there I stood amidst the shimmering lights
faking another curve on my red lips last night
until I saw a familiar silhouette with a longing scent
slowly walking towards my walls of pretend

he was the one who got away with a piece of my heart
yet he managed to kiss me like we were never apart

Sweetheart, remain calm, read this
Word by word

Walk in accordance with my footsteps
Glance at your shoulder where I am equal
Keep in mind that I am here
Neither to be followed nor to follow you

Grab my hand—reassure my consuming doubt
Cause I broke the mirror
When I saw worries and tiredness
Along my face lines to my Achilles heels

I am standing inside a tunnel
Where I can't see or hear
The compel you chant
To coaxed me into devotion

Sing louder so I’ll stop my tears
*Scream to me so I’ll understand

just before he left
I kissed him again
and he pulled me deeper
I thought he was the gravity

when I rest within his hug,
I knew there were too many girls
who were held inside these arms
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven
too many of them
and while he's losing count,
I am losing confidence
because I might end up forgotten
just as easy as those numbers

She is spelling
His name
Like an excuse
And painting
His soul
Like cracked
Eggshells

All the wrong decisions
that lead to our separation
are repeating themselves
and keeping me
awake and aware
we should've been
what we are not;
together

he looks at me
like he never see
anything else
that ever looked
more beautiful
than I do before
and I stare back at him
like he holds the universe
hiding within his cells
and I bite my tongue
cause no word can be speak
to explain that he is more,
more than the universe I lived in

To him
I am just
A discolor forest
A vulnerable mountain
A singing bird
In the golden cage
To me
He is
The sweet venom
The tragic mystery
The universe
I can never get
Enough of
To discover

baby, I never knew I could
feel happy like I don't know pain
and I never knew that it's possible
to dream while I'm waking up

all I know is I must let this go
—this illusion of every-us
in order to save myself
from you

After 26 days
I realize that I was not in the right place
to make any decision for both of us
I also realize that being in love with you
is a choice that I keep on making
every single day

The sound of our sweat
From the friction
The perpetual black and white
From the dark room

My breathing and yours
Echoes around
As you closing down on me
And I to you

Then I hear nothing
But a tender silence
While I rest my hand
To caress your cheek

Thinking, wishing,
I could just stop this moment
And repeat it for eternity
Little did I forgot

Time is count from good
To gone

Falling for him was her first mistake
The rest? Oh, Darling
They spread faster than venom

If I know where to begin
he is my again

Another figure will come
To me—to change me
To love and be loved by me
To be the gasoline for my flame
To be the winner of my game
And he will let me write poetry
Inside his ripped blank pages
With pitch black ink as dark as
His deep lost eyes
And he will read and keep reading
Until he forgot to blink
Like my words and promises are
The alcohol he over drink

That night, I nearly gave up on you
Just like how you nearly left me untrue
I nearly cried and pushed your limit
Just like how you nearly threw a *******
I nearly become a video game
Just like how you nearly played me like an arcade
I nearly turned into a clown
Just like how you nearly dissed my frown
I nearly took off your chances
Just like how you nearly burned your bridges
~
But to hurt and to cherish are on a par
In a trail we're trying to walk far
Under the bright moon and twinkling star
*To return to each other is what we are

I have a consuming flame
Inside me that keeps on
Burning things that cannot burn
And I have a thing about
Standing on the edge of a cliff
And shout at the storm
Until I slipped and fell
Stupid?
It could be my middle name
At least I tried
To melt your walls
And have faith
On the thread of
False hopes you spun

Tell me how does it feel when it's midnight
as the clock turned to zero and so does your fight
how you just feel like sliding down the mountain
after doing all the climb to erase the uncertain
when the shadow is your only best friend
and the nothingness inside drives you insane
tell me how it does it feel when it's midnight
ah, nevermind, you won't ever see another daylight

My tired heart sighs and breaks all over again
as I'm watching our movie goes on and on
about us standing on each others' shoulder

I try so hard to push the restart button
but you're handcuffing me both my hands
with the weight of my faults

guess it's wiser to push the stop button instead

I am wide awake
making an ultimate decision
to stop myself from running back
to you

there I stood in the middle of the canyon walls
just to screamed out 'I don't love you anymore'
so that it echoes over and over back to me
because I cannot convince my heart
to ever believe that it needs to stop loving you

I know him as a man
who doesn't have a heart
yet he could make me
love him so much
I give away mine
just so he has one

To cherish every dark sides
To uphold your pride
To be kind in weakness
To smile in sadness
And to love very deeply
With every drop of blood
That runs within my veins

And I meant all of them in an equal measure

And I cannot resist you
And you cannot keep your hands off me
And I keep on coming back
And you keep on opening your heart
And my ears always listen
And your mouth always speaks
And I count every lies
And you made all those lies
And I understand that you love me
And you say "I love you" in every way
And I know
And you know
Even they know
*But she doesn't know

Sometimes a home doesn't consist a roof nor walls
Like my home,
Has crooked teeth and heartbeats
And looks exactly like you

Curling up inside my blanket tonight
realizes me that I'm lacking something
—something sweet like a memory
of the first air you gasp after a dive
one simple moment to let you know
that you are now safe and sound
exactly the same feeling I get
when I buried myself inside your hug
and allowed your soul touches mine

I showed him
my black past
and he showed me
peace in the dark

I was a fool to even think
he can love me the second time
when he already failed
on his first

thinking back now
you are gone, now
no more birthdays to celebrate
no more parties to cheer on
no more jokes to laugh at
together with you
no more you
no more me too

