When it came to her
I had a slender grasp
Though unintentional.
When I think about it.
Deep down it was I rearing
a lack of confidence.
Living up our anonymous
expectation.
Though she was around
My arms would always cross up.
I was righteously liberated.
The perfect punctuation
of how I'd run on mentally,
Constantly around & around.
I wasn't embarrassed.
Revealing which part of her made me tick.
I can tell she didn't expect my answer
But with such a slender grasp,
every second spent with her made me tick.
At least for a little while
Perhaps the most un-thought thought.
Where do we place the batteries when they run out
Or will my arms be crossed up forever
Constantly around & around.
I find that time- such a strange & unusual thing.
Brings focus to things outside of all the crazy
ways arms move.
All in a beautiful destructiveness I can't describe.

One thing that truly changes
No matter how I cut my hair
Or the kind of clothes I put on.
When I look in the mirror I am
still me.

Not very often do second chances
come around.
How often do things change
No matter if I trim my beard
Or let myself go and my belly
hangs over my belt.

One thing that truly changes
How quick you threw your clothes on
& left me with conversations we'll
never have again.

When I look in the mirror
I am still me
When I step outside I am still me
One thing that never changes

I was mute.
Responding to the silence in-between the dial tone.
A new proposal of a new unlimited data plan.
I don't know how many gigs equate to the amount of anticipation.
Sitting in silence.
Phone pressed against my ear waiting to the sound of your voice.
The smell of stair-fry coming from an oval pan.
The smell of darkened beef and steamed vegetables sizzling by a *** of rice.
Boiling over in anticipation

Hearts are not something to be taken lightly.
According to life's essential need.
Anything else would be considered making noise.
Hearts are like mid sized drums. fragile in the way that they beat.
Lingering throbs, echoing intensely.
Seldomly, A snare dropped off key, played softly.
Filling the space of the smallest thought.
Realizing that mistakes can and will occur.
Something not to be taken lightly.
The fragile pop of the smallest thread.
Over thought in motion.
Continuing to move about.
Balanced by the placement of steady hands.
Regaining composure.
A new note soulfully played in cadence with another.
Realizing that there is no such thing as control when it comes to matters of the heart.
A constant rhythm that goes misunderstood until it meets a set of ears to willingly listen.
A Definitive purpose. Finding bliss in filling the gaps of another note.
Without embarrassment, without shame to be themselves.
Tirelessly in unison.
The throb of steady hearts.
This was life being lived to the fullest.
This was the first time I truly heard music at it's finest.
It was never the steady pace of the drum,
But everything that took place around the pop.
Only to amplify as I grew older

You held everything together when it seemed everything was crumbling down.
If it's any consultation I'll be the first to admit.
I miss you with everything I have in me.
It's not that beautiful face or the body that accompanies it.
It's those huge eyes that I could stare into forever.
With all the time we've spent with each other.

As the time we spend far from each other.
I miss the goofy big haired girl that always made me laugh.

The wit to fall in love with someone like me.

The things I reveal in braille.

You took every part of me and wore me with your look.

Your fashionista sensibility.

You make the simplest of anything that much better.

I grew accustom to those moments.
The moments I never sought in anyone else.
I could never look at anyone the way I looked at you.

Eccentric and fun.

A model that rips the runway of my eye.
A pretty face that made every idea that much brighter.
It was always the sincerity of how you looked at everything.
From your hair.
Your smile.
I miss that.
The precious feeling when I'd hold you in my arms.
The need to protect something as precious as you.
Life makes the simplest of anything complicated.
I sought to protect and cherish you with everything I have.
My heart in love with everything you are.
You irk me, you irritate me. You press my every right button.
Most of all I could never look at another woman the way that I've looked at you.
The reasons I miss you, that I love you so.
You changed my perspective of what love is.
I irritate you for the beauty found in those moments.

To miss a flight and spend just a second more.
Forgetting the public eye, to fade off.

The things we keep between you and I.
Your sense of humor.
Your tongue against the side of my neck.
We've shared pieces of ourselves that I know deep down we wish we could take back.
But all the money in the world couldn't make any other moment that more important.
Pride aside, I left the best part of me with you.
If I could do it all again I wouldn't change a thing.
You inspire me without solemn apology.
Because of you I am different.
The quality of how special you are.
Deep down I crumbled.
You inspired me to find the beauty in the rubble

