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Jewel M C Oct 2014
I hardly remember
a ******* thing
about that day
before gazing into his eyes
once again, for the first time

rushing toward the exit
running from the baggage claim;
it was all a blur,
as walked through those doors
all I remember was the vastness
of the first sight,
stepping into the bright, unfamiliar place
& nothing else, but him

I scanned the crowd
the strange faces waiting
for loved ones
emotion thick enough to touch
in the air,
but just to my right
in the front
with his body pressed up against the metal bar,
I saw him

it was the first time I saw his face
not through a photo or webcam
in a time that was so long it ached
I think I lost my breath
did I leave my things behind when I ran?
I don't remember,
I just ran to him

it was too surreal
I can't remember a moment between
seeing his face, & kissing his lips
nor what kind of kiss it was
or how long it lasted
I just couldn't fathom it
I was really there
it was really him
& it didn't matter where we were
it was all a wonderland
to me, I was holding his hand again
everything was bright & new
it was magic, pure magic
3.2k · Oct 2013
tuesday
Jewel M C Oct 2013
i still remember
march thirteenth
the day we went on
our very first date
& i still remember
the outfit i wore
on that same tuesday
you bought me ice cream
i still remember
the first time we kissed
it was a tuesday
how could i forget?
& i still remember
that march sunset
the way that you paused
then finally leaned in
i still remember
the things that you said
that rainy afternoon
on a tuesday i regret
& i still remember
how your voice cracked
when you said goodbye
& kissed me one last time
1.7k · Nov 2014
forget me not
Jewel M C Nov 2014
I don’t even know
what to say
it’s not like I’m being heard anymore anyway,
when I say; I’m going away,
to Denmark

somehow suddenly, people listen
though once I’m back
they’ve forgotten I was ever gone
I can’t wait to go back & start over
*I can’t wait to forget being forgotten
1.6k · Mar 2017
Detroit Decay
Jewel M C Mar 2017
Potholes sprinkled across empty Detroit streets
     like bullet holes in ***** bedsheets

Found within the vacant homes of the forgotten,
     alive with reminders of what used to be

Before the neighborhoods became abundant in abandoned homes
     and awash with abandoned people

Yearning for forgotten yesterdays suspended far from reach,
     searching for a memory of something concrete

While wandering along the crooked, cracked sidewalks
     cemented with resentments;

Forgotten, forsaken, forlorn, foreboding... foreclosure
     crisis spray-painted on the brick of a blown out home

Hungry for habitation despite dishevelment,
     *explicit with endless nothingness
Jewel M C Mar 2015
You were the first boy to tell me you loved me, over a text. Less than two months later I broke up with you, over a text. But you were sweet, I promise. A week after you told me you loved me you finally kissed me, & it was almost on the top of the ferris wheel but saved by the bell, your phone rang (vibrated) & then you almost got away with just kissing me on the cheek that night. But then you ran after me when I was going to head home & kissed me for the first time in the woods & I'll never forget how weird it feels to have someone's lips pressed against yours for the very first time.

2. It was a month after you asked me to be your girlfriend that we met. & the day we finally did I kissed you & you almost fainted because it was your first. You didn't say much & you wouldn't take your eyes off me, it was nice to be admired like you admired me, but I had to leave, I hope you understood why & that you're happier with her now.

3. On Valentine's Day I gave you your first kiss & probably a heartattack along with it, the way you looked at me then I'll never forget, but it was like kissing my brother.

4. After school one day I couldn't take it anymore & I just kissed you. You jumped back & had yourself a heartattack, something I commonly gave I guess. It was after you that I learned to be more careful, because your words cut like a knife, even after we stayed good friends back then.

