No more hurt
No more pain
No more thunder
No more rain
No more friends who will just leave
No more love and
No more me

I'm sure they have reasons.
I'm sure they sound good.
And however they preach them,
They are understood.

But I see the damage,
And I feel the loss
Inflicted by faith and justice
And their noble cause.

And I stand on the rubble
Caused by their shaky ground.
All else has crumbled,
Why haven't they fallen down?

And I stand, not silenced,
But my screams are not heard.
They are drowned out amongst
The sound of their solemn word.

And their intent's not malicious,
I know they believe,
But this is the outcome
Of the the ideas they preach.

It's not enough not to mean it.
And a sorry won't do.
We're both fighting for something,
Why am I not right too?

If you are so sure that
Your cause is better than mine,
Then by all means continue,
And, to the damage, be blind.

Or claim the loss is worth
The future you're fighting for.
And that the ends will justify
All casualties of war.

But as you rally your soldiers
By any means,
Give a big speech,
Pull on their heart strings,

Remember that it's only one story;
It's only one side.
And if you silence me now
You'll never hear mine.

Knife in the back--it cuts me deep
Out from the cracks the blood does seep
It paints my skin in scarlet stripes
Stains my feet for ghoulish strides

Walk to the waves, fall to my knees
Let rushing water wash me clean
My shoulder blades tense and shudder
Removing iron you buried under

My skin rips against sharpened edge
Struggling to halt the blood that sheds
I lie flat against soft earth
Embrace recovery amongst cold dirt

This blood will dry, run down the drain
Wound will close, nerves cease their ache
Crooked skin replace this ****
All to remind of deeds that passed

I catch a glimpse in bare reflection
Cheeks flush with tainted recollection
Raised blemish--may it never fade, patch never renewed
I cherish the imperfection--all you left of you

I can't explain what it's about
I'm scared to death irrationally
But reason will not rescue me
There's no fighting this anxiety
I just need to wait it out

Lost in the lullabies, stories told to sweeten
Life's sour aftertaste from which we all have weakened.
We are the storytellers, weaving webs of lore
Made to be our weight bearers when we can bear no more.
This world is just a story; This life: fictitious folly.
No rights.  No wrongs.  No this or that. Just tales to keep us jolly.

Being swept off my feet--taken by surprise.
It won't be the thrill, just the look in your eyes.
Spontaneous adventure, you have carefully planned.
It won't be the trip, just that moment hand in hand.
Pouring rain--a cliched kiss.
But when you're gone, that's not what I'll miss.

It'll be the pecks on my lips as we're hurried to leave.
The quite moments spent listening to you breathe.
The easy silence.
Effortless talk.
Meaningless laughter.
Aimless walks.

The grand gestures make it fun and wild--
But the little things make it all worth while.
If you ever grow wary--if we ever part--
It'll be losing the simple bits that will break my heart.

Sunlight leaks through the leaves.
Silence sways upon the breeze.
Life swarms amongst the trees.  
You stand, not moving, afraid to speak.

Mindless scribbles.
Endless riddles.
From the roots
I am whittled.

Good intentions.
Wrong directions.
Consequences:
Aforementioned.

Hiding from the monsters,
Somewhere in the dark.
Fighting my own instinct
Every time I start.

Too scared to move.
Too scared to cry.
I hide my body,
Soul, and mind.

My eyes start to adjust.
I stumble to the mirror;
Look upon the image
And see a monster there.

Sometimes when there's nothing
It's better than when there's not.

I am unaware of the time right now,
I haven't got a clue.
The sun is gone.
The night is black.
And all I can think is you.

Usually the night time
is time for my escape;
time for me to slip to sleep
and dream of better things.

But lately I've been hesitant
to lay myself to bed
for I can't get thoughts of you
to stop spinning 'round my head.

I cannot fall into sleep
once switching off my light
for thoughts of you
and what we were
keep me up all night.

Until exhaustion finally pulls me
into long awaited sleep
where I wander aimlessly
through memories that I keep.

And, though I want it badly,
I know my rest can't last
for nightmares quickly drown me
in memories from our past.

Once again I am awake,
stirred restless by my mind.
I count sheep, not to sleep,
but to simply pass the time.

