A silent yearning,
A splash of soft renegade.
This gold softness
Close again like armor;
My collapse, his surrender.

Please my quiet scream;
I crave your emotion,
My charming melody.

The cold sense of a
Dreamy deja-vu;
I feel the shadows
Crowd around me
And I’m p
                  u
                     l
                       l
                        e
                          d
Into a familiar darkness.

I roam the dreamscape
In search of an exit.
Although I already know
What lies ahead,
I’m still distressed.

A constant reincarnation
Of the same faceless
Figure, waiting for me
At the end of
My dreaded ascension.

Chilled to my soul,
I face my indistinctive
Nightmare. The ghosts
Of the past seen so alive
From behind closed eyes.

I allow winter to
Kiss me goodbye, and I
Feel its icy grip
Loosen from my flesh.

I never liked the cold,
But deem it necessary;
To remember how to feel,
To remember you.

Your name still tastes
Rusty and raw.
Remembering your life
Still brings rain.

Yearly, before I get
****** into the storm,
Spring welcomes me home,
Bright and warm.

And flowers still bloom on
Your birthday, blue speckling
Umber and orange, standing
Out in a world of autumn

I've never been one for burning bridges.
Every time I've tried,
I rebuild to watch it crumple again.

The ashes aren't as strong as the cinder
used the very first time.
But, if I'm honest,

the fragility makes the spiral
much more meaningful.

A silent look lingers,
Blurred to your angel face.
You tell me you can’t
Handle the stress anymore,
(Don’t you know how hard I’m trying?)
That it’s taking a toll.
(You think I don’t already know?)

A flood of tears held back
By dams behind my eyelids.
The anchor in my throat
Has me screeching to a halt.

You tell me that
Everything I once had, I can
Get it right back,
(Don’t you remember how unhappy I was?)
Because you can’t bear the weight.
(I see how unhappy you are.)

White flags high up;
Toasts from empty cups.
I’d give my life to
Ease your strain.
(Don’t you know how much I’ve prayed?)

I remember pressing my
innocent ears to the mouths
of discarded seashells, just to
hear their secrets; and I shared mine.
They told me secrets in the form of
ocean waves and whispers of wind
between the fingers of the palms.

On days that I feel the world
crumbling and combusting
around me, I press my wiser
ears to the same lips that kept
all my secrets safe. I remember
the advice seashells gave to a
young girl who'd felt discarded.
Be like the ocean, let it flow.

(I) I'm sorry for what
Was said in the winter's cold;
I'm stuck in this rut
And all is barren and old.
I cannot wait for the light.

(II) Robins hunt for lunch,
Hummingbirds feast on honey-
Suckle by the bunch
Lilies soaking in sunny
Rays. Life is in its full bloom.

(III) Beach waves and freckles,
Days spent worshipping the sun.
Skin kissed and speckled,
Outside until the day is done.
Summer, a delicacy.

(IV) Shades of orange and red
Bleed over the other hue.
Sign of what's ahead:
Impending mirage of blue,
Disguised as the falling leaves.

Tend sweet to the
petals,
The sense of touch
Meaningless
Without these
Satin violets.

Tend softly to the
leaves,
The sense of smell
Meaningless
Without taking a
Breath of the roses.

Tend lovingly to the
roots,
The sense of stability
Meaningless
Without this
Firm foundation.

Tend kindly to the
flower,
Beauty is
Meaningless
Without
Sweet nectar.

A closer embrace,
He is blurred with time.
Assemble simple reality,
Linger in its engulfing sea;
A sensual therapy.

A gliding storm,
She resonates beyond the rage.
Slow the melody,
Wake into calm light;
Dreaming of eternity.

I perceive you as a siren,
Using song to draw me in.
Brilliant, but aching,
Your favorite melody
Engulfing the sea;
Breaking glass through lonely love.

Bitter as bleach, the
Words roll off your velvet
Tongue and past acidic
Lips. You’re a hypnotist
Disguised as a broken heart
With a guitar.

Your fingers corrode the
Walls I’ve built, my
Stability in shambles.
I succumb to your song
And follow it to the waters edge,
Eager to die hearing your voice.

Insecurity.
Hold it until the
Alcohol takes over
And the courage you
Hide from all
Spills out like
Oil from ruptured,
Rusted pipelines.

