Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jan 2020 · 136
2019 Anxieties
Jewel M C Jan 2020
Honestly...
                     what am I doing here?
Here,
            in this world,
                                      in this life?
I’m tired of helping people
                 tired of doing things
                           tired of life
                                   I’m just so tired
                                             I’m tired of numbing the pain...

I don’t want to talk
Think
Breathe
See
Hear
Feel...

Feeling overwhelmed
Feeling o v e r w h e l m e d
F e e l i n g   o v e r w h e l m e d

Feeling out of breath
Feeling like giving up
Feeling depressed
Feeling like quitting
Feeling like breaking down
Feeling like the world is spinning so fast
And it needs to slow down
Feeling like I need more
Out of life
Out of this empty world
Wishing I could erase my mistakes
Wishing the biggest mistake wasn’t me
Always wishing
Always hoping
Always feeling too much
Always too little or too much
Never just enough
*Never good enough
2019 Anxiety
Dec 2018 · 355
nothing
Jewel M C Dec 2018
when things work out perfectly,
it's always too good to be true,
my destiny was to be unlucky
& **** up everything i do,
no matter how hard i try,
i always do something wrong,
over my shoulder
people are watching,
telling me
i can't do anything at all
so what the **** is the point
of everything,
if fate says
i'm capable of nothing...
Nov 2018 · 739
anxiety / mania
Jewel M C Nov 2018
send me a lifeline
the world is on fire
i need to go back in time
please believe me, this is dire
let me erase the chaos
& return to a world
where everything is fine
& things aren't in constant decline
why do things keep falling apart
it can't be good for the heart
i wish i could press restart
i'd give anything
for a chance
to reset this life
Oct 2018 · 1.0k
perpetual anxiety
Jewel M C Oct 2018
cold feet beneath the sheets
i close my eyes & try to breathe...
it's 3am & i'm dreaming of who i used to be
before everything fell apart around me

my life is a mess of regrets
& reasons to stay in bed
i still can't escape the voices inside my head

(louder) they're getting louder now
i try to scream, but there's no sound
no one can save me from my anxiety

so i try to sleep but the voices follow
the nightmares become harder to swallow
& i wake up feeling more hollow

just to have it happen all over again tomorrow...
Apr 2018 · 583
neon daydream
Jewel M C Apr 2018
i had a dream
                            that i died

out if the blue
i wasn't alive,
& they drew
my chalk outline
with pink chalk
on the sidewalk
where my body lied,
delicately draped
across grey pavement
& through the cracked cement
a single yellow dandelion
appeared, in full bloom
Apr 2018 · 304
loss of identity
Jewel M C Apr 2018
lately i've felt:                 d e t a c h e d
from our empty society
i've been avoiding
my own mortality

is there anyone who can help me?
i'm still not me,
can't you see?
i'm just trapped
on the other side
of this augmented reality,
on the edge of insanity,
i think i got lost
trying to figure out
who i'm supposed to be
Apr 2018 · 317
playing hide & seek
Jewel M C Apr 2018
i often find myself
devoid of the moment...
    ((( this moment )))
momentary in its passing
yet nearly fatal in its crashing

when did it become so difficult
to avoid an escape?
an exit from reality
from which we disconnect so easily

is anything real?
we're all searching
for a new way to feel
something
                      else
Apr 2018 · 467
absent mind
Jewel M C Apr 2018
trigger warning:

i'm a wanderer
though most of my travels
occur inside the confines
of my chaotic mind

i wouldn't recommend you follow
because i will leave you behind


     tell me
have you ever gotten lost
                                        in your own mind?
i cannot remember
                              what i was trying to find
perhaps
               i've lost it.
disclaimer: this "trigger warning" is misleading because there is nothing I am warning about specifically, I'm just lost & I liked the wording
Apr 2018 · 558
unfamiliar reality
Jewel M C Apr 2018
all alone in a crowded room
claustrophobia consumes
as i'm uncomfortably surrounded
by strangers
with friendly faces,
ultimately unfamiliar
yet seemingly displaced
from this blur of insanity
they pass as our reality

          where are we?

