Big Empty - Stone Temple Pilots

Driving faster in my car
Falling farther from just what we are
Smoke a cigarette and lie some more
These conversations ****
Falling faster in my car

Time to take her home,
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation
Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Too much walking shoes worn thin
Too much trippin' and my soul's worn thin
Time to catch her ride it leaves today
Her name is what it means
Too much walking shoe worn thin
Time to take her home
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation

Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Conversations ****
Conversations ****
Conversations ****

Time to take her home,
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation
Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Conversations ****
Conversations ****
Conversations ****

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 9, Drown in your words at midnight.
"****, my window makes hella noise after last night's thunderstorm."
"So does that mean you can't sneak out at night anymore?"
"There's got to be another way, I'll fix it."
"Do you think you can do that?"
"If I want to."
"What do you want?"
"You. I want you. I want to love you. I want us to be together in a safe place. I want us to finally be okay. I want us to have a normal life, without hiding the drugs and alcohol, without hiding at all. I want to talk to you. I want us to realise. I want to write and paint and listen to music forever without the need to stop. I want to cry. I want to smile. I want to drown in your words at midnight.

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 12, You.
I'm looking for ideas, can't be inspired by the world around me. My head is full of unwritten, unspeakable poetry only when I see you. My muse, almost. And I try to feel- and feel- and feel. But the scenery changes. You left. Take the blame for other's actions, and your own. And every time you leave my mind, somehow always inspire me. Wether it's your tears from reading my suicide note, or your laugh from, well, anything. And the "you" is so many people, so many ideas. Past, Present, Future. "You" is a broad understanding. It's 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, or even more people. All the same, Yet so different. After such a short time, everyone leaves, and returns to my mind again. In so many different ways. The slightest is necessary. A tap on the back, and a wink. A smile, or a few tears. A hug, or guilt. My own depression. It's true what you said a few minutes ago. All my poems are tagged with depression. I'm just too sad for you, I thought. But i said; because uhh well I wrote those things a long time ago. I hear a lot; "I'm worried about you" aswell. I asked if it was a good or a bad sign that i did, and you said: A BAD SIGN OF COURSE! I laughed. Because maybe this isn't understandable, but enjoyable. Maybe the feeling, and the realisation people cared was the reason. Because it almost makes me feel happy seeing people cry. I'm a psychopath. And sometimes I see myself. And I Can't explain in words how much I hate myself for doing this to you, but mostly, for not being sorry. Don't be like me.

WAVING THOUGH A WINDOWWWW

I've seen quite a lot of beautiful things in my life.
But they were all a different beautiful from you.

Dear G,
Maybe you'll read this, maybe you won't. It's up to you, really. I don't wanna say I miss you, because it feels wrong to admit that I, in fact, do miss you. I'm not supposed to miss you, I'm supposed to be happier now. But I do miss you. It's one of the most awful feelings in the world, and every day I feel a little worse about letting you go. You're probably already over me, you're a strong person. Although, I still have no idea how you're doing. I know you're still talking to my best friend, but I have no idea how are are or what's going on in your life right now. I kind of wanted to stay in touch with you, but I didn't know how and you didn't seem that interested. I think I understand. I broke your heart, probably. I never meant to, but I just don't know how love works. I think I do understand why it hurts after almost 11 months of dating. I don't regret a single day though. I think I was already gone in my mind, months before. I thought I would feel better with this decision, but I feel lonely, so lonely. I'm not lonely, but it feels like it's growing every day. You don't have to take me back. God, I don't think I'd even wanna see myself again if I did that. I wouldn't take me back. But still, I want you back. I miss the way that the weekend sparkeled a bit because you were there. I miss the way you'd laugh, I miss the way you kissed me and I miss how you taste. Oh, I'd love to taste that again. Well, this is how it is now. I don't even remember your face. But maybe, if you changed your mind, we could be again. Only as friends, if that's what you want. Or you never speak to me again. No matter if it pains me, I just want you to be happy.
Sincerely, yours. Lillie.

Hug me, hold me tight.
With you, I will say goodbye

To all the people reading this,
To all the ones who cared.
Thank you for being who you are up here,
Your words will be shared.

Solo - Clean Bandit

This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I never meant to leave you hurtin'
I never meant to do the worst thing
Not to you (this solo, solo, everybody)
'Cause every time I read your message
I wish I wasn't one of your exes
Now I'm the fool (this solo, solo, everybody)
Since you been gone
I've been dancing on my own
There's boys up in my zone
But they can't turn me on
'Cause baby, you're the only one I'm coming for
I can't take no more, no more, no more
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
Every single night I lose it
I can't even hear the music without you (it solo, solo, everybody)
Ah, yeah, yeah
Try to stop myself from calling
But I really wanna know if you're with someone new (it solo, solo, everybody)
Since you been gone
I've been dancing on my own
There's boys up in my zone
But they can't turn me on
'Cause baby, you're the only one I'm coming for
I can't take no more, no more, no more
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
So do it solo
Can't do it solo
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry but I like to party
T-t-touch but I got nobody
Here on my own (here on my own)
I wanna f-woop, woop woop, but I'm broken hearted
Cr-cr-cry since the day we parted
T-t-touch but I got nobody
So I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
This solo, solo, everybody
This solo, everybody
This solo, solo, everybody
I do it solo
So I do it solo

Don't turn your back to the darkness.
What you'll see in the light is far worse.

