i stand on the edge,
toes curled over,
urging me to step forward,
just one step,
just one,
you can do it,
believe,
step,
step...

the wind whips by me,
grabbing my hair as if trying to pull me towards it,
and i close my eyes;
if i close my eyes it doesn't seem so scary,
if i close my eyes i could just be walking down the street,
close your eyes,
eyes closed...

i don't hear anything any more.
the people in my classes,
dogs barking in backyards,
no more satellites.
i pass faces in the hallway but all they are are smudges.
it's like i'm part of this modern art piece but i don't know who the artist is.
god?
are you there?
no answer.
but maybe i'm screaming into an empty sky.

below me is the sea.
an ocean of pebbles and grass,
rolling what seems to be a mile down.
four stories can seem like a lifetime to be falling.
falling,
falling,
free-fall,
no destination,
my final destination.

from my trestle i take one last surveillance of the world i know.

my body goes limp...




then he grabs me.

the sun disappears
some say the world goes to sleep
but really it wakes

little ******
innocence stolen too young
a saddening sight

watching you undress
was viewing a work of art
with new eyes, my love

i believe that the people who mean the most to you
are the ones you find on accident

we go looking for who we think we want
but the people we meet by chance are the ones we connect to most

that's what i find to be true

look for love in places you'd least expect it
and it will come to you

it's nights like these
that my mind becomes my own worst enemy.

when i put on a rope necklace,
and pour myself a tall glass of bleach.

imagining what it would be like to have all the pain stop,
and for the static noise to be silent for once.

it's enough for me to go through the motions,
preparing to end it all.

but i wake up from my trance each time,
realizing the truth of the world.

i undo the clasp of my necklace of rope,
and pour the bleach down a drain.

the razor blades go back in the drawer,
and the pills back in the bottle.

waiting until next time.

it's nights like these where i almost do...
but don't.

she always stays up
through the night, hunched over art
her eyes wide awake

i heard the siren.
    i heard the shrieks tear through the night,
but i couldn’t see anything.
    i thought i felt your hand,
but my fingers grasped at shreds of cloth
    and all i found was theft.

a sudden breath of air,
    my arms dancing by my sides-
my body knew this routine but my mind didn’t.
    my bloodstream suddenly infected,
i realize i lost count.

a tiny white gateway.
    it sneaks down my throat,
makes a home in my abandoned shack of a body.
    not long now…

and i wondered-
    "is this what it's like to be dead?"
there’s no one waiting for me.
    not anymore.

so you can call, my friend.
    but i won't hear you.
my eyes don’t search anymore,
    i'm not coming home.

the glow that once came from my house will be dim.
    because sometimes
        the lights
            don’t
                turn
                   ­ on.

a kiss, my dear,
for old times sake.
swallow your pride
and just let go.

please embrace me
like you used to.
i want to feel
longing again.

emotions gone,
missing once more.
i do not know
if i'll survive.

holes in my heart
that you once filled,
are cavernous
craters, i know.

but move forward,
i tell myself.
do not look back,
smile through pain.

someone once told me people do their best dreaming while they're asleep.

i don't buy it.

on the contrary,
i think people do their best dreaming whilst awake.

that's when they're the most tangible,
and are more easily remembered,
or acted upon.

take action!
stand up, don't wallow in self pity and hopelessness.

don't you want to taste achievement on your tongue and feel accomplishment swell inside your chest?

you want something?

then get up and go get it!
no one's holding you back.

do your best dreaming when you're awake.

i say it's too fast
too much, too soon, just stop
have some self-respect

make it work
make it happen
take what you've got
use what your given

turn something old
into something new
but whatever it is
make it you

don't give up
work long hours
remember that you
have all the power

the pain is hard
i won't lie
sometimes all you
can do is cry

but you pick yourself up
get back on your feet
because you know
that you cannot be beat

in the end know
you'll be proud
flaunt your finished product
don't be afraid to be loud

bubblegum popping
you reminded me of sin
with scent sickly sweet

a kiss is only
a promise waiting to be
broken once again

her hands exploring
every inch of my body
shivers wouldn't stop

the bewildered man
stumbles through his strict routine
say, cherchez la femme

there's nothing better
than a warm embrace after
the coldest silence

people call me danger.

they say it with bile in their throats
and venom on their tongues.
they hurl it at me,
hoping it will leave me a mark,
but it never does.

people call me danger as an insult,
but i take it as a compliment.
danger awakes you
and excites you.
danger makes you feel something again.

i'm glad that i am capable of doing that to people.

if you remove danger from life,
what more is left than only a mundane existence?