i am searching for familiarity

                                                  in an unfamiliar place

trying to find

                              a familiar face
Mar 2018 · 245
salty daydreams
Jewel M C Mar 2018
salt on the streets
like salt in the wounds
of cracked, suburban sidewalks
swelling with trampled memories
of a forgotten yesterday

imagine a world far away
from the chaos of the everyday

won’t you come outside & play?
(everything is gonna be okay)

          the world is a snow globe,
          shake it up
          & let's watch it explode

          cut me up like a paper snowflake,
          did you feel the Earth shake?
Mar 2018 · 227
shouting into the void
Jewel M C Mar 2018
this is a cry for help
but nobody's listening

(how
         would
                     you?
                             this silence is ear-splitting)

my patience is thinning
& it's only the beginning

can't you see that our world is spinning???

maybe it's just my head,
I'm unraveling like a loose thread
unable to avoid this looming dread
to which we're all condemned...

please, save me from myself, instead
Mar 2018 · 216
silence
Jewel M C Mar 2018
sometimes, there are moments
when all the world goes quiet
and, for just a moment,
I get to enjoy the silence,
a moment away from the everyday violence
of society's daily defiance

yet, it never stays quiet...

the silence is so loud, I can hear
my heartbeat
pounding in my ears
as my darkest fears
begin to come near,
& someday, they'll find me
drowning, in the salt of my tears
Mar 2018 · 269
sweet dreams
Jewel M C Mar 2018
Before the world forgets us, I need you to remember...

that cool afternoon in November;
the moment our eyes met,
I’d already fallen for you,
though I didn’t know it yet
our paths, they’ve nearly crossed before
only fate had something else in store
for us; you see,
you & I were meant for love,
but back then, we were just too young
to understand what it was

before they met,
our paths parted ways
so we could grow up
& learn how to stay
because fate knew our stubborn hearts
& feared we would walk away

I still remember the day we met
like it was yesterday,

& though I didn't yet know it,
fate had led you back to me
& as long as we're together
everything is gonna be okay

now I can’t seem to remember
a time you were absent from my dreams

but I keep having this fear
that our world is not what it seems,
& lately, my dreams,
                                      have been nightmares...
Feb 2018 · 596
autopilot
Jewel M C Feb 2018
set me to airplane mode,
I feel like I'm going to implode...

my thoughts, they're spiraling,
there's a short-circuit in my wiring

this world beneath me has gone ablaze
& I cannot escape this fiery haze

I'm soaring toward a sea of flames
from our world without a trace

falling
fast

here
comes
the:
             crash
Jan 2018 · 277
stranger danger
Jewel M C Jan 2018
fake friend / fake friend / fake friend
when the ******* will it end?
is this the new latest trend?
(just type "*******" & hit send)
         i really hope i never see you again
Jan 2018 · 261
insanity
Jewel M C Jan 2018
disconnect me from this reality
i want to escape the
                                     gravity
of this: a n x i e t y

(i feel like it's consuming me...)
Jan 2018 · 257
cranial chaos
Jewel M C Jan 2018
there are a million thoughts
racing through my brain
all the time

& i keep telling you "i'm fine"
because you don't know what it's like
keeping everything bottled up inside
Jan 2018 · 243
isolation
Jewel M C Jan 2018
i'm shouting into the void
a vacuum of hopeless eternity
can anybody hear me?

i just want someone to believe
that i'm someone worth knowing
or care where i'm going

(am i in love with being lonely?)
because i'm afraid to keep a friend
for fear they'll betray me in the end
Jan 2018 · 325
glitch
Jewel M C Jan 2018
i feel like a ******* mistake
like a glitch in this ******-up system
an error that wasn't meant to exist

it’s like everything i touch turns to ****,
my mistakes are all i can create
it’s the tragic design of my fate

& most of the time i don't wanna be here
                                  on this planet anymore
                                  anyway, who cares if i stay?
Jan 2018 · 249
disappearing act
Jewel M C Jan 2018
sometimes I just wanna get up & leave
everything behind me
just to forget
who I used to be,
get out there
there's a whole world to see
Nov 2017 · 307
forget-me-not
Jewel M C Nov 2017
there's a trace
of familiar in your face
but I just can't place
                                ( you )
Nov 2017 · 766
spɹɐʍʞɔɐq
Jewel M C Nov 2017
< backspacebackspacebackspace

          why can't we erase

                    all the time we waste >
Nov 2017 · 239
corruption
Jewel M C Nov 2017
what happened to innocence? 

