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Ryan Hoysan Dec 2016
Yesterday I found an odd little place
A real hole in the wall sort of joint
Where the doldrums of life roll on and on
Where day changes to night, but leaves no one the wiser
Where today could be tomorrow even though it really seems like yesterday
When now and then are full of the same thing

It's an odd little place
A real hole in the wall joint
Just look through the looking glass
And dive down the rabbit hole
And you'll discover this world within ours.
The other night I did something I hoped I wouldn't have to do. I went to visit a very close friend of mine in the behavioral health/psych ward of the hospital. It's not that I didn't want to have to go to a place like that, it's just that I hoped I could help make it so that those closest to me wouldn't need to go there because things wouldn't get to that point. At least they're getting the help that I can't give.
Oh?
Ryan Hoysan Aug 2016
Oh?
I'm falling safely
Into your arms.
Oh?
Where did you go?
So, this is gonna be a longer one. Sorry for not posting and being very active recently, my Internets been down for the longest time and life has been just so chock full of surprises. I've been writing a lot but I'm not sure how much I'm going to post, but I'm thinking I'll put a few up. Hopefully despite college coming up in a week or two ill still be as active as I want to be. Here's to hoping.
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
Come Love
Let us bare ourselves to each other
Let's become intoxicated by our love
As we lay in close contact
I stare into your eyes
And find a light such as no other.
Let us become entwined at the soul
and shed the weight placed on us by the world
Let us forget our troubles
and instead find our peace
on each others lips
within the hearts of the other.

This love shall only last
for tonight.
But dear I shall make tonight
Last for all eternity.
I attempted to write the idea of a one night stand between two people who are really in love, where their souls are thrown into the action in full force. The calm within the lovely chaos that is a night with a lover. Any constructive comments are welcome. As always feel free to message me for any reason or just to chat, I promise I'm friendly.
Ryan Hoysan Apr 2017
And I've been told that there are others
But that is exactly why they are others
Because they are everyone other than you
Just needed to write and this came to mind, so I'm posting it before I forget. As always, comments and messages are welcomed with open arms.
Ryan Hoysan Feb 2017
I wonder how many photos I've been cropped out of.
How many memories I've been erased from.
I wonder how many of my past loves parents could recall my name.
I'd often befriend them as well.
I've lost a lot of lovers,
but my love for them has never left.
Just a passing thought about all the past relationships I've had. I still wonder if they still look at old pictures of us and remember those times we spent together...
Ryan Hoysan May 2017
Why is it that when things seem picture perfect
That it is then when the picture frame shatters?
I will come back to fill this in since I am at work currently. As always feel free to comment or send me a message. Have a good day everyone!
Ryan Hoysan Aug 2016
I'd give it all up
If you would please
Just be you again.
Ryan Hoysan Dec 2016
According to the laws of physics time travel is technically possible, but would require an immense amount of energy to accomplish.
Though I could never hope to muster that much energy I place myself in the past with you
Thinking that if I had changed this or done that one thing differently that you would still be here today with me.
Surely I could have changed the way things worked out

Or maybe not.

Maybe what happened was going to happen would still happen
Just maybe at a different time
And at a different place
But with the same end result.
The title is a play on the words "Quantum Leap" and "Inductive Leap". Any comments are appreciated :).
Ryan Hoysan Oct 2017
This poem is originally written by my favorite poet, Charles Bukowski. .

they're not going to let you
sit at a front table
at some cafe in Europe
in the mid-afternoon sun.
if you do, somebody's going to
drive by and
spray your guts with a
submachine gun.

they're not going to let you
feel good
for very long
anywhere.
the forces aren't going to
let you sit around
*******-off and
relaxing.
you've got to go
their way.

the unhappy, the bitter and
the vengeful
need their
fix - which is
you or somebody
anybody
in agony, or
better yet
dead, dropped into some
hole.

as long as there are
humans about
there is never going to be
any peace
for any individual
upon this earth or
anywhere else
they might
escape to.

all you can do
is maybe grab
ten lucky minutes
here
or maybe an hour
there.

something
is working toward you
right now, and
I mean you
and nobody but
you.
I came across this poem in a book of his poems and I discovered it wasn't on this site. As it is very relevant to my life right now I thought to share it with the rest of the community. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Messages and comments are welcome as always.
Ryan Hoysan Jun 2016
We can't change our fate? Our destinies are set?

