I forget

Talk to me
Just say hey
Tell me the time of day
I applied for a job
That's  preety Kool
I started an old hobby.  
Ive decided im no fool

Im a human  beeing.
I just want to converse
I know you have free time
So i challenge  you to write me a verse

Ive been lied to, tricked and teased
Dont you see?
Ive had my trust stolen, shattered  and pawned
Cant you tell?
I bother you but i mean well,
You  take it as possessive  and controlling  im sure,
But that's  the opposite  of what im trying to do, i ensure.
I have trouble  trusting. You must know
Of course  i fret and fiddle, when you don't  tell me where you go,
Its nothing  against your charecter. I trust you holely.
But the holes in my head, they despise the act, knowingly.
Its the dark parts that whimper and whisper  about my defeat
and how your victory over me is complete,
"She could have anyone! Anything!
And youd not be worth a secound glance
Not worth a thing!"
"No she  loves me!" Id interject,
"She loves me and  i love her, from here to puket!"
"She doesnt feel  the same "the dark holes whisper
"She doesn't  think about you this way, she doesnt even ask about your day!"
I fall defeated
But not  before  a plead is headed
"Your wrong.  I love her. Shes all i have left,
I gave her everything  when i thought i had nothing left. And weather  she loves me, or you where right all along,
I promise  to wait. To sit here. To be strong

I love you
Im so  alone
I didnt pay attention  to myself
and now i feel as though im in trouble

At least you wont be there to trouble
Im stepping outside my plastic bubble
Gasp
No air
Anxieties beware.
Even though i tried explaining,
No one can stop  blaming
My disorder  
On me

A thousand miles behind me in a heap
A smile was felt a few thousand before.
I begin to eveny the kiss of the headlights  driving south
But then  i remembered  . Youd packed my car

Youd told me to drive so far
A million miles in the dark
With  your heart buckled in the back seat
To keep  me aiming for ditches
And to keep me travling to your feet

I cant find whats missing
Spending my time wandering grey streets
Slipping over cobbled blocks and broken pipes
No destination.
No idea  where to go
How am i to find whats missing  when i thought i held it so Close

I was opinionated.  Now ive lost direction
Missed conections
Defelected questions
I procrastinated myself into lonelyness
Theirs no deception

If i fell of the edge of love
Id find myself crawling to you

Just to carry you to. where  you had to be

Free of charge, i wouldn't  be mad

Id be glad

Because one hundred thousand  miles of broken glass

Is better then how  my chest  feels without  you

Help, please sir i cant breathe,
My lungs.  They've  left me by force,
A theif!

Wounded stumblings
Ive been assaulted,  become disoriented  and abandoned
Left in a maze  and i dont know  the rules, sometimes i turn left, sometimes i say  yes
I could have sworn i was following  a golden path, but here i stand crippled and dazed

Why did this happen

I followed  all the rules.

I went to every training  session

So lost and afraid

So confused

I see beauty in every step I make,
this world has robbed us of the right,
to see with my own god given gift of sight.
no trust in my reality
only laugh at whats on the computer's screen,
I see beauty in every cobble, in every drunken wobble,
I watch the street lights glow pass through the trees that shelter below
I see the homemade art hanging on your mantle, through the window left ajar so that winters sounds may visit,
and I see the world spinning on its axis, the Pre-printed clouds scrolling past me like a news feed,

green grass and the smell of mud,  the wind disturbs trees that shed leaves as if they where a grand lady, shedding tears to some offensive gesture

the beauty in life is not in screens,
the beauty does not hide behind great outings
the beauty does not rest, it does not settle, it is neither here nor their,

the beauty of life is around us, at every moment,
in every moment.
it just takes time to learn to see

Winter Sunday

Lets stick around here, and wait till we can say
this is how i spend
a cold winter sunday

lets hide away
out of the grey

you dont even have to stress
its cold outside
And nothing will change that
no matter how you try

so stay under the covers
its warmer this way,
its how i spend
my winter sunday

Ill cook you pancakes, and sit around till noon
just me and you

bring half the bed to the TV screen
watch our shows
anything goes

You dont have to worry,
dont have to stress
cause with me and the douvet
this time is the best

as classic as can be
Its warmer this way,
Its how i spend
my winter sundays.