5. It was so obvious how you staged that night, with the oblivion & the sunset & the music, but I'll admit, it was a very sweet first kiss & it almost makes me completely forget how terrible it was. But we kissed for almost a year after that until you gave me the last one, & I count that night as the last, not that stupid summer after where you dropped my heart again & used me. I'll never forget how hard it hurt to hear you tell me you loved me for the last time after you told me that I was perfect & kissed me with a pair of lips that sliced mine deep. I spent forever after that picking at my lips trying to remove every painful papercut your last words sealed with a kiss gave me.

6. I remember how drunk I was in love with the idea of us over a year before I got to kiss your lips. But when we kissed I felt nothing but lust, & it felt good then. It was too soon after the pain for me to remember how to kiss again, & you had to teach me, & then you taught me something else.

7. I dreamt about kissing your lips for almost every night of high school. & it was four & a half years later that I got to taste them. We probably could've fallen in love, y'know, but I'm glad we didn't. It was what it was & I'll take the memory with me, but that's all that was meant to happen between us.

8. My favourite number, & by far my favourite kiss. It was a blur the day you kissed my lips, but it was perfect. I guess my eyes were wide open but I can't remember a thing but shaking so bad I almost forgot how to work my lips. You were a brand-brand-new taste & I can only just remember the roller-coaster of thought from that day, freaking out about where it was all going & how to kiss someone new, for real. But I've been kissing you for over a year now, & my God, baby, I can't help but admit I'd sure love to kiss those lips for the rest of my life
1.1k · Oct 2013
the falling dream
Jewel M C Oct 2013
life is a freefall
we're all falling
from the start
for love
for lies
for something to believe in
we fall forever
until someone catches us
but the fall doesn't stop
we just...
fall together
but sometimes
their arms get tired
they let go
we continue to fall
& they fall too
but no longer is it for one another
it's for one other
person to believe in
we aren't searching
we're falling for someone
who's worth the catch
in a split second they're there
in our arms
& in a familiar second they can be
just gone
but we don't stop falling
& our arms don't truly tire
they're always ready to catch someone new
even if we aren't
& we're always ready to wrap our arms
around a someone new
& even if we yet don't know it
life is a freefall
but the key is
to remember
we're not alone
we're all falling
a freefall
searching for something true
1.1k · Oct 2018
perpetual anxiety
Jewel M C Oct 2018
cold feet beneath the sheets
i close my eyes & try to breathe...
it's 3am & i'm dreaming of who i used to be
before everything fell apart around me

my life is a mess of regrets
& reasons to stay in bed
i still can't escape the voices inside my head

(louder) they're getting louder now
i try to scream, but there's no sound
no one can save me from my anxiety

so i try to sleep but the voices follow
the nightmares become harder to swallow
& i wake up feeling more hollow

just to have it happen all over again tomorrow...
1.0k · Apr 2017
Detroit Daydreams
Jewel M C Apr 2017
Shell gas station with little neon green palm trees
perched upon the edge of the frenzied freeway,
          a picture of plastic paradise
     strewn with bright green lights
     like spotlights of limelight
     shedding light upon city life
               never far from the dark side...
    
     nearby, I spy
an assortment of street signs
to guide you into the night,
     so turn right, & drive right
     fly past the stoplight
     into the glare of red light
          & beware the districts of night life
red light, green light
854 · Aug 2013
i bid you adieu
Jewel M C Aug 2013
good-bye,
farewell,
such kind words
but bittersweet
easily spoken
yet less easy
to
     let
           go

(i love you)
803 · Nov 2017
spɹɐʍʞɔɐq
Jewel M C Nov 2017
< backspacebackspacebackspace

