miniature casket, hearts full of regret

don't ever question
why the earth turns and rotates
just feel the movements

at first i was angered.
your words poked the place in my heart
where all had rotted away and a gaping hole was all that was left.
i wanted to scream, shout, get my point across.

but then i stopped.
i thought about what i wanted to say,
and i realized that attack wasn't the solution.

i started to become disappointed.
i felt sorry for you,
and the lack of love in your heart.
i pitied your closed mind and judgements,
but i didn't want to hurt you.

what good would it do?

so i'll let you on your way,
enabling you to make the same mistakes over and over.

i hope one day you'll learn the truth.

but until then, i do not hate you.
i have only love for you.

take note.

a winding pathway
leads to where i dare not roam
still i venture on

a broken mug.
a shattered piece of pottery lying in a puddle of three hour old coffee
(black with two sugars, just the way you like it).

that was the last straw for you.
the end of us.

i didn't mean to knock it over.
i was just trying to move my easel,
but in the process the handle got caught and your cup went flying.

against the door frame it hit,
the thundering smash amplified in my horror.
it was like watching a trainwreck in slow motion.

i quickly tried to clean it up,
but as i heard your footsteps going down the stairs i could feel my heart sink.

when you entered the look on your face made me freeze in my tracks.
the twisted rage in your eyes was enough to send me cowering.

apologizing was my only strategy,
wails of "i'm sorry!" rang through the house.
you raised your hand to strike me,
and i waited...

but nothing came.
you stood above me, as powerful as a hurricane, but you did not move.
instead you opened your mouth.

every hurtful thing you could think of came spewing out,
digging up incidents from months ago,
you knew exactly what would tear me to pieces.

i sat there taking it all in,
hoping that you'd let it all out.
but every word that seeped through your teeth was a slash to my heart;
i think i would have rather had the fist.

and then the worst thing you could've said-
"we're over."
just like that you were storming out of the house, grabbing your things.

i was crying and pleading, begging you to stay,
but you were gone.
i watched you get in your car and drive away.

another broken relationship.
you left me crumbled on the ground sobbing, only one thought running through my mind.

"it was just a mug."

right before you kiss
that fraction of a second
words cannot describe

i used to pray once
when i believed in winged men
and life after death

a leaf spirals down
the first to fall of many
the season's changing

honestly, *******.
how dare you rip my heart out
and then play victim?

i am downing drinks
like there is no tomorrow
hoping i don't wake

a small dew droplet
sits atop a bright green leaf
morning air is a gift

the sky a faint grey
suddenly turned black as night
wind roars, thunder cracks

your kiss was as tasty
as strawberry sauce.
but was it your tongue
or just your lipgloss?

your hair smelled of wild flowers,
sickly sweet and divine.
your perfume was so rustic,
like a soft scented pine.

your eyes sparkled bright
like the overhead stars.
with you softly singing,
and me strumming guitar.

we danced until morning,
skinny dipped in the stream.
it all seemed so perfect,
could it be just a dream?

our nights that summer,
i won't soon forget
the memories we made
or the girl that i met.

there is no answer
    stop searching
         you won't find it

it will only
   make it easier
      to lose your mind

i don't want to hurt you
   there's nothing left to hide
      i've given you everything i have

if you stopped looking
   you might open your eyes
      and truly see for the first time

do not search anymore
   only listen to these words
      and feel their true meaning

i am pouring my heart out
   hoping that you'll understand
      my complicated vibes for you

so don't look
   pause and listen
      long enough to feel

the silence is killing me.
     everyday we don't talk feels like eternity.

your blank stares are painful.
     it's enough to make me go mental.

i try to excuse you.
     but do you know what i'm going through?

a dream is a wish
that your heart makes late at night
whilst gazing at stars

don't worry for me
i will be fine, as always
problems dissipate

don't apologize
you have your rights and i mine
can't we coexist?

a haiku a day
keeps the depression away
or so i have learned

a piece of advice-
don't let moments pass you by
fear's the enemy

skies shake violently
earth is illuminated
for one brief second

moons are out tonight
orbiting softly, unseen
just beyond planets

we come to an end
both our hearts go down in flames
unable to love

boiling hatred
rises from the depths of me
directed at you

i'm a broken mess
this pile of flesh and bones
doesn't feel like home

a young fox nestled
beneath its mother's red tail
sleeps soundly once more

the ocean churning
so glistening and frantic
far above my head

a sunday morning
sweet serenity with a
warm cup of coffee

america spoke
they want a new man in charge
is this when i leave?