I wish that I was no one,
Completely obvious to who I thought I was.
Without a name to identify a single thought or emotional response.
A complete lack of empathy put into words before they are said.
A blunt show of emotion spoken without thought.
Somewhat irresponsible but nowhere near ready to admit it.
I wish that I were nothing,
Realizing the common denominator of words left upon your lips.
A lack of enthused words, vague
Nonchalant.
This perfect invitation that excites the exact moment I'd always cross your mind.
Stating that you'd have nothing to do.
Any one to see.
A thought of interest,
How good it must feel to be no one without a single thing to do.
Without limitation to the ecstasy provided to all the things we could do

I want to know what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror.
Especially on the bad days.
Even then, If you don't feel like getting out of bed.
I'll be your mirror.
Reciting everything I see when I stare back into you

I've missed you, thinking of days past.
I couldn't escape utter silence.
I intentionally  revoked certain knowledge, standing on the steps of an haunted house.
A paper skeleton hung from the door, a ghost of broken promise.
Detachable limbs.
Threatening to call the police to interrupt a shot of tequila.
A certain ghoul, tequila.
Recollecting involuntary disgust.
The look of your eye.
Full, chocolate.
The horror heard from your voice. A sudden shriek shrouded by excessive need.
My world slowed, haunted by your everlasting stare.
That Insidious scene played once again.
The cruelty of silence.
A ghoulish thing, the haunting of something no longer there.
Please I beg of you, next Halloween reconsider dressing as a ghost.
I'll miss you even more

The Sun could never replace
The warmth you've left on my lips.
Although the night comes,
I need nothing else.
My lips patiently wait
In hoping that there is a tomorrow.
So the Sun can see once more,
The warmth you've left on my lips

Is this love that I feel
This need to have you near
This sensation that keeps you cradled.

 

The smell of brown sugar and pumpkin spice
Pieces of ourselves given in comfort;
The depth of ourselves inhaled deep
A sheer pleasure indulged stepping outside

 


Discovering a new branch of fear
[Should you leave]
If you ever
In The harsh wind of God's whisper
What of The memories left behind
Cinnamon brown, the wither of leaves soon to crumble
Never to glance back;

 

Turning to God for console
A renewed vision
At untimely end
Falling to what is left
My leaf
My desire
My branch
To pavement cold; bare

Now that I am high, I don't ever plan on coming down.
From what I am told highs don't last forever.
If this feeling ever fades I don't know what I'll do.
I couldn't begin to imagine another night of sobriety.
A night spent away from what I've come to know as normal.
Something done randomly, something that's become habit.
Given time.
I don't think I could go back to the way I once was.
Something held close. Revealing the fact that nothing is as perfect as we could imagine it.
The moments I feel myself floating with closed eyes.
Picturing myself falling in love.
Now that I am high I feel that I am free-falling.
Finally jumping from the ledge I've known for so long.
A sudden pause from anything momentary.
The everlasting effect of something I've never felt. Being high.
Most highs don't last forever from what I've been told.
Always chasing something to compensate what was once felt.
My first reaction was to jump from the ledge of the couch and hit the floor face first.
Which was what I did. Not entirely my plan but it worked.
Choosing to stay here and seek nothing outside of what I already felt.
Leaving my sobriety anywhere but here.
A kind of reserve stashed away for safe keeping.
Not in the sense of smoking or anything that could be ingested
I suppose I took a piece of your heart and hid it where only I could find it.
But only when I jump from the ledge of the couch and end up face first on the floor.
Somewhere I know you can't find it.
I guess this high could be considered love.
A funny thing, love.
Four simple letters that could create so much devastation,
or bliss.
Love a whirlwind of emotion that takes everything then tosses it up without care how it lands.
A crazy thing, being sober in the midst of love.
Four simple letters packaged and distributed as something sweet, delicious.
Most commonly referred to as munchies.
Devouring everything in sight.
A buffet of need wrapped airtight in urgency.
Next time I sit on the floor I think I'll invite you.
But only for another piece of your heart.
Verballing from the ledge of the couch.
Only to land face first on the floor once again.
Love such a crazy thing

I'll wait in patience,
Until I see your face,
Until the next time I see you smile.
But I won't rush it
The way I feel.
I love the anticipation,
The way you give me things
To think about.

I'll learn to live through the ache,
I'll learn self-control,
And learn to hold still
Until the next time I see you.
The best stories are told
In pieces.
Not that there's anything wrong
With instant gratification,
Nonetheless,
Waiting allows that time between us
To linger and to grow.

So that the next time I see your face,
I am fully there,
Appreciative of that moment
A kiss that waits in the dark,
Waiting for the light of your lips.
Knowing that a week apart,
This kiss only grows,
Stretched thin, built in
Anticipation.