Who was the one to determine this? The one who now brings so much inescapable sorrow.

How do I comfort my girlfriend, tears falling from her eyes, when nothing I do can change the outcome?

I guess sometimes we're stuck with our lot in life. No sense in trying to change it, right?

Maybe so, but seeing those glimmering tears fall from her eyes I shall not accept this. I shall change the outcome and make the world a better place.

I know I can't fix everything and I know I can't save everyone, but **** please let me save her.
2 things I want to say.
First this is a draft and I welcome any constructive criticism or any constructive complements which are rare.
Second, don't you just hate it when the only solution in sight seems like it would only make things worse? Like it would cause more trouble? I want to make this better but I don't know if I can.
Ryan Hoysan May 2017
Some people say that self harm and cutting are fake
I can tell you they're not
These are my friends
This is my family
Carving line after line of fear and self-loathing into their limbs
So you may believe that they aren't real
But I will tell you differently
Because for each and every one of these people
The scars are all too real...
I just thought of this at work and had to rush to the bathroom to get some privacy to write it down before I forgot it. Inspired by real events in my life. As always comments and messages are welcome.
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
They say "shoot for the moon – Even if you miss you’ll be among the stars"

You'd just better hope you break the atmosphere or you’ll come crashing back down amongst the gruesome, fiery wreckage.
This was kind of where my previous poem sprung from. I wasn't sure if I should release this as it's own poem or if I should incorporate this into another poem. In the end this is what I've got.
Ryan Hoysan Oct 2016
There's so many things I want to say.
So so very many feelings to write about and get off my chest.
The worlds spinning way too fast for me to follow.
Oh well, I guess. Sometimes there just isn't anything left to say.
There's a lot going on right now emotions are high and well yeah, things are pretty meh.
Ryan Hoysan Jul 2015
I may not even be an adult yet. But I still know what I want. I'm not asking for perfection. Quite the opposite indeed. I'm looking for someone who knows how to fall. Who knows how to get back up. I wish for a girl who would love me with all her heart, for I would do the same. I hope to find a girl who doesn't care about ***, someone who is fine with just cuddling and being close, no promises of promiscuity. I wish for someone to call my own. In turn, I hope for someone to call me their own.
Every time a relationship seems to be going well, something destroys it all. It always seems to blow up in my face. Is this to much to ask for?
Ryan Hoysan Jan 2017
Self-harm scars tell a story
Of who a person is
And what they're going through
But all too often
The stories they tell
Have a storybook ending
Like something from the brothers Grimm
Telling instead,
The story
Of what they went through
And who a person was...
Inspired by a recent conversation with a friend of mine. The form/flow isn't exactly very poetic, but the idea is more so.
Ryan Hoysan Jun 2017
I had to talk another person
out of it last night.
When will the world learn
Not to encourage such behavior?
A friend of mine was contemplating this last night and others they knew were telling them to do it, that their life wasn't worth anything. When will the world learn not to encourage this anymore?
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
That moment
I’m sure most of you are familiar with it.

That moment
The one you’ve worked so hard for.

That moment
You went above and beyond for.

That moment
You have so desired.

That moment
It’s finally here.

The Moment Is Finally Here!

Oh.

Whoops.

It appears I’m daydreaming again
And while it appeared so close
I’ll still have to wait even longer now for

That Moment
This poem kind of took a different turn than I had originally planned and expected it to.
Ryan Hoysan Aug 2016
I've got a friend
She truly is something
She's such a wonderful girl.

This wonderful girl
Feels dazed and confused
Overwhelmed and unequipped
To handle the trials
That lay ahead.