I am unaware of the time right now,
I haven't got a clue.
The stars have gone.
The sun is bright.
And all I can think is you.

A melancholy saunter, future fresh within its grave
Knowing that the darkness is something you must brave
The unknown is daunting, but beckons nonetheless
Ignoring all the wisdom that claims that it knows best

You've tried the paths well traveled, but they ended all the same
In heartbreak and ruin, and they say you are to blame
So sure of the destination that it's the only road they paved
But you can't find your happiness on the map they made

You're frightened and shaking and standing on the edge
You're facing the void and its uncharted depths
But you will run forward because you can't crawl back
And into the darkness you wander at last

One amongst the millions
staring into oblivion.
I stand amongst the world and yet
I stand alone; alone except--
except for all the cells in me
that quiver with anxiety.
From afar I'm just standing there--
seemingly unaware.
But I can feel everything:
the love, the hate and all it brings.
But I'm just another in the crowd;
You won't hear when I cry out.
So I'll keep it all in my mind
and hope I make it out alive.

Quantified to the last--
Every freckle, each fluttering lash.

To the debt of necessity I am tethered;
I can't afford life's priceless treasures.

Calculated: now are numbered
Even that which philosophy wonders.

My love, my life, my ambivalent faith:
Measured out to the hundredths place.

Reproduced for mass consumption--
Trivialized by the deduction.

Weigh my heart, buy my soul,
Celebrate the dream you stole.

I never did fit very well;
Don't ask me why, it's hard to tell.
Actually, that was a lie.
I could explain the reasons why...
But the story's very long
And I tend to go on and on,
Over explaining everything,
The cause and effect each aspect brings.
And so long will my tale get
That you'd probably miss the point of it.
But at the end of the day, all said and done
I wasn't liked by anyone.
Okay, I have a tendency
To speak in hyperboles:
Perhaps a few didn't mind
My presence from time to time.
But overall, in the grand scheme,
I wasn't a favorite amongst the team.
A little strange. A little odd.
Introversion my great flaw.
Or at least I believed
That the problem laid in me.
But only now that I have gone
Have I thought that, maybe, everyone was wrong.

Just another day.
Just another break.
Just another moment
that my heart couldn't take.

He cut his hair
and changed his clothes.
Suddenly, stuck up his nose.
Some of us weren't good enough,
so he went to do other stuff.
Thinking that'd we'd still be friends
I paid no mind to these trends.
Next thing I know
he won't say, "hi."
Apparently he's said, "goodbye."

Destroyed. Distraught.
I've cried. A lot.
You're fine. I'm not.

I know you're crazy.
I know I'm mad.
But I know that we're happy,
So is it so bad?

I know that it's wrong,
I know that you warned me.
But I know that I like it,
So is truly abhorring?

I know there are limits.
I know there's a line.
But I know that I crossed it,
And I'm doing fine.

You never showed
You let me go
You had to pick
I wasn’t it
Can’t live two lives?
Why not mine?

I do not have the answers that you seek.
I am not strong; I am weak.
I am not who you are looking for.
If I was, I am no more.

If we run
If we run
Then we might make it in time
If we're late we'll be forgiven
But if we miss it that's all right
Because tomorrow is another day
And at least today we tried
So won't you run
Won't you run
Won't you run with me tonight

A Rose by any other name is said to still retain its scent:
A sweet perfume that fills the room to all of our content.
And though this little musing contains poetic form,
When truth is told, I am not sold, for I know there to be thorns.
And if known instead for these pricking fiends
--and not its aromatic petals--
Then perhaps the rose would not be love's flowered vessel.
And the fragrant sweetness we attribute to its structure
Would cease to be a welcomed whiff and the Rose would lose its luster.

I look around;
I know this place
Lost in a gaze
Upon your face.
Your lips,
Your soul:
Secrets untold.
In your eyes
Shine brilliant lies.
On your cheeks
Is where you keep
The tears you've wept:
Promises unkept.
I know this pain.
I know this war.
I have lived it all before.
And looking now upon your heart
I see it ripping you apart.

But I cannot help--
Can't offer solace.
Can't reassure you'll escape flawless.
For all my battles,
All lines crossed,
This is the war that I lost.