          why can't we erase

                    all the time we waste >
795 · Jan 2015
Home
Jewel M C Jan 2015
It's back to black, I suppose
Like they say,
Our plans, darling, they've changed
But you're still a character
In my story,
& I never intend to write you out
If it's with you it won't ever be boring,
Because that's what life's going to be
No, not boring, but just you & me,
On a different continent, sure
But with a love so much stronger,
One that is pure,
So I wait for you, darling
I'll wait for you to arrive
Sleepless I am without you, perhaps
Though hopeless, I'm not
The one thing I can count on, my love
Is for you & I to carry on
Wherever we are in this life
It won't matter
Because like they say;
"Home is where the heart is"
& darling, home is wherever I'm with you
788 · Nov 2018
anxiety / mania
Jewel M C Nov 2018
send me a lifeline
the world is on fire
i need to go back in time
please believe me, this is dire
let me erase the chaos
& return to a world
where everything is fine
& things aren't in constant decline
why do things keep falling apart
it can't be good for the heart
i wish i could press restart
i'd give anything
for a chance
to reset this life
784 · Feb 2017
The Inside of "We"
Jewel M C Feb 2017
Who are we?* we ask, always asking ourselves the same questions...

We are the world.
We are brothers and sisters. Sons and daughters.
We are friends, cousins, acquaintances...
We are lovers and enemies, and also, strangers.
We are anyone and everyone, all at once.
We are, despite all else, connected.

That must mean something to us. Shouldn't it?

We are 7.5 billion bodies, each alike in enough ways that might make our differences invisible. (But are they?)

We are the same, in so many ways. Enough that our similarities should outweigh our inevitable differences. Our similarities should be enough to prove that our differences are not worth fighting about. Yet, somehow, they aren't. Because we do fight. We fight without any known rhyme or reason, and without genuine purpose. Without empathy. We fight over our differences with enough audacity to claim that they should be ranked. With the belief that each of our differences should be sorted, allowing some of us to be valued as less than others, and also, some of us valued so much more. So, we fight. Like siblings or old lovers. Every single day. Probably have since the beginning of time, or, rather, when we created the concept of time. Perhaps the fighting began when we became a we. And since, the fighting has been constant. It's the only thing that really brings us together. And the one thing tearing us apart.

We find any excuse we can that will bring us closer to division rather than unity. Somehow, we are still far too concerned with the qualities that make us different rather than with those that which we share. And for so many of us, it seems easier to choose not to share. We are selfish and we rarely share. We are all in this together however we behave as though we are unaware the other exists. Mindlessly we share similar DNA but we act like we don't care. It must be easier to behave as though we are unaware. We do whatever it takes to ignore the facts that lie right before our eyes and we build walls around them. We look the other way, in any direction that might lead us into misdirection. We pretend we don't see, that we don't know, that we don't care.

We the people, of the world. We the hopeless, the reckless, the desperate... We the lost.

We are time-wasters, dream-chasers and we are all ******* fakers. We are figments of our own imaginations. We are alternate versions of ourselves living in realities of our own creation. Realities that aren't real at all, just like us. We hide beneath our fake faces and our fake words. Our fabricated worlds are all we have to show for. We live in pretty, little bubbles as an escape from our invisible reality, in an effort to shield ourselves from the dangers of the world. We're supposed to be in this together, though somehow we'd all rather be alone. We've forgotten the meaning of we, and we've doomed ourselves to eternal loneliness. We are, if nothing else at all, inherently lonely.
781 · Nov 2016
Hurricane Anxiety
Jewel M C Nov 2016
I am an old, wooden paddleboat
Drifting across a still ocean of black,
At the slightest sign of wave
I could crack.

The inky sea surrounds me
Infinitely vast,
Alone I glide, below a moonless sky.

Dark clouds loom overhead, moving fast
I feel a ripple at my side,
In a lightning flash, I see the approaching tide.

The stillness never lasts,
I prepare for the crash.

First, a drop of rain
Falls from the sky,
Others follow, like tears
The clouds begin to cry.

Raindrops sting my splintered skin
In beads of blistering pain,
Following a rumble of thunder
I spy my foulest of fears,
Here comes the hurricane.

My oars are useless
As the storm advances,
I resist drowning
But the waves grow stronger
Lowering my chances.

Suddenly I am underwater
Fighting gravity,
Everything is a blur
As the ocean swallows me.

