Blue meet grey
In the brief flash
Of a mutual gaze
Before eyes fall back
To the littered ground
Hands clasped tight
Toes are twitching
Man and girl
Sitting in careful, practiced non-existence.

I’ve climbed the wall
Been up high,
Basked in twinkling lights
Told the past goodbye
Trapped in a corner
For so long, a passive
Doormat for you to come
And stomp your shoes on
In hopes that one day
It’d be me who once more
Swept you off your feet but
I have risen, I have seen
That life goes on, that
I could grow and change
And yes, my darling, it’s true --
I no longer desire
To be married to you.
Go and turn around now:
The door is open --
I’m telling you goodbye.

The hills peek
Their heads out above
Still clear waters,
Tombstones tall and
Tremendous enough
To stand for the loss
Of five whole towns

Beneath the calm lies
Rusted railroads,
Crumbling foundations,
Fading blueprints of a
History long forgotten

It’s quiet on the Quabbin,
Silent front and stark divide,
Monument in mourning
Flooded, forlorn, fated
To be forgotten

the reins slipped my hand ---
or maybe I never truly held them
like rolling die
falling from the sky
the odds of fate
are far from reach

Didn’t dream I’d put my mind
To use this way, useless days
Spent fixating and fearing I’m
Unable to fix my broken head
Overactive imagination acting
Up and overachieving in wanton
Ways, I’m stuck in a rut to fester
Forever and a day

Hi, hello, barging in
Peeking through
Confronting sin

Flushing, angry,
Visage blue-- it’s
The world from
Which you do
Eschew

Industrial rust
dusted over and
hardened, tarnished
towers and the solitary
echo of the wind -
perhaps once there
was a presence to
this Plateau, if anything
it’s buried in the woods
of the cemetery with the
legacy. A dead tree in
a dying field, engulfed
by emptiness and a monument
to the past: but how much
longer will it last?

Crazy ***** laughing bitter tears and
crying cruel laughter, curling like
a millipede thrown to the ground,
fragile, writhing creature of pity
reduced to sobs and shame as
one hand trembles toward the screen

skin meets glass, she punches, hard,
but the barrier absorbs her woes and
holds its rigid ground. No,
she can’t be touched,  cannot touch,
They won’t let her -- she screams. muffled
white noise to the world, no one hears,
who would care? bells ring and crash in a pounding
skull, she contemplates smearing her brain
across the glass but her neck is locked in place
poor puny marionette left to hang without a will
in a world of which she can’t be a part

We cannot maintain
Twenty years of change
Hoping things still might
Be the same, even when
You and I well know how
Far apart we’ve grown

We cannot pretend
That our love didn’t end
When I ran off without
Goodbye, wanting nothing
But for you to thrive even
If I struggled to survive

I cannot return
To what we once were
Ill suited from the start
Older man and the young
Bright lass, the dame
Who stole his heart

Tired, ironic and
Flatly stating
Jests about
Cyanide, suicide,
Joining laughter
To subside and
Normalize pain
Or rather,
Try to --
The joke’s on them
I still want to die

Morning caresses my lips
With a squalid kiss -- the taste of last
Night’s stale liquor, a greeting most
Usual and unwelcome all the same.
Sated beyond means, I still am
Stricken by thirst, dry lips parting in
Consternation, heavy hands
Fumble aimlessly for old reliable, that
****** bottle of advil that may as well
Have its name etched in my dresser drawer
The morning after may be ripe with regret,
Hazy recollections draped in uncertainties --
But at least one thing remains surefire and
Constant --

Thump -- clank
My head, the door, my achy feet
Taking their first apprehensive steps
Into their habitual walk of shame
The mirror salutes me with the
Visage of a woman worn, tired and wildly aged --
There’s no way we’re the same person
Or are we?

pitch black night light
screen taps, too bright
eyes squint blink tears
swallow, sigh, hold fears
one sob empty throat
alone, aloof, alone, alive

Golly, goodness,
My oh my!
You can’t leave yet--
It’s barely time!
What do you mean
You’re to be married?
How scary, oh --
Say, where are you going?
Don’t run away!
Look here, my darling
I cannot tell a lie
I’ve a baby in my bedroom
And he’s not a little guy!
Oh, god, he’s drawing near
Come quickly -- or else
I might become a leopard's feast!
Ah, yes-- one moment --
There you are! But
Don’t be angry, dear,
I needed you to
Drop on by. Let us go
Now, off to auntie’s
In the quiet countryside!
You might be late,
But I’ll be sure you arrive
Oh -- goodness, me oh my
We’re filthy animals, silly
So take this towel and
Rinse on off! -- Oh?
What’s that?
You need your clothes?
Oh dear, I sent them off to town
To be ironed and cleaned
Sit pretty in my robe and--
Oh! Dear oh me,
Here comes auntie!
We must hide baby
But he’s run away
Where oh where,
My oh my --
Now we’re in jail
What am I ever to say?
You see, I messed it up
Your plans, your night,
I dragged you here
To help because
I quite like -- love you!
Oh, what have I said?
What a fool am I,
I’m sorry for the mess
Sniffle, hm? Oh-yes?
You’ve something to say?
Oh tell me now, do confess
Y-you love me too?
Oh darling, this is too good
For it all to be true!
Let’s have another day of fun
But I promise, this time,
We won’t go on a wild chase!