My wonderful friend
Is more wonderful
Than she'll ever know.

This wonderful girl
Is tough and capable
She can handle herself
In any fight.

However, my wonderful friends
THIS wonderful friend
Has been stripped
Of her pride
By societies jealous thieves.

My wonderful friend doesn't feel quite so wonderful
More So like she's meek, incapable, and unimportant.

Dear friends,
Allow me to set
The record straight.

That beautiful, amazing, strong, intelligent, incredibly wonderful girl is who that wonderful girl truly is.

Inside
&
Out
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2017
For a few months time
I kept a poetry notebook
Always by my side.

When I would write about
Something happy and positive
It would be written on the next page from the front of my notebook.

When I would write about
Something sad and somber or negative
I would write it on the next page from the back of my notebook.

It almost seemed like a competition then
Which would fill up my pages first?
Joy or sorrow?

Now and then I still take that notebook
Thumb it open
And examine its pages.

The only difference is
That now my happiness
Is written on my face
In the form of a smile
And you are the author
Who placed it there.
To come after the day of work, till then, have a good day friends.
Ryan Hoysan Apr 2016
My blood is the ink
And my body your canvas.
Like an artist crazed, you tear me open ever more
So not to run out of paint.
It's time I shout: never more
And stitch myself shut tight
And store my beautiful colors inside.
Had a random thought that floated through my mind and I just went with it and found myself with this as the end of it.
Ryan Hoysan Mar 2017
I sympathize with the moon in the sky
For I too am eternally searching for the light of my world
This was inspired by an extremely close friend of mine who is the sun in my sky, the one who I chase after knowing that I may never catch her.
Ryan Hoysan Nov 2016
We're all headed to the same destination.
Why not take the scenic route?
Short, simple, but still meaningful. I like this little thought a lot.
Ryan Hoysan Apr 2017
There are two kinds of people in this world.
There are those of us, who will look at pictures of the past and feel awash with a glowing warmth, remember the perfection of those single moments.
And then there are others among us, others like you and I, who view photos much the same way, yet feel much less euphoric, because while we also take the moment to remember that perfection, we use the next millennia of moments to lament the passing of this perfection
Just came to me, so here it is. I guess I'll also share my thoughts on the new site layout since that seems to be the trend. Well, not that it's a unique opinion, but I feel that given time (and a quick fix to all the errors and glitches people are getting) it could (key word being could) come out better than most people are expecting it to be. Maybe they could have beta tested the layout before releasing it en mass, but it's an attempt at a breath of fresh air. Give them a chance to at least attempt to iron out the kinks before we make complete and total judgements.
Ryan Hoysan Jan 2017
A rose is beautiful to behold
Its stem a pain to hold
Though easier to hold
Is a rose without thorns
Really a rose
Pristine and true?
This poem came from listening to my professor talk about trigonometry. Much more entertaining to focus on this, I think.
Ryan Hoysan Oct 2016
If I could sing, I would write the melody of us in the key of happiness

If I could draw, I would paint a portrait of you just so you could always see the beauty that I do.

If I could dance, I would dance the night away with you in a fit of burning passion.

