Looking into the mirror, what do I see
Shadows crawling on the wall right behind me
Some would get a hell of a fright
Seeing such a sight
But I know they are just shadows cast
They linger for a while, but they never last

There's a shadow for what could of been
Before that first forced sin
There's a shadow of the past and what was supposed to be
Pieces of me stolen, never to become ME
There's a shadow of what there was
My sickness was the cause
There's a shadow of the present
My live still so very far from pleasant
There's a shadow of the future and what will soon come to be
At those I won't take a look, they're not for me to see

I like to see the shadows crawling on the ceiling
That means in my head, with them I'm not dealing
With all these shadows you can tell my life is dark
While swimming through the ashes, on the next life I embark

I keep trudging, struggling along
So the darkness to me alone belongs
Until the day I must, I don't want to pass them on

©Pauline Russell

Carly Aug 31

I may have made myself a nobody,
Almost invisible to the world,
But I see the theivings and decievings
Better here, on the outside.
I could tell you what I see and hear,
But should I ask for something in return
Just show me what's on the table.
We'll be strangers until your hearts content.
I don't lead nor follow.
I stay here on the outside.
I see and hear plenty to keep me aware.


Soldier Aug 12

My name is Monophobia
But most call me the fear of being alone
And lately I don't feel like myself

I feel okay at night after everyone is asleep
I feel okay sitting alone with music
I feel at home laying in bed in the morning
Not completely awake
But still alive

So I search for new names
Trying to find what shirt looks best
Hanging over my sunken shoulders
I've been through many
And now I've found my name

Please forgive me for any confusion
Maybe this new name will help you see me
Feel at home around me
Or even leaving my side

This name can effect my acts
Make me seem clingy
Or almost obsessive
But it fits my mind
It sits right
And rolls off the tongue

So please,
Let me reintroduce myself

My name is Autophobia
Feel free to call me
The fear of abandonment

Maybe this will explain a few things to not just me...

Since the sun came
The war was aflame

Each hour was a day
Each death was a jerk to one side

Both sides never give up
They both thought they were right
Want them to stop? Tough luck.

They dictated the decisions
They ran the world

Light or Darkness
Good or Evil
Life or Death
What are these anymore?

I have lived through 264 months
8030 days
192720 hours of this war

My death will finally end it
The war,
And this world

Good luck with that.

A little trip into how my mind works.
BrokenSpeed Jul 10

We stare at each other nothing more than that,
We still continue our daily routine
Look, walk, pass and stare

Each time, we cross paths
We make an eye contact as I look down and you look away
It's been like this everyday

We're still reacting like this
We're complete strangers
We had confrontations but never have we talked

Only our eyes speak as we look at each other but in the end we are nothing more than nothing

Smiles and Glares
Laughs and Cries
We still stick to our routine
We still have it for 2 years now

You're having a good time as I'm breakin down,
You smile when I frown
You're so happy but I'm always angry

It's been that way for 2 years now
I've shed so many tears
You've laughed so many times
All that I ever do, ends up as crimes

Look, walk,pass and stare
It's been our routine for far too long
No words were ever exchanged
Just glances all the time

We're still reacting like this
We're complete strangers
We had confrontations but never have we talked

Only our eyes speak as we look at each other but in the end we are nothing more than nothing

Smiles and Glares
Laughs and Cries
We still stick to our routine
We still have it for 2 years now

Yell, cuss and fight that's what's inside my mind,
Laugh, play, kid around that's what's you're always doing when I'm around

Look.. Look..  Nothing more
Walk... Walk... Run away
Pass.. Pass... I can't breathe...
Stare... Stare..  Oh I'm dying on the inside

Out little game has never ended
Me and You still have this going on for far too long,
This has become a daily routine

We're still reacting like this
We're complete strangers
We had confrontations but never have we talked

Only our eyes speak as we look at each other but in the end we are nothing more than nothing

Smiles and Glares
Laughs and Cries
We still stick to our usual routine
We still stick to our daily routine

Look, Walk, Pass and Stare
Look, Walk, Pass and Stare....


Routine, a poem that describes two strangers. Those two strangers don't know each other but always have a routine which is look, walk, pass and stare. When they are close, they look at each other. Walk along like they don't know each other. Pass like nothing's wrong. And stare at one another when they pass. An untold story of a happy guy and a depressed girl... In other words, My Life....

This is also going to be on the long list of good/bad ideas.

Because you need to sort out your fucking life, and nobody does that better than you do.
Only because you can only count on yourself for something like this. So there is nothing else to worry about.

You are still the same person you were.
Just, I don't know... more of a sap?
Yeah, probably.

Anyways, when you feel stuck... like now for example, just let your words fall from you hands.

You still hold all of this in your life right?

When I first made my account for this site, this was the email I sent to myself.

Sidenote: I highly recommend listening to these songs/watching the musical, it is amazing.