I break apart beneath the surface
For the thousandth time,
Submerged in the devastation
I wonder if being fragile is a crime.
719 · Aug 2013
couching a memoir of you
Jewel M C Aug 2013
I thought I saw a ghost,
Perhaps it was just
A worn memory of you,
Akin to your favoured pair
Of tattered blue jeans,
Likewise worn
That old, deep blue couch
We once broke in,
Now nowhere to be
Found, much like
Your heart,
Conceivably occupied
By a new individual,
Or possibly left
Alongside the road
Waiting for a new embrace,
Her smile likely dimmer
Than the girl who sat,
Once beside you on that couch
In a warm grasp that has died,
Along with the feelings
We once shared
Sat upon that couch.
Jewel M C Oct 2014
it was one year ago, last night
when he walked into my life
& never would I have thought
we'd have fallen in love like this
but I must admit, I knew,
the very moment I saw him smile
that I might just lose myself
& want to stay awhile
because, my God, that smile
it made me believe
that love at first sight
was real as can be.
684 · Dec 2014
In Toxication
Jewel M C Dec 2014
Why would I ever dare
To kiss, another pair
Of lips? When it's his
That make me believe
In magic.*

I've reached the point
Where I cannot see one
In ever wasting a moment
Trying to love anyone else
It's here where I belong
With him
With no one else.
651 · Apr 2018
neon daydream
Jewel M C Apr 2018
i had a dream
                            that i died

out if the blue
i wasn't alive,
& they drew
my chalk outline
with pink chalk
on the sidewalk
where my body lied,
delicately draped
across grey pavement
& through the cracked cement
a single yellow dandelion
appeared, in full bloom
636 · Feb 2018
autopilot
Jewel M C Feb 2018
set me to airplane mode,
I feel like I'm going to implode...

my thoughts, they're spiraling,
there's a short-circuit in my wiring

this world beneath me has gone ablaze
& I cannot escape this fiery haze

I'm soaring toward a sea of flames
from our world without a trace

falling
fast

here
comes
the:
             crash
617 · Apr 2017
Alternative Reality
Jewel M C Apr 2017
please accept the terms & conditions before you proceed...

& *please
, enter at your own risk!



Will you allow technology to fully access your identity?

yes *or
□ NO!

did you even
read
the terms&conditions?

also known as

monsters' diction
/ modernistic snot
condemn its riots
not stoicism, nerd
or crimson diets;
demonic tort sins

disclaimer:

perhaps you should pretend
to feign interest in
those lists of lengthy descriptions
never quite captured by our cognition
though not lost upon our inhibition
that may more or less explicitly detail
all the vicious ways in which
we are being unmistakably,
blatantly blackmailed
against our will / with our own consent
when we check the box that reads; "accept"
we exploit our most private content
to the highest bidder
so dare yourself to reconsider...

Welcome to the 18th year of century 21; the new millennium.

we are living in a world where
our most significant intimacies are shared
between the tips of our fingers
& the touch of a screen

reflecting our digitized lives
before prying eyes
that magnify
the things we hide

(but you can't hide,
don’t try)


while we wander through life
roaming via cellular connection
guided by the gentle misdirection
of the electronic dimension

seductive despite the apprehension
lurking beneath the tightening tension
that tethers us to the tender touch
of technological temptation

hypnotizing us in its animation
as it memorizes us & analyzes what
we think, say & do online upon every occasion
while we continue to ignore the trepidation
lingering within our realization

that children today will be born
with fluorescent addiction
flowing through their veins,
a condition nothing short of inhumane

you might say society's to blame
but no one prepared us for this high-tech hurricane
humankind's claim to fame
a reality we deemed difficult to obtain
artificial intelligence will never be worth more than a brain
but we've created a world where eventually nothing else will remain

whatever humanity is
we seem to be losing touch
with what it used to be

Who would have ever guessed that our fingertips could crave a screen's touch to a human's?

we have become parasites that feed
upon the delights emitted by the blue light
of our digital paradise
where precious memories are measured by megabytes
archived to our favorite device
to which we automatically sacrifice our rights
without thinking twice
so here's a word of advice:
don't roll the virtual dice
because this wi-fi powered world won't play nice


*Is this the real life?
617 · Feb 2017
Downtown Drive
Jewel M C Feb 2017
From the passenger seat of my boyfriend's car
I keep my eyes wide while we drive, & watch
The world as it passes me, bye...