life is just a game of dollar$ & ¢ents 

& it's not making ******* sense
Nov 2017 · 280
discretion advised
Jewel M C Nov 2017
AVOID EYE-CONTACT

        / don't blink /

you don't wanna know what THEY might think

make sure your movements stay in-sync

                            * * *

   be sure not to draw any attention

     ignore the subtle apprehension

that you may be in an alternate dimension


                              * * *

       don't let your lips move while you speak

wipe off your tear-stained cheek

        don't let THEM think you're weak

just pretend you’re playing hide-and-seek

 

but don’t let them find you

& make sure you’re hidden from THEIR view

you don’t wanna get lost for good, *do you?
Nov 2017 · 302
are you here ?
Jewel M C Nov 2017
"places near you..."

faces near you?

     stop pretending

          that they can't hear you...

you're in clear view

& they're following you too
Nov 2017 · 211
d e t a c h m e n t
Jewel M C Nov 2017
getting older,

     growing colder

keep pretending

     you don't know her...

always giving each other

                                      the cold shoulder

                       yet you just let it smolder

         because she's only a placeholder

     but don't forget you never told her


 

she's just another back-burner friend

watching you cut off loose ends

like it’s the latest trend

 

     & if you lose her

          *it'll be like you never knew her
Nov 2017 · 196
#5
Jewel M C Nov 2017
#5
here we lie
side by side,
wasting time
you & I,
keeping everything bottled up inside
just to avoid saying  
what's really on our minds,
I just wanna go back in time
when everything was fine

before everything got so ****** up
back when everything was un-******  
but **** happens, & we fight
so please just shut-up
I wanna kiss & make-up, tonight
from a poetry collection titled: somber sonnets
Nov 2017 · 271
#4
Jewel M C Nov 2017
#4
wasted time waiting...
alone, by the phone
for a message that won't come

apology arrival, cancelled
cellular network, disconnected
forgiveness, intercepted
affection, rejected...

               *I wanna be so numb  
     that I can't feel my feelings anymore
     I wanna scream so loud I lose my voice
     so I won't annoy you anymore
     it's not like I had anything to say
               have a nice day
     thanks for nothing anyway
from a collection of poetry titled: somber sonnets
Nov 2017 · 220
#3
Jewel M C Nov 2017
#3
am I on the wrong frequency?
because I still can't figure out
why you won't speak to me,
I forgave you
so easily
though our passions rose
unequally,
& honestly
I need you to be
on my side
unconditionally,
we'll make up
eventually
won't we?
from a collection of poetry titled: somber sonnets
Nov 2017 · 242
#2
Jewel M C Nov 2017
#2
if I cave will I collapse?
how can he be so close
but still just out of grasp?
& how much longer
will these fights last?
I need to know
that it's all in the past,
I'm falling
fast,
hope I don't
crash
×××××
can we please
go back
to before I said that?
from a collection of poetry titled: somber sonnets
Nov 2017 · 249
#1
Jewel M C Nov 2017
#1
just another night
filled with spite,
without a kiss goodnight
or making up after a fight,
a fight that was never supposed to be a fight
a fight that wasn't supposed to ruin the night

go to bed without knowing everything is alright
feeling nothing but contrite
what a night

turn out the light,
sleep tight,
don't let the demons bite...

everything is gonna be alright,
*right?
from a collection of poetry titled: somber sonnets
Jewel M C Oct 2017
so here I am
bottling up my feelings again
pretending I have nothing to say again
for fear that we'll get into a fight again
a fight over something ******* stupid again
          it's always ******* stupid
I can only hold so many of my feelings in
before I explode,
before I unload,
before another episode
I guess I should just bottle it all up, right?
push it down, shove the cork in tight
          blow it up with dynamite
                  * * * * * * * * *
those late nights
when we fight
& our demons intertwine
where the monsters come out to play
& the devil bites into your brain
it makes you insane
          *lovers' quarrel:
          your own personal brand of Hell
(title inspired by *******: A Magazine of the Arts 1962-1965)
Oct 2017 · 366
watched
Jewel M C Oct 2017
why are there cameras everywhere I go?
     what are they recording?
          what are they watching?
               why are they watching us?