I've loved from a distance,
A picturesque place
Where nothing can harm me
For I leave no trace

It’s hard to breathe through
choppy waters when your
head bounces like a hopeless buoy

if only you could sink and drown instead
of being anchored to this
miserable, isolated purgatory

i want to sit amongst the stars
silent, dissolving into space, a
still nothingness, a pair of eyes
and no more.

i want LA to absorb me like a sponge,
soaking my essence, throwing it
into the sink with all the other lost
young souls: we’re soapy watercolor
film.

i want to be an extra on a movie set,
watching in wonder as personality
after personality passes me by,
perfect and poised.

i want to dissipate into the foam
of johnny depp’s coffee, or drift
like the smoke from uma thurman’s
cigarette against her lips.

i want to be a fleeting ghost, a jane
doe in an undated photo by the
paparazzi, nameless and noir
in the grainy polaroid.

i want to be a shadow, the fragments
cast off of a shooting star - i want to
trail along until i fade.

Waved bangs frame
Your fair young face,
And flowing clothes hang
Like drying laundry
From your gangly limbs

We met for lunch once:
You, daughter of
the stars and I the curious
Traveler. My words did
Not flow as I’d hoped,
But hung limp in
The air vulnerably--
For your guarded heart
Ignored their pleas.

I see you daily, star child,
With your hooped earrings
And painted lips, eyes
twinkling like distant suns.
I will continue to admire
you from afar,
Even if our worlds are
Not in orbit and our
galaxies sit light years apart.

I go through the day,
Putting forth a happy display,
Living out my life
Like it were just another picture
To be made and played
By fervent, cheering crowds:
Only it’s my own reality
That I am not allowed

I wear the nest now.
It’s an ill-fitting tutu-
Itchy, scratchy,
constricting, and I’m
Stuck. My wings would
Not withstand the weight
If I ever tried to fly to
Freedom, far away from
the
Flock.

You feel its pull before it even shows
It tugs you into climbing heights
Foam churning at your feet
Like the contents of your stomach
And even if you found the courage
To whirl around and face the tide
It will have already swallowed you whole
Crashing down from up above
Bitter with fear’s salt
Stronger than man
And so you drink it in, open-mouthed
Because you don’t know how to swim
But you’ve mastered how to drown.

Tightly wound,
Strung around her fingers
Tense like your muscles
When she climbs atop you

Tongue-tied and transfixed,
Tender kisses and cracking whips
The ground shakes beneath you
As your life begins to slip

She’s hollow and wicked,
But conniving and fair
In her clutch you falter
Smiling while gasping for air

You’re probably sitting now
With a glass of cabernet
Sprawled on the couch
Reflecting on your day
Maybe the TV
Is humming along
Singing its song
So you don’t have to
Listen to yours.

You’re heavy with
Loneliness and those
guilty pleasures --
candies --
That you hide
A nervous addiction
Denied
Even though you write it out
In wrappers.

I know I do not fail
To flummox you
You hide it well
But I still see through
“The line’s always open,”
is the urging
Too bad I already
Blew out the fuse

I used to get anxiety over androgyny
Because it’s the grey from which I run
But darling, as I find myself,
Two opposites make one.

maybe if i chilled my mind
with an icepick drill
the world would sit icy still

Venus with her curved nose
And cherry lips breathing halos of
Cigarette sighs, strong hands and
Ample thighs, pulchritudinous
Perfect prize, far too pretty
For mortal eyes

Limber legs and golden tresses,
Goddess sent to Earth clad in
Flowing dresses, rich laughter and
Warm caresses, generous heart
Full and swell, bright warm aura
Casts and blesses

Eons ephemeral
have come and
gone yet you've
stayed the same

I don't want to be
a ghost any
longer but I don't
know how to
materialize

i dream of the day
where i’ll be able to say
i know how to enjoy
Free Time, Me Time, Time
Alone with no crimes,
instead of yearning for
hours at a job i deplore
because i can’t bear myself
anymore

I’ve always been drawn
To the artists,
The new greats,
The aesthetes,
The painters,
The writers and the
Ones who dress
Like they’re out of
A low budget
Film from the 90s -
Chic, noir, vintage,
And just so strikingly
Unique. But I am not
Like them, and they
Do not like me - I
Am weird and aloof,
Sloppy and silly,
Withdrawn and witty,
Sporadic in art and
Thought. A nomad
Of culture and crowds,
Too deviant for them:
Au revoir.

highs **** pain
from lows and
gains will gamble
death, russian
roulette from
morphine shots
will always take
you gently