Song title: Lyrics My thoughts/feelings

Anybody Have A Map?:

Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this?  
I'm in this confusion so deep that I can't find a way out.
I'm flying blind, and I'm making this up as I go.
Ha. Me too.

Waving Through a Window:

Step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned.
I've been burning forever.
Waving through a window!
Put your soul into this song.

For Forever:

We share.
All we see is sky for forever.
An ecstasy I do not know.
All we see is light, 'cause the sun burns bright!
Shouting hallelujah from here.
Life will be alright for forever this way.
I hope so.

Sincerely, Me:

All that it takes is a little reinvention!
I need that.
All you gotta do, is just believe you can be who you wanna be.
Just believing right?
Sincerely, ME!


I will sing no requiem.
Neither will I.
I gave you the world, you threw it away. Leaving these broken pieces behind you.
I know.
Everything wasted, nothing to say.
I know.
Within these words I finally find you.
The words are not mine.
Now that I know that you are still here.
I am?

If I Could Tell Her:

But he kept it all inside his head, what he saw, he left unsaid.
Secrets work wonders do they not?
If I could tell her, tell her everything I see. If I could tell her how she's everything to me. But we're a million worlds apart... And I don't know how I would even start.
How do we begin to say the words?...


No one deserves to be forgotten. No one deserves to fade away.
No one should come and go, and have no one know he was ever even here.
I'll make sure of it.

You Will Be Found:

Well, let that lonely feeling... wash away.
I should let the weight drop from my shoulders.

To Break In A Glove:

And a little uphill climb.
Just more work.
For a kid who's lost control.
I'm just trying to make sense of it all.

Only Us:

Try to quiet the noises in your head. We can't compete with all that.
No we can't. But we try.

Good For You:

And you say what you need to say, so that you get to walk away.
I hope that it's all that you want and more.
I'm not proud.
And you play who you need to play.
I did.
I am not okay.

Words Fail:

I never thought that it would go this far.
I really didn't.
So I just stand here sorry. Searching for something to say.
I am still searching.
There's nothing I can say.
There really isn't.
Words fail.
They do.
That's a worthy explanation, I know. Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done.
I wish I could make it up to you.
So how do I step in...

Step into the sun?

I wish I knew how...

So Big/So Small:

And I knew I'd come up short a million different ways.
And I did.
And I do.
And I will.
And I will... I already have...


Today is going to be a good day, and here's why:
Because today, at least you're you and that's enough...
That's enough.

All I see is sky for forever...

Curtains close.

I'm going home.

Yeah... I'm going home.

This constant playlist.

2 pages and too many ashes.

The smell of smoke still lingering in the air.

And so another piece of my life falls.

And I don't know where to go from here.

I read back, looking at old texts.

Searching for the moment when things changed. And I found it.

And even if I never recreate the better part of myself.

Those conversations, those meaningful stories, that friendship will always exist.

I mean... it's the eternal bond we share.

I try not to write in past tense. Like there's a chance to be okay again.

And there is.

There always will be.

Because I will never look back and be bitter. I'll look back with a smile.

Because I was honest... and that is the best I can do.

I'll never shut you out.

But we have to meet halfway do we not?

I'm here.

A lighter, some matches. Anything to make the ashes rise to high haven.

~April 12th, 2017~

Some time between 8:00pm and 9:00pm in the street of Paris...

Imagine walking down the street with the best strawberry yogurt ice cream in the world. Seeing the street of starving artists in all different forms, like that one scene from a movie you saw years ago.

Seeing freehand artists drawing the faces of complete strangers, and the suddenly hearing music.

Hearing a complete strangers singing over classical guitar and not knowing if they were singing in english of french.

But I don't really care. Music has been and always will be a universal language.

So what more can you do about a starving artist?

Well there's  only so much you can do for a guy playing classical guitar in the middle of Paris.

So about 3 songs and €10 later, this artist's voice rings through the empty street. And somehow I become the starving artist, playing this guitar that doesn't belong to me.

And yet I play out like nobody is listening in.

Applause comes... and it goes...

I played one song to look up, and one song from here. All the while feeling the air pass through this street. The only thing left to do was pick up a name and a sappy french poem.

I shake his hand and come away from the street with a major music high. (Pun intended)

And I wasn't the only one on Cloud 9, the feeling shared by yet another music nerd.

And as we roam the streets of Paris singing the same lyrics from "La La Land", we feel complete for now.

And in  that moment...

I lived.

And there's nothing more I can really say other than...

How did we get here?

The starving artist's name was Cyprès. And he was kind enough to let me play a song or two for the world.
JDK Apr 8

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,"
Said the blind cyclops in his customer review,
which is filed in the Physically-Disabled-Yet-Still-Insightful folder of our Customer's Reviews.
A folder seldom perused by our super,
who seems to prefer deferring all menial mentally-unstable issues to those who are new to the feild.

I hesitate to inform them that "field" is the type of word that I've always been notorious for misspelling.

More or less, a poem about nothing meaningful.
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