why are there cameras in every room?
why are they recording everything we do?
why are they watching the things I do?
& when was my debut?*
     (be careful, they're watching you too)
Oct 2017 · 195
blur
Jewel M C Oct 2017
it is difficult to distinguish what is real from what is not real*

     what version of the world am I in?
these faces around me are so familiar but I can't recognize any of them

were we friends in a past life?
if we were, I don't think I'd forget
unless you were never a friend to begin with
but what does it matter anyway?
there are strangers surrounding me every day
& I just want to get-away
Oct 2017 · 356
trepidation...
Jewel M C Oct 2017
someone rescue me from my own mentality
my worst nightmares have become a reality
     I'm losing my mind
     & I can't rewind
     I can't go back to: when things were fine
          /pleasepleaseplease/
               take me back in time


wake me from this h a l l u c i n a t i o n
tell me it's     only my imagination
                    
                    my thoughts, they're running wild
                              I feel just like a child


     but I can’t think straight
     there's no escape:
*take me back to a     ~ + * dreamlike state * + ~
*part of sonnet collection: Revelling in Reverie
Oct 2017 · 529
[ESC] digital gaze
Jewel M C Oct 2017
cookies & cachéd data,
digitally-programmed privacy paraphernalia
     are carefully collecting information
     following your confirmation
     to allow the invasion
     of all forms of personal communication

((( it’s hard to ignore the intimidation
of the internet’s alluring intoxication )))

     but between you&me
     life beyond a screen
     never felt so free,
     an anti-digital reality,
     life in an unmonitored galaxy
     is something     only the mind can dream
                    # # # # #
*part of sonnet collection: Revelling in Reverie
Oct 2017 · 449
* hypnotized / humanity *
Jewel M C Oct 2017
houses of Sin
     drawing you (us) in
          strung with neon lights
               & forbidden delights
     meant to entice, but never quite
               satisfy the appetites
          of those who seek
     an escape from this reality;
          another milky-way hallucination(1)
     will you accept the invitation
to take a virtual vacation
     from every obligation
without explanation?
     { let the games begin }
(1) "milky-way hallucination" from The Shoulder of a Darling by Karen Garthe in Fence Volume 15 #2, Winter 2012-2013

*part of sonnet collection: Revelling in Reverie
Oct 2017 · 328
~ vivid visions ~
Jewel M C Oct 2017
I’m from a world exactly like ours
     where the days aren’t measured by hours
{ * + & sometimes I feel like I have superpowers + * }
     there, the grass is blue & the sky is green
          > but most things are backwards in-between <
               nothing is ever what it seems

     <<< I'm lost inside heavenly hyperbole
     in the clouds of my own mentality
     a one-of-a-kind, life-like reality
     floating in anti-gravity >>>

     welcome to my favorite delusion
          @ your world is nothing but c o n f u s i o n @
everything is just an illusion allusion?
     let's dream until the next revolution

                    * * * * *
     it was     all a technicolor blur,
     only     upside-down and inside-out
     a     place unlike any other,
     dream     of the world in every color
                    * * * *
*part of sonnet collection: Revelling in Reverie
(sonnet + 4 additional lines)
Jewel M C Sep 2017
(the pleasures of daily life are free
                    are you kidding? nothing is free)

the monotony of the everyday is included in your life (experience not required)
the thing is, if you want to forget the responsibilities of the daily tedium,
if you want to become numb from your reality, on most occasions there is a price to pay
          whatever you desire, there's a bad habit for that;
          alcohol, nicotine, amphetamine...
          take a chance and indulge yourself
          in your favorite inhibitor for your inhibition
          (just don't let yourself fall into submission)

                                        ∞

your face, illuminated in the firelight of the Bic
held tightly between my blistered and burned fingertips,
radiates before the flames as they reflect the fire in your eyes
igniting the deepest desires that lie beneath mine


the flickering flames fall dim
& I see nothing but the silhouette of him
outlined by the glow of dashboard light
while I wait for the moment our lips reunite

I watch him close his eyes as he takes flight

          now, inhale
   & let yourself set sail

          /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

your eyes, they're filled with stars
so why don't you talk to me like your mind is on Mars
because the world, it's much too far
from the privacy of your car


where we sit in silence
as the clouds begin to surround
us without warning or sound
& we become enclosed
in a thick cloak
of blue smoke
swallowing us whole

          / *exhale
let the fumes feed your mind & fuel your soul
Apr 2017 · 571
Alternative Reality
Jewel M C Apr 2017
please accept the terms & conditions before you proceed...

