goodbye,
my heart says.

softly,
softly,
softly,
it succumbs to you.

the pain is so much like the pleasure
i can't distinguish it.

where are you?
do not hurt me.

your beauty,
it hurts.

but
what power you do have, you use it willingly.

don't you?
how could you know you don't hurt me,

with those long lashes like unused paintbrushes,
brushing against your cheeks so soft i can feel it,
like butterfly wings.

let go of me, my heart says to you.
you smile back and it's so cruel, so cruel,

that i relish in the pain even though i know it is poison.

“In the street filled with flowers/I see you today as well/Would it be possible to carry it inside me”

Flowers twine up your arms like lightly inked tattoos,
The back of your pages burn a bright image into my brain,
I see you today and I see you tomorrow,
I can almost imagine a future within your garden.

“In the park that the dawn’s moon has passed over/I now fill it with my emotions/This song is headed towards you”

The flowers are wilted in the garden, the park benches shine with frosty light,
The moon wavers in the sky and with each droplet it breaks into more pieces,
I wish my emotions were as still as the puddles on the ground,
But peace has no song, the dawn sings only for love, blooming for you.

“I hear the sound of the film/That is lit up by the moon in the night sky”

Our relationship unravels, each roll thin and transparent,
If I held it up to the sky the stars would shine through.
It’s time to move on, it’s time for another park, another walk,
Another smile, another breath, another touch, another film.

“I still wonder wonder beautiful story/Still wonder wonder best part”

I may wonder what would have happened,
I may remember the times of joy and exhilaration,
Remember the way our moon shone clear in the night sky,
It truly was a beautiful story.

“I still wander wander next story/I want to make you mine”

Our story may have been beautiful,
But the dawn follows the night just as
Each story follows another.
Will you be mine?

The feeling of your breath upon my face,
The crisp morning air threading fingers through my hair,
I wish that there was nothing more to life,
Than standing here with you at 7:12 AM.

Each time I look at you, I am blinded by a rush
Of light, filtered through watery skies,
Like pools of gold, pink, soft blue paint
Splashing over the horizon, spilling all over my heart

Which yearns for your touch.
A slight brush of sunlight against my knee,
A tug of warmth at my waist, my arms, my chest
And I don’t remember how to breathe anymore.

If I could call this forever, stop the time,
Every day I would watch the sun rise.

I am a hero beyond imagine,
Soft velvet red cloak, the medallion resting in my throat,
My heartbeat stomps through my ribcage,
I am here to rescue the princess.

I trudge through the forest and I remember,
I remember who I was before when I came here,
Cape swishing at my ankles, feet in gilded armor,
I grip the glittering blade between my hands.

White marble penetrates the darkness,
I march up to the mossy stone wall, the crooked, tarnished sign,
“No trespassing,” it says, and suddenly
I am standing at a fence, copper, russet, faded gold.
Barbed wire tangles like Christmas lights, family dinners,
I remember and my heart aches.

I see the shrine, the elegant masterpiece
of quartz and precious stones,
I remember the way she used to stand at the bottom,
Defiant and angry, she threw rocks and never shattered,
It’s only a pile of pebbles, grass, dirt, in my eyes
But to her, it was the world and more.

I have to remember I am not her anymore,
What was her world is no longer mine.
I see a possibility, an opportunity, a path,
I take one last glance and I know it is the only way.

I am Prince Charming like no other,
I slice my way through the bushes,
I am arrogant, I am of diamonds and steel.

The green crisscrosses like a net,
I realize someone must have put up a new fence,
I see paint cans, old bottles, moldy shoes.

I see the life that once was my existence,
And I turn around and climb over that wall.
Softly touching down on the carpet of twigs and needles.

The trees wave in the dizzy sky,
The dragon’s snarling mouth is the last image I see,
Burned into my brain with a fiery blast,
Suddenly I am thrown backward.

I stand in front of the tree,
There is something tied in its branches.
I lift my sword and bring it down,
It is just a slender branch.

I place a boulder the size of my heart, my fist,
I flee because I am a coward
I may be a prince but I live only with jewels,
Not the stench of blood and panic amidst battle.

I am here to rescue the princess,
But I can’t even rescue myself
From the past that seduces me.
Am I a hero beyond imagine?

You would think that a broken heart could be mended,
All broken things can.
Or, you would think that it would break further,
Like a shattered mirror.

My heart didn't do either,
it turned hard,
and heavy,
and now my heart is a stone.

When I try to feel, my heart is unyielding,
It was once human but now isn't.
Not mended, but not broken, just
Dead.

Dead, like the way I feel
every night,
my heart filled with dread.

Dead, like when,
sometimes,
when I'm all alone,
I will peek inside,
allow it to soften a moment.

And then, once the pain and years of being unwanted,
a troublemaker,
a pest,
an outcast,
come flooding back to me,
wave after wave of sorrow floods me,
and I have no choice but to
push the feelings deep inside
where no one will find them.

I can't bear the pain,
sorrow,
loss,
that fills my heart
and makes it hard,
a sharp, heavy stone.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a hummingbird.
Flitting here and there,
Never staying in one place for too long.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a knife to the heart,
Bleeding, an open wound,
With no way for you to stitch it up.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a shattered mirror,
You pick the pieces up,
But there's no way to put them back together.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a waterfall,
Crashing and thundering and roaring down,
Never easing up.

Sometimes,
Pain is like an aching joint,
Throbbing and pulsing,
Always there no matter what happens.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a puzzle,
Someone ripping you apart,
Putting you back together the wrong way.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a secret told,
Too many ears,
Too many people.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a bullet,
There for a second,
And then you're free falling.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a bright light,
Look at it too long,
And you become blinded.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a game of torture,
Daggers, blood, droplets,
Salty water on the tip of your tongue.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a daydream,
You know it's not real,
But do you really want to stop dreaming?

Sometimes,
Pain is like a rainy day,
Puddles of gloom,
Each drop sending out ripples.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a fairytale,
The dragon guarding the tower,
The damsel crying in the shadows.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a shot,
****** your skin,
And you succumb to it.

Sometimes,
Pain is a bruise,
You don't want to press it,
But you somehow manage to.

Sometimes,
Pain is like a butterfly.
Beautiful, wings of color,
Until you taste the bitterness.

Sometimes,
Pain is a pleasure.
Watching the blood run down your skin,
Ripping you apart from your very seams.

Always,
Love will give you pain.
Whether it friend or lover,
Whether you forgive or not.

I forgive,
I forget,
Because the pain won't go away,
No matter how strong you are.

So, my friend,
Are you ready to forgive and forget?
Or succumb to the pain,
And never learn to love again?