This strife is unreal.
Take your time to conceal.

I can't see through your eyes of discontent.
What is this I am supposed to understand, but in a given universe.

Spare me the humility of your conscience.
Toss me down and **** my mind.
For you are the one I never sought.

I know how to walk alone, with no path or distant sword to guide me.
A cowardice mind drives the nails inside this infected wound around me.
Rusted and depleted.
I understand the solemn wisdom of each soul that bounces into my universe now.

I am lost in hope and dread.
For these are the remorses left to the undead raptures of time itself.
Left in a dark crypt.
It swallows me whole again.
Nothing left but dust on the floor and my desire to scream in a vacuum.

I am broke
I wonder why?
I don't know
Say goodbye

My mind gets trapped
in darkened bands,
hearing deep songs
by the traveling man.

Sad not fear,
plays it slow,
turning it back,
hearing the scold

Reversing the round,
demons release,
off with the head,
take it from me

Subliminally tripped,
it goes back around,
please turn it up,
Hearing no sound.

Look through my broken trunk of memories
Shuffling faded pictures of distant places and time
Those were the frozen moments
Captured by the flash of a Polaroid
Oh the good times, scattered but few

Lighting the flames to burn the past
Each moment, each word, each time

Every third day of the third week in July for the last six years
I would crawl out onto the hot, black shingled roof of our white and gray two story shuttered house
and I would try to count the stars in the southern sky

The course grains of each shingle would burn deep gouges into my knees and hands as if each shingle was punishing me for sitting on them.

But I hadn't a care in the world

For I had a reason and a purpose to be there
You see, that third day was my day, that third week was my week..

It was all mine...the day I would lose myself into the universe

As I nestled into my favorite spot, I leaned against the hard wood window frame, not caring for a second how I long i sat there. At that pristine moment, I just began to count the stars

Each single star I counted, whether it be faded as the night or bright as the day,  was surrounded by complete darkness. A pitch black of nothing.
Those were the lonely stars I saw and I breathed once again.

Each single star i counted, was all alone and afraid in the vast deepness of space with nothing to embrace them except for my eyes and my casual memories and I breathed once again.

This is my healing place. My escape from the life threatening complexities that invaded my inner being. I witnessed the thousands of morsels of light in the southern sky as if they were tiny demons millions of light years away, haunting and watching over me each and every night. For they can no longer touch me or break me apart. They will become the broken.

I have found my place of solace on top of that hot, black shingled roof of our white and gray shuttered house. Many peaceful nights I counted the stars, only to lose to count after I reached one hundred. My eyes would glaze over with an undue purpose of peace and I breathed once again as I started to count the stars all over again.

Living on the poor floor
Swept up like dirt
Four children, hard life
Crying hard, they hurt

Shelves are barren
Hunger stinks
Feelings all empty
Living on the brink

We have each other
Hearts do bind
Don't look our way
Nothing to find

This is our place
Leave us alone
Nothing to see
This is our home

I used to love to sing,
with my lads from the alter.
Unison in song
and praised by the fathers.

After the prays were over,
the congregation was home,
a father standing by me,
prowling in his robe.

"Follow me, my son"
with his stern, demanding voice,
Terrified and staggered,
I had no other choice.

Praying for my Lord,
the only way I know.
Make this devil stop,
I only want to go.

Silence to everyone,
no one will believe.
Suffering inside,
makes me want bleed.

Ten years later now,
the pain will only stay,
burning up my soul,
so much left to say.

I will never forgive him,
he committed the biggest sin,
MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!!
YOU ARE GOING TO THE PEN! !

Drown out by the waste
but caught by the emotion
Simple things that we ponder
left without notion

Drowning in the sauce
I sink to the bottom of the bottle

Rage fueled inferno
Explodes with ever sip

Blacked out visions can't see a thing
Abandoned in the second and lost

Seven hundred fifty gone in an hour
Lives turned upside down and split

Total carnage and all my fault
Don't remember a thing

Lights flash, sirens scream, cries a plenty
Taken away and put in the tank

Two days past, five are dead
Sitting all hazed from all of the pain

Created a disaster, messed up lives
Hit the bottle. Why did I drive?

