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Jewel M C Jan 2
Honestly...
                     what am I doing here?
Here,
            in this world,
                                      in this life?
I’m tired of helping people
                 tired of doing things
                           tired of life
                                   I’m just so tired
                                             I’m tired of numbing the pain...

I don’t want to talk
Think
Breathe
See
Hear
Feel...

Feeling overwhelmed
Feeling o v e r w h e l m e d
F e e l i n g   o v e r w h e l m e d

Feeling out of breath
Feeling like giving up
Feeling depressed
Feeling like quitting
Feeling like breaking down
Feeling like the world is spinning so fast
And it needs to slow down
Feeling like I need more
Out of life
Out of this empty world
Wishing I could erase my mistakes
Wishing the biggest mistake wasn’t me
Always wishing
Always hoping
Always feeling too much
Always too little or too much
Never just enough
*Never good enough
2019 Anxiety
Jewel M C Dec 2018
when things work out perfectly,
it's always too good to be true,
my destiny was to be unlucky
& **** up everything i do,
no matter how hard i try,
i always do something wrong,
over my shoulder
people are watching,
telling me
i can't do anything at all
so what the **** is the point
of everything,
if fate says
i'm capable of nothing...
Jewel M C Nov 2018
send me a lifeline
the world is on fire
i need to go back in time
please believe me, this is dire
let me erase the chaos
& return to a world
where everything is fine
& things aren't in constant decline
why do things keep falling apart
it can't be good for the heart
i wish i could press restart
i'd give anything
for a chance
to reset this life
Jewel M C Oct 2018
cold feet beneath the sheets
i close my eyes & try to breathe...
it's 3am & i'm dreaming of who i used to be
before everything fell apart around me

my life is a mess of regrets
& reasons to stay in bed
i still can't escape the voices inside my head

(louder) they're getting louder now
i try to scream, but there's no sound
no one can save me from my anxiety

so i try to sleep but the voices follow
the nightmares become harder to swallow
& i wake up feeling more hollow

just to have it happen all over again tomorrow...
Jewel M C Apr 2018
i had a dream
                            that i died

out if the blue
i wasn't alive,
& they drew
my chalk outline
with pink chalk
on the sidewalk
where my body lied,
delicately draped
across grey pavement
& through the cracked cement
a single yellow dandelion
appeared, in full bloom
Jewel M C Apr 2018
lately i've felt:                 d e t a c h e d
from our empty society
i've been avoiding
my own mortality

is there anyone who can help me?
i'm still not me,
can't you see?
i'm just trapped
on the other side
of this augmented reality,
on the edge of insanity,
i think i got lost
trying to figure out
who i'm supposed to be
Jewel M C Apr 2018
i often find myself
devoid of the moment...
    ((( this moment )))
momentary in its passing
yet nearly fatal in its crashing

when did it become so difficult
to avoid an escape?
an exit from reality
from which we disconnect so easily

is anything real?
we're all searching
for a new way to feel
something
                      else
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