I could sit there forever, Only us two.
Just listening to you playing Bohemian Rhapsody on the piano and you shouting '****!' when you hit the wrong note.

Dear {Deadname},
It's been a while, I'm sorry. I don't know if you want me to write to you, or if you want me to just talk. Maybe you don't even want that, I don't know. Maybe you just want me to show you how much I love you physically. (I don't mind any of that.) It's okay. Take your time to figure it out. Love's a weird thing. So is writing to you. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but it's different now you're mine. The world changed, in a good way, but even good changes are different. I know that I want to love you. I just don't quite now how to love you yet, but I'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Maybe it's kissing you every day, maybe it's writing a letter every night. Maybe it's both, or none at all. Love is not 'a thing.' It's different every single time. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. You have needs, things you want. So do I. I don't think I know you that well, and that's alright. (I hope...) I wanna get to know you. In every way. I don't know how. I don't know what the meaning of this letter is, but maybe that's the meaning.
Forever yours
Sincerely, Me

the inspiration
and the motivation
to write is gone
goodbye

Today I looked in the mirror,
After writing a few poems.
And I wondered how long I could sit there,
Without starting to hate myself.
But I didn't see myself in the mirror.
I saw a monster.
Hidden in a box.
And if the safe opens,
And the secrets are spilled.
All that's left to see,
Is the self portrait of a monster.

I believe that these poems changed me,
That they changed the way I view the world.
I believe they changed the way I think of things,
And the way my feelings wirl.

Yeet

bad idea! - girl in red

It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea 'cause now I'm even more lost
It was a bad idea to think you were the one
Was such a bad idea 'cause now everything's wrong
You put your hands under my shirt
Undid my bra and said these words
"Darling, you're so pretty, it hurts"
You pushed me up against my wall
Threw my clothes down on the floor
"Darling, are you ready for more?"
It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea, I'm totally ******
It was a bad idea to think I could stop
Was such a bad idea, I can't get enough
It was a bad idea meeting you so late
Was such a bad idea 'cause I can't think straight
It was a bad idea to bring you back home
Was such a bad idea, I need to be alone
You put your hands under my shirt
Undid my bra and said these words
"Darling, you're so pretty, it hurts"
You pushed me up against my wall
Threw my clothes down on the floor
"Darling, are you ready for more?"
It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea, I'm totally ******
It was a bad idea to think I could stop
Was such a bad idea, I can't get enough
Bad idea, bad idea
Bad idea, bad idea
You put your hands under my shirt
Undid my bra and said these words
"Darling, you're so pretty, it hurts"
You pushed me up against my wall
Threw my clothes down on the floor
You said "Darling, are you ready for more?"
It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea, I'm totally ******
It was a bad idea calling you up
Was such a bad idea, I'm totally ******
It was a bad idea to think I could stop
Was such a bad idea, I can't get enough

The teacher said:
"Today we're going to write poetry."
And my brain did:
KkwfneqweHDYXNndmnhp398475iwr73cyx feha

what is wrong with me

I had such perfect words for this, But I guess feelings never stay long enough to be cared about.

The evil in your life will only go,
Once all the good has left.

30 days until 2020
And I still don't understand what 2019 did

I got my first masculine haircut today
:) :) :)

Dear {Deadname,}
Hi, it's me again. I just... I needed to write. I feel like I'm losing you, if I ever had you. You feel like a stranger to me, like somebody I used to know. It's like you're here, but you've dissapeared. Maybe that's because I am, in fact, losing you. Maybe that's because you're losing yourself in this place. Or, we're not losing anything. I don't know, And I want to figure it out but I don't know how to do that. I want to get to know you. I thought I did, but recently the world's been changing a lot, you know? We're all a little lost, and I know I need you here. You're mine, I know that, that's more than I could ever ask for already, but still.. It just doesn't feel right, and I wanna make it right. I don't know how, but maybe you can help me out. I'm sorry. I really am. For not knowing how to love you, or for not knowing how to help you. I wanna be there for you, but I feel like I'm failing. As a person, a brother, a boyfriend, a son. I'm falling, but maybe you can help me up?
Forever yours
Sincerely, Me

You probably didn't expect a poem from me,
Did you?
Well, I just wanted to say thanks.
Do you remember that one English class, where you read some of my poetry? You almost cried.
I wanted to quit writing at that point.
You made me realise that I had a 'Talent'
No, it was more of an 'undeveloped skill'
If it wasn't for you,
I probably wouldn't have been writing now.
And I'm glad I'm still writing,
Because it saved my life.
So, uh, yeah. Thank you

