I broke your heart more than once
I hate myself for it
Now I punish myself days and nights for months
I live now in imprisonment
No glances no eye sights
No visitation rights
I live alone die alone
I live with nobody
But my own
Its better to be alone
Cause I don't want to hurt nobody but myself
I cursed myself to the place I am in
I cursed myself with the problems of my sins
All the torment thoughts
Which lock the doors
All the windows covered with 2by4s
I'm not trapped
I snapped and I deserve to be here
Covered with 4 walls darkness
And my fears
This is where I belong
I was wrong
But through so long my mind
All the happiness turns into a distant memory
Two months I've been
Gone and it feels like a century
I did this to me
Because I did this to you
Sorry for the wrong things I did to you
Out of strength
Out of breathe
Out of my mind
I can't fight you anymore
I can't keep chasing you anymore
You can have me
I'll accept you as you are
You can destroy me
You can keep me to yourself
We're back in the loop
We're back in the stream within a lake
You have me for eternity
Enjoy the last minute you have of me
This isn't supposed to hurt
The pain makes it worth it
You strangle me and leave me gasping for air
In your arms I don't need to breath
You take from me
I give you to you
You tie me down
With you I feel safe
I hear myself say "I don't want you"
I feel myself say "I need you"..
i can feel everything we have slowly slipping through my fingers.
i'm trying so hard to hold on but it's like trying to stop sand from falling
through an hourglass and i just can't hold on much longer and i keep
begging and crying out for you to help me and for you to hold on but
the more i do the more your fingers open and all of the sand is falling
so quickly i don't know how to stop it.
please don't let me go
Keep dodging the shots,
With your nimble comebacks,
Keep ducking and weaving,
Around the truth.
Keep staring ahead,
Never looking at the carnage,
You left behind.
Keep avoiding my eyes,
With your simple disguise,
Keep hiding yourself,
In your smile,
Keep falling back,
On that which you know,
Keep forcing my hand,
To deal a new hand,
Keep fixing the deck,
That I own,
Keep dodging the shots,
I keep firing at you,
Because I want you to win this war.
Tear stained pillow, stale air of discord
Place your burdens on my heart, I have room for one more. Tongue laced with salt, vinegar soul, clenched fist as I look over my shoulder at each scroll. Bare a truth that can't be broken, a lie too good to notice, I promise I won't show the world how ugly you are and actually post this.. I promise.
my darkness my light
my sunshine my moon
my rain my snow my sleet my rest
leading me into slumber
you build me up and bring me down
and follow me to where I must go
through the trenches and splinters
and pleasant in-co-herence
with fragile seduction and wanting
pleasure pain and purpose
all pressing down and into me
past the pitfalls to the uprising
then leading to eyes bleeding in tears
to the downfall
the sting of sequence and silence
the rupture of repetition
you follow me there
lose me and find me
and in finding me save me
then lose me again
this is all I ask and am
all there is and all there is not
the do and the do not
beyond barriers boundaries borders bricks and boredom
beyond excitement enlightenment
passing by and on and through
lingering for a time then into monotony
back into the glare of newness again
a glimmer of hope
a glance a chance to share in all despair
beginning the brink of pure
being and beyond
into one and then two
you and me and me and you again
you—my light my darkness
my return and my departure
back to my return once more . . .
If I could tell you how I feel, it would be a mess.
I would start with what I think of you.
When I think of you...
I wish you were a better person.
That you had better opinions.
That you considered others more.
Then I'd tell you how you make me feel.
When I see you, my mind goes blank and whispers your name.
My eyes blur and focus on your face.
They push liquid memories down my cheeks and flush away all thoughts.
My heart sings softly of your touch.
I wish what I feel has reason.
Why do I love you? You're not great. You barely pass "good."
Yet you pass right through me. All my defenses. All my security.
My love remembers you.
But I wish I could forget.
Forget you were here. Forget you exist. Forget you are important.
I wish I could fix myself. Fix these thoughts with a figurative hammer and shatter those bloody-tear-stained glass string that attach me to your back, where memories pull me towards you.
Remember when you told me there was nothing wrong with me?
That I'm perfection solidified, personified?
I remember... when I think about how much I hate you. When I see reasons that you're nothing special. Nothing great. You're not a good person, oh, no. But I remember...
How you're good to me.
But you weren't really?
Remember when I was told you cheated on me?
When I thought you could never, not to anyone.
Then we did what we did.
Now I can believe it.
I thought you were faultless.
I thought you were amazing. Flawless. Perfection personified.
Why do I still feel it?
Why can't I let go?
You're nothing special.
Remember when you held my hand, after all these years?
When you saw me for me? When it was just you and I.
Just you and I. There was nothing anymore.
No worries. No time.
No time to be just us.
Everything but time froze. Everything but the world.
I wish I could forget you.
Everything about you.
I wish I could love again.
we fight over the smallest thing;
like how I love Ovomaltine
and he thinks Nutella is better
I treat him like a disappointment
while he acts like I don't matter
I am always so close to tears
and he's so close to the edge
what's odd is this;
every morning, I still wake up
with his arms wrapping me
and whenever he knows I move,
he tightening up his hug
as if he won't let me walk away
so I stay