I wave from behind the tinted glass
Safely secured from the dangers that lie outside

We turn the radio all the way up
So we won't hear it squeak when we hit another speed bump

Instead we're blinded by bright city lights
Neon signs, streetlamps, & traffic lights;
Green then yellow then red, then red & blue (watch out, they're coming for you)

In the flashing lights, I see the city covered in a fresh coat of graffiti
Train-cars & abandoned buildings, dark alleys & concrete fences,
A bridge overpass where the streetlights have no electricity:

*"Danger Reality Ahead"
Previously "Everyday Drive"
- Detroit
615 · Nov 2016
Youthful Yearnings
Jewel M C Nov 2016
If I could be compelled to let my heart wander freely,
It would surely guide me to a vivid vision of Hartwell street.
As I make my way, stumbling, I cannot help but detour, briefly,
Unable to refuse an indulgent moment at the corner candy store;
I graciously gather in my hands all the caramels I couldn’t possibly eat.
Sugar fueling my eager spirit, I follow the road to a familiar bend,
In passing I watch the boys play hockey in the street.
Strolling along the cracked pavement, I stop before a supreme suburban château
Taking a breath before swimming in a pool of fond reflection,
I open the gate and let my lungs fill with the inescapable summer heat.
Walking down that eternal driveway, I cross the stretch of yard
Led by my heart’s desire and the bare bottoms of my feet.
Smells of barbecue blend with the sweet taste of pink watermelon
And I’m suddenly craving to chase after the glowing fireflies,
Overcome with a feeling so pure, yet so bittersweet.
If I could, even if only for a moment
Return to 5714 Hartwell street,
I know that I would, in a heartbeat.

But where that tall, brick house once stood
stands another home, much more ordinary,
with a vacancy for memories; forever incomplete.
a memoir of Buni's old house that was filled with so many wonderful childhood memories
586 · Apr 2018
unfamiliar reality
Jewel M C Apr 2018
all alone in a crowded room
claustrophobia consumes
as i'm uncomfortably surrounded
by strangers
with friendly faces,
ultimately unfamiliar
yet seemingly displaced
from this blur of insanity
they pass as our reality

          where are we?

i am searching for familiarity

                                                  in an unfamiliar place

trying to find

                              a familiar face
585 · Oct 2014
from the day we met
Jewel M C Oct 2014
remember, remember
the fifth of November?
because I do,
& I have all the words I wrote
from that night

i met a boy today,
he called it a
 date
*& I already must admit
that the way his dimples
are crooked, & his whole face
smiles, & the way
he loses his eyes
when he laughs
are my favourite
is it wrong to be in this limbo
with a boy
who is a mutual & very close friend
of your ex?
it doesn't feel wrong,
it feels like it could even be very right

we walked through the woods today
& it was lovely but
all too familiar
but I didn't even mind,
I just wonder
if this is the bridge I should take,
I took one today with you
& it was fantastic
I wish I hugged you tighter today,
I wonder what it will be like
when we fall for each other...
584 · Oct 2017
[ESC] digital gaze
Jewel M C Oct 2017
cookies & cachéd data,
digitally-programmed privacy paraphernalia
     are carefully collecting information
     following your confirmation
     to allow the invasion
     of all forms of personal communication

