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writing poetry, for me, has become like a eating disorder.
although instead of consuming,
i'm the one producing.
each day i strive for this unattainable image,
this glorified idea of what i might become,
and the parasite in my brain grows.
i force my finger down my throat,
causing words to come bubbling up.
and each time they are more vile than the last,
a sour odor wafting from them.
my mouth burns from the acid but it tastes like victory.
because at least i created something.
and i leave my poetry there to rot,
refusing to admit i have a problem.
too blind to understand that each time i do this i'm slowly killing myself.
i'm hungry for something that can sustain me,
but i reject every antidote.
hopefully this isn't a trigger warning, sorry. ironic enough that this isn't even the one i struggle with.
just another shadow
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