Ignore the hurt.
Ignore the pain.
Ignore the pictures.
Throw them away.

Ignore the emptiness you feel.
Just tell yourself, "it isn't real."
Maybe if you just ignore
your shattered heart upon the floor
then maybe you can just pretend
that you never lost a friend.

I can't speak of tender touch--
Hands sweep, lips brush--
Ever closer, that's close enough.

I can't describe you close to me--
Sweet breath, buckled knees--
No further, stop please.

I can feel the tempting sway—
Blushing cheeks, flirtatious gaze—
Wanting you, just not that way.

Please love me regardless?

I heard a howling
in the woods,
freezing me
right where I stood.
That sound:
it turned my blood to ice
I knew he'd hunt me
this full moon night.

Great, big footsteps
pounding near;
Their deadly echo
resonating with fear.
His heavy breathing
reeked of blood and thirst.
I knew right then,
I was in for the worst.

I clutched my throat
in desperate need
of oxygen
so I could breathe.
Unluckily
I began to faint.
Knowing, once black,
I'd never wake.

And just as my eyes
began to close
I saw his wet,
sniffing nose.
I felt
his snarling teeth
biting deep
inside of me.

Then I knew
that I was done.
I had lost
and he had won.

Goodbye to all the friends I knew.
I loved the time I spent with you.
You made me laugh though things were bad;
I won't forget the time we had.

I'm standing around.
Waiting.... for something?
I'm starting to think
that it isn't coming.
The rain just falls harder.
The sky just grows darker.
But I'm not getting any stronger.
My muscles ache.
My heart breaks.

If God had to go back
to work on Monday
Bet he would have invented, then rested,
More days than just Sunday.

I'm cursing my alarm--
Using, in vain, the name of his son.
Wishing that God would have rested
More days than just one.

So quick are we to pass the blame
onto someone else's name.
We quickly spread vicious lies
to insure that others are despised.
We push those around us so far down
with all the **** that we spin round.
No one is innocent of this cruel game
for if you were to look, everyone's to blame.

I've got a list of adjectives I use to describe myself
But their meanings change when told to someone else

Here in the masquerade,
plastic faces on parade.
Truth refracted by our lies.
Masks revealing what we hide.

Beneath the mask, a painted face--
there is no truth that's not erased.
We are what we pretend to be--
flaunting our complexities.

We cannot undo the mess we're in;
Our costumes now our second skin.
We choose carefully our facades;
We pay the price to act like Gods.

Emotion is not tangible--
But when The Poet speaks,
she stumbles upon sculptures of
the emotion that you seek.

Emotion is indescribable--
But in The Poet's lines,
it nestles up upon the words
and engulfs them in its tides.

Emotion is a fickle fiend:
unsure if friend or foe--
But when The Poet writes
it's as if they know.

Emotion and The Poet:
a conundrum to say the least.
Each tries to slay the other;
Each fuels the other's beast.

There was once a stingy, little toad
with fire upon its head,
a shrilly voice of ignorance
that left annoyance in its stead.

The rules it made were silly
and gave good reason to rebel.
It wouldn't let the others speak.
Why? No one could tell.

Its disconnect was obvious
when treating toads like flies.
And all pretended to do what told
until it turned its eyes.

It sits upon its lily pad
as if better than the rest--
unaware that the other toads
are, frankly, sick to death.

Built high--
can't climb.
Strong--
won't give to dynamite.
Fortress keeps the world at bay.
Castle walls--
inside I'll stay.
Gives me comfort,
keeps me safe;
Queen of all of my domain.
Screams echo off the stone--
reminder that I am alone.
Haunted halls,
restless ghosts--
all the things that I love most.
I am all that I believe--
not a soul to challenge me.
Isolation: bitter, sweet.
Isolation: I'm complete.

Love and all its bandits
steal lives
and souls
and hearts.
No discrimination--
Won't tell good or bad apart.
With an arrow at their fingertips,
a bow that's poised to draw;
Love and all its bandits
steal
and give
to all.

You had secrets you'd been hiding,
But when the blood started spilling
So did they.

You always had an argument,
But when it erupted in discontent,
You had nothing to say.

And you hide behind your innocence,
Blame it all on ignorance
So that you'd be safe.

But in the concoction you'd been brewing,
It was problems you were stirring;
You just couldn't let them lay.

So go ahead and sleep soundly,
But this war that is surrounding
Will eventually make you pay.

Borrowed words: all to describe
Stolen moments, rented time.
Diction that I now transcribe.
A story that's not wholly mine.

In my bed I sleep; I dream.
Surrounded by walls that seem
Adequate to serve my needs.
But these walls weren't built for me.