Touched by the winds, the dull candle flickers
The shadow, she whispers upon the feline's whiskers
"What be out there?", I thought in my mind
Craved insecurities, but all in good time

I will not let it be, whispers and wonder
Tears do not fall, as I talk the words blunder
"Hath be I'm crazy?", spoke of myself
Closed eyes it seemed, as I only felt

Dressed in the nights, alone in my chair
Penning my life, ink smears and scared
I folded the paper, for it is all wrong
Scream the impossible, weakened not strong

It rapped on the walls, creaked bones inside
Given an ear, listen thy night
"What be out there?", I thought in my mind
Craved insecurities, but all in good time

I withered away, fear not my scenes
For I had taken it back by madness and dreams
Scraping the pane, gust open door
One step, two step, three step, four

Alone as I sit by shivering thought
Inside of my mind, restless and caught
It ruptured me cold, stiff and bit torn
Crashed through the pane, no longer born

The floorboards were bent by nothing but silence
Crime the mistaken, one second in violence
"What be out there?", I thought in my mind
Craved insecurities, but all in good time

I fear by the hand of my son with an unstable mind of careless pity and sorry ill repoir

Color blind to deception
Color blind to destruction

Seen is the fires
Seen is the desires

Bent on amends
Bent on revenge

Indicted by our mind
Indicted by our kind

Protest in the street
Protest in the heat

Tears streams down
Tears streams abound

Violence is unjust
Violence is not a must

Hearts must mend
Hearts must not bend

Stronger we must pray
Stronger we must stay

You told me words that were untrue
From our younger years to older through
My brother's keeper, we grew up mild
Time went rapid, you hit me wild

I stood there, by your side
watching summer nights and purple skies
Four years the younger, I looked your way
the moment you changed, you started to sway

Clothes on line, ripped off the wire
tucked under the bed, caught by the fire
You wasn't the same, I hear the sound
Confused and derailed, I felt left bound

Battered left bruised and pushed through the wall
One lonely child, no father at all
Gone from the family, tattered to shreds
No scraps on the table, just lying in beds

Gone for years then returning in vain
You asked for sorrow, but left only pain
Mental anguish awaits, not knowing why
Again you came back, others do cry

Born again you say, bashing the girl
What words do you speak? Life is a whirl
I stood by the mirror, shaking my mind
Disjointed and insane, your voice is a crime

With media you hide, through invisible means
Taken to hearts, I heard others scream
From afar you tap keys and sent to the west
Your mind is mess, only crazy was left

Bent by the lonesome, I feel heartache for you
Your brother's keeper gone by the cue
No longer a sentence but crowded by thought
I sit alone in the pitch, forever I sought

I had a nightmare, swimming with a dark maniac. His eyes were cold as a Chicago winter and hhhiis dagger was as sharp as a razors edge. He just stood there.  ****** as a statue. Then I awoke, with him asleep next to me.

I was getting excited.
Waiting nervously, in my little boys mind.
I stood there patiently, a wee bit nervous but patiently.
My knees were starting to shake
My heart beat faster with each step I took
I was getting closer to my ultimate dream

This eight year old boy's dream to ride by myself, on the bumper cars at the county fair.

Every young boy remembers that moment
The moment when we can put the pedal to the metal and see the sparks fly from ceiling of the metal structure, as we slam recklessly into the next car and our heads bounce off the padded steering wheel...oh yes that feeling

The intensity inside me grew by every sinking flash of time.
The Kodak moment I was waiting for
You know that time..that hip hip yoorah moment of finally being independent

I was on the rise to manhood...or so I thought

The line moved as about as slow as molasses in the winter
Ten people in front of me now

Eight.....now six

Four ...now two

I was next...yes, yes, yes ..I finally reached the threshold of my manlihood

The grisly looking ride operator stared at me with bewilderment and confusion

Now is the time that he unlocks that chain...that barrier that holds back my freedom
The rusted links swaying back and forth.