But I won't rush it.
Every episode is like this,
My favorite show.
If I were to watch all of you now,
Then there wouldn't be anything left.
So I choose to be patient,
My attention solely focused
On you.
Love moves slow,
Although some moments
Move fast.
There is always time to rewatch
And to think
But only after we've taken our time
And lived to do so.
I'll wait patiently
Until the next time I see your face

Fragile are the pages we turn, not truly knowing the severity of tight pressed pages

How can I be so sure.
There have been many times where I have been sure before.
In fact, surer than sure.
Standing outside of myself; I brush pass every other thought.
A space crowded with nowhere particularly to be.
Except here.
Shoulders brush against the thought of other shoulders.
Irked in irritation; the search of a higher purpose.
 
A casual meet and greet of lips.
A bistro of conversation with neither of us knowing what to order.
We swirled in each others thought.
Becoming the spoons which swirled around in creme and sweetener.
The thought was mutual.
 
We were both generous with our sips.
Both known to the after thought of addiction.
The roof of our mouths drenched with infatuation.
Lost somewhere between the rumbling of our stomach.
And the eying of Banana bread muffins.
Moist in infatuation.
The fulfillment of a connection of something so simple.

I wish you could- live in my mind.
I mean in alot of ways you already do- live in my mind.

In my mind you are the calm before and during the storm.
You are appreciated over & over again.
You are dreamed over & cherished without worry.
In my mind you are the relief to every ache, every crevice that dares scream of pain.
Your touch, your feel is one that screams I need more.
And once that touch is satisfied I'll still have that urge.
The urge to reach out and grab you.
In my mind you are the reason I close my eyes.
Squinting tight picturing you there always.
A grin curved on your lips.
In my mind you are always and forever wrapped tight in my arms, my warm sufficing the need for blanket.
My nose tucked in the side of your neck.
My hand layed across your stomach and our toes relaxed without a single thing to do.
Lost in the current of sheets and pillows.
In my mind you are the ocean serene & calm.
The sky your favorite color purple.
The observation of everywhere we are is a dream away.
And you remain always in my mind

And her name
Forever ingrained on my breath.
I fall witness
Lost in a daze,
Staring off into the sun.
Her name sweet.
Though often stung.
A tattoo everlasting.
A reminder of a time spent.
Her name.
A harvest of grain left behind.
Spread between distance,
A field covered in twist and turns.
Her name spelt in curious curve.
Stretched out.
A river generous in eternal stillness.
My breath a witness, in remembrance of her hands.
If I should ever rebel against heaven.
May I starve, shrivel 
Due to wrath.
Cheeks sunk in
Losing sight, staring into the sun.
The memory of skin fed to my lips.
Revealing hunger
My every word stained in essence.
An ink that fills thirst.
Splattered in the curve of my mouth.
My tongue forever scarred
By the kiss of her name

And at that moment I died.
Greeted by a single smile.
With any and everything.
Two seconds past departure.
I have given all that I have to give.
Usually there is some sort of warning.
One where imagination takes hold.
Of all the things I could give.
I find that now I have given my every and all.
Greeted by one generous smile.
Accompanied by lips that wait to pinch a heart in wait.
I died right there on the spot.
Now there's no need to wonder if tomorrow will shine as bright.
Knowing the reason I smile
No longer afraid of what dreams might bring

I tripped over love
Losing my balance twice,
Maybe the next time

Sometimes you don't need much
Sometimes it can feel like the beginning
Of a new life.
The start of a new moment
Legs wrapped around each other
Beneath off white sheets.
When the world makes it feel like
You haven't accomplished much.
Sometimes the smallest thing
Feels like a dream come true.
When she stretches her arm across
Me.
I start to remember all things
Precious.
My weighed blanket warm & at rest.
Her chest raising and falling against my arm.
Of all the rooms in the world, there's
only one that truly exists.
And it exists when I kiss her forehead when she's sleep.
Her arms wrapped around me
Tight & snug
Sometimes it's moments like this
When one person can make you
Remember how important the small
Things are.
The difference one room can make

Every night her thoughts drifted somewhere new.
Boarding a late night flight anywhere she could afford.
Living a broad.
One foot in a dream, the other in her bed.
Lost in the abyss of the clouds.
Suffering from a depression only cleared by the thought of clouds.
The sin of punctured veins seeking release.
A banshee roaming the taste
Of sorrow.
Freed only by the thought of escape.
Any place but there.
That feeling of always being trapped, alone.
Only at night is she free to roam as she once was.
Any place she could afford.
Boarding the next flight her soul could provide

