So my brain thought of another stupid thing;  "You don't deserve to hurt this way. You don't deserve to hurt at all. So please, let me in. I will help protect you from yourself. You've been there so many times, I don't want you to fall." And it's true. I don't know if I will be able to fix you with poetry and stupid nursery rhymes, but I will try. I don't think I'll be able to fix you at all. Maybe I am, who knows? I'll always try. Will you just let me in? Not only in your mind, not only in your words, but in your heart? I want to help you with every bit that I can. And, I get that's not enough. My words will never be enough. But, I will try. So please give me the chance to? That would be enough. Whatever horrible things it are that you're feeling, I will try to understand them. To understand them, and to help you get them away. Because you don't deserve to feel bad. You don't and you never did. And I get that my words will never be good enough to live up to your expectations, but please, please. Will you give me a chance? I love you, I really do. So let me help you, let me in. It doesn't have to be soon, it doesn't have to go fast. But remember that whenever you need me, I'll be there waiting. Waiting with all my words. To make you feelbetter, even in the slightest way.

139 days already
What the f
Thank you guys

Afterwards, I was really glad you stayed with me that hour.
We were talking, chatting, like normal teens.
But I know we are different of all of those.
Suddenly we were discussing a plan to run away together.
We barely know eachother,
But it's so close.
Let's run away and never come back

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 5, Books
Books, Sounds a little like the first one, poetry. but they are different. Because poems show you two sides of the story a book shows you your own. Ever walked into a book store and wished you won the lottery so you could buy them all? Walking home from the libary with a bag full of books. The old smell of paper. Did you ever got taken into a book so far people had to scream before you realised you should stop reading? Do you still remember that first time a book made you cry? Ever found back stories you wrote when you were six years old? Remember that feeling.

V of Cups
Memories in the way

You grieve yesterday as if your life has ended
You sorrow like the world ended yesterday
Self pity consumes you like a pest
But for disappointment you don't sway

You mourn on your own grave
You don't trust anyone else to bring you flowers
You fear the future like the past
You and your lover's gravestone stand like towers

Hehehehe
Hehehehe
Hehehehe

Sorry for that
:)

I keep telling myself that things will get better soon

"I love ya so much babes. You know that right?"

"I think I do, and I think I love you too. I can't say with certainty yet, because I am aware I don't fully know what it means to love someone yet. What I can say, is that with all the knowlegde and experience I have, is that I, right now, love you with everything I have"

Life, you know?

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 9, Drown in your words at midnight.
"****, my window makes hella noise after last night's thunderstorm."
"So does that mean you can't sneak out at night anymore?"
"There's got to be another way, I'll fix it."
"Do you think you can do that?"
"If I want to."
"What do you want?"
"You. I want you. I want to love you. I want us to be together in a safe place. I want us to finally be okay. I want us to have a normal life, without hiding the drugs and alcohol, without hiding at all. I want to talk to you. I want us to realise. I want to write and paint and listen to music forever without the need to stop. I want to cry. I want to smile. I want to drown in your words at midnight.

There's literally a broadway/musical song for every emotion you can possibly feel and I'm really grateful for that.
???   : )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lvrt6lAwR-M&list=LLPHDelQBnYlP6XKa23lSJ8w&index=2&t=0s

Good Evening

What I think and feel in my head is very clear.
It's the truth.
But when I say it, it always comes twisted out of my mouth.
It always comes out als lies.

Big Empty - Stone Temple Pilots

Driving faster in my car
Falling farther from just what we are
Smoke a cigarette and lie some more
These conversations ****
Falling faster in my car

Time to take her home,
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation
Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Too much walking shoes worn thin
Too much trippin' and my soul's worn thin
Time to catch her ride it leaves today
Her name is what it means
Too much walking shoe worn thin
Time to take her home
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation

Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Conversations ****
Conversations ****
Conversations ****

Time to take her home,
Her dizzy head is conscience laden
Time to take a ride it leaves today
No conversation
Time to take her home her dizzy head is
Conscience laden
Time to wait too long, to wait too long
To wait too long

Conversations ****
Conversations ****
Conversations ****

Words fail

Don't turn your back to the darkness.
What you'll see in the light is far worse.

