We argue for what it's worth
We like to go back and forth,
say words we don't mean,
For there is hate in between

We talk behind each other's backs
For we both say "what kind of friend is that."
it both causes us to crack
One more step till it all turns black
For Our conscience is what we lack
We both don't hold back
For if its a smack of words or actions
It causes a ton of reaction

When the action is already said and done
The friendship we have is none,
As more hate has begun
We feel awful,
For this becomes a endless cycle

We both ask "why can't we stay friends."
But we don't want to continue doing backbends
For were both thinking it has to end,
We all say it ended in a way we didn't Intend
But the truth is
If we wouldn't have tried to have each other break and bend,
We would still be friends.

I'm locked
Surround by chains
that lock me down,
Surround by pain
that destroys my name

I'm locked
No woman nor man
could ever wish for this
I'm drowning in hopelessness
If there was a way
to release this curse
I wouldn't have to suffer by
going through the worst
I wouldn't shred a single tear,
My body wouldn't ake
And I wouldn't be taken back
by my mistakes

Im locked
Destroyed by the life that is my own,
To the devil it feels as if I'm sold,
Every day gets dimmer
my life gets darker,
To God I am just his stocker

I'm locked
If I were to be given a second chance,
only then would my vocabulary
not be filled with I can't
Only then would I not count the minutes
Or count everyday life
as the witching hour
I wouldn't cower in the corner
Or write down death dates in my calendar
Like I used too

No
I would get a new chance at life
I wouldn't die by my own hand
And wouldn't say it was just a knife

Left on the rocky edges of life and death
50 feet to tremendously high
To wrap my head around
my mind slips,
as I slump down into cold cutting water
I can't swim I tell myself
As my body clashes against the tides
My limbs become powerless
The weakened lungs of my
endure torturous pain
The water sweeps my body
like wind sweeps the leaf's against the autumn grass
Am I dead yet? "I ask."

The seconds in this cold cutting water
feel as if it's been decades
my eyes fasten tight
as I hold on to the words of "hope"
I begin to pray.

Knock knock on your door
knocked a thousand times or more
I hope for your knock in return
Just one knock
That's what I pray
Each and every night
Hoping you'll stay
Knock knock on the door
Knowing someone's home
On the other side
I'm not mad or out of my mind
Im just hoping you'll be mine

So knock knock on the door
I'm scared to turn the ****
I'm afraid I'll be turned away
By the sternness of your voice
In the color of anger through your skin
And the words of
"You're not wanted in"
So on the other side of the door I stay
Praying before my love life decays
I knock once more
with no answer in return

My tears wash down my breathless face
Like a cold winter night,
There sits my heart
Unconscious as ever,
Brutally beaten since the first I can  remember
Though the first touch,
I chose not to grasp onto the thought of the memory :(

It creeps to my soul;
In the loneliest of hours,
Devouring the last I have left
In every single breath

Wiping the weary out
From that moment on
Awaking the solid touching of him through out my bear skin
Chained down
Begging forgiveness for all my sins

Love To Hate
A piercing scream
Only I can hear
The sound of a suicide attempt within my hemisphere
Windows abroad
Clawing my skin to the screams of why so serious?

Withholding aggression -
having a glass within reach
I cannot get more excitement out of the thought of throwing it at the ground of someone's feet

A single tear for the 1sec I willfully give
Pale white Feet Clashing against a white window sill
Only the depth of the world's finest pavement cracked within the ripples of my skin
Only then will this be real

Preaching to the already dead
Of how the sun rose once
The next day she never came into work
******* the very breath out of everyone's lungs

Single tears never falls
once fallen
Gripping onto nothing but the thoughts of concrete
"Why do you hate your life,
Mental health professionals ask?"

On the solid embankment of her head
lies a stretched out wire hanger
For her thoughts individually hung
The young girl who is 40 going on 13
Looks like a goddess,
Although slower than a turtle
Slurs out "I only love to hate you*..."

I dream about Miss. Green eyes hour after hour
Them dream gone sour
Miss. Green eyes what is it like getting inside someone's brain,
Is it just a mind game?
Well I'm the only one I can really blame,
For I shake my head down in shame.

I once loved one,
but them dreams turned in to nightmares
When I see you in my dreams all I can do is stare
Can't find any words
For it is hard to bare
Looking at you Miss. Green eyes
Are you still there?
I can say your love for me is now hate
My life was at stake
But you didn't care,
You were just there

Looking in to those beautiful eyes
It was a surprise to me,
that one day you would get up and leave
For your no longer Miss. Green eyes to me
One day I would hope for your return
But you see,
When you were gone I was let free
No longer Miss. Green eyes to me

I find happiness within a confined box
No one from the outside world cares to knock
This box is to old an brittle
I'm
To wise,
To nimble
To peek out into the outside world

So I sit,
An crumble myself into a tight fit
In a fetal position
With toes tight
Reserved to only an inch
My face stuck in between my lap
My hands hugging my back

Pigeons swarming around my box
I constantly scream
There's not a soul to touch or take
For heaven is where my soul will take

I hold my hands up to my face
Yet the demons following me in this ordinary place
I cry tears upon tears
As I know I am unable to face my fears
I rub my eyes
as my make up smears
In front of me
my demons appear

My voice cracks
as I try to speak,
They know my weakness,
Weakness of being unable to speak
I take two steps
pushing My demons out-of-the-way
My thoughts of doubt are downplayed
So Away my demons stay

Upon me are the golden doors
Where all you ever wanted is yours
In ignorance I have fallen for it again
The dreams ends right then.