[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: I trust you
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: I really do
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: And I love you (platonically)
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: And I really, really do want to help you
[15:43, 6/5/2019] You: So let me in

[15:44, 6/5/2019] Me: Sorry I'm crying just a little

[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I don't care how dark it is in your mind, how desperate you are or how much you want to scream or cry
[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I will hold you and help you, help you get back to lighter places. And until then, you can scream and cry but with me on your side
[15:44, 6/5/2019] You: I promise
[15:44, 6/5/2019] (response to 'sorry, I'm crying just a little') You: Hey it's okay, I'm here

[15:45, 6/5/2019] Me: Why are you saying this?

[15:45, 6/5/2019] You: Because I mean it
[15:45, 6/5/2019] You: Because you deserve so so many good things
[15:46, 6/5/2019] You: Because I want to help you

[15:47, 6/5/2019] Me: It's just
[15:47, 6/5/2019] Me: I'm so tired of saying that I'm fine but as soon as I say that I'm not people shut me out
[15:48, 6/5/2019] Me: I'm not used to anything else

[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: I understand, I've been there

[15:48, 6/5/2019] Me: Really?

[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: But you can always say the truth to me, always
[15:48, 6/5/2019] (Response to 'Really?') You: Yes really
[15:48, 6/5/2019] You: And god, how I wish I could me honest to someone, anyone
[15:49, 6/5/2019] You: But I'm here, and I don't care how bad you feel just be honest

Mind is full of words
Nothing fits
When I write
The're gone
How can you do this to me
It's magical

I can't believe it's actually happening,
It's all I wanted for so long.
And fantasy becomes reality,
But it all feels so wrong?

DEH but "Anybody have a map" is called "Distressed moms and connor finished the milk"

So uh yeah,
Idk what to post.
Have a great day/night/whatever
Love you

I don't have a poem today, but I do have this video that got sent in the group chat.

https://youtu.be/Qp5apTvlHt4

(Thanks to @Amaryllis for the vid ;)

Tja, ik probeer wel nederlands te schrijven,
God weet dat ik het niet kan.
Ik ga niet nog een ******* boek lezen,
Dus we maken er het beste van.

Eerst moet je bedenken wat je überhaupt gaat schrijven.
Geen idee, niet dat ik ooit goeie ideeën heb.
Dus dan gaan we maar weer rijmen,
Alsof het van een rijmwebsite komt, het is haast "nep"

Als je dan eindelijk inspiratie hebt,
*** ga je het dan verwoorden?
Nederlands is gewoon een kuttaal.
Rens, ik ga je op een dag echt nog vermoorden (misschien)

En nu is het klaar met die kutrijmpjes,
Het werkt alleen maar in het Engels.
Ik wilde een rijmwoord bedenken,
Het eerste dat in me opkwam was "soepstengels"

Help lol

The past month,
I noticed something.
Everything makes me so tired.
I don't post poems anymore,
I don't write anymore.
Can't think of new stories to write,
All the colour is gone.
Things are made up at the spot,
Too worthless to deny.
I'm trying to control it.
The world is silently passing by.

And I'm here again,
Standing alone in the hallway.
Is my company not enough for you?
Are my laughs not pure enough for you?
Am I worthless to you when I'm alone?
Do I not fulfill your expectations?
Can you please tell me what's going on?
I'll feel alone with a reason.

I sent you a letter,
To explain the way I feel, and the rest.
And I don't exactly remember what I wrote,
But that's probably for the best.

Remember kids, ****** is never the answer. ****** is, of course, the question. And the answer is yes.

Remember kids, if you ever stab someone, punch them where you're gonna stab. They'll think you punched really hard, they won't realised you stabbed them.

Finally, at last.
I thought you'd never leave my mind.
But today, for the first time in 142 days.
I didn't woke up,
Thinking about you.
Surprisingly, I never thought this was love.
Just a stupid remedy,
For a self broken heart.
But dispite the fact I'm not thinking about you.
You still left your fingerprints on my skin.
And your voice in my ears.

< >

I'm a general,
WhHhHHheEEeeeeEeee

My soul craves you
A deep aching in my chest
For my life in your eyes
My heart in your hands

                                                          ­           I have lived a thousand lives
                                                           ­    In none of which I've found you
                                                          My body vibrates with recognition
                                                     ­    Oh, how I wish you'd know me too


                 Lord, let us be ten minutes
                 Or let it be a lifetime
                 Just take my hand, and drink the wine
                 I shall pray to be in your prime

Maybe I should start doing homework,
I just wrote eight finished drafts.
I have an arm full of words and ink,
That I just made in class.
What else should I be doing?
Is the question mostly asked.
But I'll just copy her history notes,
I really need to get some sleep.