& *please
, enter at your own risk!



Will you allow technology to fully access your identity?

yes *or
□ NO!

did you even
read
the terms&conditions?

also known as

monsters' diction
/ modernistic snot
condemn its riots
not stoicism, nerd
or crimson diets;
demonic tort sins

disclaimer:

perhaps you should pretend
to feign interest in
those lists of lengthy descriptions
never quite captured by our cognition
though not lost upon our inhibition
that may more or less explicitly detail
all the vicious ways in which
we are being unmistakably,
blatantly blackmailed
against our will / with our own consent
when we check the box that reads; "accept"
we exploit our most private content
to the highest bidder
so dare yourself to reconsider...

Welcome to the 18th year of century 21; the new millennium.

we are living in a world where
our most significant intimacies are shared
between the tips of our fingers
& the touch of a screen

reflecting our digitized lives
before prying eyes
that magnify
the things we hide

(but you can't hide,
don’t try)


while we wander through life
roaming via cellular connection
guided by the gentle misdirection
of the electronic dimension

seductive despite the apprehension
lurking beneath the tightening tension
that tethers us to the tender touch
of technological temptation

hypnotizing us in its animation
as it memorizes us & analyzes what
we think, say & do online upon every occasion
while we continue to ignore the trepidation
lingering within our realization

that children today will be born
with fluorescent addiction
flowing through their veins,
a condition nothing short of inhumane

you might say society's to blame
but no one prepared us for this high-tech hurricane
humankind's claim to fame
a reality we deemed difficult to obtain
artificial intelligence will never be worth more than a brain
but we've created a world where eventually nothing else will remain

whatever humanity is
we seem to be losing touch
with what it used to be

Who would have ever guessed that our fingertips could crave a screen's touch to a human's?

we have become parasites that feed
upon the delights emitted by the blue light
of our digital paradise
where precious memories are measured by megabytes
archived to our favorite device
to which we automatically sacrifice our rights
without thinking twice
so here's a word of advice:
don't roll the virtual dice
because this wi-fi powered world won't play nice


*Is this the real life?
Apr 2017 · 956
Detroit Daydreams
Jewel M C Apr 2017
Shell gas station with little neon green palm trees
perched upon the edge of the frenzied freeway,
          a picture of plastic paradise
     strewn with bright green lights
     like spotlights of limelight
     shedding light upon city life
               never far from the dark side...
    
     nearby, I spy
an assortment of street signs
to guide you into the night,
     so turn right, & drive right
     fly past the stoplight
     into the glare of red light
          & beware the districts of night life
red light, green light
Apr 2017 · 345
xo
Jewel M C Apr 2017
xo
time flies
while we drive
beneath blue skies
when I'm looking at you with
♥ heart eyes ♥
& I can't lie
it feels like
******** paradise
Mar 2017 · 1.5k
Detroit Decay
Jewel M C Mar 2017
Potholes sprinkled across empty Detroit streets
     like bullet holes in ***** bedsheets

Found within the vacant homes of the forgotten,
     alive with reminders of what used to be

Before the neighborhoods became abundant in abandoned homes
     and awash with abandoned people

Yearning for forgotten yesterdays suspended far from reach,
     searching for a memory of something concrete

While wandering along the crooked, cracked sidewalks
     cemented with resentments;

Forgotten, forsaken, forlorn, foreboding... foreclosure
     crisis spray-painted on the brick of a blown out home

Hungry for habitation despite dishevelment,
     *explicit with endless nothingness
Feb 2017 · 747
The Inside of "We"
Jewel M C Feb 2017
Who are we?* we ask, always asking ourselves the same questions...