She was like a movie.
The way I imagined her.
She incited an emotion I haven't quite felt before.
Going from silly and quirky to a full blown romantic.
She was a character. A bottle full of fireflies each given a crayon.
Tracing the sky with different colors. Small jet streams coloring her lashes.
All with their tiny voices take the lid off.
Something this beautiful couldn't being to be bottled.
Imagining that I could take them with me everywhere I went.
An extension of her everywhere I went. The fireflies replacing butterflies.
Staring at her behind the lens of my glasses.
Easily one of my favorite movies.
A rebel that went without cause. Fighting for what she believed.
I fell in love with her the moment she appeared on screen.
Her constant questioning of why, looking to improve my affection.
Watching my favorite movie in mind.
When she'd accidentally look at the camera I felt her glare into my soul almost as if she could feel me watching.
Anticipating that I'd not once take my eyes from the screen.
Watching my favorite actress bare her soul in the vibrant hues her eyes splashed across the screen.
Throughout the history of my life you couldn't have told me that heaven would appear as close as it did then.
Picturing the term me turn to the epic and complete phrase "We"
A compilation of picturing her do different things, a quick sketch artist falling in love
with flash photography.
Tracing her face in different colors.
The tip of my finger following the outline of her jaw.
A Representative of Hallmark helping me choose the prefect greeting, not knowing that all along she would be the recipient.
My belief in movies

She was an adventuress.
I'd visit her, though far.
Before we grew apart I'd send letters.
Head leaned back. That old familiar pillow.
That familiar smell of home. The letter I wrote always carried that familiar smell, although far away.
She promised she'd return. Home to a place of comfort.
I knew she found home a long time ago.
Single reason I too became a traveler.
Forgetting where I placed the keys to the house.
Finding a separate road that rounded and round, walking fast I hurried.
Finding the opposite direction more peaceful.
The sky more bluer.
That old pillow no longer familiar.
Until I inherited land and built a house.
Away from the window of her eye

I wouldn't confuse the reality of having you near
With the abrasion of things that's happened prior.
For as strong and as independent as you are, my biggest fear is becoming
An after thought to the standards of the things we both face.
The privacy of things kept behind our eyes.
The affection of things overlooked in the heat of the moment.
In the social media of our conversations, I'd never pacify
You.
As romance is well endowed, with the width of every throb my heart beats for you.
Interpreting with listening ears.
Meaningful conversations held each, with their tight grip.
If there is nothing good on TV let's soul search,
Finding my heart in your hands.
There is in fact nothing wrong with your attitude,
The passion that flows deep behind the wells of your eyes.
But understand the intensity only crackles around the fire built between us both.
Should it ever extinguish, I'll surely relight it.
For light is equally needed to see in the dark.
In the times of uncertainty, don't be afraid to grab my hand
As I'll guide you through the dark.
Reassurance that I need you just as much as I need you.
The depth of my soul pressed against your lips.
For if I should ever fall, I am confident that you will always be there.
I am not perfect in the least, for where I am weak, you are strong.
The missing piece to the puzzle of my heart.
You are far from the damsel in distress, genuinely mature and caring.
I know you have your own set of dreams and ambitions.
I respect your privacy, the intimacy
That implores both of us to achieve both.
Together nothing is impossible.
A perfect selfie of both of us lavishly enjoying the moment.
For you shall never be an after thought in the entirety of my heart

Some wounds never heal.
Vandalized left open for interpretation.
For this it takes serious strength,
To end reoccurring enactment.
Yet he demands.
Almost begging at the waist.
She offers him shelter.
He continues to selfishly take.
She wears woven sweaters.
To hide the deep bruise.
As a grown man he lashes out.
Over and over like a child.
She eventually gives, he gets his way almost until nothing is left.
His relentless cry, not even a child to call their own.
She understands that this isn't the way.
Yet she grows tired, anxiously waiting.
With each bruise she recognizes the difference.
That not all is what it seems.
physically she rejects reality.
Emotionally she cries out.
She suppresses all to keep positive attitude.
This bruise she hides runs deep.
Unable to heal, known relief of vain.
To invest in commitment requires a great deal of time.
Time she's given plenty of.
She one day dreams that one day she will wake up and all will be a dream.
To immediately wake up,
Finding the woman she use to be.
Most folk call her crazy.
The reason she stays.
She takes another pill.
Soon,
All will be a dream

She was the manifestation of underground roots,
Those seldom seen from which such gift can be given, bronze skin.
Her hair symbolized what I felt as our eyes connected.
Her voice lifted my spirit higher than it's ever been.
Without anything to return, How do I reciprocate such a gift.
A thank you would hardly do justice.

Where has this been all of my life, her- using my hands as a vase to convene.

Hearing her voice blossom from the bud of where I stood.

A question that went in silence.

For the light that shines bright inside her blocks out that of the sun.