I may not be able to do every wonderful thing I wish I could for you, but I can write and these words are what I can offer. Will you please accept them and hold them close to your heart?
For the person I hope I will one day discover as my other half.
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
Everything must face the test of time
Will they stand
Or will they fall
The same is true for us as well
Will we hold each other’s hands
Till the end of time
Or will your hand slip from mine?
Is it only natural that two people in love will very rapidly drift apart? It seems like there is no escaping the clutches of this.
Ryan Hoysan Mar 2017
This is my credo
this is my dogma
this is my statement of belief
you can call this whatever you like
because the title is unimportant
this is my uncompromising doctrine
of which I believe in
to the utmost degree.
Everyone is important
Despite what they may think of themselves
Every single person has a life that matters
No matter how they see their life
I will be the person who is left
When everyone else has left
And you believe yourself to be alone
I will be the one who believes in you
When even you do not believe in yourself
I will be the one to remind you of your beauty
When you forget the beauty you possess
I will be the one who will listen for eternity
When you feel like you are worthless
I will see value and worth within you
Even when you believe yourself to be worth nothing
I will be the one to worry over you
While you worry over everyone else
Come hell or high water
Regardless of the burden it shall place upon my shoulders
I will undertake the task
Of lessening the pain and suffering of others
For I can bear much suffering
And my heart is warmed by the sight
Of suffering and pain being lifted from someone’s shoulders
I will do all that is within my power
Put forth all the effort I can
With mind, body and soul
I step forth into this world
To deny suffering a place here
And to lessen the pain
Felt by any and all
So bring me all the worst
Of your broken
Of your bruised
Of your supposedly insane
Dreams feelings and memories
Bare your soul to me
And I shall reply in kind
Welcoming you in to the depth of my being
And encompassing you within the warmth that I possess
I know that I may not save all
But that will NOT STOP me from trying
To save everyone
Because if I can save even one person
Then any sacrifice is worth the chance
So, if you've made it this far I thank you for taking the time to read this overly large write. Many friends of mine have suffered through many things or are still suffering. These things range from mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts to abuse, family troubles, and a loss of meaning in life. Everyone has their struggles in life, who am I to add any more of a burden onto their shoulders. I try to make the world a better place by taking the burdens of others and placing them upon my own shoulders because I know that I can handle it. I do everything I possibly can to accept every single person, no exceptions, as a whole. People are the sum of their parts, but their parts alone do not define them. I do not expect everyone or even many to share my sentiment, but nonetheless, this is MY sentiment that I am putting forth. If there is anyone who needs someone to talk to on a rough night or if there is anyone who is just looking for a pleasant chat, I welcome both with open arms, please reach out to me through a comment or a message and I will do my best to respond as soon as I can.
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
This isn't a poem and it's not meant to be. I just want to make one thing clear. This is more of a rant so ignore this if you'd rather not read. My girlfriend broke up with me tonight. She keeps telling me I'm an amazing guy that I'm a great guy. But yet she's leaving me. For another person nonetheless. The things that does to a person... To be told that they're so amazing that their girlfriend is about to leave them behind for somebody else. I really don't know how to deal with this. I'm trying not to just stay here in my brand bawl my eyes out.
I'm not succeeding very well.
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
Last night was a terrible night for me.

I was told I'm an amazing person
My girlfriend told me that
Or should I say my ex.
Because she told me I'm amazing
As she also told me she has found someone else.

Am I really that amazing
That you've found someone else
Who can fill my place so easily?

Last night was a terrible night.
Today feels like a terrible day.
I'm looking forward to a terrible month

Last night was a terrible night.
I cried myself to sleep
And woke up with tears in my eyes.
This terrible morning isn't getting any better
As the tears continue to flow.
I think tonight will be
Another terrible night
I'll cry myself to sleep
Because otherwise I'll drive myself insane
And then I'll wake up
Again
With tears on my face
And scattered on my pillow
As I reach to pull you close to save me from the nightmare.

Only to realize
That you're not there any more.
I'm so amazing, aren't I?
Ryan Hoysan Feb 2017
To you who were first among the rest:
        You gave me my first taste of soft, supple lips. You were also the one who opened my eyes to heartbreak. I loved you and my heart has yet to forget you.

To the one who came next, the one second in line:
        You were a diamond in the rough, often overlooked.
We clashed like fire and water, creating steam that fueled our loved for one another. We would go back and forth, sometimes for hours on end, trying to convince ourselves we each loved the other more. We never did discover our answer, but can something infinite be bested?

To you thrice in line, most recent in time:
        You hold galaxies in your eyes, you are endlessly creative and imaginative. You were the one who struggled with life, but who never let anyone else face life alone. You always knew just how to leave a smile upon my face. You were gentle and caring, but protective with love, I was never going anywhere expect by your side. We ruled OUR world, creating our perfect future together... I'm still realizing that perfect just isn't.