((( it’s hard to ignore the intimidation
of the internet’s alluring intoxication )))

     but between you&me
     life beyond a screen
     never felt so free,
     an anti-digital reality,
     life in an unmonitored galaxy
     is something     only the mind can dream
                    # # # # #
*part of sonnet collection: Revelling in Reverie
574 · Mar 2014
dreaming myself awake
Jewel M C Mar 2014
They say if you're wide awake at night
You're broken or madly in love
I do recall having spent many a night
Enveloped in that insomnia
Broken as can be
Believing it was hopeless to ever fall asleep
Until I slept for months when the nightmares ceased
As they were left only as my reality
I thought I could put my misery to sleep
& so it fell, asleep, no longer with me,
Thus better I became
Unbroken as can be.

One day I must have left
The latch on my healing heart unlocked
As I seemed to have let it open to love
& so I fell, again
But this time it was different
I found myself again laying in bed wide awake
Though there wasn't a trace of heartache
I found myself staring into the darkness of my room
Dreaming about the curve of his smile
The sound of his laugh, & I can't stop
When you fall in love, real love
Some nights you won't sleep
Right now I'm awake & thinking of the way he looks at me
Sleeping is overrated when your heart
Would rather wake your mind & entertain you with what
You can call "mine" & my gosh, he is all mine
543 · Mar 2014
sleep with me
Jewel M C Mar 2014
It's 4:44 AM & my eyes are closed
But I'm wide awake dreaming
Of the smell of his clothes
Blanketed in the faint scent
Of him, from this afternoon
His presence lingering in my bed
From every day that we spent
Together entangled in our love for each other
Smiling between every kiss
& deeply forgetting all the world
Falling in love over & over
I lie awake tonight wishing my body was
Entangled elegantly in his
Although not tonight, someday it will be
So we must have faith in this love
You & me,
Because someday will come
& forever we will be
522 · Apr 2018
absent mind
Jewel M C Apr 2018
trigger warning:

i'm a wanderer
though most of my travels
occur inside the confines
of my chaotic mind

i wouldn't recommend you follow
because i will leave you behind


     tell me
have you ever gotten lost
                                        in your own mind?
i cannot remember
                              what i was trying to find
perhaps
               i've lost it.
disclaimer: this "trigger warning" is misleading because there is nothing I am warning about specifically, I'm just lost & I liked the wording
502 · Mar 2015
Reflection
Jewel M C Mar 2015
Milk chocolate hair with an endless forest in her eyes;
The things that make her beautiful,
Chapped lips & an imperfect crooked-toothed smile,
The things that make her human,
Tear-stained cheeks beneath the dark circles under her eyes,
The things that make her real,
Warm days with blue skies and flying across the world,
The things she dreams about,
Remembering who she is and not knowing where she's going,
The things that make her anxious,
Dark brown eyes & little, soft brown curls,
The thing that makes her happy,
5'11 with a killer gorgeous smile,
The boy who loves all of her.
501 · Nov 2016
mixed messages in a bottle
Jewel M C Nov 2016
I'm bottled up
to the brim
but I'd rather be thrown
into the ocean
than opened up
ever again
previously titled: What feelings?
488 · Oct 2017
* hypnotized / humanity *
Jewel M C Oct 2017
houses of Sin
     drawing you (us) in
          strung with neon lights
               & forbidden delights
     meant to entice, but never quite
               satisfy the appetites
          of those who seek
     an escape from this reality;
          another milky-way hallucination(1)
     will you accept the invitation
to take a virtual vacation
     from every obligation
without explanation?
     { let the games begin }
(1) "milky-way hallucination" from The Shoulder of a Darling by Karen Garthe in Fence Volume 15 #2, Winter 2012-2013