Mind is full of words
Nothing fits
When I write
The're gone
How can you do this to me
It's magical

Hug me, hold me tight.
With you, I will say goodbye

Today I looked in the mirror,
After writing a few poems.
And I wondered how long I could sit there,
Without starting to hate myself.
But I didn't see myself in the mirror.
I saw a monster.
Hidden in a box.
And if the safe opens,
And the secrets are spilled.
All that's left to see,
Is the self portrait of a monster.

If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.

Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.

Reason 12, You.
I'm looking for ideas, can't be inspired by the world around me. My head is full of unwritten, unspeakable poetry only when I see you. My muse, almost. And I try to feel- and feel- and feel. But the scenery changes. You left. Take the blame for other's actions, and your own. And every time you leave my mind, somehow always inspire me. Wether it's your tears from reading my suicide note, or your laugh from, well, anything. And the "you" is so many people, so many ideas. Past, Present, Future. "You" is a broad understanding. It's 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, or even more people. All the same, Yet so different. After such a short time, everyone leaves, and returns to my mind again. In so many different ways. The slightest is necessary. A tap on the back, and a wink. A smile, or a few tears. A hug, or guilt. My own depression. It's true what you said a few minutes ago. All my poems are tagged with depression. I'm just too sad for you, I thought. But i said; because uhh well I wrote those things a long time ago. I hear a lot; "I'm worried about you" aswell. I asked if it was a good or a bad sign that i did, and you said: A BAD SIGN OF COURSE! I laughed. Because maybe this isn't understandable, but enjoyable. Maybe the feeling, and the realisation people cared was the reason. Because it almost makes me feel happy seeing people cry. I'm a psychopath. And sometimes I see myself. And I Can't explain in words how much I hate myself for doing this to you, but mostly, for not being sorry. Don't be like me.

the inspiration
and the motivation
to write is gone
goodbye

Hey. Our philosophy teacher gave us an assignment about something with luck and hapiness, so I'm writing to you again. (Not that there's a difference) I love you. You make me one of the happiest people in the world. And, I'm really glad that you are in my life. I really hope you feel the same thing. You make my heart skip a few beats whenever I see one of your texts popping up on my screen. You manage to make me smile at any hour of the day. You light up the world when it's too dark for me to see. You make me so happy. In a  that no one else does. You make me smile in such a manner that people sometimes ask what the cause is of this 'happening.' You're just, everything? You're beautiful, by the way. I'm gonna tell you until you believe me. Because you really are beautiful. People always say that you look better when you laugh, but you don't even need to smile. Not that I don't want you to smile- You smiling is one of the best things in the world to me. I don't really know how to explain.
I'm wondering why I keep writing everything down. We don't live in the 17th century anymore. Ah well, not that it matters.
Sometimes I'm also wondering if you think about me a lot. If you ever do to be honest. But mostly, what you think in those cases. It's not really a bother, but it pops up in my mind at times. When I say this, I think that you must also know that I think about you a lot. Whenever I see a poem (Which I do, a lot) that reminds me of you or something, I get a little distracted from whatever I was doing. But, in a good way. I think. Can it ever be bad to think about someone a lot? It probably just shows how much you care, which I also do, a lot. I do really care about you. You're an amazing human being and I love you. It always surprises me how fast I can fill a page whenever I write something for, or about you. Well, it's not really 'surprising' me. More like 'reminder of how much I'm in love with you.' Welp. It's a good thing though, probably. I mean, I'm just writing stuff. It's not like I'm bothering anyone. (I hope?) And it just keeps getting better. You make my life a little better every day. So, thank you. Really. I'm so happy you're here. (You're adorable by the way) And hopefully, it will stay like this for a little while.
Sincerely, Me

To all the people reading this,
To all the ones who cared.
Thank you for being who you are up here,
Your words will be shared.

I've seen quite a lot of beautiful things in my life.
But they were all a different beautiful from you.