A space free to fill with what you please.

These are the words I pictured her telling me.

Over and over again until I was full enough to be tilted over and water her just

as shes watered me.

The root that no one remembers to water

I have to thank the night shift.
With nothing else to do I stumbled across you by mistake.
With most of the work almost done.
My ears took a stroll.
Four hours left before I clock out.
My Pandora took an awkward twist.
A long pause of an ad, the quirk of a song I haven't heard before.
Before I could hit the skip button I realized that I found something I had no idea I was missing.
I paused in momentary combustion.
This orchestra of cool followed by bass.
And to think I would tragically have been mistaken to skip along.
Staring off into space.
I have nothing to offer except my ear.
Shamefully I can admit.
I have never had someone to come and visit me on the clock.
But I could get use to it.
Just my opinion.
This psychedelic feeling that found me twiddling my fingers.
Nothing much to do.
Except fall in love unexpectedly.
Four hours later the same song stuck in my head.
This station all the more better
Stumbling into you out of the blue

I've lost my moon somewhere
in the crevass of my pocket.
I realized only when I looked up
Feeling that something wasn't right.
I reached my hand in my pocket,
Finding my keys, my wallet,
Everything but you.

I've lost my moon somewhere
in the crevass of my pocket.
My fingers roaming through lint stars
& loose string galaxies.
I lost my moon checking every pocket
on my jeans.
The lint stars all out of orbit.
I reached my hand in my pocket.
Finding my keys, my wallet,
everything but you

The only thing that makes my night
that much brighter

I was her beautiful monster
Sprung to life by the touch of her lips,
A kind face among the unkind
She saw what most consider frightening a calm Hush through the bellows of a lifeless throb.
I grew inspired by the touch of her hand; simple yet full of passion.
Over indulged I leaped to the  Resurrection of her grasp
Tedious without bound,
The broken spirit that I felt rush back into me.
To breathe again at steady pace
To afford every sight that felt my eyes
Lungs over joyed by the air entertained by her joyous smile
I grotesque in the reflection she considered beautiful shone off her eyes.
I doubted the heartbeat I once knew as still
It all seemed but a dream
The excess of believe
Cold skin, the feel of dirt and grime
I grew in debt; not truly knowing the cost
Reality, I was only a thought that roamed her mind
Forever more

Text message- barely lit fingers thought of you

love is a roller coaster.
filled with highs and lows,
the anticipation builds, your hand in mine.
nervous about the drop ahead.
rough times designed to bring us
closer than we are.
Sometimes it feels like we're stuck in a whirl.
looping around and around.
face full of wind. trying to be brave in front of each other.
knowing that we're both afraid of heights.
Our throats touch the bottom of our stomach.
our necks **** coming out of every bend.
racing in what feels like two hundred miles an hour.
laughing and screaming. a terrifyingly good time.
the wind sometimes stealing the sound.
hold on to me tight. The end is near.
throw your hands above your head.
let out your loudest scream.
our hearts almost beating out of our chest.
the last drop is just ahead. soon to slow down
then stop.
Admitting that we're afraid was the first step.
Though we had no choice but to let go of our ego,
It was fun.
the second time around won't be so bad.
you're here with me, gliding to the end.
on second thought.
maybe we should sit for a minute
when the ride stops

Loving you is not easy.
It is war, tinted in quick bursts of fire.
Our hands filled with grit, our breath steadfast in anticipation.
Camouflaged emotions dressed in fear.

The destruction in your voice rings clear.

There is nowhere to hide.
Loving you is not easy.
We find tragedy after tragedy.
Our hearts muddied in the trenches we lay.
I hand you bullet after bullet knowing at any moment you will turn and fire.
We ration ourselves not knowing what lies ahead.
We fight, we scream.
Our location given away, we brace ourselves for immediate disaster.
Our face and chest shielded in protection.
We live for the moment.

Realizing now the shame made in haste.
Loving you is not easy.
I accept the war at hand and admit loving you in absolute fear.
A calm thats grown to a heavy gasp.
The patter of boots tied tight.
I hand you the ammunition for my complete demise,
With nowhere to go.

Friendly fire

We live in between the break
Of things,
Mostly broken and curled up
Into each other.
The glow of the screen,
The result of a million jolts
Crammed into one place.
I suppose we do need things
To spend our money on.
Things that we can add to our dreams.
Especially if it doesn't interrupt
What we've waited all day to watch.