The walls have ears--the ceiling, eyes.
Speak through our tongues--our own demise.
Nowhere is there now to hide,
For I (and you) am a loyal spy.

Woven into fabric rendered
To fulfill some view of splendor.
But no one here can remember
Why we stitch torn cloth together.

Too short, too tall, too weak to handle;
Must reinforce to insure it's ample.
But how can I shatter what is fragile
If I am what I wish to dismantle?

I’ve gone insane.
It's nothing new.
Been down this road a time or two.
But this time I've made a decision
About the health of my cognition:
I'm staying here!
No round trip!
For why would I when there is this?
A world exactly as I need it.
Everything just as I see it.

Reality made me contort
To rules and norms and other sorts.
I've bruised my limbs,
Threw out my back,
My everything is out of whack.
I'm done I tell you!
Through with it!
That box, that there, I cannot fit!

And in the past you have always
Coaxed me back to your mores.
And I would whine and ***** and moan.
Throw a tantrum. You would groan,
And you would say I must behave:
"Proper people don't act this way!"
I don't doubt this:
Your forced fed fodder,
But I have no interest in being "proper."

So I’ve gone insane.
And I’m staying!
Not because it's easy.
Not because I’m lazy.
But because, going back?
Well, that would just be crazy!

I don't need to be known.
I don't need to be seen.
I don't need to be popular.
I just need to be me.
Don't tell me I'm wrong
if you think I'm strange.
Don't tell me I'm wrong
because I'm not the same.
I'll go my own way
and I won't follow you.
I'm doing me,
you go do you.

I feel safer in the silence.
I feel safer in the darkness.
I feel safer with the monsters.
I feel safer in the abyss.

In the shadows I have hidden
all the secrets I've been given--
all the secrets that I made
trying to tuck a life away.

You want to **** them with the sunshine,
but I only dance in moonlight.
I stay hidden beneath the stars
because all my scars
are wounds I got in plain sight.

So take me to the dark side--
it's much safer than your harsh light.

Something isn't right
I can taste it on your lips
Feel the tremor through my fingers
Resting on your hips

You are scared of me
Scared what I can do
Someone else has hurt you
Now you're scared I'll hurt you too

I feel the breeze brush my skin.
I feel nostalgia begin.
And I just want to sit awhile
And let it all sink in.

Sit here with me
Under the shade of this oak tree,
Whose branches we would climb
When we were younger,
Long before we lost the hunger
To go beyond the world we knew.
So what do you say
We pass away the afternoon
Just staring up at the sky?
Finding pictures in the clouds
As they go passing  by.

We can talk of days long gone,
The things we've done,
The roads we're on
And people we use to know.
Discuss all the little things:
Family, friends and enemies,
And see where the stories go.
We can let the day fade
As we sit within the shade.

I can feel the night time cold.
On my memories it pulls.
And the familiarity
Has got me feeling old.

Lean against the bark with me,
Where we once carved our names for all to see.
Etchings that have long since faded
Through the battering storms.
The same clashes and bashes and lighting flashes
That left us all weathered and worn.
We can name the constellations
That our memories still retain,
And make up our own
For all the stars that still remain.

Let's discuss the existential questions:
The meaning of it all.
Embrace the cluelessness in
The conclusions that we draw.
And when there's nothing more to say,
No more answers to be reached,
We can pass away the darkness
In the silence finally breached.

Fire burning in my heart;
Open up, let out the sparks.
Fire rushing through my veins;
Set the whole world ablaze.
Few around because they've learned--
Get too close, you'll get burned.
Fire rushes across the plain.
Forest home goes down in flames.

But I never did mind a little heat.
It keeps me up and on my feet.
Rejuvenates the earth it's scorched--
So light me up, I'll be the torch.
They're so afraid of the destruction,
For bridges burn when there's combustion.
But something I have come to know:
The best bridges are made of stone.

I'm the lifeguard.
I'm the lifeguard.
I'm in charge of this here pool.
I'm the lifeguard.
I'm the lifeguard.
If you don't fear me then you're a fool.

I'm the lifeguard.
I'm the lifeguard.
I'll manage as you clown around.
I'm the lifeguard.
I'm the lifeguard.
I am here so you won't drown.

I'm the lifeguard.
I'm the lifeguard.
Blow my whistle: You behave!
I'm the lifeguard.
I'm the lifeguard.
It's your *** I'm trained to save.

I'm the lifeguard.
I'm the lifeguard.
If I yell at you, don't be shocked.
I'm the lifeguard.
I'm the lifeguard.
Jesus Christ! Why won't you walk?

Won't you fill my mind with musings?
Endless tales of your choosing?
Entire worlds for our exploring?
Unleash the secrets you've been storing.

