the Conscious
Asominate Mar 2020
Pondering upon an existence
Because I exist I can ponder
What if I uploaded my conciousness
And somehow synced ourselves, I wonder
Mar 2020 · 590
Sentience Part 32 (Forget)
Asominate Mar 2020
The story behind
True correctness distorted
Exploited for self benefits
And so society was sorted
An altered right
Makes wrong correct
What is underneath
Sometimes they forget
Mar 2020 · 134
Something's Not Right
Asominate Mar 2020
Cleansing before creation
A cycled called out in song
How am I, well, all is well
Except for all the wrong
Mar 2020 · 272
Disabled
Asominate Mar 2020
Flesh sees flesh
Spirit sees spirit
It takes one to see one
But no one's there to hear it
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