For two broken pieces
Sitting together on the couch,
That's alright.
Of all the times you've appeared
In my dreams,
I cannot tell you what perfume
You had on,
Or what designer brand you wore
From any of the commercials
I've seen.
But when our show goes on break
Or whatever movie we're watching
goes off,
The best advertisement I've seen
Is the way you look at me

And like a clown
I painted my face
Bringing about a smile without use of speech or gesture.
The power of love was present
Opening a catalog of different pages.
To the external, nothing changed
But psychologically
I highlighted a certain passage.
Licking behind my bottom teeth in an unseen smile.
Of course my eyes couldn't hide such sensation
Based on observation I remained still
Not knowing how to express sudden emotion.
It was impossible to imitate
Not knowing which way was up
Deciding to open myself further
I smiled
Forgetting the smile I previously painted.
I was seen as a hypocrite in a world outside of my own
Was I truly to blame.

Shes the song thats constantly written
then revised in my head.
Only then is she able to come alive and be herself.
Accented in beautiful curve.
Revised in the moments shared in thought.
The slightest touch ; her voice truly heard.
Perfectly arranged in broken prose to unseen eyes.
Beautifully composed; the way that she gives.
Finding purpose.
Constantly singing in my head

A rose bloomed.
A poem written in buds.
It offered its arms, illiterate to whats been written.
It fell asleep. A garden in thought.
Slipping from the ledge it grew.
In REM it whispered.
Wake me when we land.
For I will have acheived my dream

Hate is such a strong word.
Yet you show me plenty of it.
You first flash your gun.
In compensation to cut wages.
Yet you remember me.
How you should have listened.
A siren of power rung.
the hands that flashed adamantly "no, please don't."
You ignore my cry.
Covering me in the congress of actions seen.
I guess bad decisions in part.
Act first speak later.
My spirit shattered in false hope.
I put firm trust in the light that flashed from your badge.
Thinking to myself its all a mistake.
To think I was half right.
It's much easier to edit flim or tape.
The disguise worn scene to scene.
You were never held accountable for your word or action.
In a couple of months everything will be thrown out.
A face sagged in misery.
Treating me your very worse,
Refusing to see that your very belief is the problem.
I couldn't say a thing.
The claps of your sole echoing against concrete.
A new victim found.
No matter how fast you run,
Your disguise can never hide what you've done.
You fled the scene before my body dropped.

And on the day she left,
Nothing needed to be said, I immediately felt her absence.
At that exact moment I felt my heart drop,
Falling miles away from where we once stood.
Watching my heart drop from my chest cracking against the floor.
The thought of no longer being able to hold her in my arms
Or being the first person she called when something went wrong.
It was at those moments when she was truly able to express how she truly felt.
It was those moments I truly knew what it was like to be needed.
Dropping everything, holding her in my arms.
On the day she left I was truly devastated.
Already seeing her smile disappear from view.
Sometimes thoughts get the better of us, but I could never understand why
in those moments.
We often say things we don't mean or act irrational when really and truly 
we just need reassurance that everything will be okay.
No overdrawn explanation, no deep reasoning.
Just a caress that says everything that needs to be said.
The power a simple hug can provide. The grasp of someone you love
to take the pain away.
And on the day that she left, I no longer saw the same her.
Walking off in the distance

Sometimes I love my reflection.  
Other times, he's just a bad friend—fixing his lips like he's about to interrupt me before I get my thought out good.  
When I stop speaking, so does he.  
What do you expect? He's me. ****.  
In truth, the bills are paid, and all current business is handled. But something is missing. It’s obvious. He just looks and shakes his head—my reflection.  
I'd be lying if I said I didn't care.  
I've gotten used to the silence that follows me. It's peaceful.  
When I make it home after a long day, if I touch something, I know where it is.  
If I cook something, I know there's more, even if I don't eat it all.  
He sits back and watches all of this.  
My reflection. Half the time, I pay him no mind. Sometimes, it's better that way.  

But sometimes, I wouldn't mind a bit of noise

Growth takes time.
Not every seed takes off running.
Every now & then
Even seeds can trip over their shoes.
It makes the difference when you
Can take the time to stop & notice
As well as continue to walk
Until falling face first.
I've never known a man to die from
Tripping over their shoes.
But I've known men to improvise
Until they learned to tie their shoes
However,
I've also known men to tie knots in their shoes
and still can't get them loose
No matter how hard they try

And there I rejoice
In the depth of the well.
Realizing the way things are.
Are not exactly what they appear.
It takes courage plummeting after the first step.
Content in a excitement disguised as fear.
This was love, one splash at a time.
Then silence.
The center of all knowing.
To think is to create a problem when none exists.
Thus we overcome in stillness.
Satisfied with quenched thirst.
The water rises.
Overcoming fear.
To become selfish means to over indulge.
Desiring more than what the mouth will hold.
I rejoice knowing the center of your heart.
Without expectation of leaving again

I want to see you as a person,
Not your body,
Nor the way your fingers curl
Around my side
When you hold on to me.
I want to see you for who you are,
Not for what I or the world wants to see.
I want to hear your heartbeat,
For reasons that may feel selfish to me,
But are selfless to you.
Your own truth,
That has no reason to be,
Except for the fact that you wanted it
To be.
Like a child taking their first step.
No matter how wild, they are free.