Insecurity.
I hold it like
A security blanket.
Being high takes
All of my courage
And lulls it to
A whispering halt.
Let go.

Lately we drink
And then we talk,
And it’s perfect
Because I’ve missed
These conversations with you.

Lately we drink
And then we talk,
And then I get caught in my
Feelings because I don’t
Think I’m enough for you.

Lately we smoke
And I fall asleep,
And when I wake to
Your back to me, I pray
You didn’t fall asleep lonely.

Lately we smoke
And you fall asleep,
So I smoke some more
Because there’s a sadness
Brewing that I can’t explain.

Lately we ****
Instead of make love,
And it feels so good,
But I crave the raw love
You showed me the first time.

Lately we ****
Instead of make love,
And you moan in your dreams.
I stay awake at night
Hoping you’re dreaming of me.

Lately I think
And get stuck in my head;
Dangerous terrain.
My emotions flip and
Play tricks on my brain.

Lately I think
And get stuck in my head,
And allow my insecurity
To become reality,
Instead of using rationality,

And I’m so sorry.

Darling, don't forget,
    or regret,
       the depths of this pain.

Wild flowers bloom
   only after
       it's been pouring rain.

A stolen fragment
Of me turns into
A whisper.

Black, envious, engulfing;
My texture too watery,
So I turn into mist.

Entwined by the moon,
a charming shadow
Soft to the touch.

The sorrow in me
Melts quickly
Into the dark.

The panic sets in and my lungs
Turn into mice held in the tyrannical
Grasp of the boa constrictor.

Tsunami waves of fear rush over
The surface of my skin like the
Tremors of an earthquake.

Heat rises to my eyeballs,
Red from the hot springs that
Were leaking from their ducts.

Breathe. Calm. Repeat
Until it becomes a mantra,
Or perhaps a curse.

Hire the witch doctor to
Medicate me, and exorcise
The demons from my brain.

Breathe. Calm. Repeat.
Fake it till you make it,
At least that's what they say.

(I) Eight golden coins, and
Two remain unfinished. I
Try to concentrate;
My task almost completed;
My goal nearly realized.

(II) Steel soldiers stand in
Formation; eight malicious
Beams, I, their victim.
It’s far easier to play
Scared when I’m the hero, too.

(III) Here lies the karmic
Crossroads; an Armageddon
Of self-reflection.
Will the goddess berate me,
Or will she rejoice with me?

(I) Three cups raised skyward
To God in celebration.
Gather sisters, in
The gardens and scream with
The golden rays of sunshine.

(II) The strain of this weight
On my bony shoulder blades
Is overbearing.
I am exhausted and frail;
When can I drop this burden?

(III) A knight in shining
Armor; wielding attractive
Charisma as his
Weapon of choice, rushing
To save the world, or the girl.

Isn't it astonishing,
   The amount of hate
That humans have for
        Each other?

If only that same effort
    Was used to threaten
The crooked hand holding
          Us captive.

Lucid dreams of a place
That seems unfamiliar,
But it feels like home.

I perform a barefoot ballet,
Sinking my toes like anchors
Into the soil.

Orchids and sunflowers
Stand guard like soldiers, giving
An aroma as strong as gun smoke.

The wind whistles its tune
As the leaves tango, resembling
Lovers brushing fingertips.

I reminisce days where
The garden was the universe
And words came easy.

Today I am speechless and
Amazed by all this vast
World has shown me.

Pale skin that's
so beautiful in comparison to the sunset.
Her eyes,
the perfect concoction of blue and green, stare away.

Deep in thought,
tears on her cheeks, a smile pasted on her face.
Although her scenery
is lovely, the thoughts she has are not.

Dark demons
swirl in her mind and pick her brain.
They travel through
her veins, and pull her apart at the seams.

On the inside,
she's going crazy; she is undeniably insane.
On the outside,
she is smiling just like you; she's unwillingly happy.

The black and gray shading
that shadows the
bones and
the artist's emotions;
What's going through your mind?

Has the beautiful
collage of color that once
was the love you had for
her
faded away?

Are the barren bones
scattered about the canvas
actually pieces of
your newly
broken heart?

Or maybe the neutrality
of the gray shows
your indifference to the
fact that now,
She's gone.

