Where does this zero go?
when is it o.k to say yes or no?
my transactions arent lining up
and my expenses have run amuck
and i think my buisness has  gone to ****
i think that i am out of luck

Lack of communication
is an accurate definition of my miss representation

Lack of medication
redirects my mass infection reaping the nation

lack of effective meditation
re infects my self designed disease facing annihilation

lack of representation
forcing myself to find a new nation

barriers affect communication

To be dead is to be cold
still
unmoving
I am not dead
fluid
Full of motion
restless
I am a pen
on a screen
filled with words
made to sheen
it doesnt matter
  if my words lean
   it doesnt matter
    if my words  scream
     i am only dead
when i admit it

Debits on the left credits on the right
balancing such wastefull transactions
debits on the left credits on  the right
hating myself for youthful actions
debits on the left credits on the right
Who told you about job satisfaction?

Dancing little firefly round and round and round you fly
up through the sky so high
so little fear and no reason to lie
dancing little firefly round and round and round you fly
drawn up to the stars so high,
not a single reason to cry
my dancling little firefly
no longer will i stand so high
no longer will the world spill lies
because i am here to sheild your eyes

Swing me to a lullaby
so  soft and soothing i wont wonder why
the world stings so much
and why everyone is in a rush

so swing me to  a lullaby
to cold and dark to work out why
i find myself in  a rush
i wonder when this will become too much


Swing me to a lullaby
so old and cold, and ive found out why
i was in  a rush
to end this life, its far to much

uncurl from your ball child
wipe away those soot laden tears
welcome to the new world
where all is here to fear
sons of the apocalypse she wailed
bow down to your fears
welcome to the new world she wailed
welcome to the fear
welcome to the chaos that i have brought so near
uncurl from your ***** you men
bastars filled with shame
bring forth your sins,
and i shall give them names
Crawl out of your festering holes,
and bring out the young
for a man will say anything,
when he stares down the barrel of a gun

so we came in great swavs
and brought forwards all our rot
and smiled as she told us
that the world would forget us not

to my life
and to my soul
to my heart
and in my bowls
welcome to my breakfast
and my dinners too
welcome to my love
and its scary to think
in little more then a blink
youve come from face pacing by
to the reason im alive,
so welcome <3

This morning i had to wake up.
curled right next to you
bottoms gone tops my legs twisted around yours like red vines
the feeling sweeter then anything
you woke me with kisses,
soft as hershies
and i giggled bubbly like lemonade
i hope this feeling never fades
waking up
every morning
in sweet sweet love with you

you dont understand
its not in your mind
ive picked my angle
I truely cant rewind
my past lives have died
along with my pride
to choose you
is to choose a side

and though you think i dance
with grass burning freely
i am not a man, not without you, clearly,

i have made my choice, i made it long ago
to dance with you free, in sun wind or snow

but  i will pay my price
and taking my feet bare, walking camly without a care
my life has never been easy, nor soft, nor breezy,
i have never needed or wanted,
but still i have tried,
to crutch my problems, with a joint at my side,
pull away my crutch, and trip me up ,
i will fall
but i wont give up
because the love you give me is like none ive seen before,
and tho i get tired, and riled , and sore,
I find my self falling so softly
needing more
dont go,
please dont
but my crutch will be gone soon,
and my ailments still their,
so please would you help me get from here
to there

Make it stop
oh how nieve you are
free as a bird
inside a cage
with wings made to fly
from page to page
sure ive burnt papers galore
but my soul, my spirit is no more,
you dont know now,
but you will
the effect you have on me,
no frills
youve made me realize,  that i am two sizes to big for this skin
and my kin ,
im scared
so scared you see,
of this demon lurking beneath me
caged birds dont get to fly to often
its so difficult when without my vice my bones soften
and to be with you is to brake both my legs
and even when my soul pleads and begs.
understand that  to scream at you is to show affection
because i have chosen my direction
to loose myself in you, is to find my way home
and never again,
shall i feel so alone

Its strange. That in a place where I can have my anominity
I choose to show face

She made me ,you know.
Remove blades from their housings
And sheath my soul.
Drive knifes and daggers into her back.
Part the flesh from bone.
Coward she cried. But gritting her teath for more
Shed lie here on on my bed. Or sprawled across the floor
Shed block my paths out.
My routes through the doors
She would make me harm herself
When she couldn't any more

No good dead

I'm no good dead

Rotten meat doesn't sell well

And tainted souls less so.

So chin up boy. Soldier on ,

To long thinking this way,

And you will miss the day

You finnaly get paid

Don't be afraid
the man says in tears

Its perfectly normal
the doctor winces

You'll feel better in no time
*the therapist smirks

Please don't
Broken bits don't get to go home,
Shatterd skulls no longer yaw
Skin cut and flayed does not fall.
Mearly drips,
The essence of my life flows.
I am in less control of this.
Then a river controls its bends

I love you.
Not your frills that could ****.
Or poka dot bullet holes color cordinated with skill

I love you
Not for your heart of gold or skin of silk
Not for your eye lashes or peircings, real or fake

I love you
Not because of who you are
But because of what you are.
Mine.