Letty Lynton,
Let me in,
Pretty little
Girl within
Kiss me kindly
Dapper dame
With your beauty
And your fame

I’m bigger, but better
In all senses of the word
My old clothes,
Tight, taut, too tiny,
Abandoned for I have
Outgrown them

Suffocated by my own self doubt
And your disapproval,
Struggling to keep my head up
But you plunge it under

I want to believe in you
But I’m too old for lies and
I realize that it’s been this
Way all along

Everybody has somebody
And I have nobody
Welcome to twenty -
It’s awfully lonely.
“Friends first” has fallen
To lovers, and Friday
nights are spent working,
wondering, and wrestling
Self-doubt and pity.
Welcome to twenty -
It’s especially ******.

our worlds collide,
synchronized,
day and night
you think i’d be
able to hide in a
blurry crowd

does it dawn on you,
too? you’re there and
the sunset’s hot on
my cheeks, red mess
of a masterpiece burning
and i shut my eyes
to pitch black,
praying you can’t
see me.

you’re so pretty
in the sparking
sun, cascading gentle
rays like embraces
From soft laughter.
you rise, I fall
head over heels
from the hill in
the distance

Clarity crashes --
A car wreck clears her conscience
Conflicted, careless girl.

They inhale the herb
Breathing out love
Lost in a peace-filled haze
For smoke is where
They find their shelter
A battle cry
A new war
Against the one that’s going on
Where smoke parades about
The flaming forest
And the people
Are coughing and dying
In this cloud of destruction
Though smoky still
They can discern
The promise of victory.

Inhibitions exhaled
With each sip of the
Rose blush crawling
Across my cheeks, it’s
A blossoming flower that
Roots itself in my
Torso and spreads
Throughout blushing
hands and feet

Soft sweet kisses
On the tip of my
Tongue, sweet burn
Churns my stomach
Heat rises gently and
Encases me in a
Fuzzy aura of warmth

Don’t wake me in the mourn,
I’ve lost my self and mind
I’ve laid it here to rest with me
Eternally, where life is kind.

God, the universe,
I’m headed toward you
In bright defiance
Against your reign.

You are
Boring and boundless,
Still and silent.

I am
Blazing and brilliant
Loud and lively.

I am
Fire -- I burn
Through your ice
I tear through your blackness
I rip through your stars
Limitless, or so you were
Until calamity came crashing through.

Hear me, see me, feel me
I am
a presence, a sensational sight
Flaming through the night
Young and reckless,
Spirited and stubborn.

See me speed,
Careening into chaos
One cataclysmic collision
Before I fade off

See my trail,
My ghost,
My legacy
See my start
And end
My escape
From eternity.

Supple peaks
Where the Earth swells,
Shapely curves straddling
Land, soft and rounded yet
Mighty and tall.
I’m breathless;
I want the mountains
To swallow me whole.

I am no girl
Nor boy, nor child
To squeeze my being
Into labels
Is not my style

Auburn haired dame
She’ll never be tamed
Dressed up to the nines
In ball gowns divine
With laughter like song
So prideful and strong
The freedom she’ll dance
Has the world in a trance
She’s beauty, she's strength
Standing firmly in place
And her whole life she’d chance
For her name is France

Deviant daughter,
I’d give it all and more
To have you knocking at my door

Satin drapes, silver knifes
A furnished mansion to
Start our lives anew
Oh, my darling,
I’d even **** for you

I’m waging battles,
Winning fights
Against my mind.
Little things that
Dragged me down
Are gently tucked and
Buried beneath
The soft loam of
Recovery. It’s fresh
and shallow, like a
Scab and you just
Love to pick around
The edges until it’s
Red and raw and
Ready to rip off my
Skin, it’s thin, I’m
Sensitive and
War has not hardened
Me enough to roll
With all the punches.
Expect me not to
Meet your Expectations
I am done trying,
Even though I’m
******* hardwired
To shove myself into



Their ill-fitting form.

The voices in the halls
Echo cruelly on the walls,
Laughing faces distort and
Whisper but no one else can hear;

Arches stiffened to perfection
Spinning round in all directions
Violent tremors spewing forth while
Talons clutch and claw

Lose yourself in pure delusion
Don’t give into the confusion
Bleed your heart out on the stage and
Let dancing take your breath away

It’s raining bullets,
Blood and tears
Smoke and mirrors
Dampened fears
Stale air ****** down your lungs
The dead girl’s song is left unsung

Darling, you’ve let your secret slip
Through the holes in your eyes
Speak no more, I know your lies
Let our bodies do the talking
And have all our truths realized

Twenty years and the birth of sound
Laid your name to rest
Forgotten and forlorn,
An artifact of years past

Supernova collapsed into itself,
Swallowing time and temperament
Perpetuating the past in an
Isolated pull of gravity

Your fame is facade
Consuming, convincing
An actress in her greatest role yet
Maintaining character until the day
You’re taken away