Never Planned On You - Newsies

[ spoken ] Well, hello again

[ spoken ] Please go away
I'm working

[ spoken ]A smart girl, eh?
Beautiful, smart, independent

I got no use for moonlight
Or sappy poetry
Love at first sight's for suckers
At least it used to be
Look, girls are nice, once or twice
Till I find someone new
But I never planned on someone like you
Don't come a-knocking on my door (I got no use for moonlight)
You aren't welcome here no more
I should have known you stunk like yesterday's trash (Or sappy poetry)
The night you stole my heart plus forty dollars in cash
Turns out my beau is just some *** (Love at first sight's for suckers)
Turns out that 'love ain't blind' it's dumb
You never told the truth or worked a day in your life (At least it used to be)
In fact, you're so revoltin', I feel bad for your wife (What are you doing?)
I won't be shaving your back anymore, no señor (Quiet down, there's a show going on)
Don't come a-knocking on my door! (You are the most impossible boy) (Shh!)
Don't come a-knocking on my door! (Ever)
Don't come a-knocking on my door! (No, I never planned on someone like you)

I'm sorry for the poems that were delayed,
I was on a journey far away.

If you ever look for poetry,
In this weird place.
Just look under my alarm clock.

The evil in your life will only go,
Once all the good has left.

The teacher said:
"Today we're going to write poetry."
And my brain did:
KkwfneqweHDYXNndmnhp398475iwr73cyx feha

what is wrong with me

Dear G,
Maybe you'll read this, maybe you won't. It's up to you, really. I don't wanna say I miss you, because it feels wrong to admit that I, in fact, do miss you. I'm not supposed to miss you, I'm supposed to be happier now. But I do miss you. It's one of the most awful feelings in the world, and every day I feel a little worse about letting you go. You're probably already over me, you're a strong person. Although, I still have no idea how you're doing. I know you're still talking to my best friend, but I have no idea how are are or what's going on in your life right now. I kind of wanted to stay in touch with you, but I didn't know how and you didn't seem that interested. I think I understand. I broke your heart, probably. I never meant to, but I just don't know how love works. I think I do understand why it hurts after almost 11 months of dating. I don't regret a single day though. I think I was already gone in my mind, months before. I thought I would feel better with this decision, but I feel lonely, so lonely. I'm not lonely, but it feels like it's growing every day. You don't have to take me back. God, I don't think I'd even wanna see myself again if I did that. I wouldn't take me back. But still, I want you back. I miss the way that the weekend sparkeled a bit because you were there. I miss the way you'd laugh, I miss the way you kissed me and I miss how you taste. Oh, I'd love to taste that again. Well, this is how it is now. I don't even remember your face. But maybe, if you changed your mind, we could be again. Only as friends, if that's what you want. Or you never speak to me again. No matter if it pains me, I just want you to be happy.
Sincerely, yours. Lillie.

Yeet

I could sit there forever, Only us two.
Just listening to you playing Bohemian Rhapsody on the piano and you shouting '****!' when you hit the wrong note.

I had such perfect words for this, But I guess feelings never stay long enough to be cared about.

I can't believe it's actually happening,
It's all I wanted for so long.
And fantasy becomes reality,
But it all feels so wrong?

In a pitch-black world
Anything goes
No telling where the wind will blow
In a pitch-black world
Anything goed
In the dead of night
Strange things happen in the dead of night
When the lights go out
All around
And the whispers fill the air
In the dead of night
Better hold on tight

I believe that these poems changed me,
That they changed the way I view the world.
I believe they changed the way I think of things,
And the way my feelings wirl.

IV of Pentacles
Money on your mind

Security isn't physical
It isn't fancy robes or gold
You want all riches for yourself
Your soul has turned old

Wether you spend too much
Or save too much
Either way it is a problem
You crave words, no touch

You probably didn't expect a poem from me,
Did you?
Well, I just wanted to say thanks.
Do you remember that one English class, where you read some of my poetry? You almost cried.
I wanted to quit writing at that point.
You made me realise that I had a 'Talent'
No, it was more of an 'undeveloped skill'
If it wasn't for you,
I probably wouldn't have been writing now.
And I'm glad I'm still writing,
Because it saved my life.
So, uh, yeah. Thank you

So uh yeah,
Idk what to post.
Have a great day/night/whatever
Love you