All to ash around me,
Food to ash on my tongue,
For all I have failed abound me,
As I sit here with my gun

All to ash around me,
Food to ash on my tongue,
For all I have failed abound me,
As I sit here with my gun

Born in your tiny prison cell,
A million times smaller then you are,
One single drop and your risen up,
Afraid of the dark,

Flying forever.
Your  feet allways on the ground,
Fighting  with rapture,
No weapons around.

So sharpen your teeth,
Peel back their skin
Release whats underneath

Born in your tiny prison cell

A million times weaker then you are

One single  breath and your rising up

Not afraid of your path

An angel saw my ****
And told me god would forgive
And so i told the angel
If god could forgive me,
I would have wished to never live

Labour clenses
I sweat pure evil.
Lifting freight, peddling souls

No thank you
Im not climbing the ranks.
But slowly i begin to grin


I know where i fit
Assosciated with happiness.
Only known by doubt


Through labour i lift my plight

Decrepid
I watch you spy their futures
Scooping dreams with sillky fingers
Far too frail to dig,
Fear not,
The sweat from my brow will bring us life.
Sustaining and sweet
Care not,
Though you can not see them.
The huming birds sing

Wasting war
Untouched soils, set to rott by a plauge of men
A million miles away
Where the sun sets on hills ill never see.
And the light touches faces ill never meet
The light bends a diffrent way,
Shells raining down upon your feet
Dismay
Devils steal life and spirits reclaim bones
In the war you left me, to fight
Protecting forign homes

Guess you dont see the full picture
Just think about yourself
Never someone else.
I cant ask you to understand
The pain in taking one last stand
No
Stopping was never a switch
A fuse to remove
Some wounds to re-sow
No
Stopping was missery.
Withdrawl rattled dreams shook me from my sleep.
No cure.
Days and weeks of work.
No sleep,
This could never work
I tried it all for you.
I worked harder then i ever have.
And now you think a relapse
Is all i ever am?
Next time i ask you to change your entire life
Dont blame me if its to hard
Dont blame me for the knife

And the sun rises
On another nights wake.
and now the light has kissed my skin
I must close my eyes and feint
For hours of waking in the dark night
Have left my heart sore
And now with the suns warm love
I need to wake no more

Dont tell me not to worry.
It only causes stress
Dont tell me not to worry
It doesnt make me worry any less
The fear of your suffering.
Guides me through the night
And though you have assured me.
It does not aid my plight
Please come home
And  tell me to not worry any more
Please come home
Because it will only stop
When your at my door

Dont dance with me my sweet heart
Liqour pulses in my veins
Dont dance with me my sweetheart
Youll find the steps a pain
Ive cradled my waltz.
Into a foxtrot filled with faults
And lined up my dancing soldiers.
To march  like lightning bolts
I tuned every broken instrement
And muddied the clean floor.
Now i skip through mine feilds.
Never fear about the gore,
The path i dance is a riddle itself
One that can be answered by nobody else
I find the longer i dance to my solem tune
The longer i despise myself

Its scary.
I see it all again,
They way she used to treat me,
Way back when.
I know you say i should trust you.
I know i should too
But by now im sure  you know the only thing i have left
Is you.
So forgive my caution
But i have burnt my life away
On a prayer that  might wake up one morning
And realize it can just turn away
I never trusted the beast with no horns
But for trying to protect you.
I am rewarded with a side of thorns
I only mean the best
As i only ever have.
Because Fortune has struck me down before,i woke with you in my bed
Im worried it will strike me down once more..
And youll only remain in my head

I lost you on a blacked out path
Steep, winding, layered in broken glass
I thought id tought you to stay on track
I thought you said you had my back
I was planning to come and find you,
Lost in leaves dotted with dew
The odds are your safe.
Torch in hand
But im worried you didnt make it to the promised land
I hope your safe now where you lay. I know that ill see you latter today
Be steadfast in your lonely sleep
For i am lieing here
Nothing left but fear
And the ache i get when your not here