I just want to let go
And forget about you.
But those kinds of things aren't easy to do.
When you meant so much
And then hurt me so bad,
I just want to let you go,
But I can't forget about that.
You're everywhere.
You won't let me be.
You're physically gone,
But you're haunting my dreams.

Just one more day
and all pain will end.
Just wait until morning,
it'll be better then.

I wake up to find
that the clouds are all gray,
but I still have hope
that it'll be better today.

I pack up my things,
but they fall to the floor.
Still, I am hopeful;
Let's just get out the door.

I sit in the back.
I stay out of the way.
Smile as people pass,
but no one looks my way.

Alas it is silent.
I'm ignored, no surprise.
I walk home lonely
with tears in my eyes.

I run to my bedroom.
I close the door.
I whisper in my head:
just one second more.

Just one more day
and all pain will end.
Just wait until morning,
it'll be better then.

The subtle buzz of recognition,
High pitched squeak of a hello.
The gentle hum of conversation,
Small talk with friends you barely know.

A small acquaintance fills the silence,
Keeps you from fiddling on your phone.
But it breeds only temporary compliance,
And I would rather sit alone.

What pretty words you've sewn together.
What a lovely, fabricated masterpiece they create.
What a wondrous story, once cut and trimmed and edited,
This will someday make.

And when you've finished all the detailing,
May you let it lie here on the floor;
Perhaps somewhere in the foyer
To greet strangers at the door.

I don't want to live a lie,
but I don't know what the truth is.
I don't want to die tonight,
but I don't know how to live through this.

It feels like maybe I'm not best for you
I keep getting the best of you
I know you've been thinkin' it's time to get on and move
You're worried about me--that's sweet--I'm worried too
But sometimes you've got to do
What's best for you

I sit on my bed
and just stare at the floor.
A car passes in the distance
but I hear nothing more.
My breathing is shallow--
my heart barely beats;
I dig in my mind
for the memories I keep.
Flashes of you
and what we once were
cross my thoughts
in heartbreaking blurs.
I remember us laughing
and talking
and planning:
Planning a future
that's no longer happening.
Forever, we promised,
but we were naive--
We had no concept
of what forever could mean.
For forever's
not measured:
It's no length of time.
It starts with "hello"
and ends with "goodbye."
Sometimes it's years.
And sometimes it's seconds.
We promised forever
and I know that I meant it.
Because I'll always remember
what we use to be:
what I said to you,
what you said to me.
Years from the moment
that you walked away
I'll still remember
the sorrow and pain.
I'll always remember
you and me together
because it changed me forever.
But I wish that it didn't
because you're so indifferent.
It's as though, for you,
we never made a commitment.
When I couldn't give you
what someone else could,
you walked out of my life
and you walked out for good.
Didn't ask for some space.
Didn't say, "hey," in the hall.
Just walked right on out
like I meant nothing at all.
So you couldn't have meant it
when you promised forever.
You treat me as though
we were never together.
And this hurts me so much--
I can't even describe
how my gut clenches and twists
when you’re on my mind.
Because I gave you a forever.
A forever I can't get back.
Because I died that day
that you left me like that.
I morphed and I changed
into somebody new;
From the ashes of us
a new person grew.
You took a forever
because I’ll never be
the person I was
before you hurt me.
And all the memories
that we made together
are tainted
and haunted
and will be forever.

Shattered
broken to bits
I tried to clean up
but I sliced my skin

Scattered
into the fray
I pushed them out
'til they all washed away

Weathered
time's funny like that
the edges have softened
and the waves washed them back

Remembered
as I walk along
colorful and harmless
pressed to my palm

Mama's in the kitchen;
Father doesn't listen.
Knocking on your bedroom door.
Brother's in the driveway;
He never wants to stay.
You don't come home anymore.
Somewhere in the middle,
I am left to fiddle
With the pieces left on the floor.

Boredom comes, consumes your mind.
You slowly watch the passing time.
You wonder if it’ll ever end,
Even though it just began.

Sorry mom but I have to leave.
There’s still so much I need to see.
But don’t you go worrying about me
‘cause I’m the strong woman you raised me to be.

But I’ll be home and see you again.
So this isn’t a "goodbye" but an "until then."