Away goes the sun.
Away go the flowers.
And in comes the darkness.
And warm, salty showers.

Back to counting the hours
until I get to go home.
Back to awkward encounters
with strangers I know.
Back to wearing my earphones
in tense public spaces.
Back to standing alone
in a sea of the faceless.

Back to socially inept,
standing in corners,
intense introversion
and wishing it was over.

Back to hiding my flaws,
my quirks and my oddities--
not talking too much
because I say all the wrong things.

It's back to the grind,
and I'll muddle through
because at least when it's over
I'll be home with you.

A warrior's spirit
that gives me fight.
A wanderer's soul
keeping me up all night.
A philosopher ponders
inside my mind.
A poet's heart
makes the chaos rhyme.

You look at the sky
and see the stars.
You want to hold them
but they're much too far.
You look at the moon
shinning bright.
You find hope
in its dim light.
But nothing can brighten
the darkness you hide;
the darkness that crawls
and haunts you inside.
A lonesome tear
leaks from an empty eye
as you stare and marvel
at the dazzling night sky.

With salty eyes
and a shattered heart,
I stand and watch
a world fall apart.

Time is like water, for it’s always there.
It can slip through your fingers,
Or just into air.
In some places it's dense.
In others it's thin.
Not sure where it ends,
Or where it begins.
Sometimes it's nice.
Sometimes it *****.
You can have too little.
You can have too much.
Waters like time,
And time is like water,
The colder it is,
Both start to get harder.
And I’ll let you continue this rhyme:
How time is like water,
And water’s like time.

Kiss me long--
Kiss me slow--
Kiss me like you mean it though.
Whisper secrets I don't know;
Give me reasons not to go.

In your arms--
Let me be--
Let your love wash over me.
Slip into a peaceful sleep;
Whisked away in wistful dreams.

Stare at my feet--
Bite my tongue;
Habits learned when I was young.

Smile more--
Sit up taller;
Lessons taught when I was smaller.

Calm down--
Don't be so wild;
Words used to tame the child.

There's a story on my lips--
Unwarranted, can't let it slip.
On my pen I'll cling, I'll grip;
Bleed my heart through fingertips.

Ink stained page, a wounded soul;
Fine point to slay my self control.
Carnage I could never show
To those I have come to know.

This is a side meant only for
Fellow soldiers out at war.
Faceless under armor worn--
But words we jab revealing more.

Listen to your demons;
They have a lot to say.
Consider, now, the chaos:
It can take your breath away.

Play the devils advocate:
Be shocked by your own speech.
Play with fire, dance with monsters,
Contemplate what they preach.

Hear the echoes in the silence,
Though the resonance is faint.
See the figures in the darkness
Meaning light still remains.

Stare into oblivion.
Embrace the great abyss.
Find beauty in the question:
Can nothingness exist?

And you think it is as simple
As telling black from white;
Little do you know, my love,
That it's just a trick of the light.

Sprinting through the meadow--
Sun warmly brushing skin.
Tickled by the wild grass
As afternoon games begin:
Exploring creeks and forests
And all that lives within.
Scrapes and bruises commemorating
The quest for long lost kin.

Tiptoe through the garden;
Whisper through the tress.
In illuminated darkness,
Be hushed by rustling leaves.
Flowering rows exposed
So as to be kissed by passing bees;
Dancing down the aisles,
Damp earth cooling your bare feet

Sitting on the window sill,
Watching the passing day.
Attention turned towards the hearth
Once night takes the view away.
Surrounded by the things you know,
Comfortable in the array.
Simple now, was simple then
And simple may they stay.

I can't shake it--think I've been
Lost in translation.

Words aren't enough right now
Maybe they never were.

I go and try to put it down--to speak out loud--
Something's being left out.

All this rephrasing
It is so caging
That's not what I meant
You're getting in my head

I can't speak.
Stumbling over my words

Can't think.

And then they don't understand--
and that hurts

This can't be it--that's not it
The words--the terms--nothing fits.

It makes more sense when I'm silent.

I found a piece of your heart.
You must have left it behind.
But that's all right because with you
I left a piece of mine.

Here is my heart
and here is my soul
poured onto pages
that nobody knows.
Nobody's read them
and nobody will.
My mind, though so restless,
must remain still.

You filled me up then pulled away:
left me empty inside.
Now I'm on a beach somewhere
just lying here
for someone to find.
Maybe the tide will come
and sweep me out to sea.
Sure beats a life in a jar  
on a shelf
as someone's memory.
No, I think
I'd rather sink
to the ocean floor
than to live an empty life
up here on the shore.