Here I stand with my heart out,
I give it to you
Yet here is my future which stands empty without you
Here stands my life on the line,
life;
which is nothing worth living
more painful than the soul can fear, or mind can hide
More painful than giving out my pulverized heart
And receiving nothing in return*...

She's not the definition of a size zero,
But she's a "10"
she is not a straight line,
But her curves are defined
She's not a model
But she's has the beauty of an angel
She's not on the cover of a magazine,
But looks seven teen
She's not Einstein
But her body brilliantly shines
She's doubts she's the average size
But the guys consider her A "grand prize."

Dark tracks of you follow me,
Taking the breath out of my lungs.
I choke on the thought of you;
Till my heart uplifts
To let you go.

Although you may think,
I'm Never to shed a tear for a past love;
I have shedded many
And felt unworthy of...

If you knew
How it made my heart feel
Each word of criticism
Peeling a layer of me off
leaving my soul left in the dark*
"Never to be loved for the scars of past loves."

The closer we become
The more I feel numb
I forced the thought of love upon my skin
Gripping her body in the motion of love,
Attempting to feel something I can't feel
Such unreserved distance others would think its real...

Our love is real

So much realness,
that the brain of She and I can't feel a **** thing
That when our lips touch
I sense the warmth of a blanket
And not the softness that her skin brings
I go **** it
I can't even love the simple things
Because the mind of me still thinks
We our "we"
Together
"Me and she"
My mind can't process that we went our separate ways
Long ago
But still the nightly visions of her stay
It's been 2 years all I can say
Is *Our Love Is Numb

Your on the outside looking in,
It's sad how unmotivated She has been
She's making her way slowly
The ride is getting coldly unenjoyable
For Shes no longer able,
No longer stable,
No longer capable

But your just on the outside Looking in
Every now and then,
Shes wonders what you see
Is it hard trying to be who She be's?
For Once she lost the key,
She payed the cost

Without a key,
Beauty is the only thing she is unable to see
That's why when you look in the eyes of "she"
You wish to run and flee
For her eyes are contained with what looks to be;
The Red Sea  

Her heart is black and blue
For all the bolts are unscrewed
She wishes for everything to undo
But your just on the outside looking at her doom

Perfect perfections
One woman once made a connection,
Not to me, but the world
You see,
She found the key within her complexion  
For her whole life she faced rejection,
She wasn't "YOUR" definition of perfection
Your definition of perfection,
kept her from discovering her own


You kept her captive by your desperation,
to hurt her with your words of stone
For a short period of time you destroyed her throne
But now she has a voice of her own
The words that are made of stone
You get trapped by the sound of the drone

"Perfect perfections"
Today,
She stares into her reflection,
At her complexion
And says
" I have Perfect perfections"

Dear Purple,
Said too much too soon
****** covered bathroom
Late night afternoons
Broken heart,
To death do us part
To many emotions as I depart
My soul fades to the dark
Dear purple,
I cry the coldest tears
On the warmest nights
Dear purple,
I can only pray for stronger days
As my body turns to gray

If I could write one poem
fit all the emotions in
Then would everybody be perfectly fine
And not considered themselves a sin

Would life be much easier,
Time wouldn't be spent crying,
We wouldn't lie to ourselves,
because we'd be able to face reality
Without dying

If there was only one path,
instead of two
Would we be going the right way?
Would we need to pray?
that this wouldn't be a endless path?
that the path would stop,
Yet
What if exhaustion we were caught up in?
Would we died before the path ends?
And the path we were trying to walk on,
Would others be following,
behind the foot steps of you?
- Just a question

It hits you in the face,
It's an ordinary place
it's called reality
Indescribably cold,
Yet nobody knows until it
HITS
You used to be an innocent soul,
naïve as it gets

Seemingly sad how it had to turn this way,
Sitting down and praying
will never make reality go away
You think there's a way
You think pills and potions,
will help a naïve soul stay

Your brains caving in,
your doing backbends
You wonder how it could be any worse,
To you,
this seemingly a curse,
In this life You realized,
God doesn't take any mercy,
For souls who wouldn't dare to believe,
And who would doubt
One of many of his own creations
Gods just trying to tell you to believe
Not in him,
but your own self you see.