Choke,
Cough
Splutter
Crash test pilot  diving through clutter
My brakes  dont work
But im running out of gas anyway
The pills dont work
But i drank all my water yesterday
Starved of thought
To hungry to thirst
Im feeling like today cannot get any worse

Little kitten
So i loved you
Little kitten
Kind eyes
Gentle heart
Silly jokes
And all those wonderful  parta
Take my words
Make them yours
And keep marching through lifes many doors

Its good to see your tears are done,
Little kitten,
It hurts me when i see them run.
Ima little smitten,
By the way
Your eyes play
Throughout the day, All sleep, no pay.
Keep hidding behind my toes
(Trust me they'll keep you safe)
Keep bristling against my nose
Whiskers and bells and whistles.
Watching your heart fall like a mistle.
Wishing i put up with the gristle..
I hope you fly
And i hope you dont find out untill you try.
To be taken by surprise and see the world from the sky.
To look down from the clouds and see the sparkles in my eye

Dancing little kitten
Plying for my toes
Just the tinniest flinch of movement.
And away your paws go.
To cling to my toes and my fingers
To swing at my nose
Soft kisses  are like wishes little kitten,
They rarely help.
But like wishes, soft kisses
Are allways felt
So  crawl back to my arms
Tears sting skin like sandpaper
Crawl back to my arms little kitten
Ill show you dont need a maker

Broken kitten.
Spitting fear-***** and choking on bile
Crying at the  foot of my bed
Burried in your head.
Sobbing into soft white mittens
Lips with no tounge.
Tounge with no face.
Life bleeding away' no trace
So curl into my lap little kitten
Not so far away.
Curl into my lap  little kitten
Scare the nightmares away

If You where ice cream
and i was the sun
We wouldn't have much fun,
I think you'd Run
and even though it hurt you,
I'm sure you'd love me all the same,
You'd love me even more
if the ground was flooded by rain
because after the clouds parted
and my beams graced you once more
I'm sure you'd find us both, dripping onto the floor

Dance to the little drum beats.
Skipping through city streets in **** boy cleets.
Dancing  like its no little feat.

Crawling through allways filled with weapers
I find myself at the top. I might be one of the leapers

Dancing on skyline roofs in my freshman hoofs.
I don't have enough proof.

Just this wide blue roof
Falling upwards with a passion  
No distractions.


Black bag blankets and broken tracking anklets
Desperate situations  call for unecasarry fixations

Ive spent to long wrapping myself in ellation
To notice the devastation beneath me.

I see it now

As I fall


So slowly towards the sky

Add me to the list of show horses who've kissed a gun

I'm tired of beeing the beaten one.
No fun.

Sick of beeing the last man to run
I feel like eventually I'll amount to someone
But till that day I'm just a body.
My sports have become  hobies
Sleeping in hotel lobies.
Giving gobbies for coins
There is no fruit in my *****
Just an ache that lies in the wake of my discrimination.
Acting alongside my procrastination
No longer will my forehead bead with
Precipitation

I have become a man that could disappoint a nation

I hate defintions
if you define  me i become by defintion; defined

define feces
****
excriment
poo

once feces allways feces
you see?


you define me i have no room left to grow
i have nothing left to change i cant change my personality or my style my job or my lover
definie me and you **** me
so i dont mind that my best friends know so little about me
because the moment they know everything about me,
i become known
and my secrets arent my own
so when someone asks me to tell me about my self,
i like to respond  

"by definition; undefined"

I
airport walls
universty halls
hospital toilet stalls
for when nature calls
places to cold and clean
to sheen
places so white and clean
so fake and prestine
so healthy and safe


II

and all are for waste
the germs in hospital  stalls **** more
then the university walls see students
steering suicidely out windows and doors
looking for the quickest route to the floor
which might be four stories out of a window...
and into the paved covers of my concrete queen size
sleep for infinity what a way to rest my eyes
what a way to be alive
no stories to be told from dead eyes

out

So you replied
after telling me not to
im sure you lied
but ive decided ive got to
find out why
otherwise ill rot to
i share no pain any more
i just wish we could be more
then enemies on the same playground
because this swing-set is to big for the two of us,
and i have reinforcements hanging on the monkey bars
the feelings arent their any more
but it doesnt mean you dont have to be