"je t'aime à la folie,"

that's what you told me;
and honestly

it's stuck with me,
tell me it is just platonic
or else
I might develop
feelings

that shouldn't be
for you

The thing about time is that it seems so long,
yet it can easily slip out of our hands

It seems so hazy,
one goes fast
one is slow
and there is this one
that feels like a dream

I don't want to let go of it;
don't run
don't walk

don't stop
don't go.

Summer in the equator,
this fire burning inside me;
wounds me

I hate it
cool it down;
Now.

I'll let go of this pencil
that continues to draw this
head filled with imagination

"behead me,"
and bring the endless ache of being
an insufficient being;
in this ideal world

'filled with feelings, pens & paint,'

Never to speak
in front
of an audience;
fearing to breathe
with the
curtains falling
as I cry
in shame

It's funny how I always think of you,
as my sanctuary, someone I can run back to,
and tell that "I love you,"

But all there is a wonderful raconteur
that filled you with alluring words and beauty
All you are is a piece of art;
an illustration of imagination

I am head over heels for you
despite knowing how troublesome;
it is to me

In the end, all I can say--is that;
"She is my Wonderwall,"

Sunset skies to find
you who is blown away by the wind
and I who tries to flow along with them
as a fallen leaf of a maple tree

Blue skies, city lights
in this broad planet
You can feel small,
and you'll never know why

Look at the mirror,
let out a pitiful sigh
Ask your reflection, "who am I?"
only to never hear a reply

You look away;
as silence pierces through your lungs,
you ask the person in front of you
if you were good
.
.
.
.
.
.
enough


"no," they said.

You shall yearn for things you cannot attain,
envy to bring thyself more excruciating pain,
tell one the untruth just like you do to, I.

Face the mirror,
find yourself,
and meet me in due time.

The itsy ****** spider went up the water spout
down came the rain of dreams they'll never gain
Out came the sun along with the blinding pain

Now, the itsy bitsy spider went up, and feel it all again.

Let me crush those eyes that failed to see the beauty in them,
and hold your hand that held;
that warmth I always craved
The bitterness never leaves my taste,
even with my heart that you served on my plate.

"So, What should I do with the body?"

"Dispose of it, and make sure that it is never to be seen again."


(Yeah--- this was supposed to be about being envious but well being envious makes you hungry;

Gluttony, I suppose that in some way people have them.

We all have this starvation for the things we don't have or maybe we already do;

Although, satisfaction is yet far from its peak.)

Oh, I can't put this down the notes since I always get 502 bad getaway;

All the roses wither, the flowers fall,
and I see vines over the wall.

The chair where a little girl once sat on;
was tied down by the roots, left to rot away.
Accompanied by bones, and memories of one who was in dismay.

A stranger strolls across the worn-out halls,
Rustle, rustle the leaves say.
Silence screams in his head, with each step forward.

Splish-splash
The raindrops fall while tears
plummet to the floor;
Like your façade that affects all.

You came to me out of the blue, didn't you?
You came to me, yet left me so fast.
How could you?



How could you...

I hear the subtle sky call my name,
as my head stoops down in shame

My tears pour like rain
while I try to numb this
non-existent pain

I caught sight of things I wanted to be
yet standing still fills me with jealousy

Here comes ye ignorance
caused by unease and a halt of time

Even one's sentiment
ye words failed to define

The appetite of a people-pleaser cannot be appeased,

due to the want of satisfying everybody's needs

I want to be as happy people can be, and hide this lonely me

To take a quill,
And write a story,
Then find my real identity.

The wounds of breathing today,
Brews the anxiety of tomorrow.

The best pain of today
Is the hope you had yesterday,
Loosing to the regrets
of what is passed;

Now, pick up,
Pick up,
Pick up the shards

And wound yourself;
Wound yourself hard

Waves crash as I look into the azure sea,
all this greatness is what I see;
and things I can never be

As I dwell in regret;
in this vast ocean
you thought that
you can never see the glimpse of light;

When you've hit rock bottom.

If one
is to see
with smoke,

the farthest
they can go is
at the surface

If one
is to see
with mirrors,

the labyrinth
of the inside
can never be harnessed

In this world
we constantly move;
and you should improve to
avoid being left in the dark

That's why you can never stop
and ask yourself if you're even enough.