we remember moments of danger for the entirety of our lives.
the moments we spend scared are the ones that stick with us.

i walk down the hall with danger written on my back,
making the hearts of those around me beat faster and faster.
it gives me a sense of power,
a confidence of sorts.

fear is my ally,
not my enemy.

so you can call me danger all you want,
i won't object.

staring out windows
her calloused hand in mine is
all i can think of

not a day goes by
that i do not think of you
and how you left me

oh liar, liar
accusations shared by ear
finding awful truth

burdens i carry
heavy loads weigh on my soul
and they bring me down

they told me don't cry
hold your head up baby doll
flash those precious eyes

lips like a tulip
do i need to distinguish
to which i refer?

a poem's just a poem
until there's meaning to it
then it's everything

the kitten curls up
hardly recognizable
sleeps away the days

my insomnia;
i'm awake at 4am
thinking about you.

the world can be cold
cruel, unforgiving, horrid
but sometimes there's warmth

i walk home in rain
my hood down, my face exposed
hair is drenched when done

her fingers dance
over flower petals.

the pinkish hue
slowly turning to red.

as the movement quickens,
her digits dampen.

the soft caressing
escalating to furious fondling.

the sheen of her skin
is bright from the sweat.

angelic moans escape her lips,
and her back arches.

the ****** of the story-
after all, this is what she came for.

how can what feels so heavenly
be considered so unholy?

the fog rises up
i succumb to the blindness
becoming quite lost

mailing the letter
sealing love in envelopes
a kiss for a stamp

i sit here clutching
pen and paper to my chest
with nothing to say

the dreams are gorgeous
but i loathe the aftermath
of morning waking

a songbird sipping
from a newly formed puddle
ripples travel on

oh the agony
waiting by the phone for you
but it never rings

The darkness fills my lungs and makes it difficult to breathe.
I try to call for help,
but my weary voice is suffocated by the hands of loneliness.

No one sees my pain,
no one knows how often I cry myself to sleep.
The hope of something yet to come is the only thing keeping me going.
But is that enough?

I just don't know if I can do this anymore.
Fake smiles become harder and harder,
and forced laughter breaks my heart.
Hiding this void inside me is slowly killing me.

I need to end this.
But the only way to stop everything is to destroy the beast inside.
I hope you understand.

the blankness
utter blankness
spiraling through the night
trying to latch on
no i say
let go of me
shaking it off
feeling it's teeth sink in once more
i go limp
the stars above start to spin
and my mouth goes dry
i cannot feel anymore
just my senses and i
alone

i remember your scent
it stained my favorite place to kiss on your neck,
and just behind your ear where you always nervously tucked your hair

i remember your flavor
the way your lips tasted like hope,
and the sweet tang of licking you off of my fingers

i remember your touch
how your palms where smooth like silk but your knuckles were hard and cracked,
and how our bodies felt when your bare skin rubbed against mine

i remember your sound
the way your morning voice resonated like you smoked two packs a day,
and how your moans were like the cries of angels

i remember the sight of you
how freckles were sprinkled across your cheeks,
and when your hair fell around your face and over your shoulders you looked a lioness

you awoke all five of my senses,
and you won't soon be forgotten

i ask for what i
know i can never possess
do i never learn?

as i hug your body close to mine,
i feel my grasp tighten,
and my fingers clutch at folds of fabric.

this goodbye will break me.
you're the only thing holding me up,
and the second i let go i will crumble.

how could i become so dependent,
on you,
on this single soul?

be strong, they say, be fearless,
because fear is the enemy.
i ignored them.

but as i stand here,
holding you in an embrace for the last time,
every ounce of me is filled with remorse.

i regret not doing so many things,
simply because i was too afraid to.
fear was the enemy.

lessons learnt far too late,
my courage only now found.
but you're already gone.

solitude of art
long nights in the studio
paint my only friend

vivid imagery
plays through my dangerous mind
like an ancient film

come follow me
down the road
to the old oak tree

no one has to know
what we do
or where we go

just you and i
our hands entangled
my hopes fly

your kiss so sweet
i'm so glad
we got the chance to meet

even when summer ends
i'll always remember you
you were my best friend

so do not cry
smile because it happened
this isn't goodbye

frogs leap and take flight
lily pads shift under weight
the still surface breaks

a ride on the bus
sitting in the back row
staring out windows

i cover my ears
as a bottle hits the wall
nearly missing me

gestures unnoticed
a crime oh so trivial
yet it hurts the most

smell of alcohol
his breath hot on my cool neck
i tried to run but...

lust is powerful
it always consumes the mind
dominating thoughts