Then err of calm set over me...the time is now
I am about to become a man..
"Stand tall" ..I said to myself

I stood tall on my tip toes, straining ever so slightly, to reach the top of that painted red line just above the cartoon elephant's finger.

That moment, frozen in time!!

The world went blank as the only thing I heard was that grisly, mean looking ride operator say:

"Sorry kid, you are not tall enough to ride this ride, maybe next year."

My cotton candy fell to the ground

I don't want to do it
You can't make me

I can and I will
I am your dark side

Quit messing with me
I am a good person

No, you are not
I control you, everything you do

I will turn you off
I will not listen to you

You can't do it
You are too afraid

No, get out of my head
You will not destroy me

Pick up that blade
and turn off the lights, I will make you sleep

This is only a dream
Stop it, Stop it, Stop it

I am still here
You will sleep when I say

Nooooo!!! I will not
I am wide awake

Symbols of light
shine down to my feet
Seeking a glance
at my carnival of suffering

I stared into the blank space
piercing it with remorse
Dressed to the nines,
Senses blasted then gone

One bite of my life,
tossed to the sea
Pure whiteness
and rust colored waves

Stung by the bee
while pollination begins
Swollen fingers and deep breaths
remove the pain at all cost

In the vacuum of a broken heart
I am blood rushed and torn apart

Crimson tears roll down my cheek,
Wounded, torn, for I am weak

Trapped in a place of hate and deceit,
closed my eyes and covered in sheet

I am no more but my soul will remain
Never forgiven, you are so vain

Isn't cliche'?
What others do say.

They mean no harm,
but pound the alarm.

They say it out loud,
but not very proud.

They are behind the screen,
and can be very mean.

They take no shame,
but they are to blame.

They have no intent,
but they are the one bent.

They seem fake.
but please, give me a break.

Sew me shut
Talk no more
Black thread, Red string

My body floats on the still lake water
as if I was a weightless piece of trash.
Nonrecycable and sent out to nature to vanish forever.
Helplessly, the white seagulls would fly over me,
circular in pattern, then the grey skies followed.

I begin to count each white seagull with their black, beady eyes, 1, then 2, then 3,
I lost count as my eyes became lazy with the evening sky.
It burdens me so as to why I started to grace the surface of the water in the first place. I could not fathom a reason or contemplate a thought as to why my fate led me here.

I became a floating vessel of skin, blood and bones, then I began to take on the murky water and sink.

Am I being erased into a watery grave and by the hand of some unknown entity?

I swallowed my last breathe of life. Slowly sinking to the bottom of the lake.
My mind erases the watery scene as I close my eyes forever.

Then I awoke in my own bed!!

We talked
I listened

We loved
I cared

You got mad
I got upset

You yelled
I was cornered

You slapped me
I was red

You pushed me
I hit the wall

You hit me
I was bloodied

You said I am sorry
I didn't believe you

You said I love you
I didn't believe you

You said never again
I didn't believe you

You said Please come back
I left you for good

It was an accident,
I didn't do it.
Authorities coming,
located in closet.

I don't remember,
What just happened?
Knife it my hand,
You must be mistaken.

Everything was fine,
I went insane.
Four victims in total,
put out of their pain.

Blood on the ceiling,
blood on the walls.
Twenty eight slashes,
banished their souls.

A father, a mother
and two other kin.
I took them away
and committed a sin.

I was found guilty,
sentenced to die.
Finding no reason,
I'm about to cry.

My kills were my high,
I felt no remorse.
Life is a mystery,
it's has taken its course.

The day has come,
I sit in the chair.
It is over for me,
I no longer care.

I paid my debt,
for my heinous crime.
Please flip the switch,
so I can fry.

