honey, i dont play these games
my arms are too frail for tug-of-war

you made me an entire universe
but refused to live in it with me

so now i stare at the stars
and wonder which one is your spaceship
and wonder why you havent come to visit me

in this universe you made for me
in this universe you made for us
in this universe that is my prison

they called me crazy
for refusing to pick flowers
for saving spiders from the kitchen
and for talking to birds rather than humans

they called me crazy
for clawing at my wrists
for eating my own words
and for tearing out my hair for allowing myself to feel

nothing ever satisfies
when you worry about the endless amount
of "they"
and "them"
and what "they" think

nothing ever satisfies
when "they" meet your demons
and "they" make a home
in your own ******* ribs

i poured my
heart
into a jar
with a
hole
in the bottom

they always told me
that my heart would never heal
if i kept letting it break
and break
and break
and break
but i never listened
and probably never will
because i gave up on caution when i was 12
nowadays i claw at my throat
and tear at my hair
pick at scabs on my forehead
and play with pencil sharpener blades
all to get away
just to get away
maybe one day i'll get away
but for now i am stuck
in this never ending ocean
of chewed up words
and scarred skin
and fragments of memories once held dear
because once anything gets close enough to me it shatters
just as i have shattered myself

and i realized today
how much effort it takes
to love me

because when i do not
love myself
you have to love me
enough for two people

when it is cold
i want to freeze to death
and when it is hot
i wish to burn

so whatever the
circumstance
i always wish
to find the way
to die
most violently

these words
are used
to describe,

and you
pin them
to my
forehead.

these words
are used
to describe,

*but i will
not
let them
describe
me.

you say you
wish to protect me
from the wolves
circling
around me,

but your words
are the things
that bite
like a canine's teeth.

so let me lie
with the wolves,
and let their fur
protect me
from the chill
of your heart.

you are a
hidden oasis
and as i
pause
to drink,
i find that
you are
only an
illusion

even though the
tide
comes back
to kiss the
sand,
the sun
rises
every morning
to find that
the moon
is already
gone

i have nothing
left
to give you
but my
tears,
but ******* it,
i'll give you those,
too

you were so
beautiful
that i compared you
to a flower

but i forgot
that flowers withered
until the day
that you died

and all the times
that you screamed
to the mirror
telling it
that it wasnt your fault
you still cant forgive yourself
even though
you did nothing wrong.

your answering machine
and i
have become
close,
perhaps closer
than you and i
ever were
because at least
it bothers
to answer me

it seems almost as if
you created the
world
because i find pieces of you
in everything
even though
i only
want to forget you

and what use
is the memory
of your anatomy
but another
pocket of knowledge
memorized without
realization

another
imprint
that i cannot
scrub away
after
i have tested
and failed
even though
i knew
all of the
answers

when he left
it was as if
someone had
flattened my veins
and poured my
blood
into the ocean,

because i cannot
shower
or drink
or swim;

i can only
drown
in the metallic
taste
of my own plasma
creating a new
universe
without me

who are you
but a few molecules
of the universe
stitched together

what is your voice
bur a single vibration
lost within the echoes
of a thousand more

you tell me that i matter,
that i am different,
that i am special,

but what am i
but a single
strand
of endless DNA
that could still function
after the death
of my chromosomes