What's going through your mind?
While your hand shook as you
carefully drew every detail in
the skull,
did you wonder about her?

When the side of your palm
collects shards of granite as you
shade in every corner of the canvas,
did you recall the way her
skin felt against yours?

What was going through your mind?

(I) You are the aching addiction
that's raging through
and destroying
my body.
My veins explode at the thought
of you; you're a drug.
I want you.
I need you.

(II) The cold sweats that'll keep me awake;
the blissful thoughts of you make me shake.
Dear, you don't understand what's at stake,
but I can't stop craving you, for my sake.

(III) The risks are high
with you, and so am I.
You're my personal brand of
every drug I'd ever need:
my ******,
my *******,
my everything.
Oh, darling,
don't you understand
the
risks?

(IV) Relief...

Oh beautiful, terrible relief.
You craves me just as I
craved you;
you provided me with temporary
satisfaction.

My drug, my personal brand.
You're dangerous and
you're lovely;
you're slowly killing me and providing
pure ecstasy.

In my state of nirvana,
I will never know that
I've done wrong.
I will never understand that
you're my addiction

and my relief.

Sweet, sweet relief.

(V) My high is gone,
and so are you.

Where did you go?

I know the craving will come back;
God, why did I have to do this?

Where did you go?

I'll lie awake: shaking, begging for your return,
for the deadly happiness that I miss so much.

Where did you go?

The demons inside shriek for you;
my blood barely flows from the lack of you.

Where did you go?

My poison, my drug,
please come back and cure my cravings again?

Where did you go?

She's never been the type
that loves large crowds and
booming parties;
the stress of conforming
weighs too heavily on her
sensitive heart,
and quite frankly, most
people don't fall on the same
end of the color spectrum.

Everywhere on this earth is
home to her, and Mother
Nature is her muse.
A black sheep born with a
wild heart; an indigo
child infatuated
with change and fueled
by tranquility. She is the
virtuoso of her own authenticity.

The world lies in a quiescent state;
Darkness robs even more of the light
from a planet
steadily growing colder.

Sounds of the breeze exhaling down the
spine of the Old Oak makes me
cringe. What's happened
to the songs of the forest?

This woodland heart, frozen solid by
Old Man Winter's icy fingertips,
sleeps peacefully
among lives that are on pause.

A bitter kiss from the old man's lips
and we are prepared for our slumber.
Eternal dreams
preface our resurrection.

I read between the seams
Of your microphone dreams
And I see you as a
Complete individual
Walking amongst halflings
Like you had no idea.

A mystical man
Cloaked in purple robes,
I throw lavender at
Your feet and place a
Lilac crown atop your head,
Truly divine.

The universe kissed me
With clairvoyance; she
Promised me a gift: I saw
True color of all life.
One look at you and I
Realized you’re Heaven’s gift.

A demon masquerading
as the almighty dollar;
she is cunning,
and she is tricky.
She is beguiling,
and she is illusory.

Deceitful and avaricious,
yet believers follow
aimlessly. To have her
in your possession is
nothing like how it
feels to be stripped of her.

Those who succumb to
her seduction are granted
luxury and leisure;
the pledge to idolize
her mindlessly is
engraved into our brains.

Indigence, starvation;
the deprivation of the
green goddess is malicious.
Free yourselves from the hold
she has on you; from the
worldly power she possesses.

Sad songs hit sweet
Like cardiac butterfly kisses,
They’re a favorite because
Pain is the most creative emotion.

Give a musician heartbreak
And he’ll make the world fall in love with him.
Give him love and
He’ll make the world love you, too.

Heartbeat to the metronome,
Keep beat with the blood flowing through.
Lyrics float from your lips,
Balloons of symbols and metaphors.

Baby blue, change the
World with the strum of a chord;
Save the world by
Giving us your words.

A rose illusion
Surrendering your royal future.

A silent magic,
Fresh with wonder,
Blooming your sacred dream.

It’s certain to glow

Regurgitated images of you
Smiling at her,
(the way you smile at me)
Staring at her;
(the way you used to stare at me)
My stomach is queasy; my soul aches.

The heated fingertips of envy and
Anguish gently brush the hair
From my eyes, leaving the sensation
That I'm on fire. I am on fire;  my
Golden heart, now molten metal, heats
Every inch of this vessel; I am turning to ash.

