why wait?
there is so much out there,
willing to be explored

why wait?
say hi to the cute person,
you never know what's in store

why wait?
your dreams are attainable,
you just have to reach for them

why wait?
stop holding back your emotions
let them pour out of you soul

why wait?
when there is so much left to give
why wait, when you can go?

the paths we take determine where we go
how we act
who we meet
everything

"the path less traveled"
the path most people like to think
they have taken
but if everyone took that
it wouldn't be less traveled anymore

we never really think about the magnitude
our decisions have on our lives
how one simple mistake
can change your life

so when i meet a fork in the road
how will i know which road to take
am i making the right choice

have i chosen a path that will send my life
into a rabbit hole that never stops
or did i pick the right one
the one that leads to my dreams

appearances are everything
we are always told about inward beauty
but people will see what they want to see
we are judged on how we look
not on who we are
we are in a masquerade ball
where everyone is not who they appear to be
never really knowing who somebody is
i guess we will never know who they are
if we can't look past how they look

i guess it's confusing
the way i say i love talking to you,
but i never message you back

so how did it get to be
that i am the one talking first
waiting on you to respond
and never getting an answer

you were the one person that i was comfortable with
and now we never talk,

or actually you never talk

so i am left talking to myself
hoping that you'll start talking back

i want to know what you know
we've known each other for years
but have we known each other

i know you
i know what you have gone through
what your likes and dislikes are

but do you know me
or am i a collection of memories
faint whispers slipping through your mind

so i wonder
when i think about you
are you ever thinking of me too

i need you out of my head
you are taking over my thoughts
and all i can think is you

now you are taking over my dreams
something so precious
a place i didn't want you to be

i have become consumed by you
and i don't want to be

so please leave me and my head
go so that i can think once again
so that i can breathe
so i can feel like myself

why listen to silence when there is music
that's something i said
but i don't believe it

in silence there is reverence
a kind of quiet that is incomparable

in silence you can find peace
you can find the answers you are searching for

though it may be hard at first
let yourself be consumed by it

because once you are in the silence
you will be able to hear the noise

i want a love that captures me like a hurricane
one that is all-consuming

so i can't tell where you end
and where i begin

so that the beating of our hearts
is as loud as the thunder around us

i don't want to just be swept off my feet
i want to be swept away
completely

and when the storm passes we will be left
ragged and torn
completely wrecked by one another

if i have to fall in love
i want it to be like a hurricane
memorable and shattering

i walk through cities i don't know
exploring the endless maze of concrete

seeing all the different kinds of people
those who down on their luck,
suits with phones pressed to their ears,
college kids lugging around massive backpacks

i think about all of their stories,
the lives they have led
i want to ask
if they could live their life all over again
would they still be the same

so as i walk through busy streets
full of possibilities and dead ends
i wonder what the city has in store for me

i am alone
totally and completely
it wasn't like this before

i had so much attention recently
slowly i was trying to pull away
i was crumbling under all of it

i'm not used to people seeing me
i'm the invisible one
i'm the one no one pays attention to

i cut off my hair thinking it was time for a change
the only thing i feel is more vulnerable
i don't have my shield anymore

so here i am, alone,
waiting for somebody to save me
when all i do is push people away

want to know something?
I loved you
and I told you I loved you
but now im not sure
sure if I would recognize yor face
sure if you would recognize me
im not the same person anymore
and I doubt that you are

can anybody love me
would anybody care
if i die alone and empty
without someone there
is there somebody out there
who will love me to the end
love me more than just a friend
so can anybody love me
after all that i have done
will all my flaws and faults
im still hoping that you're there
so if anybody hears this
this is my final prayer
i pray that God will send you to me
before i run out of air
so if anybody loves me
will you speak up now
because im running low on faith
that there's somebody out there

you seemed to be all the colors
that made up this beautiful + vibrant person

i can't wear colors
they remind me of you

the color exploding behind my eyes
is made up of the memories i have of you

all my thoughts have turned monochrome
it's hard to remember the color that was there

the colors i loved i now hate
they remind me of when i still had you

now i have lost you

i've forgotten how we used to be
before we fell off track

it seems like all i do these days
is just keeping looking back

and i know that we were together
but that didn't last forever

i want to go back in time
to hold on to you
for just one more song

then i'll leave you in the past
where you belong

and i'll stop writing old love songs

i am sick of the box i am in
i don't want to be here
i didn't put myself here

that was other peoples doing
not mine

i shouldn't be known as the quiet one
i'm not

don't say i'm perfect and could do no wrong
that is far from the truth

i don't want you to tell me i'm shy
i haven't been for a while

stop putting me in places i don't fit
i should decide who i am

i don't need a box
i can figure out who i am
without you

i am breaking
slowly shattering
into a million pieces

unable to be put together again
slowly disappearing piece by piece
swept away and forgotten