He paints rainbow
—lights the shooting star
hit me hard like an arrow
left me with the biggest scar

everyday, I see another lovers who are meant to be
they look like a hope to believe in for me
but then again, a hope is just a daydream
dressed well, leaving so quick, like him

Just when I thought by putting back the puzzle
will create a bulletproof bond between us,
he destroyed my poor heart all over again

even a heartbreak is an understatement now

the wound I keep stitching are also keep opening
and the way he react wasn't suppose to surprised me
but in the end, adding an ultimate decision
with someone you want the most will always be
a bombshell even for someone as tough as I am

because being completely in love is nothing like
any other pain I had suffer before
it is my utmost invisible foe
that drag me into an eternal woe

the more I push, the more I pull
I play smart but you made me a fool
the more I swim, the deeper I drown
I lost myself but it's you I found

falling hurts but it's the best part
you destroyed my walls with a single dart
baby won't you just walk away
before I beg and bribe you to stay?

dear Lord, I do not want to love again
but somehow with you, it quitely begins

From the very start, you were holding my hand
locking them tightly each and everyday
then at some point they loosen up
and I hate that so I try my best to fix them

now, our hand grip is different;
it’s close and very comforting
it’s warm and encouraging
it’s yours and mine becoming ours

it’s in the stage where we can clearly see
what we’re sharing together is
more than the selfishness of oneself
and past way up the capacity of love itself

yes, I love you
I swear
on all my smiles
and all my cries
from the moment
I saw you walked by
until time told me
to say goodbye

but you should know
even right now,
the answer is
*still yes

only I who has the right
to cry myself wearing your worn-out shirt
to drink away our sweet memories
to isolate my heart from happiness

only you who has the right
to open up my deepest part
to kiss away my sorrow
to return and fill in my hollow

Fear crept into my sleep
I suffocate and bleed
I screamed for help
But no hand to held

I woke up with pain
My chest hurts, again
Nightmare followed me
To daylight I still see

The loss death caused
When it approached

there, inside his eyes when he stare,
I saw the world that never exists
and when he laughs at my jokes,
I figured out that love has a sound

When the rain pours
I remember our nights
of you, every prepositions of place
and me
then I feel my heart blackened—
painted by our bitter-sweet memories
hoping that another rain
will fall hard enough
to wash away your love for me

he stood so close to me, asking
"what are you thinking? tell me"
my heart skipped a beat
cause he often questioned me,
stared with his beautiful eyes
as if he could hear my brain
screaming his name and love
in one simple line

Then again, I am just a home
a blank space you spare
for the emptiness you couldn't be bear
a charger for your tired soul
when the world turned into a big foul

after you done resting,
you will shut out my front door
leaving me empty and lonely
not a single fun you ever bring for me

but you're just a silly boy
who has no idea
what a home truly means
until you lost it

dream is the only place I have left
to meet you and laugh with you
so I'd rather sleep as long as I can
than staying awake and living life without you

I wonder if you're reading this right now
how I am truly sorry about the pain
we caused you out of our selfishness
but he keeps the air I'm breathing
I need it, so does he, cause I keep his
have you ever realize that his heart
is always mine to hold and not yours?
you should understand that I was just
taking back what is mine in the first place
I hope you can finally cope soon
because I've been in your shoes

I wonder what you're thinking right now
and
I'd love to know head to head from you

What I cannot understand is this;
I am addicted to the pain of suffocating
Like the thought of jumping off the cliff
Or hoping to get crashed by a car
Or drinking a glass of poison
I just need to have a taste on that dying moments
The urge to feel the ******* pain pulling me in
Then when I feel it, I’ll drown myself in it
I even ******* dive in it until I forgot
Which way is the surface
And when I finally got out,
I look for another pool of misery to dive into

Surely I have no idea about jealousy
until I see her having a lovely dinner
next to my table with her mother

Bad dreams stole the love you have for me piece by piece until you frown
Good dreams kidnapped your stranded body to the arms of a face unknown

There there my darling open your heavy eyelids to me
No more running around inside the compelling dreams where you cannot see
I will design your reality to be worth living than whatever dreams may be
With laughter as the original soundtrack and both of us as the main casts
where myself as a whole is meant to return to your rib cage
and when the time is properly given to stitch up the wounds I made

once again, I threw myself to hell
faking every curve of smile on my lips
just to get other guy placed his hand on my hips
just kiss me tonight, do what he'd does
disinfect me from the lies he whispered
about how deep he was in love with me
make my body forget the way it yearns
for his touch everytime I undress myself
love me, love me more, and I promise
I'd say I love you and stay forever

but, my darling
I'd steal health from Hygieia
**** Clotho for your thread of life
and let the Gods forbid me
breathing inside this galaxy
because you, your existence,
means a lot more important
than the all the beauty
they could ever offer me

This is bad, i wanna cry again
I wanna cry all the time
over my comparison—jealousy
I'm insecure or probably just being greedy

now show me more, I want more
of you and me, of us, of ours
cause she's choking me for hours,
cause I keep seeing her being yours

so delete her, make her gone
promise me that you're done
give me all or give me none
we both know that I'm the one

Never before I feel so desperately weak
when you raised your tone with a voice so bleak
that was the moment I am certain of one thing
I need to be closer to you
badly, so badly, very badly
and I wanted to be forgiven wholeheartedly

Have some patience
I know they hurt you
but I am trying to stitch them
with my shades of true

and please remember
I have my scars too
for the wound you made
still give me pain

Now will you plaster mine?
or are we going to keep
opening them and watch
each other bleed?