My eyes are red like a sunset,
Devils dance.
my end of the bargin has been met.
Welcome to my rainy day
Forces and darkness come out to play
My life ebbs again
At the end of a ball point pen

If I shall grow old.
And my clothes hang like ghosts
Just know that once apon a time
I could fit inside my skin

without sleep

I am without sleep

but today

no more

Your top lip is like the bottom
just upside down
But your heart is just like mine
only the other way around

Who else finds a pause an irritating absence of speech?
like  every single Fullstop. is an area that is to far away to reach?
that every single absence of sound is a wall so high its impenatrable to breach
dependable scenarios are ones which are riddled with noise
chaotic and invaluable noise
because without noise and sound,
songs from lips and barks from hounds
our lives are cut too short,
because no longer am i able to retort

doth hate yourself ***,
for an *** with mind is still an ***
flaunting about the property of knowlege,
like every little gasp, saves you from laughing stock
***

doth Bring yourself justification
for beeing such an ***'
and though you seem a *****,
my lady your still a lass


So bring to me the right kind,
of liquid, intoxicating
and sit back and smile, as i lie here,
procrastinating

how likely am i, to be what i am
then how likely you are to be  but a scar
I am Not A steryotype,
i am archaic in my design, so fail me not in my attempts to justify myself
but allow me to traverse the insantity of my delusion ,

delinquint similarities rattle us to the core, yes.
but thou hast taken to devouring my being
i know i prolong my suffering with intermitten relapses
but my storm in a tea cup is just chaos incarnate,
dont devour my soul , but take my heart, let me love you like only i know how
in a fashion that only you shall recieve


my dear you are not one of thousands, or hundreds or dozens akin
you are only one, and one only for me
dont despise my loss of time, or addiction to the unsavoury,
but take me to a place i have not seen, to see a part of myself
yet unseen
you think i am disposed and discovered, traversed by all manner of explorers,
not true,
you are the first to try unravel how i have formed, geographic mountainscapes carved from a violent and reactive past can be cut down to feilds
just pull me a part one pebble at a time

I haz only one favorite water bottle;
You.

An Empty tank of gas
An Empty heart of glass
Empty thoughts
An Empty cranium now filled,with last resorts
An Empty spine, im a coward it seems
Empty skin, Im  too stuck to move forward, bursting with a lack of ambition at the seems.
An Empty tone,
An Empty phone,
An Empty house
An Empty home
Without you ill have:
nothing

Dont go
Im used to running away,
from my problems and pains
when I just wanted to stay..
Id crawl into your arms right now
across the mile of broken glass between our bedrooms
If you took the effort to say
*stay

Lost has become an expression to me,
not a sensation of unknowing
more of a sensation of loss of myself
lost,
im lost without you,
without it i might be dull
but without you, Im nothing but a shell
your the scrap i have left,
silk that weighs more then gold,
you have a heart of fire ive been told,
i want it, wrapped in ice and dipped in sugar,
I belive i am the one who can take you there
but we went from 80 to 0 real fast..
and  I wasnt wearing a seatbelt
but christ i still have whip lash
because  my unconditional love for you coaxed me into safety,
i took of my harness and let myself be me,
and now your saying i should take me away from me,
that i should just simply stop beeing what i am
its not so easy when all you have to fix a concret wall is craft paper
I get that you think im a lady killer
and i despise the fact you think i enjoy it,
but i understand your misconceptions, i know what its like to be stuck in your head without a lock for the broken key around your neck
but unlike you think, my tounge is dull as butter knife on any other median but paper,
my skull is as emptier of lust for another woman
then a gay priest married to Christ, '
you have nothing to fear  sweet heart, i dont want to go anywhere,
I know you think im a brick wall,
of problems and cracks and faults
and your mad your out of mortor to fix me
just understand knocking me back down doesnt get  me any further foreward..
be declicate when you build me back up...
your building yourself a future..
this broken fence,
this unshapped clay,
is yours now to ply and toy with. No one elses,
just say you love me one more time so i can sleep..
and understand im trying as hard as i can,
to be the man you want me to be

Your an addict
                   I know
do you know what your doing to her?
                             I am reminded with every wheezed breath
do you know how much you mean to her?
                                            not a clue
do you think you can ever love her the way she loves you?
                                                            ­ *from the way things are going,
                                                          ­     I think im going to die trying

I usually write about pain because of the absence of happiness
now im going to write about pain because of the absence of you

suffering through negligible tasks like floating through a school day
both feet in the air gliding past my peers without a care
I'm numb you know, from the excruciating agony of knowing your not here with me,
I'm crippled with the guilt of knowing that you  feel the same because of me
you should let me love you more, you have no idea what affects you have on me,
glee rolled in ecstasy
fun double dipped in happiness
joy twice fried  in cute and once in trust
you have changed me, I never thought I could love anyone like you
and now look,
I'm loving you,
hearts thumping
like a good remix two songs merge into one
Mad love'

Most of the time I write about pain,
but right now
I want to write about you

I am terrified,
beyond all exemption
lost my bones
there shall be no redemption
I've favored a ghost
and lost all that was me
and now I fade
so effortlessly
I tried too hard
to be what was right
and now I loose myself
to the blade of a *knife

Im starting to write less and less
and Its scaring me
because I either have no sufferings to write about
or Its all become to much
which one?
how will I know?
whats wrong with my head
Its all twisted up inside
knotted guts struggling to chew through knowledge
am I maturing?
or am I finally turning to dust
I'm sorry if I'm not so sweet to hold,
its difficult when you slip through gaps
like the ones in your fingers
and the holes in your heart

You just try and stop me from loving  you, I dare you.

Every day He lies
To himself and the world around him
He dons clothing too dark for his skin,
He closes his eyes because when they open
He only sees whats inside
You could say hes so blind to it, that he leans on it
Every morning when he gets out of bed Like a crutch
Hes the kind of broken that can never heal
Hes the bundle of sin that will never be forgotten
Hes the ball of problems that forgot how to roll
Hes so...so dead inside

I despise my  shallow, fickle existence,
no more, no more.