*part of sonnet collection: Revelling in Reverie
485 · Oct 2014
4,000 miles
Jewel M C Oct 2014
distance is;
the marks my fingernails leave on my scalp,
the extra hair on my brush that I keep tearing out,
the faint smell of him on his T-shirt covered in my tears,
distance is far worse than any of my fears
464 · Aug 2013
"lovers"
Jewel M C Aug 2013
Half awake
I lie in bed, searching
For your smell
Among the covers,
Desperately chasing
A memory of you
From when we had been
Lovers.
this is an old one about an ex, but I'll always love this poem; it was from the beginning of my poetry writing
462 · Oct 2014
fallen
Jewel M C Oct 2014
sometimes
when you take the leap
you fly
but i've never been happier to say
i fell
instead
457 · Aug 2013
farewell my love
Jewel M C Aug 2013
adieu mon amour
please don't forget
while you're away
all the nights
& all the days
that we spent
together, please
do not let slip
the memory of me
for as you're not here
every day
i will think of you
& wish you had stayed
415 · Oct 2017
watched
Jewel M C Oct 2017
why are there cameras everywhere I go?
     what are they recording?
          what are they watching?
               why are they watching us?

why are there cameras in every room?
why are they recording everything we do?
why are they watching the things I do?
& when was my debut?*
     (be careful, they're watching you too)
Jewel M C Sep 2017
(the pleasures of daily life are free
                    are you kidding? nothing is free)

the monotony of the everyday is included in your life (experience not required)
the thing is, if you want to forget the responsibilities of the daily tedium,
if you want to become numb from your reality, on most occasions there is a price to pay
          whatever you desire, there's a bad habit for that;
          alcohol, nicotine, amphetamine...
          take a chance and indulge yourself
          in your favorite inhibitor for your inhibition
          (just don't let yourself fall into submission)

                                        ∞

your face, illuminated in the firelight of the Bic
held tightly between my blistered and burned fingertips,
radiates before the flames as they reflect the fire in your eyes
igniting the deepest desires that lie beneath mine


the flickering flames fall dim
& I see nothing but the silhouette of him
outlined by the glow of dashboard light
while I wait for the moment our lips reunite

I watch him close his eyes as he takes flight

          now, inhale
   & let yourself set sail

          /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

your eyes, they're filled with stars
so why don't you talk to me like your mind is on Mars
because the world, it's much too far
from the privacy of your car


where we sit in silence
as the clouds begin to surround
us without warning or sound
& we become enclosed
in a thick cloak
of blue smoke
swallowing us whole

          / *exhale
let the fumes feed your mind & fuel your soul
393 · Apr 2017
xo
Jewel M C Apr 2017
xo
time flies
while we drive
beneath blue skies
when I'm looking at you with
♥ heart eyes ♥
& I can't lie
it feels like
******** paradise
393 · Dec 2018
nothing
Jewel M C Dec 2018
when things work out perfectly,
it's always too good to be true,
my destiny was to be unlucky
& **** up everything i do,
no matter how hard i try,
i always do something wrong,
over my shoulder
people are watching,
telling me
i can't do anything at all
so what the **** is the point
of everything,
if fate says
i'm capable of nothing...
391 · Oct 2014
memory
Jewel M C Oct 2014
november 8th, 2013*
i found these old sketches
of you & I
unfinished, & i'm erasing them
i don't intend to finish them
& it doesn't hurt anymore
it doesn't hurt anymore*

i forgot what it felt like
to heal
the feeling is back
& it's real
387 · Oct 2017
trepidation...
Jewel M C Oct 2017
someone rescue me from my own mentality
my worst nightmares have become a reality
     I'm losing my mind
     & I can't rewind
     I can't go back to: when things were fine
          /pleasepleaseplease/
               take me back in time


wake me from this h a l l u c i n a t i o n
tell me it's     only my imagination
                    
                    my thoughts, they're running wild
                              I feel just like a child