To you who shall come fourth in line, now or in future times:
        I wish for it to be you who holds my hand in life and to be the one who holds me memory till the end of eternity.
This poem was inspired by the song "How did you love" by the band: Shinedown. It's about the past relationships I've had, as well as the next relationship that may be on the horizon.
Ryan Hoysan Mar 2017
People will say that they've fallen in love
But I'm a little different from the masses
I tripped over my own two feet
And stumbled my way into your life
And you caught me with your love
Well, despite my writing poetry, I can never seem to untie my tongue when I want to tell a special lady that I love them for the first time. I'm still incredulous that she said yes.
Ryan Hoysan Oct 2016
If I had a bus that promised comfort for all
And a ticket for each and every one of you
And said we'll leave tonight
For where, I don't rightly know, but we will just drive for the sake of being anywhere but here.
If I promised you that at some point we will reach out destinations,
I wonder,
Just how many of you would punch your ticket...
I would so very much rather be anywhere than standing here with my thoughts running awry.
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
When people ask what's wrong
I'm just going to tell them it's a long story
Because I really really don't want to tell people the whole story
Because that story
Now comes to an end...
It's over. Exactly what I feared would happen did and I have no way to recover. ****...
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
You’re the one who was scared that I would leave,
So why do I feel I’ve been left standing here
Like a jilted bride at her wedding
Disillusioned at the altar
I feel as if I am being at least partially ignored and forgotten by the one I love the most. I thought we were still madly in love. I'm not so sure about madly and it seems even less so about the love part too.
Ryan Hoysan Mar 2017
We’re in our mid-twenties
Making our way home from the bar

You
Drunk on sweet cotton candy *****
Stumbling and flowing through my grasp as I help you into the car

Me
Drunk on your kisses
Sweeter than any cotton candy
From those blush colored lips of yours

Drunk on the soothing scent of apples
Hanging in the air between us

Drunk on those warm hot chocolate colored eyes of yours
That always manage to drown me in their endless depth

Drunk on that innocent smile
That pulls me in with the promise of things much less innocent

Drunk on the way you slurred
The words I love you
And immediately followed it up with a laugh

Drunk on the way your spirit seemed to fly free
How your thoughts seemed to soar
In the moonlit night above

Drunk on every aspect of your entire existence

And I hope I do not sober up anytime soon
So, this poem is based off of events that happened in my mind about a close friend and I.
Ryan Hoysan Mar 2017
When I see you
Every day feels like Christmas
Because if giving is truly better than receiving
Than I'd give you the entire world
And set it in the palm of your hand
But as I am just me
And I am unable to give you the world
Please let me be
Some of the happiest memories you ever create
Written this morning, again about the same very close friend of mine.
Ryan Hoysan Mar 2017
The beat of her heart
Is the steady beat
That I march to
Ryan Hoysan Nov 2015
How can I begin to speak of her beauty

When just her smile leaves me speechless?
Ryan Hoysan Oct 2016
I always try to choose my words carefully
Each syllable like an incision with a scalpel
Well intentioned and good mannered
In hopes of removing the ticking time bombs placed inside you and me by those that have left us behind
But one wrong slip
One accidental miscalculation
Obliterates the progress that I have so carefully tried to create.
Could one word have changed it all?
Could one different syllable be the reason that you are still here?
I wanted to give this piece a title, but I couldn't decide on one that I was satisfied with. If anyone has a suggestion I'd be glad to hear it.
Ryan Hoysan Oct 2016
I promised you I would never leave.
I swore to myself I would never let you go.

I've still kept my promise.
I still haven't let you go.