no hope of feeling whole
no one to pick me up
no glue can hold me together

wondering who i am
what i have become
and who i will be

who can i be
when i am missing so many parts
to what was a happy person

what can i be
when there is no more left
to what was used to be me

the piano softly builds
then he starts to sing

this boy that everybody hates
just singing

making us realize
once again
why we fell in love with him

his voice brings back memories
his lyrics drawing out emotions you wanted to forget

he sits there
just singing

making sure that we don't forget
him, this, and us

stop telling me i'm pretty
i don't think so
and i never will

stop telling me i'm innocent
you don't know me
or half the things i've done

stop telling me i'm strong
when i am silently and slowly
breaking inside

stop telling me i'm good
because all i can think about
is the bad i have done

stop telling me i'm cute with him
to me he is destructive
and i was just getting over him

stop telling me i can make it
because i don't think i can

i feel like i'm not fitting in anymore
like i have lost my place
to be honest
i'm not sure i had a place to begin with

i look at my friends
and realize i am becoming alone
i'm not sure when everything changed

do you not say hi anymore
because we weren't actually friends
or do you just not care

do you only talk to me to get with her
because it's been this way for too long
and i can't do it anymore

i'm tired of this push and pull
this constant back and forth
not knowing who to trust
or where to turn

i don't feel like i fit in
because i don't know who i fit with
i don't feel like i have a place
because i don't think i'm good enough for any place

i'm trying to be okay with being alone
not being lonely
but alone
but i get confused
and it gets hard to remember which is which

waking up silently screaming
gasping for air at the same time
wondering how it got to be this way

where sleep no longer is rest
it no longer lasts

its become something you avoid
but can avoid for only so long
before you succumb to the horrors again

reliving the worst experiences
over and over
until you begin to break

you wonder if this is how it always was
how it will always be
when the madness will end

each night is the same story
a continuous cycle
where there is no hope of it being broken

she likes to hide in forests
where the trees can conceal her
open spaces have become dangerous

she likes to watch the stars above
and pretend they're watching her
they are the ones that see the true her

she likes the darkness where she can be at rest
it envelops her in a way nothing else can
for the light leaves too much out in the open

i sit on top of the world

it took me a while to get there
but the view alone is worth it

seeing all that is below
all i have overcome
and looking back to where i started

i breathe deeply
with the sun beaming down on me
my hair whipping around my face
the cold wind makes me new

i take one last look before descending
remembering
but knowing
that i will be on top at least once more

i feel like i am constantly tired
not always physically
but tired of the way that i am treated
how i am pushed aside
so others have more room
tired of the way i still think of you
i wish you would get out of my thoughts
just letting me be alone
tired of seeing the same things
over and over and over again
somethings never change
or maybe i'm just tired
because i don't like sleep
and haven't gotten enough

i am sick of you ignoring me
not answering my messages
not even looking at them

you said you cared
you said you like talking

i guess you lied

no i have no way to tell you
how much i hate you
how much you ruined me
how much i loved you

this can't happen anymore
these twisted games you play
that i slowly let you win

the side glances, the hand-holding
all the flirting
it leaves me wondering if we could be
good together again, but i know we couldn't

here's the messed-up part of it all
i know that you mean so much more to me
than i do to you
it leaves me torn, while you walk away, again

i used to call myself a reckless heart
that was a lie

my heart hasn't been reckless
at all

you've held it for years
without my permission

i don't know how to take it back
when it's been yours this whole time

i was lying on the floor
staring up at the ceiling
the laughter from my family
floating towards me
i should have been there
part of that
for once everyone was there
except for me
because i'm never there,
and in that moment
on the floor
with distant sounds of my family
i thought about dying
clarification.
i thought about killing myself
it hit me like a wave
almost coming out of nowhere
reminding me of the problems i have
haunting my every move.
but i got up,
cleaned up,
and walked out of my room
trying to act like a tsunami hadn't come
destroying everything
yet again

you are the late night train i will never take, the cafe i will never stop in, the song i will never dance along to.
you are the late night drives with no destination, the grocery store runs, the song i have on repeat.

0.1 i forgot how much i love to write and what this community felt like
0.2. i don't think i can hide my depression and anxiety as well as i thought i did, because i think you know
0.3. this is what being alone feels like when surrounded by people
0.4. what being in your arms feels like
0.5. how it sounds to say i love you and mean it

she needs help
more than she thought

she needs you to be strong
because she can't be anymore

she needs to feel loved
even when she doesn't think anyone loves her

she know to cry out
when she can't do it anymore

handing over the control
and for once
being at peace

i thought we could fly
the way you held me so tight

i was sure i wouldn't fall
that heights didn't bother me
not anymore

maybe it was because of you

if we were close to the ground
i couldn't tell

i thought you were my forever

but i learned
that forever isn't you
that the flying feeling doesn't last
and when you look down
your feet are already on the ground