I can’t help wondering
if he showed up suddenly
and walked right up to me
would I have anything to say?

Would he look on adoringly
when it ended so horribly?
Or is it only me
left feeling this way?

You swear your glass to be half empty.
When I contradict, you refute.
So I'll poor my half into yours
And end this dispute.

I hate that kid with all my heart.
Wish I could tear him apart.
But morals, values, all that ****,
are keeping me from doing it.

had I been older I'd've
probably'd've recognized
the hell in your eyes
but I mistook it for love

had I been wiser then
as I ought to have been
I'd've known the sin
of what'd been done

It may be demons you're fighting,
But it's angels dying.
And people like me caught in-between.

Good intentions you're laying,
But the path you are paving?
Not sure if it leads where you think.

And I 'm not saying you're wrong.
I'm not claiming I'm right.
Not conceding that there's one or the other.

I just want you to wait,
Halt your raging crusade,
Before one thing leads to another.

So caught up in the ends
That you forgo twists and bends,
And turn a blind eye to the means.

You have something to prove,
But much more to lose.
There is time: you're still green.

And while there are battles worth picking,
And wars worth pursuing,
How you fight matters just as much as who wins.

So just take a breath,
And take stock of what's left,
Before you can't turn back because you're too far in.

The pains too deep.
I just can't sleep.
I feel the monsters as they creep.

Demons dancing.
Goblins prancing.
Nameless blobs won't stop laughing!

I did this!
I am why they all exist.
And with my mind they play and twist.

We are spinning!
Spinning!
Spinning!
Yes, we are tumbling down.

It is thrilling!
Thrilling!
Thrilling!
Up until we hit the ground.

Seventeen,
with my whole life ahead of me.
Wondering what will I be?

I've lost some friends
a while back.
I close my eyes;
hear fading laughs.
It makes me long for the past.
I wish that I
could turn back time,
stop all that
which made me cry;
prevent all those hard goodbyes.
But I can't.
And that is that.
I must survive from where I'm at.

Seventeen,
a confused me.
Unsure of what I want to be.

So many choices
now to make.
I choose my path,
pray I won't break,
struggle on through my mistakes.
I try to do
most things right.
Early mornings,
later nights;
hanging on for dear life.

Seventeen,
ashamed of me.
So scared of what I'm gonna be.

Starting to think
of what life will bring:
a husband? kids?
a home? a dream?
Who will be there,
at my side,
through both the great
and horrid times?
For what and whom will I cry?
Will the friends
that I have now
survive the years
beyond somehow?

Seventeen,
barely me.
No need to fret of what I'll be.

I am young
and in my prime,
a thousand ways
to pass the time.
The days will come
and I will know
what is down
this winding road.
For now I'm
ignorant and naive
with my whole life
awaiting me.
No need to know everything.

Seventeen,
completely me.
For now I'm all I need to be.

Scratching scribbles across the page:
Meaningless if rearranged.

Meaningless scribbles scratched,
Until meaning we attach.

Scribbled meaning scratched in stone;
Whatever it means, culture will erode.

typically "typical"
is thought predictable
where typical types
emerge in the syllables

man = white = *******! = no ****, right?
girl = cis = delicate ≠ this.

type up the typology
categorize into "ologies"
start stereotyping
to support the philosophies

f(i) = she = sweet ≠ me
∴ ***** i must be

draw a box around me ⇒ i'll fit
type up a label ⇒ it'll stick

but ≠ me
      = us = we
is that the type of person
you want to be?

I wrote you a poem,
But you never saw it.
All those years ago,
Folded in my pocket.
It didn't say much.
It was short and it was sweet.
It said just enough,
Explained my thoughts complete.
I can still remember
Just how it goes:
I said that I loved you,
But now you'll never know.

I meant to be cliche,
Slip it in your notebook.
Something you could read
When you were alone, but
I guess I chickened out,
Or perhaps I just forgot
Because the next thing I know
I sent it through the wash.
Couldn't read a thing.
Ruined, had to go.
I wrote that I loved you,
But now you wouldn't know.

Never was the one
To discuss my feelings.
Couldn't open up,
Reveal vulnerabilities.
So instead I wrote them down.
It seemed safe that way.
But I knew if you read it
The result would be the same.
So I never tried again,
I let it go.
Still knew that I loved you,
Relieved you'd never know.

Perhaps it was fate
Or the things I couldn't say,
But we reached that point
Where you went your separate way.
Now I only write
For myself and strangers.
Anonymity means
Very little danger.
And I understand
Why you had to go,
But I'll love you forever,
Even if you never know.

What words would I have written then
If my fate had lied within?
Stories remembered? Studied lines?
Or eroded by passing time?