Even if that means separating from me,
The further you step.
For some, a minute feels like an hour
And a day feels like forever,
But the fire in your eyes that starts
when you smile
Keeps me warm,
Whenever I think of you,
And keeps the shadows away.
Until you return

In a brutal attempt to regain control of myself,
I locked myself in a asylum with nothing but a picture of you.
A source of some kind of help was needed, arguing back and forth with my former self
That this part of me must die.
That part that's clung on to you for so long,
Just this one part, nothing but that part in particular.
This sole decision of staring at your face in the dark.
There really wasn't a difference if you were there or not.
In reality you were never there but always seemed to be there in a spec of what seemed as convenient.
I feared sleep, catching a strong case of insomnia,
Knowing that somehow you would magically appear.
in actuality I was afraid to face a long awaited demon, somehow waiting for you to almost jump out of the picture.
I didn't know which would be more terrifying,
When the other patients got a glimpse of the look across my face.
They muttered amongst themselves.
Yeah that guy deserves to be here he doesn't have a shadow
He's a ghost in a world full of ghouls.
Either that or affiliated with the zombie girl in the corner

Maybe that's love
the space that exists between things,
the reason there are gaps
between our fingers.
Between everything.
I'd never been good at using chopsticks.
I'd always drop them trying to grip
something heavy,
something more substantial.
One stick would go left, the other
would go right,
making a mess of everything.

Rice was easy.
But then again, maybe that's how love works.
snapping between the space of things,
Because she could pick them up
and use them, no problem.

It kind of changes your perspective
when you're hungry and can't eat
how you want to eat.
Rice is good, but I wanted something a bit heartier.
Something me and my clumsy
hands could enjoy.
She'd laugh,
chowing down on her noodles,
all tangled and twisted up.
It came naturally to her.
Me, I just couldn't get it.
The more we sat,
the more I craved something
Other than rice.
I craved her heart.
Steady, patient.
I didn't know how to hold her
But one day I'll learn how

Each morning at work it starts.
That unquiet chatter that rattles the calmest of patience.
That one moment of clarity now gone.
The gathered thoughts gone astray.
Scattered about in every direction.
This loud obnoxious sound.
Echoing about , absorbing silence in a matter of minutes.
That one voice that for some reason or another.
Labeled as a menace, a void of emptiness that causes commotion just because.
A simple why only provokes this voice to carry on instead of grasping the hint that if you don't have anything to say, then it's best to keep quiet.
The thought of filling out a transfer just to get away grows more enticing day by day.
To gain a moments peace from the ramble of 8 hours a day.
The constant following and nagging.
The belly aching of a pebble, thrown front side up, falling, crashing into a pool of water.
Creating a constant ripple that spreads in every direction.
This was how he sent my thoughts in disarray each and every morning.
So much so, I began to fantasizing about duct tape

I met you where night hangs like a prayer, and the planets spin around and around. In a world with no gravity, you pulled me in, right beside the stars that die in silence. Here, everything freezes.
And your eyes are the most beautiful thing to look at. In the deepest of dark, our hearts dance on dust and ice. Here, the wind howls, and chips of ice blow in the wind, swallowed whole by the emptiness around. Between the dying stars, we searched for a spark. A solemn flame that would keep us alive. The air here is dangerously thin, but this flame would still survive. A saving grace, ions away from home, crash-landing here wasn't so bad in the end. Far away from everything that we know, better here than a place we've never heard of. Though the ground beneath us will hold us forever, I've found this solemn spark, one that I'll remember forever. Although the stars around are too tired to shine, like them, we too, fight to burn. Two bodies lost in the dark

I am crushing on you.
Constantly looking for the next time I see you.
Genuinely gathering the butterflies without further notice.
Curiously fluttering.
Stopping to rest but a moment.
Comfortably anxious.
Revealing jitters at the most intimate time.
At the slightest touch, noticing how fast time actually flies.
Bypassing the excitement of having you here.
The way you switch when you walk.
The way your voice gets lower easing into comfort.
The subtle gestures that come naturally.
Our lips in pause, hearts racing to catch up.
A coke drips in condensation.
Rolling faster down the side.
Refusing to slow down.
Sipped slow, quenching thirst.
Crushing the can in satisfaction.
On a day like today water won't do.
I need something stronger.
Something sweeter.
Coke bottle shaped and a smile.
I need you