     but I can’t think straight
     there's no escape:
*take me back to a     ~ + * dreamlike state * + ~
*part of sonnet collection: Revelling in Reverie
362 · Oct 2014
year two
Jewel M C Oct 2014
it's 5:11am & I miss you
& truly, I hate to miss you,
4,000 miles, my love, is quite
a long way, for our love to stretch
but stretch it may, as it only grows
though, no longer do I want it to stretch,
not because I believe it will get worn,
with our love, that's not a possibility,
I wake every morning to a smile
from you, the only sunshine that matters
but, as this sun rises, ours sets
on the other side of the world
& I can't miss another sunset without you,
distance makes the heart grow fonder
true, it does, but no one speaks about
how it makes you ache,
I miss you, my love
though soon, I won't have to,
everything is going to change
& I'm ready
to start anew
on the other side of the world
to begin my life, with you
year two
361 · Jan 2018
glitch
Jewel M C Jan 2018
i feel like a ******* mistake
like a glitch in this ******-up system
an error that wasn't meant to exist

it’s like everything i touch turns to ****,
my mistakes are all i can create
it’s the tragic design of my fate

& most of the time i don't wanna be here
                                  on this planet anymore
                                  anyway, who cares if i stay?
359 · Oct 2017
~ vivid visions ~
Jewel M C Oct 2017
I’m from a world exactly like ours
     where the days aren’t measured by hours
{ * + & sometimes I feel like I have superpowers + * }
     there, the grass is blue & the sky is green
          > but most things are backwards in-between <
               nothing is ever what it seems

     <<< I'm lost inside heavenly hyperbole
     in the clouds of my own mentality
     a one-of-a-kind, life-like reality
     floating in anti-gravity >>>

     welcome to my favorite delusion
          @ your world is nothing but c o n f u s i o n @
everything is just an illusion allusion?
     let's dream until the next revolution

                    * * * * *
     it was     all a technicolor blur,
     only     upside-down and inside-out
     a     place unlike any other,
     dream     of the world in every color
                    * * * *
*part of sonnet collection: Revelling in Reverie
(sonnet + 4 additional lines)
356 · Apr 2018
playing hide & seek
Jewel M C Apr 2018
i often find myself
devoid of the moment...
    ((( this moment )))
momentary in its passing
yet nearly fatal in its crashing

when did it become so difficult
to avoid an escape?
an exit from reality
from which we disconnect so easily

is anything real?
we're all searching
for a new way to feel
something
                      else
353 · Nov 2017
are you here ?
Jewel M C Nov 2017
"places near you..."

faces near you?

     stop pretending

          that they can't hear you...

you're in clear view

& they're following you too
Jewel M C Oct 2017
so here I am
bottling up my feelings again
pretending I have nothing to say again
for fear that we'll get into a fight again
a fight over something ******* stupid again
          it's always ******* stupid
I can only hold so many of my feelings in
before I explode,
before I unload,
before another episode
I guess I should just bottle it all up, right?
push it down, shove the cork in tight
          blow it up with dynamite
                  * * * * * * * * *
those late nights
when we fight
& our demons intertwine
where the monsters come out to play
& the devil bites into your brain
it makes you insane
          *lovers' quarrel:
          your own personal brand of Hell
(title inspired by *******: A Magazine of the Arts 1962-1965)
341 · Nov 2017
forget-me-not
Jewel M C Nov 2017
there's a trace
of familiar in your face
but I just can't place
                                ( you )
337 · Apr 2018
loss of identity
Jewel M C Apr 2018
lately i've felt:                 d e t a c h e d
from our empty society
i've been avoiding
my own mortality

is there anyone who can help me?
i'm still not me,
can't you see?
i'm just trapped
on the other side
of this augmented reality,
on the edge of insanity,
i think i got lost
trying to figure out
who i'm supposed to be
331 · Nov 2016
Mute
Jewel M C Nov 2016
I think I lost
my voice,
I couldn't stop screaming
I didn't have a choice;
there are demons living inside me
whispering into my ears
telling me all the things
I don't want to hear,
I'm running from myself
from my fears,
but the voices are getting louder
& I'm fighting the tears.
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