We are the world.
We are brothers and sisters. Sons and daughters.
We are friends, cousins, acquaintances...
We are lovers and enemies, and also, strangers.
We are anyone and everyone, all at once.
We are, despite all else, connected.

That must mean something to us. Shouldn't it?

We are 7.5 billion bodies, each alike in enough ways that might make our differences invisible. (But are they?)

We are the same, in so many ways. Enough that our similarities should outweigh our inevitable differences. Our similarities should be enough to prove that our differences are not worth fighting about. Yet, somehow, they aren't. Because we do fight. We fight without any known rhyme or reason, and without genuine purpose. Without empathy. We fight over our differences with enough audacity to claim that they should be ranked. With the belief that each of our differences should be sorted, allowing some of us to be valued as less than others, and also, some of us valued so much more. So, we fight. Like siblings or old lovers. Every single day. Probably have since the beginning of time, or, rather, when we created the concept of time. Perhaps the fighting began when we became a we. And since, the fighting has been constant. It's the only thing that really brings us together. And the one thing tearing us apart.

We find any excuse we can that will bring us closer to division rather than unity. Somehow, we are still far too concerned with the qualities that make us different rather than with those that which we share. And for so many of us, it seems easier to choose not to share. We are selfish and we rarely share. We are all in this together however we behave as though we are unaware the other exists. Mindlessly we share similar DNA but we act like we don't care. It must be easier to behave as though we are unaware. We do whatever it takes to ignore the facts that lie right before our eyes and we build walls around them. We look the other way, in any direction that might lead us into misdirection. We pretend we don't see, that we don't know, that we don't care.

We the people, of the world. We the hopeless, the reckless, the desperate... We the lost.

We are time-wasters, dream-chasers and we are all ******* fakers. We are figments of our own imaginations. We are alternate versions of ourselves living in realities of our own creation. Realities that aren't real at all, just like us. We hide beneath our fake faces and our fake words. Our fabricated worlds are all we have to show for. We live in pretty, little bubbles as an escape from our invisible reality, in an effort to shield ourselves from the dangers of the world. We're supposed to be in this together, though somehow we'd all rather be alone. We've forgotten the meaning of we, and we've doomed ourselves to eternal loneliness. We are, if nothing else at all, inherently lonely.
Feb 2017 · 554
Downtown Drive
Jewel M C Feb 2017
From the passenger seat of my boyfriend's car
I keep my eyes wide while we drive, & watch
The world as it passes me, bye...

I wave from behind the tinted glass
Safely secured from the dangers that lie outside

We turn the radio all the way up
So we won't hear it squeak when we hit another speed bump

Instead we're blinded by bright city lights
Neon signs, streetlamps, & traffic lights;
Green then yellow then red, then red & blue (watch out, they're coming for you)

In the flashing lights, I see the city covered in a fresh coat of graffiti
Train-cars & abandoned buildings, dark alleys & concrete fences,
A bridge overpass where the streetlights have no electricity:

*"Danger Reality Ahead"
Previously "Everyday Drive"
- Detroit
Nov 2016 · 468
mixed messages in a bottle
Jewel M C Nov 2016
I'm bottled up
to the brim
but I'd rather be thrown
into the ocean
than opened up
ever again
previously titled: What feelings?
Nov 2016 · 294
Mute
Jewel M C Nov 2016
I think I lost
my voice,
I couldn't stop screaming
I didn't have a choice;
there are demons living inside me
whispering into my ears
telling me all the things
I don't want to hear,
I'm running from myself
from my fears,
but the voices are getting louder
& I'm fighting the tears.
Nov 2016 · 578
Youthful Yearnings
Jewel M C Nov 2016
If I could be compelled to let my heart wander freely,
It would surely guide me to a vivid vision of Hartwell street.
As I make my way, stumbling, I cannot help but detour, briefly,
Unable to refuse an indulgent moment at the corner candy store;
I graciously gather in my hands all the caramels I couldn’t possibly eat.
Sugar fueling my eager spirit, I follow the road to a familiar bend,
In passing I watch the boys play hockey in the street.
Strolling along the cracked pavement, I stop before a supreme suburban château
Taking a breath before swimming in a pool of fond reflection,
I open the gate and let my lungs fill with the inescapable summer heat.
Walking down that eternal driveway, I cross the stretch of yard
Led by my heart’s desire and the bare bottoms of my feet.
Smells of barbecue blend with the sweet taste of pink watermelon
And I’m suddenly craving to chase after the glowing fireflies,
Overcome with a feeling so pure, yet so bittersweet.
If I could, even if only for a moment
Return to 5714 Hartwell street,
I know that I would, in a heartbeat.

