Dear Diary;
Today is for the chocolate lovers
and the hopeless romantics.
This year,
I am not one of them.

If you kissed
me to infinity,
I would still be
craving more because
enough does not exist
when it comes
to you.

Roses and dinner,
a bottle of wine and cheese
for my Valentine.

2:31 PM
14/2/20

I never thought,
I'd miss the rain and
cold of London winters-
the hustle and grind,
of everyday life.
I miss the tube,
the trees and the tulips
of St James Park
but most of all,
I miss you.

Years later, and I
think I would still love you like
I did long ago

3:40 PM
13/2/20

A strong name for a
majestic sort of goddess
that I had the luck of meeting.
She sang her song-
one of which
captured my heart
and one of which
we can both
rejoice.

Couldn't sleep again-
I woke up feeling lonely-
It's only Monday.

6:32 PM
11/2/20

Soft haired girl,
like a bed of roses,
blooming all over the world.
Lucky was I to get lost
in her garden,
her aura-
but little did I know that
her thorns would leave
such a lovely mark
upon my heart.

Dear diary;
At last,
it is Friday
and now I want
to make bad decisions
that I can survive.

Call me in the early
hours of the morning
and maybe,
just maybe,
my heart will
find another place
for you.

I miss your tender
skin pressed up against my skin-
oh, I miss that spark

12:33 PM
2/2/20

I don’t need a
thousand red roses.
You're a blue rose-
the only one I want.

It's true-
this may be a
sad chapter in my life
but I do believe you
are the happy
ending.

I still taste the gin
from her lips
and this heart
isn't slowing down.
How can I sleep when
her voice still echoes in my ear?
But when I do,
I hope I dream of her.
Tonight was not long enough.

You say
it’s too hot
to see the sights-
that’s okay,
because baby,
none of these sights
compare to the sight
that is you.

You made my mirror blush.
My pillow misses the smell of your hair.
You lit up my room and
my bed misses your touch.
This place seems a little less
like home now that
you're gone.

My heart begged me to
do something dramatic and
so I set it free

7:39 AM
29/1/20

Baby, we're a meteor
and we killed the dinosaurs.
We scorched the Earth and
turned all that was
into ash.
Time has passed,
and not much has changed.
To this day,
I find myself
studying the fossils
and wandering
what could have been
if we had landed smoothly.

Dear diary;
today I
did not write,
I did not paint,
and I did not compose.
I did not live today but,
then again, I guess that's
no different to any other day.

Why do I wake up?
It was always you.
Knowing that I share the
same moon that kisses your
smooth and pale cheeks
is all the reason I need
to get out of bed each day.
And knowing that you bless
my dreams each night is
all the reason I need to
rest my weary soul.
It was always you.

I’m not mad
and I'm not upset-
I’m just howling for the
first time in a long time
and as you can imagine,
there’s still a lot of 'you'
in my lungs.

I felt like I was in love
with a wasteland because it
once birthed a bed of flowers.
I was in love with memories
that had long since passed-
my mind became my enemy.
Little did I know that those flowers
were poisonous little things.

Dear diary;
All of the good days are nothing
compared to the emptiness I feel
since she took her away-
or more like a piece of me away.
And now I think I am getting sick
from all of the poison she fed me
over the past year-
that's all she left.

Wherever you trail
leaves me chasing for more-
every glimmer in your eyes
leaving me entranced.
Maybe it's a spell of the unicorn,
or maybe this is one big dream.
All I know is that I need
more of you in my life.

I keep hurting
myself with thoughts
that I may or may not mean.
There's a storm raging
inside my head-
silvery clouds I
cannot tame.

heartbreak
after heartbreak-
can you make me
believe that love isn't
this vicious?

Whatever she creates
leaves me utterly in awe-
every thought of hers
leaving me entranced.
Maybe you have me under a spell,
or maybe this is one big dream.
All I know is that I need
more of you in my life.

I miss your tender
skin pressed up against my skin-
oh, I miss that spark

4:12 PM
17/1/20

Her legs go everywhere I want to go.
Heaven.
Hell.
And everywhere in between.

Dear diary;
who am I?
Whoever I am,
I frighten me.

I wasn't in search of anyone
or anything-
until I found you.
And I have been looking
for you ever since.

Dear diary;
I thought about dying today...
or so I thought I did.
I think about death a lot lately
and I'm not too sure I
know the difference.

I want to hold your hand
through foreign streets
and kiss you under
foreign skies.
Baby, we're just two foreigners
lost in foreign lands and
lost in each other's eyes.

Dear Diary;
now that the dust has settled
I have realized that
all I want to do is
work,
travel,
work,
travel
to distract myself
from the joke that is my life

I have only known
how to love you and now I
don't know what to do

2:17 AM
7/1/20

I heard your voice
in the wind and you let me know
that you were saying goodbye.
I run for shelter,
fear of what comes next.
These nights have never felt so cold,
but all I can do is wait out
the impending storm.

Our tongues paint
watercolors over our bodies-
each stroke, more intricate than the last.
Fingers slide across smooth canvases,
and we are left with abstract
works of art.

I think about about
all the time and energy
I've spent on people who
have walked out of my life and
I wonder what I could have done
for myself instead.

I am torn between
wanted to disappear and
wanting to be seen

10:20 PM
3/1/20

My life is a mess
but so are
you.

Dear Diary;
this year already
tastes like last year
and I can see the
rot ahead.

2019 began
in a shimmer of hope, of peace,
a little light at the end of the tunnel
that was this decade.
And now it is time to
bid farewell,
to not only 2019,
but welcome in another year
and decade with open hearts.
Even if life didn't go according to plan,
I do hang on to the hope of a future
so very far from my past.

How can my
pillow still smell of you?
How do my lips
remember yours as if
they were my own?
Memories that don't exist
torment me
day after day,
night after night.

I didn’t ask
to be made of glass
nor did I wish to be
thrown so far.
I didn't ask to be so frail,
to fall head over heels.
I didn’t know you
wouldn’t catch me but
I thought that glass would survive.

Dear Diary;
I met a girl last night
and I saw a goddess in her eyes.
Can you believe it?
I met a *******
goddess.

Dear Diary;
It's the last day
of the year and I
think I will burst into tears
for having held them in
all year.

I thought I
could save you
but it turns out that
I only made it
worse.

Better off alone-
a smile on my face and
a hole in my heart

10:47 PM
29/12/19

This Christmas you broke
my heart - not quite the present
I was expecting

1:40 PM
29/12/19

Baby,
I just got home.
I'm about to pass out
but don't worry,
I've put on more than enough
toothpaste to rid me of
your love.
With crossed fingers,
and a heart still pounding,
I close my eyes hoping
your magic cure works.
Either way,
you were so worth it.
Okay, goodnight.