They say master what moves you. Can one really master a past presence that was once a favorite presence? One who's enterity is elsewhere with whomever. How can one master a has been? A one that isn't even a part of your today life? You've shed. Therefore, you're not entirely the person of 4 years ago whom I met. What mystery and answers lies within you, and what mastery may I develop in conjunction to you, to who's really you and who's who.
I wish you all the best, but I want all your best. I want you to finally be happy and be in a good place, just as long as that place is inside my house. I can’t promise that I’ll ever be happy for you, because I want to love you at your happiest. I crave you at your most productive. most passionate. least insecure.
I want the best you, and I still can’t understand why you couldn’t be him for me.
it's 1am here and i can't fall asleep, don't know of it's all the coffee or threat of the upcoming week. but i've talked to my sister, read my book-- i'm out of things to do. so i guess i'll lie awake and write some more about you. we have pictures together on my wall, places i'd like to go with you, my bucket list cries; every pop of blue around the room reminds me of your eyes. every quote and poem and lyric, they all sing the same tune about a boy a girl writes about every night by the light of the moon. the letters you've written me are tucked safely next to my bed, and i still take them out to read them even though they're memorized in my head. maybe it's your handwriting or the way you try with all your might to tell me through each word that it's gonna be alright. so i'm kinda sorry that everything reminds me of you, i guess i'm just in love with everything you do.
actually written this morning at 1am. i am very tired.