But where that tall, brick house once stood
stands another home, much more ordinary,
with a vacancy for memories; forever incomplete.
a memoir of Buni's old house that was filled with so many wonderful childhood memories
Nov 2016 · 746
Hurricane Anxiety
Jewel M C Nov 2016
I am an old, wooden paddleboat
Drifting across a still ocean of black,
At the slightest sign of wave
I could crack.

The inky sea surrounds me
Infinitely vast,
Alone I glide, below a moonless sky.

Dark clouds loom overhead, moving fast
I feel a ripple at my side,
In a lightning flash, I see the approaching tide.

The stillness never lasts,
I prepare for the crash.

First, a drop of rain
Falls from the sky,
Others follow, like tears
The clouds begin to cry.

Raindrops sting my splintered skin
In beads of blistering pain,
Following a rumble of thunder
I spy my foulest of fears,
Here comes the hurricane.

My oars are useless
As the storm advances,
I resist drowning
But the waves grow stronger
Lowering my chances.

Suddenly I am underwater
Fighting gravity,
Everything is a blur
As the ocean swallows me.

I break apart beneath the surface
For the thousandth time,
Submerged in the devastation
I wonder if being fragile is a crime.
Jewel M C Mar 2015
You were the first boy to tell me you loved me, over a text. Less than two months later I broke up with you, over a text. But you were sweet, I promise. A week after you told me you loved me you finally kissed me, & it was almost on the top of the ferris wheel but saved by the bell, your phone rang (vibrated) & then you almost got away with just kissing me on the cheek that night. But then you ran after me when I was going to head home & kissed me for the first time in the woods & I'll never forget how weird it feels to have someone's lips pressed against yours for the very first time.

2. It was a month after you asked me to be your girlfriend that we met. & the day we finally did I kissed you & you almost fainted because it was your first. You didn't say much & you wouldn't take your eyes off me, it was nice to be admired like you admired me, but I had to leave, I hope you understood why & that you're happier with her now.

3. On Valentine's Day I gave you your first kiss & probably a heartattack along with it, the way you looked at me then I'll never forget, but it was like kissing my brother.

4. After school one day I couldn't take it anymore & I just kissed you. You jumped back & had yourself a heartattack, something I commonly gave I guess. It was after you that I learned to be more careful, because your words cut like a knife, even after we stayed good friends back then.

5. It was so obvious how you staged that night, with the oblivion & the sunset & the music, but I'll admit, it was a very sweet first kiss & it almost makes me completely forget how terrible it was. But we kissed for almost a year after that until you gave me the last one, & I count that night as the last, not that stupid summer after where you dropped my heart again & used me. I'll never forget how hard it hurt to hear you tell me you loved me for the last time after you told me that I was perfect & kissed me with a pair of lips that sliced mine deep. I spent forever after that picking at my lips trying to remove every painful papercut your last words sealed with a kiss gave me.

6. I remember how drunk I was in love with the idea of us over a year before I got to kiss your lips. But when we kissed I felt nothing but lust, & it felt good then. It was too soon after the pain for me to remember how to kiss again, & you had to teach me, & then you taught me something else.

7. I dreamt about kissing your lips for almost every night of high school. & it was four & a half years later that I got to taste them. We probably could've fallen in love, y'know, but I'm glad we didn't. It was what it was & I'll take the memory with me, but that's all that was meant to happen between us.

8. My favourite number, & by far my favourite kiss. It was a blur the day you kissed my lips, but it was perfect. I guess my eyes were wide open but I can't remember a thing but shaking so bad I almost forgot how to work my lips. You were a brand-brand-new taste & I can only just remember the roller-coaster of thought from that day, freaking out about where it was all going & how to kiss someone new, for real. But I've been kissing you for over a year now, & my God, baby, I can't help but admit I'd sure love to kiss those lips for the rest of my life
Next page