Sorry dad but I have to go.
There’s still so much that I don’t know,
And cannot learn until I’m on my own.
I’ll send you postcards from the road.

But I’ll be home and see you again.
So this isn’t a "goodbye" but an "until then."

Sorry friends but I’m on my way.
There are too many reasons not to stay.
I’m off in search of reasons to change.
I hope you all might do the same.

But I’ll be home and see you again.
So this isn’t a "goodbye" but an "until then."

Bring me down
into sleep.
I need it now
so drag me deep.
I'm ready for
the dreams it'll bring.
I need to hear
its soft voice sing.
I need to feel
forgetfulness
within my mind
of uselessness.
Let it take me
forever more.
Let it cure
these aching sores.
Let me stay
within its waves
and feel its urgent,
violent craves.
I need to leave
this world tonight
and slip into
this sleep of mine.
Let me hope.
Let me dream.
All I ask is
let me sleep.

I know we were young;
We were naive.
But you told me you loved me,
And so I believed.

I know we grew older;
We learned to know better.
But you once thought that you loved me,
And I still remember.

I know it was false.
We weren't pieces that fit.
But you believed that you loved me,
And you should have treated me like it.

You are the sun.
I am a star.
One in the same,
But we're too far apart.
Instead I'll just keep you
Here in my heart.

Here in my heart;
Here in my soul--
All of the parts
No one else knows.
I wish I could love you,
Have you to hold.

Have you to hold
And cherish and spoil.
Together grow old
Through all of life's toils.
But best laid plans
Are made to be foiled.

Are made to be foiled
And change, come undone.
Though my passion for you
Is second to none,
You shine best on your own, for
You are the sun.

You are the sun.
I am a star.
One in the same,
But we're too far apart.
Instead I'll just keep you
Here in my heart.

If love is for fools,
I want to be foolish.

You stand in the darkness of the shadow cast
By the bright light of the future as it collides with the past.
You can't peek around to determine the source--
And here in the present they define your course.

Still a mess
So I guess
You knew best
When you left

I never know where I'm going.
Not sure what I might say.
I wander through this world of rhyme
And somehow find my way.

It's no wonder many claimed
That muses gave them song,
For, after knowing my own methods,
How could I claim they're wrong?

Not every line is perfect.
Some verses need something more.
But each piece speaks to who I am--
What else could I ask for?

It's in those slow and lazy moments
Spent inside my head
Scavenging for dopamine
That I find you instead

Scattered into tiny bits
Stashed deep within my mind
The pieces lay from yesterday
As if left for me to find

Thought I might go to the moon;
Give myself some space.
Pass away the afternoon
far away from this place.
And if I like it better there
it'd be no surprise to me.
I never did fit in much here;
Maybe it's time to leave.

Listening to the steady rush
As winds blow in an evening hush
Hoping that it ushers in the rain

This place could use some moisture and
I could use a helping hand
In letting nostalgia lay its claim

You profess to know me.
You profess to love me, too.
But you've never put in the time for either,
So I profess that neither's true.

People age and children grow.
Things will change before you know.
Don’t know their gone until they go.
That’s just the way your life will flow.

So say what’s on your mind
When you get the chance.
For all that you know
It could be your last.

Tell them that you love them
Just as soon as you know.
Otherwise you might be
Watching them go.

Consequences exist
and they’re terrible.
But take the risk and
you’ll find that they’re bearable.

Don’t sit around waiting
For when the time is right.
There is no perfect moment
to start living a life.

I don’t want to have this conversation
I don’t want to feel this pain
I don’t want to think about it
But I do, all the same

It's floating near the surface
Always just within my reach
And I’m slipping—nearly drowning
'Cause I’ll probably never breach

I let it consume me
Every single time
Because, as you have shown me,
I have a past where it wasn’t all in my mind

There's no laughter.
There's no pain.
I feel nothing--
except plain.
I don't want to smile.
I don't want to cry.
I'm nothing but empty
deep down inside.

You’re the one that I grew with,
how could you do this?
What is it that made you stray?

Did you forget about our plans?
I don’t understand.
Could I have done something to make you stay?

I’ve held onto the small things,
but lost all of the big dreams.
Now nothing will be the same.