something lingers in the air
   after you have left

perhaps it's your perfume
   but maybe it's the ***** on your breath

it both consoles me
   and worries me

the fact that your presence
   never leaves

maybe it's symbolic of how
   you never leave my thoughts

you're in the little things i do
   or experience

always on my mind
   you're always there

i look in your eyes
but i don't recognize you
no, not anymore

underestimate
the power of a woman
and she'll destroy you

writing poetry, for me, has become like a eating disorder.
although instead of consuming,
i'm the one producing.

each day i strive for this unattainable image,
this glorified idea of what i might become,
and the parasite in my brain grows.

i force my finger down my throat,
causing words to come bubbling up.
and each time they are more vile than the last,
a sour odor wafting from them.

my mouth burns from the acid but it tastes like victory.
because at least i created something.
and i leave my poetry there to rot,
refusing to admit i have a problem.

too blind to understand that each time i do this i'm slowly killing myself.
i'm hungry for something that can sustain me,
but i reject every antidote.

the cozy nights in
spent cuddled up next to you
my serenity

chemicals wafting
the sharp smell stings my nostrils
but it feels so good

words escape my lips
      before i can restrain them

they are brutal murderers
      cold and unforgiving

i wonder if i'll get a life sentence
      for the things i have said

is there is a possibility of parole?
      or simply a life behind bars?

my own danger shocks me
      rattles me to the core

i never knew i could be capable of such things
      never knew i could say that to someone i loved so dearly

but the words are gone
      drifting in the breeze

constantly searching until they reach
      the ears of the person they will hurt most

wind shrieks in the night
ripping through branches of trees
wreckage left when gone

just stop.

stop right where you are
and drop everything you are doing.
pause to breathe.

close your eyes,
count to ten,
and let it all sink in.

in this busy world of ours we never take a second to slow down and marvel at it all.

everything is newer, better, stronger,
faster.

what's wrong with taking your time?

humanity has come so far,
but we often forget to look closely at the natural wonders of our earth.

the fauna,
and flora,
and everything in between.
it's a precious gift that must be protected.

take a moment to reflect on all that there is in life,
and breathe.

just stop.

you know better than to fall in love with me.

you know better than to look at me with those pleading eyes of yours.

because you know i am weak and will always give in.

i don't want to have to wake up early in the morning just to escape through the window,

because i know you'll be crushed to find my side of the bed cold once again.

if you pull my sweater like that i may just fall...

but i'm afraid to fall back into love.

so for now please behave yourself and keep your hands at your sides.

this is the only way- i don't want to hurt you.

but you know if you give me that smile i will always fall back into your bed.

i'll always come back.

a rose oh so pure
blooms in the garden corner
all too overlooked

they call me liar
believe what you want, my friend
because i don't care

like a perfect storm
my anger brews

wind chill low and
intensity high

i roar through the towns
leaving wreckage in my wake

never once looking back
at the damage i have inflicted

who knows where i'll go next
a storm is unpredictable, you see

there may not be a tomorrow
but there sure as hell will be a tonight

i swirl over raging waters,
growing stronger as we speak

this hurricane inside me is forceful
and the eye may be inviting

but don't ignore what is
closing in all around you

i can destruct whatever i please
with no one being able to stop me

until one day

i diffuse

the pitter-patter
of raindrops hitting windows
lulls me into sleep

there is this stigma
this preconceived notion of
sexuality

afternoon kisses
hand grazing over your thigh
naughty intentions

a bump on the skin
foreign abnormality
that i must have missed

i remember what it was like to call you mine
to feel your breath against my neck
and to be able to drag my fingers across your soft skin

i remember brushing your hair away from your shoulder,
making way for my lips to kiss your collarbone

and i remember what it was like to see you cry,
the night you told me that you loved me
but had to go

i was lost for awhile,
until i moved on
made my way around a circle of lovers
giving away parts of myself

it's been two summers
but my heart still remembers you

i will keep it real
even when they're fake as ****
i promise you that

my fingers explore
new territory that is
a vessel of flesh

summertime sweetness
tastes like sunshine and freedom
with some lemonade