In a small cardboard box,
sparks the creativity of a child;

As they paint with colors,
they will soon learn
how to paint with words
and understand how the world
does it with blood.

They'll know that the world
isn't always sunshine n' rainbows,
there is rain too.

But, you are here
To shelter them for a while
and help them see the colors;

The colors of life.

Your love is a music box,
a melody that surrounds me;
it intoxicated me.

Love me now,
so that I can feel safe

Love me now,
so I feel complete

Love me now,
so all worries bid goodbye

Love me now,
so I won't be wanting things;

Things I can't have

Love me now,
so I won't be paranoid

Love me now,
so I can escape this everlasting winter snow

Love me now,
so I can be in your arms

Love me now,
so I won't feel like an empty vessel

Love me,
like those people with happy endings

Love me,
so I can feel warm

Love me now,
so I can breathe

Love me now,
so I can see

So I can live...
Yet I can't force you, not because I know that it is wrong
I'm just too tired now.

Harold Coffin once said that,
"Envy is the art of counting of other
people's blessing instead of your own"

No wonder I am not a masterpiece,
and only a white canvas.

Being envious is such a weird feeling.
This boiling rage coming from an empty being.

For I am not enough,
so I want more.

Fill the gap, as it consumes me all.

I dreamt of playing beside an open sea
But, I am just a ruptured piano and misplaced keys
I have no tone, just a sad melody.

My love for you is inchoate.
No, not chocolate.
I may not be as sweet
but I'll be something worth craving for.

And, good enough to be loved back.

I sat there talking with people,
but I seem like an invisible figure.

No one listened, so I still sat there, with a happy smile;
Pushing back tears while filling my head with lies,
Whelving those feelings away as I put on;

A pitiful disguise.

Another day passes by,
With me not knowing why.

A grin is plastered on my face,
Like a maniac running from something he hates;
yet I still enjoy the feeling of the chase.

The tension made it an ill-looking smile;
then the idea was washed over me.
I feel this way because...

I was useless.

I was useless yet did nothing to solve this problem.
I'll idly do something as I remember all the things that should've been done,

It haunts me

every second,

minute,

and hour.

I was a menace,
A menace to myself and everyone;
Felt like an actor reading a script.

But then again, someone said that life and all is like a play
And the world is a stage.

It makes everything feel surreal,
Like a living dream.

When the time comes, I'd feel so numb and empty.
I really want to ask this to you.

Would you comfort me? Like how I comforted you?

Try all my best, like I did for you?

Despite that brewing storm inside me, would you come and rescue me?

Will you be there to wipe the melancholy tears as it falls like the heavy rain?

Can you make me happy, like how I try to do the same; just for you?

Would you care for me, Like I did for you?

All by Myself, In a room with no doors, just four corners. Alone in the dark.

What would you do?

"Please... Help me escape this reality and take me away;
So far away, send me to the world of fantasy. "

"Give me a door to the world of illusion, please..."

"Send me there, in hopes that I  find something that could fill that dissatisfied void inside of me,"

I'm such a coward. Who knew I had such feeble feelings?

Things like this aren't so necessary, right;?

Daydreaming is all I had;
And there's something I wanted to reach so bad.

I clutch onto the bars that keep me isolated. I see that ray of light;
it was merely inches away, yet it feels like miles apart from me.

Should I go and grasp for it?

Escape this prison of my mind and live in a life full of satisfaction?

Or will this thinking even get me far?

What if I failed?

Who will come to my rescue?

Who will save me from drowning in an ocean with no water as air stopped flowing down my lungs?

Can this heaviness be lifted?
This void within my chest?

If I was set free, who will accompany me in a vast world like this?

With this coop of thought that I have;
I'm no better than that person who was in a room with no doors, just four corners.

The flowers of Anhedonia grows upon me,
Its roots engulf my whole being.
Serendipity long lost, Only the remains of this wintercearig feeling inside this small yet feeble vessel.
I don't know what to do or what to say; maybe to fill up that satisfaction I crave.
Mind slowly turning insane,
I keep things to myself, and that's all that I can say.
All the florets blossom in the longing shade;
of darkness that might never fade,

Anhedonia.