But you've just disappeared.
Vanished without a trace.
Well, I thought I was over her. I'm feeling happy and positive and regaining my good outlook on life. Well, I was/am wrong. My heart still skips a beat because of her, but it's been taking longer for my heart to beat another beat instead of laying cold and dormant in my chest. She will always be in the back of my mind, I just wish she'd leave the rest of my head alone so it could carry on with my life with some semblance of a smile.
Ryan Hoysan Nov 2016
Don't fix what isn't broken
Can't fix what never existed
This was a spurr of the moment write that isn't based off of anything (currently) happening in my life. It is a thought I've been examining within myself and in my relationships with others.
Ryan Hoysan Sep 2016
Upon closer examination
one will eventually realize
that falling in love
does not hurt,
for there will be another
waiting there to catch you.

It's when that person turns their back
to you
and suddenly
you're no longer falling in love
but you've reached that point
that point where it really hurts
the sudden stop
when instead of falling in love
You've fallen just as far as you can go
and You've hit rock bottom
and upon those rocks
our hearts are shattered.
It's like people say "It's not the fall that kills you... It's the sudden stop."
Ryan Hoysan Jan 2017
I love you, she said
I know, he replied sleepily
Lost in each other's eyes
Another (attempt) at a haiku. I usually have difficulty creating these because of the structure, but sometimes I manage to pull something together. Sometimes words only scratch the surface of the history between people. A smile can tell more of a story than a million words.
Ryan Hoysan Jun 2015
Since schools let out, I haven't seen you.
Have you been busy?

When I call you, you are never there.
Did your phone die?

When I look for you, you are nowhere to be found.
Are you hiding?

If I were to search for you, it would be for naught.
Have you led me astray?

Through all this searching, one thought has lingered in mind: Am I the one who's vanished?
Is it her thats gone away or is it I?
Ryan Hoysan Oct 2016
Some write to fight
To fight the demons of the night.
Some write to delight
To bring laughter to the night.
Others still write to tell of their plight
Of the struggle to survive the night.
Many write to feel bright
Creating light from the darkness of the night.
Why do I write?
And why mostly at night?
I strive to feel alive
And I thrive
As I begin to fight
The monsters of tonight.
I tried to sort of do a rhyme, not sure how well it turned out in practice. That aside, I'm really curious as to why the many people of this site write the things they do. What is everybody's reason for writing? Please share your reason to write in the comments. As always I will gladly take any constructive criticism and welcome any messages sent to me.
Ryan Hoysan Jun 2015
They say the good die young
But is that really so?

More so sometimes
It seems we're left to suffer.

Enduring the torment and scrutiny of every eye in the world.

It seems we're everyone's best friend
Until everyone forgets about us.

In the end I guess we might as well be dead.

Everyone's already forgot about us.
Seems like this is the way things go
Ryan Hoysan Jun 2015
There may be many like you, but none so curious as you. For as broken as you may be, your only focus is mending the broken hearts of those nearest you, ignoring your own pain, in hopes of healing another. This cannot possibly last forever though. Given enough time, even the strongest may fall. Allow me then, the carpenter, to attend to you. To sand away the rough edges and glue the splinters together once more. I cannot stand to see you broken, a divine angel, fallen from heaven. Allow me then to take your place. Allow my dreams to be scattered like ash, that you may live out yours. In the end though, my simplest dream has been fulfilled. You are happy. So am I.
Not sure how this one turned out. Just had a though floating in my mind and ran with it.
Ryan Hoysan Jul 2017
We as writers have the ability to do many things.
We know how to change the tenses of many different words,
Such as love becoming had loved
And together becomes we were together.
We have the knowledge to change things
From the affirmative to the negative,
Such as we’re in love
To she isn’t in love
Or she is always by my side
To I rarely see her anymore.
We can combine the two
To change something that is happening
To something that might have never even happened,
Such as how will always be in love
Changes to were we ever in love?
And how I love you
Could be flipped to ask
Didn’t you ever love me?
Inspired by many memories from many people. This idea has been occupying space in my head for a few days now... This is the release I have found for it.
Ryan Hoysan Feb 2017
If ever you forget
I will remind you
This isn't really to anyone in particular, more so it was just written to everyone that reads it. I hope this brightens your day and brings a smile to your face.

— The End —