Second guessing is something you've always
Beem good at, and you swore to
Never use it in me. But sitting across the room
From you, watching you watch her  made
It clear. I was never any good at
Getting first place; second best is home to me.

Poisoning rage is swimming in my
Veins;  desolation echoes throughout the
Cracks in my lungs and chest. Melancholy
Seeps into my soul like the first rain of
Spring. This barren landscape is engulfed by
The malignity. What am I supposed to do?

Every time you touch me, I wonder
If you wish you were touching her.
When you press your lips to my neck, I
Wonder if you're trying to imagine her scent.
When you're mumbling sweetly in your Dreams, I question if you're dreaming of her.

Hearts are supposed to be strong, and
My soul is supposed to stand on its own,
But Jesus Christ, I'm crumbling.
How can I get these foul images out of
My over active brain?  How can I accept
That I'm only going to finish in second place?

You know, I think I've known
For quite a while now.
The constant sneaking around,
The ******* up.
Oh, honey, you're not
As smooth as you thought.

No, you're not sly at all.
You don't think I've heard
You giggling and
Groaning at three in the morning?
You must mistake me
For a fool, dear.

And I guess that nothing
Feels as good as her skin
On your's, right? Her
Moans of ecstasy are music
To your filthy ears. You
Can't keep your stained hands off.

I'll pull the knife out of
My back and cut your heart
Out, because baby, all I
Wanted was your heart. I
Hope the blade feels like
Your frigid fingertips.

"How does that feel? "
Your body is covered in her
Sweat, your blood, my rage.
Oh, darling, have you ever
Felt anything like this before?
"Does that feel good, baby? "

Blood thirsty, love turned me
Into a psychopath. Let me tear
You apart, limb by limb,
Just like you've done to me.
Feel my pain;
Suffer like I have.

Her soft leaves tremble as
the clouds clash and collide
above, revealing their deafening
roar.

Tremors ripple through her,
beginning at her roots; the
poignant sky tears straight through
her rind.

Vicious tears fall from melancholy stars,
and she quakes under the bellow
of the outraged clouds; she is
alone.

Turbulent,
    irate,
        ferocious,
but she will remain.

She always thought
The willow was in disguise.
Its drooping branches
Reminded her too much of her eyes.

The way its leaves give
Too easily in the breeze
Reminds her of how she
Gives her love to men with ease.

Just as the willow
bends under the snow,
stress takes her to
a place far below.

But the roots are strong
and steady in the storm;
lost in the shadows,
but the sun will be warm.

The storms will be brutal,
and they won't always be fair;
but just like the willow,
Spring will put flowers in her hair.

Lying quietly on the other side of the room,
ignoring the fact that
the couple in the house is your only company,
and you are merely dust in the wind.

Them together only reminds you of how
much you miss him,
and how badly you wish that he was
here with you, because you're left out.

The sounds of their kisses,
their giggling,
it drives you mad
simply because you can't do the same.

Because you are here with them,
their only company is each other,
and he is too far away.
Their "togetherness" is enough to drive you mad.

"When we love someone, they live within us."

Why do they have to live within us?

I can hardly live within myself.

All I want is to grow.
My heart aches for it,
My bones scream.
In the dark silence
That sits inside and listens,
A lilac endlessly grows,
Withers,
Dies.

Its petals float to sea
And carried away by the wind.
They’re brought back to me
In forms of seashells,
Cracked and crooked.
I piece them together like
A riddle on my tongue.
All I want is to create,
And destroy,
And rebuild.

Your words falter and shake,
“I didn’t mean it like that”.
But you did.
As if you think I’m not already aware;
As if you think I can’t feel that weight
Already bearing on my spine like stone.
As if I didn’t already question
Every
          little
                    thing
About me.

You meant what you said,
It just wasn’t the right timing.

This veil spun by
A knight of reality,
Breaking struggle into riches
Like a heavenly collapse.
An intricate escape from
The waiting womb
Of distortion and melancholy;
Illusion of a metaphorical tomb.

Eternally great is
The mask weaver,
Painting faces open to truth,
Waking new dreamers.
Sing to life these
Revelations while
I drop the veil
And truly perceive.