In a sort of way I was like her pen.
Whenever she needed a place to vent I was there.
In the times when truth was hard to bare. The world a bit colder.
Is when she stained me with her hands. A place she felt most comfortable.
She'd wake out of a dead sleep, to tell me all of her dreams.
The things that kept her up at night. Her fears, her aspirations. 
She inspired me as well.
To give as much as I could.
Knowing her to be all I could depend.
Generous in the way I laid beneath her words.
I remained humble. Replacing my top with every syllable she spoke.
learning to speak in the times she didn't know which word felt best. 
Shutting the world out for moments longer.
In times I wasn't my best. She never minded the ink on her hands.
The moments that became hesitant. Large blotches of ink clogged in a moment of weakness.
The silence of a moment where silence spoke volume.
Closed pen top. The inadequacy of being used until nothing was left.

This was how I viewed the world until she opened me up.
Often times I'd dangle from her front pocket. Kept warm by her side.
Away from all the other things she'd carry in her bag.
In all honesty I loved every story she'd tell.
Shedding light on her perspective of life.

To leave the old me somewhere on a desk
I felt at home living and breathing, nestled between her fingers.
At neither time did we feel we'd run out of ink.
Scribbling her pain, her pleasure 
With my fingers.
And I, curled up in a blanket until the sun rose in her eyes

And it is through that extension
The reason why you were created,
I turn to you because you make me better,
This spiritual sensation that alleviates all pain.
Never think that you are a burden
Through out everything that goes on through out the day
my favorite time is being able to rest my head on you and drift away.
I know at times it's hard to believe, especially the after thought of things transpired. The need to over think the stress of work the constant build up in times I should cater to your waking need, your wants.
Nothing can overshadow the way I feel about you, at times I know that it gets blurred but the way I feel about you now is the same way I felt when I first met you. Another thought couldn't begin to compare to the infinite light that shines  as you cross my mind.
The defining aspect of being around someone that you truly care about.
The feel of you in my arms, the caress of thoughts that fill your head resting against my ears.
I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.
Humbled in your presence, the fear of losing something so precious as you.
I kneel at the very reason why this alter I have of you is built so high, in my mind.
Though in thought I'd never pacify you, not wanting you to feel confined to one single thought or emotion.
Though not perfect I attempt to show you but end up pushing you further away but hope that somewhere, throughout the thoughts that cross your mind in a day,
That somewhere you think of me just as I think of you.
Even if it's the smallest space that fills your mind.
That in itself would mean the world to me

In most occasions all it takes is a few seconds.
A few seconds that turn into everlasting moments.
Moments we come to anticipate.
Whether it's a laugh, a moment to spend doing what we truly love.
A few seconds is all it takes.
Becoming attached at moments notice, a laughter not yet forgotten.
The excitement that spreads through each of our bones and alone
becomes the medicine that eases all pain.
It goes without saying. A few seconds is all it takes.
Most times nothing else is needed.
A silent connection of eyes refusing to look away.
The tight grip of hands not wanting to let go.
Enjoying pleasure under a seconds notice. Going on to everlasting memories.
Could you truly imagine a day where the earth itself kissed the moon.
Like literally eased a kiss on her cheek while she wasn't paying attention.
As brightly as she shines now. I bet you she'd shine brighter.
As in the seconds it takes us to define something. Over-complicating something so simple.
He truly sees her for all that she is.
In just a few seconds, a lifetime can pass by just that fast.
In most occasions we look up and wonder where the time has went.
When right along it stares us right in the face.
That's what makes it so perfect, the moment is always perfect.
To indulge in a smile, a laugh, a still moment of nothingness but bliss.
The only thing about most moments as well as a few seconds.
Is that they sometimes take forever and a day and waiting is almost if not always the most difficult thing to do.
You never get use to it, even knowing that your there

You remind me of the color pink.
This morning I saw you and ran away in thought.
I can't keep losing you.
I thought of putting you on my key chain.
Holding on to what's close.
I can't keep losing you.
I value your trust.
A piece of mind each time I look to the sky.
You disappear for hours, reappearing before you lay your head down to rest.
I indulge in thought.
Tucking you into a blanket of clouds.
You make your presence each time I see you.
The thought of putting you on my key chain becomes more enticing.
Just so I'll never lose you.
But God is fair.
Allowing me to see your face before you disappear once more.
You are love.
Painting the perfect picture before you lay your head down to sleep