One once told me;
to give up on people I can't get
That was one saying I will never forget
And that was it
I said I would never give up it
And yep,
I can't find another face, to replace
Your the best I ever had,
For we will never go bad
I am forever not sad,
but forever glad
For I see my heart, and soul rapped around yours
As we look up to the years and more
We see No gun, nor weapon;
that can **** our passion that we adore
I dreamed of I girl,
I would have all through this war
My love for you is stronger than ever more
Even any human being I can dream of;
can not compare
for you and I would would both stare at the purple sunshine in the air
- purple rain

You sleep on the left side of the bed,
You always, "ALWAYS" in my head
I stay up late night, while you "sleepin"
Wondering what your "Dreamin"

You sleep on the left side of the bed
thinkin about unmarked trains ahead
I would hate for you to "dread"
So If there was a way "instead,"
I would take off all your worries "ahead"
Only if you promise,
I will never be misled

I sleep on the right side of the "bed,"
Wondering about you in my "head"
Only If I could show my love Just alittle "little" more
There would be opened golden doors
That would restore,
self hatred from the war
For we both soar together and more....

I dream about a girl every night,
My visions just so happen to come to light
I know that she will soon be seen in sight,
But for now, I can only kiss this girl in my dreams

And I can easily say love is a stream
It seems to know its path,
and I know ours;
it's written in the stars,
Under the pale moon light
I can say our future,
and it never seemed so bight
Our future flys high,
Such as a kite
We always make sure it's in sight,
But really if we let go of the handle;
It would fly all night.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me."
That's the one saying that never makes him feel like dirt you see.
He gets pushed and pulled
Into dark hallways in and out of school
And gets called a "fool"
They seem to like to call him a "tool"
Because he's mentally disabled
Till this day he hates the label
He stables his skin,
For wrist cutting is the only way to Bend
  
For his friend,
She doesn't blend in
For they throw stickers stones
Knowing she is skin in bones
"She" wasn't born this way
And till this day she eats and eats
She stands over the toilet seat on her Knees
They call her "The Bulimic Freak"
85 pounds, "she is weak"

They both say life never seemed so bleak
They get made fun of just because their unique,
At night there parents kiss them on the cheeks
And they tell them,
Sticks and stones may your break bones,
But words will never "hurt you"

After days of hatred,
and days of sorrow
The book is closed,
no more time is borrowed

They didn't see it coming,
For they never do
This is the end,
I'm drowning in the water,
Doing flips and backbends,
No I'm not trying to get to surface
I choose not
I rather be left on the seafloor,
chained and locked

Masking the noise from the Hells below,
leaving me a new chapter to unfold
well my heart is crashing against my window pain
deadly weapons used to mutilate
down for my bloodshot eyes it rains
in my distorted reality
my soul raises up and down rapidly
my future races around the room
pasting through are deadly thoughts and fumes
of distorted people in animal costumes

I scream out for help
but not a woman nor man can hear
no longer I can't bear
the mutilated people I see and hear
I would ignore but they always reappear
right beside me in my ear
my "friends" fluctuate like a hologram
they come swing like wrecking *****
using ancient methods to destroy all

The Purpose-

The quality of being determined to do or achieve something...
As you look in the mirror--
What do you see?
What is your purpose or who do you inspire to be?
It's a simple question,
however not an easy answer.

Humans wondering the earth,
Torn apart, broken and scarred
Maybe even,
Bent over and abused
Mistreated and used.

Yet the question still comes about--
What is your purpose or who do you inspire to be?
What is your meaning?
Do you wish to live carefree?
Most will answer as children...

However,
As adults they will act as if the question never came about.
What is your purpose or who do you inspire to be?
What is your meaning?
Do you wish to live carefree?
What is it like being---
Unhappy?

From a young age we are told
"we are all the same."
For if your not,
they look down in shame
As if we are all different copy's of the same old books
For your looks is considered weird,
And unwanted
till this day you are always taunted

If there was a way; we say,
I would have wanted to be the same
For my red hair and freckles
Have me named "Red flame"
And It seems as if I'm the one to blame
For I am all alone,
just because I have an identity if my own?

I ask myself, why do they pick?
throw sticks and bricks,
For their quick to be the judger,
But they lack to discover
that if we're all a book,
Why don't people give the story a look?
For if we tried Getting to know each other
we just might grow fond of one another
And might decide,
That we like the persons inside
For we would all stand side by side
worldwide

You wouldn't be able to tell if their were tears running down my face.
I'm in no ordinary place,
I'm surround in this large case
There's no air,
There is a a light above,
"I stare"
I wonder if I could be seen,
if you would care...

Underwater I am there,
I can no longer bare
My heart pounds,
As a sound of a helpless life drowns
But I will not be a mount of sand
For I will float to the top
By the time my heart stops

The saddest thoughts;
are thought's we are unable to explain