Grab the breathless butterfly
as my heart sinks in
Swallowed by the swift net of desire,
wings snipped, flightless life

I sit in darkness all around,
no place to go or see the ground.
As silence kills the piercing night
I succumb to it all by the blinding light.

The pain disappeared, the numbness is gone,
they took it away as is the sun.
Why did I die without saying goodbye?
I succumb to it all what a wonderful life.

© Silent Screams

Feel it surround you
Laminated in silence
Crushed by the moment
Gone in the presence

Savored to a blank state
Ripped to a seam
Slapped by a wonder
Never in a gleam

It is but time
Hidden and above
Deaf to an ear
Crushed by the love

Delusions twist the righteous mind
seeking conscience never to find

Visions ascued by fields of deceit
staring blindly into a cowardly sheet

Subliminal signals cross my track
tripping my soul flat on its back

***** of confusion in the world is seen
transcending the ages time and again

Expecting peace but seeing the wars
We are losing this place, it's going the course!!

I stared in the mirror, looked at my own sad reflection and
wondered,

When did I abandoned my own self?
When did I lose my grip of my mental being?
Why did I hide under the covers to get away from the monsters?

I have never looked in the closet because I was afraid of what I might find.
My fears of the unknown have always taken me for a ride. A ride, I still can not get off of.
I have tried to lock the demons away in my mind, into the abyss. They always seem to break out of their prison and crucify my soul, when I am the least capable of fighting back.

My whole life has been in total blackness inside the belly of the beast. Only when I close my eyes, do I see a small glimmer of light or hope.

Then I wake up and realize the mirror that I have been staring into the whole time was broken and shattered.

DID I BREAK IT?

Facing each day or facing my debts
What do I see? But Russian Roulette

Cold steel in my hand and brass on the cover
loading one up, I drop the five other

Placing the barrel next to my skull
closing my eyes, feeling more dull

Pulling it back, the trigger with force
hearing a click, thinking what's more

One more time, the intensity deepens
Do I live or die? My plot thickens

Third times a charm, so I've been told
The click is once more, but nothing, BEHOLD!

Four now five, still nothing but blank
what's going on, its stealing my fate

This is the one, the final shot
squeezing that trigger, I am dead on the spot.

Sit inside the tube of eternal thought
Hearing the train roar by
Clack clack on the steel
Erasing memories of the bleeding brain

Pick up the ribbon of sorrow
Blind yourself with nothing but temptation
Silent tears pound the pavement
Rectifying my existence with pain

Cross my emotions with rooted aggression
Tempt my fate by the tangled noose
My toes sweep the chair, tipped over
It grips my neck, one last breath

Killed on TV
The shooter got three

Newscaster's nightmare
Filmed in the stare

Wonders did he need?
Bullets made them bleed

Click Bang Bang
Oh, What a stain!!

Gone in a moment
Stop the commotion

Live together.
Breathe together.

Attack each other.
Destroy each other.

Time to go back,
into my place.
Where no one can see me,
no light or no grace.

Time to go back,
into my hole.
Where all is forgotten,
all pain is fore told.

Time to go back
into my hell.
Where the creature is waiting,
that torturous cell.

Time to go back
into my sane.
Where my fortune is told,
all crazy as rain.

Time to go back
into my youth.
Where my story is begun
with the heel of a boot.

Smack me
Hit me
Lock me in the dark

Stain me
Drain me
Falling off my mark

Hurt me
Break me
Hide all my pain

Stab you
**** you
Gone with all the rain

Seven five two three
Is the distance that she sees

Gazing lost into the shutter
Dreams awaken from her slumber

Her angels asleep by her side
counting sheep, hush, hush, Ty

Moments go by, ever so slow
Ticking away, she's missing her love

His wife, his lover awaits his return
Fear not my dear, hold steady, hold firm

One day I'll be home, back in your arms
Never letting you go, the mother of my sons

You are my mate, you are my soul
bound by the ring, but given with love.