There is a dead beetle on the floor in the bathroom. It has been there for weeks. Someone must have noticed it but paid it no mind. More than someone. Someones. No one has bothered its carcass. Its legs are curled in at odd angles, not unlike an infant sleeping. Someone would notice an infant sleeping. An infant sleeping on the floor of a bathroom. Or an infant dead in a bathroom on the cold, grey tiles.
The color of its dark body is in stark contrast to the light floor, but still it is ignored. Have I been bright enough in this life to stand out? Am I light against the dark? Or dark against the light? Will I be remembered? As I slide through the experience of living, I don't know what impression I've made. Am I the dead beetle? Will I be the dead beetle? My life has not been bold. One may only presume the same of the beetle. There are too many people in this world for me to be a true stand-out. I merely exist. No matter my color against the background of life, I am simply waiting to be swept away. As inconsequential as a dead beetle in the bathroom with little attention paid.
There is a saying that everyone dies twice. First when you leave the mortal realm. The second time when your name is last spoken and your memory ceases to exist amongst the living. What if you never live and are paid no mind. Can you really die then? What if I am not even the beetle? What if I'm less than a drop in the bucket in the universe and I slip through the cracks of society? At least the beetle gets a poem.
Chin up darling Though the day feels so bland I know that it's hard Like youre stuck in quicksand But soon the quagmire Will ease and release Soon I'll be home For you to cuddle and tease Until then, just know this: I'll be missing you too- So please dont be down Or give in to the blues.
My coffee got cold as I sat and took a big scary test, that I passed all of, except for the portion I failed.
I sipped the cold sweet latte for comfort, and the room temperature liquid washed over me.
It was snowing, and the wet icy flakes stung my face as I walked to my favorite used clothing store.
I walked out again with a luxurious pair of twelve dollar jeans, and a few shirts. I splurged thirty-five painful dollars.
My now boyfriend saw my ex boyfriend walking the grounds of his college, a rude text massage and I knew he was there to stay.
Confirmation of my failed math test echoed in my ears as I talked to a very nice lady on the phone.
Only a few minutes later and the words of my mother sound in my ears telling me she made a mistake again, and I have to figure out an insurance plan on my own, and she doesn't know how to advise me either.
I cried into my salad that I'm only eating because I hate my body, and I feel like no one can love me with it.
Cold coffee, failed tests, no money, clothing that should be cheap and was too expensive for me. Worry in every much needed expense. Hunger in my belly and hoping it will shrink.